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Pee Pee 2007-06-24 21:09:00 Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and cried until his mother came in to see what was the matter. "I have to make pee pee", wailed Little Johnny.
"All right," said his mother, "I'll take you to the bathroom."
"No" insisted Little Johnny, "I want Grandma."
"Don't be silly, I can do the same thing as Grandma," said his mother firmly."
"Nuh-uh. Her hands shake." replied Little
Four-year-old Little Johnny 2007-06-24 21:08:00 Four-year-old Little Johnny
asked, "Mummy, where do babies come from?
"The stork, dear." replied Johnny's Mom.
"Mummy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?" Asked Little Johnny.
Johnny's mother answer, "The police, dear."
"Mummy, if our house was on fire, who would save us?"
"The fire department, dear."
"Mummy, where does food come from?"
"Farmers, dear."
"Mummy?"
"Yes,
Duck 2007-06-24 21:06:00 Little Johnny's dad gave him and his 2 brothers each a duck and said "I want you all to go out and sell your duck, the one that gets the most for their duck will be my favorite for this week."
Little Johnny's biggest brother came home and said he got $5 for his duck.
Little Johnny's little brother came home and said that he got $10 for his duck.
Little Johnny went out and saw a lady on the
Success 2007-06-24 21:04:00 In school,the teacher asked the class to read up and tell success stories of people for their next class.
in next class kids start telling the class about success stories...mcdonalds, arnold schwarzenegar, einstein etc.
Cums in Johnny's turn....teacher asks him if he has a success story to tell .He says yes...the teacher calls him in front oft he class and asks him to tell the story.
"Well" Read more:Success
Sex Pills 2007-06-24 21:02:00 Ljs Frnd, " Hey Johnny, how come your cattle breed so well while ours are hardly breeding?"
LJ " My dad got some sex pills from the doc for that buddy"
LJs frnd, "Sex Pills?? what r they n wats in them?"
LJ, " I dont knw wats in dem but they taste like peppermint"
wonderful star 2007-06-24 21:01:00 Doctor to LJs Sister, " Ma'am u r pregnant"
Ljs Mom, " U R surely mistaken doc, my daughter never goes in front of men, i bet she has not even kissed a man"
Ljs sis, "Right mom. I have never even touched a man's hand"
Now LJ who had accompanied his family to the doctor was listening to all this. After hearing these sentences, he goes and stands next to the window.
Doct, " Little Johnny... what
LJ shots the dog 2007-06-24 20:58:00 One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 children.
Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.
So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.
When she got to the hospital Read more:shots
DUMBO IN CHINA 2007-06-24 20:58:00 LJ's dad has to visit China for a business trip...seeing that LJ has a few days of vaction time left ....he decides to take him along and give him some exposure to the outside world.
When they r back and LJ goes back to school...the teacher asks LJ about his trip ,how he liked the place . Thinking that LJ might have picked up some foreign words ,teacher asks him "The Chinese ppl are very well Read more:DUMBO
Expensive! Electronic hair dryer 2007-06-24 20:48:00 Distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, " Father, may I ask a favor?"
" Of course. What may I do for you?"
" Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic
hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps ?"
" I would love to help you,
What Women Want in Men 2007-06-24 20:46:00 Original List (age 22):
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses smartly.
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
Revised List (age 32):
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than Read more:Women
The President 2007-06-24 20:44:00 The President
was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news."
"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."
"Gosh, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they
Not a LJ one...... but is awesome. 2007-06-24 20:43:00 One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina.
The woman started screaming,
"Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!."
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said,
"Hmm, Read more:awesome
Headache 2007-06-24 20:43:00 Li' Jhonny has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor.
The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies,
"I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...."
He is interrupted by the doctor,
"And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear."
" Read more:Headache
Dirty Sex Pictures 2007-06-24 20:40:00 Lil' Jhonny goes to a Psychologist and says,
"Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."
The Psychologist says,
"Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots.
"What is this a picture of?" he asks.
Lil' Jhonny turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states,
"That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist says,
"Very Read more:Pictures
"Jhonny Harder" 2007-06-24 20:37:00 It was almost time for the bell to ring. Johnny's teacher had asked him to stay after class because she was going to have a conference with his parents about his sexual behavior in class. She had promised him that she would give him whatever he wanted.
Once the bell had ranged and both Johnny and his teacher were alone he said,
"Take off your clothes."
Reluctantly his teacher replied,
"No."
" Read more:Harder
Where's the dog? 2007-06-24 20:36:00 Little Johnny had a cursing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.
The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cursed he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.
Two days before Christmas Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he
wanted. Johnny said,
"I want a
Snake in the Bush 2007-06-24 20:32:00 "Happy 6th Birthday, Johnny!" a banner said that was hanging in Johnny's living room.
"Yay me!" he thought.
Then he went to his mom, who was about to get in the shower,
"Mommy, can I take a shower with you? It is my birthday."
"Well, ok. But don't look up or down." she replied.
In the shower, Johnny looked down,
"Mommy, what's that?"
"That's... um... my bush."
Then he looked up,
"Mommy, Read more:Snake
Salesman of Coca Cola 2007-06-23 03:17:00 A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola
returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there.
But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3
Murder of English in Other Countries 2007-06-23 03:13:00 English signs in foreign countries...
In a Bangkok temple:
"IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN."
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."
At a Budapest zoo:
"PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY."
Doctors office, Rome:
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER Read more:English
, Countries
Munnabhai And Circuit Murdering the English 2007-06-23 03:11:00 Munnabhai with Circuit
strikes again!
Circuit: Bhai america mein address puchega tho kya bolne ka
Munna: Dhobhi Ghaat
Circuit: Bhai english mein bolneka tho?
Munna: Washington
Circuit: Bhai idhar aane ko kya bolna
Munna: Come Here
Circuit: Bhai phir udhar jaaneko kya bolthe hai?
Munna: Pehle udhar jaaneka phir bolneka come here.
Circuit: Bhai yeh kaisa bolne ka - chale hat hawa aane de
Munna: Read more:English
, Munnabhai
, Murdering
Master Ramlal Trying 2007-06-23 03:09:00 # About his family :
--------------
I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
# At the ground :
-------------
All of you, stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
# To a boy, angrily :
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
# Giving a punishment :
-------------------
You, rotate the ground four times...
You, go and under-stand the Read more:Master
some common english sayings translate in hindi 2007-06-23 03:04:00 Have a nice day!
----- * Achcha din lo!
What's up?
----- *Uppar kya hai?
You're kidding!
----- *Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!
Don't kid me!
----- * Mera bachcha mat banaao!
Yo, baby! What's up?
-----* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?
Cool man!
-----* Thandaa aadmi!
Check this out, man!
----* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!
Don't mess with me, dude.
----- * Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.
She's so
The peon 2007-06-23 03:01:00 The peon in a office is trying hard to learn english. U ppl kust knw how funny it can get. Here r a few phrases he uses along with wht he actually wants to say whn he uses them
1. Dont shut up. (Keep quite)
2. I am agree with u. (I agree with u)
3. There is head ache in my head. (My head is aching)
4. Supposed to I am not thr.... (Suppose I'm not there...)
5. The cold water is freeze cold. (The
English classes..... 2007-06-23 03:00:00 1. Dont dare talk in front of my back. (wont talk at all!!)
2. Both of you three get out of the class.
3. Why are u so late? Say yes or no!!!!!!!! (kill me!!!)
4. Take 5cm wire of any length. (really!!!!)
5. I have 2 daughters both are girls. (what u sayin!!)
6. All of you stand in a straight circle. (this is too much paaji!!)
7. Quiet. The principal just passed away. (how terrible!!)
8. Read more:English
Bihar Driving License... 2007-06-23 02:59:00 ================================================== ========
DERIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
------------------------------------------ -----------------------
NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
If you dot know how to fill ,copy from your phriend (dost)applikason.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
1. Last name:
(_) Read more:Bihar
, Driving
, License
SON OF THE VICTIM 2007-06-28 01:43:00 There was an accident at the turning. People gathered around the scene and at the same time there was this photo journalist. The smart guy he is, he wanted to cover the story first. But it looked difficult to get to the spot of accident with so many people. He had a quick idea. At the top of his pitch he yelled, 'EXCUSE ME, I AM THE SON OF THE VICTIM. PLEASE LET ME IN.' With an expression of
Balbir 2007-06-28 01:39:00 A man had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Balbir!" He looked up, stepped out
Pjs with a class 2007-06-28 01:32:00 A begger meets another begger, a software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask same question(Q) to each other. What is the Q???
Socho socho ..
.
.
.
.
.
So, which platform are u working on
----------------------------------------
Luv and Kush are passing thru a jungle and there is an open well in their path.
Luv falls in the well.. Why?
..
Socho socho ..
..
..
.. Read more:class
Baby 2007-06-28 01:31:00 L J went to visit doctor with her mother n her frd as her mother's frd was pragnent ... as they were going upsatirs to the Dr. ... L J asked her mother's frd ... Y ur stomach went out of shape???... she reluctantly replied: I drunk so much water thats y ....so the L J advised her ... Be Careful ... maybe the Baby could sink into it...
If you are an eight 2007-06-28 01:19:00 Little Johnny was sitting in class and started waving his arm saying, "Teacher! Teacher! I have to go pee!"
The teacher called Johnny to her desk and said, "Now Johnny, in this class we use proper wording, the correct word is urinate. You may go to the bathroom, but when you come back I want you to give me a sentence using the word urinate."
So Johnny goes down the hall to the bathroom and when
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