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Gran'pa and Viagra 2007-06-28 01:18:00 Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?" Grandpa looks at him and says "No Johnny, I will not." "But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to."
Sister act 2007-06-28 01:17:00 Little Johnny and two of his friends were sitting on a front porch one day after school.
Billy looked down the street and saw a bright red Corvette. "Some day I'm gonna be a lawyer so I can buy me one of those Corvettes," he said.
Robbie looked over at the driveway next to the Corvette and saw a brand new Ferrari. "I'm gonna be a doctor," he said, "so I can get me a fast Ferrari."
Little
Cop 2007-06-28 01:16:00 A cop was walking his beat through a back alley when he caught Little Johnny having a wank in the long grass.
"What do you think you're doing?" the cop asked.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a wank," Little Johnny replied.
"You'd best be careful, boy," the cop warned. "When we catch a young fellow doing that, we cut off his wanker and make a police baton out of it."
"I bet I
Full treatment 2007-06-28 01:13:00 Little Johnny's father decided it was time for 14-year-old Little Johnny, to discover the facts of life. He takes him to the local house of ill repute, which is fronted by a beauty parlor.
He introduces Little Johnny to the madam, and explains that it's time for his indoctrination to sex. The madam says, "You've been such a good customer over the years, I'm going to see to this personally."
So
Little Johnny and the Nun 2007-06-28 01:10:00 little johnny lived in a trailer and had hired a bus driver to drive him around...once little johnny saw a nun and thought she was very hot, and wanted to have sex with her, so he went to her and said "lissen i find you realli hot and wanna have sex with you" the nun got all pissed off,slaped him and walked away...when johnny was gettin off the bus the bus driver told him "you are so0 stupid why Read more:Johnny
, Little Johnny
Earth science class 2007-06-28 01:08:00 Little Johnny's earth science class
teacher was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes she asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?"
After a confused silence, Little Johnny volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone." Read more:Earth
Poetry or Prose 2007-06-28 01:06:00 The third-grade teacher was teaching English when she repeated for her class, "Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go."
She explained this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from "the lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb went with her."
A few days later, she asked for an example Read more:Poetry
Report Card 2007-06-28 01:05:00 Report Card
Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Little Johnny to recite a sentence with a direct object.
Little Johnny stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, everybody thinks you are very beautiful."
"Why thank you, Little Johnny," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?"
"A good report card next month," he replied.
B-E-F-O-R-E 2007-06-28 01:03:00 Some more school jazz
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. Can anyone spell the word 'before'?"
Tommy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."
The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell the word 'before'?"
Bobby stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."
Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." Can anyone else spell the word 'before'?"
Little Johnny stands
My Turtle is Dead 2007-06-28 01:02:00 "Mommy, my turtle is dead," Little Johnny sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.
The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right, dear. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, and have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet..." Her voice trailed off as
"Effers" 2007-06-28 00:59:00 Little Johnny's mom asked little Johnny if he had enjoyed the field trip.
"Yes it was great - we saw sheep, horses, goats, and fuckers."
Mom: "er, fine, fine. I know what the sheep and the rest are, but what is a fucker?"
Johnny: "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk and steaks."
Mom: "but who said they were called, er, fuckers?"
Johnny: "that was our teacher. Well actually she
Fight 2007-06-28 00:58:00 Little Johnny and Billy were having the standard argument about whose father could beat up whose father.
Little Johnny said, "My father is better than your father."
Billy said, "Well, my mother is better than your mother."
Little Johnny paused, "I guess you're right. My father says the same thing."
Fight 2007-06-28 00:58:00 Little Johnny and Billy were having the standard argument about whose father could beat up whose father.
Little Johnny said, "My father is better than your father."
Billy said, "Well, my mother is better than your mother."
Little Johnny paused, "I guess you're right. My father says the same thing."
Tobacco stains 2007-06-28 00:49:00 Two little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, "My daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings."
Then Little Johnny, not to be outdone responds, "My Dad can blow smoke out of his ass."
"Really, have you seen it?" asks the other boy.
Little Johnny responds, "No, but I've seen the tobacco stains in his underwear. Read more:Tobacco
Facts You Would Want to Readup 2007-06-27 23:05:00 1 Did you know that Albert Einstein's last words will never be known? He spoke them in German, and the attending nurse did not speak German.
2 Did you know that in the 1800's photographs of dead children were often published in collections and called "Sleeping Beauties"?
3 Did you know that a person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days
Glorious India 2007-06-27 23:03:00 The name `India
’ is derived from the River Indus, the valleys around which were the home of the early settlers. The Aryan worshippers referred to the river Indus as the Sindhu.
The Persian invaders converted it into Hindu. The name `Hindustan’ combines Sindhu and Hindu and thus refers to the land of the Hindus.
The number system was invented by India. Aryabhatta was the scientist who
Lincoln and Kennedy 2007-06-27 23:00:00 Look what happens when a President gets elected in a year with a "0"
at end.
1840: William Henry Harrison (died in office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln
(assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield (assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (died in office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (died in office)
1960: John F. Kennedy
(assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (survived
Know This 2007-06-27 22:59:00 1. The youngest pope was 11 years old.
2.Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
3. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
4. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has
Some Facts 2007-06-27 22:55:00 For those of you who just thought you knew everything, here's a refresher course...............
Now you will know everything :
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Do u Know This!! 2007-06-27 22:52:00 1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions!!!!!!!!!!
2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!
3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.
4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.
5. The average person's field
Facts on Eiffel Tower 2007-07-02 10:50:00 The tower stands 300 m (1000 ft) high, which is about 75 stories. Including the 24-m (80-ft) antenna, the structure is 324 m (1080 ft) high which is about 81 storeys. At the time of its construction in 1889, the tower replaced the Washington Monument as the tallest structure in the world, a title it retained until 1930, when New York City's Chrysler Building (319 m/1063.33 ft tall) was completed Read more:Eiffel
, Tower
, Eiffel Tower
SHOCKNG FACTS ABOUT JANA GANA MANA.... 2007-07-02 10:48:00 "Jana Gana Mana" - Just a thought for the National Anthem!
How well do you know about it?
I have always wondered who is the "adhinayak" and "bharat bhagya vidhata", whose praise we are singing. I thought might be Motherland India! Our current National Anthem "Jana Gana Mana" is sung throughout the country.
Did you know the following about our national anthem, I didn't.
To begin with, India's
Some Facts Some Fun 2007-07-02 10:47:00 IF YOU yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body
to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A
Facts That You Really Wanna Know 2007-07-02 10:46:00 Women can talk longer with less effort than can men. That has been proved repeatedly. Why? Because the vocal cords of women are shorter than those of men and so release less air through them to carry the sound. It's all a matter of breathing.
A team of medical experts in Virginia contends you're more likely to catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing.
Man is the only Read more:Wanna Know
WORLD HISTORY FACTS ABOUT INDIA 2007-07-02 10:43:00 Some of the following facts may be known to you. These facts were recently published in a German magazine, which deals with WORLD HISTORY FACTS ABOUT INDIA.
1. India never invaded any country in her last 1000 years of history.
2. India invented the Number system. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
3. The world s first University was established in Takshila in 700BC. More than 10,500 students
Microsoft a software Pirate? 2007-07-02 10:40:00 Open notepad in Windows 2000 or XP.
Select open and goto your Windows Directory (usually C:Windows).
Open the "Help" sub-directory.
Open the "Tours" sub-directory.
Open the "WindowsMediaPlayer" sub-directory.
Open the "Audio" sub-directory.
Open the "Wav" sub-directory.
Select any one of those files.
Instead of playing them in MediaPlayer or any other audio software, open the file in Notepad. Read more:Microsoft
, Pirate
History Of Orkut 2007-07-02 10:38:00 Orkut was quietly launched on January 22, 2004 by Google, the search engine company. Orkut Büyükkökten, a Turkish software engineer, developed it as an independent project while working at Google (permitted by its policy). Some discomfort with this exists among users and potential users of orkut, especially since Google's other noteworthy product of 2004, the Web-based email client Gmail, allows Read more:History
, Orkut
Beauty of Maths! 2007-07-02 10:36:00 ----------------
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111 Read more:Beauty
9/11 & its hidden facts 2007-07-02 10:35:00 you can check out the movie reviews on
http://www.loosechange911.com
and download the whole documentary from
http://www.netmuslims.com/index.php?option=com_remository&Itemid=39&func=fileinfo&filecatid=29&parent=category Read more:facts
Facts, and lots of them... 2007-07-02 10:34:00 The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the english language.
If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Each square inch of human skin consists of twenty feet of blood vessels.
An average person uses the bathroom 6
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