Owner: Dadviser URL:http://www.dadviser.com/blog Join Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2007 03:25:17 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Dedicated to paternal progression, helping fathers strengthen the bonds with their children and becoming positive, productive parents. Site statistics:Click here
The Carrot and Stick Child Behavior Tip 2007-06-22 20:05:47 WHEN I'm out in public and see children misbehaving, I take a moment to watch how their parents react. Typically, they threaten them with a spanking or a timeout when they get home or get frustrated and yell at their children.
I've never been a fan of punishing children with these tactics, though I'll defend your right to do so. Instead, I've taken the approach of taking the things they seem to care about most away (which constantly changes) and explain to them how their actions led to this decision.
At home, I rarely have to resort to this tactic as my children and I seem to have a mutual respect for each other, but every now and then I have to remove their video game, bike riding or playtime privileges. I'm also a proponent of making each additional punishment longer.
In public, I usually offer my children a snack or time at the playground after my errands are finished. Usually this is enough to keep them well-behaved, but every now and then they don't heed my calm warnin Read more:Carrot
, Stick
, Behavior
The Mediation of Mediation 2007-06-21 22:14:57 TODAY, I received the best belated Father's Day present I could ask for - joint legal custody of my eldest daughter.
While the mediation itself went surprisingly smooth, getting to that point wasn't so easy. Getting my daughter's mother to agree to mediation and trust that I wasn't trying to take our daughter away from her, despite having the legal right to do so, was a rough road.
Truth is, she fought tooth and nail, insisting on a court battle that would not have ended in her favor and would have caused disarray throughout the entire family. In an effort to transcend our differences, much mediation went into getting her to see things my way, and in the end, cooler heads prevailed. The mediator actually admitted it was one of the smoothest mediations she'd done in some time.
I'm a firm believer that as single parents, we need to show continued love and respect to our exes not only for our children's sake, but for our own as well. It shows growth and compassion, qualities
The Importance Of Maintaining Your Moral Authority 2007-06-10 02:08:57 KIDS act up at times, that's a given. Recently, my oldest daughter has been aggressive and malicious towards her mother, causing me to not only wonder why, but revisit my own childhood for similar symptoms.
One reason I kept coming back to for my own actions was that my parents more than not, told me to "do as they say, not as they do". The hypocrisy of this statement has always bothered me and I've tried to go the extra mile in not behaving this way with my own children. It's one of the reasons, I believe, that my children like spending time with me and almost always do exactly what I ask them to do without resistance.
Their mother on the other hand (I say this to illustrate a point, not to place blame) makes promises and doesn't follow through, yells at every minor distraction, spends her time unproductively and is in a major fight with at least one family member at all times. She then expects our children to not pick up on these habits and be the (near) perfect little angle Read more:Maintaining
, Moral
, Authority
The Book That Changed My Life 2007-06-10 00:08:06 EVERY now and then, we have questions we can't articulate and somehow find the answers anyway. One such time in my life came three years ago, when after a lengthy, life altering breakup, I could no longer see the path I was previously on.
Searching for meaning in my life, I was handed a book by a friend who had recently beat Hodgkin's Disease and created a better life for himself despite the odds. This book, Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires, not only helped save my friend's life, but it changed mine so drastically, some people say it saved mine, as well.
I read about a book a week on average, but none have brought positive transformation into my life so effectively. From the moment I read the very first word, I knew it was going to change my life and open my eyes to a whole new world. A world of conscious creation and of fulfillment.
Within a week of that fateful day, I had made plans to move back to where my daughter lived and to correct the errors of m
How To Keep In Touch With Your Out Of Home Children 2007-06-01 16:00:38 KEEPING in contact with your children, especially those not living in the same home, is a full-time job in itself. Despite the rise in use of cell phones and other gadgets, it has seemingly gotten harder. The rapid increase of technology in our lives should make life easier, but it rarely seems to be the case.
Enter Our Family Wizard. According to the website, it facilitates interactive family scheduling and information management and allows you to quickly store and access important family information. The site also facilitates communication between parties in a very time efficient and effective manner.
If you find yourself lacking the time or resources to stay closely connected with your children, this site looks to be a great tool to help. It's free and offers some great resources for those of us in shared family situations.
Take a look and let us know what you think. Read more:Children
Honoring Our (Baby) Mother's 2007-05-15 06:56:33 I imagine that many of the fathers here have some bad blood with the mother's of their children. At times, I'm not completely thrilled about the baby momma in my own life, but I have come to accept that she is an integral part of my children's lives-for good or bad.
This Mother's Day began like many past Mother's Days. I woke up, made some breakfast and then called my moms (yeah I have two moms, just like I have two dads). Then I spend the rest of the day playing with my oldest daughter who somehow got left out of plans with her mom.
I could tell my daughter was upset about not spending time with her mom, but I tried cheering up and letting her know it was a matter of circumstances and not chance.
It didn't make things better.
Times like that, I see how important her mom is to her and her sisters. Regardless of how I feel, it's important for me to speak positively about her and reinforce to my children that their mom is a good person and just trying to do her best in life.
Top 5 Things You Can Do For Your Kids...EVER 2007-05-05 22:25:11 AS parents, we want to do everything we can for our children hoping to give them the best life possible. Often we overlook the most important things because we don't truly live them or have them ourselves to give away. Food, clothing and shelter are obviously very important, the basic legal minimum, but below you will find the sorts of things we all take for granted at one time or another, but are vital to the overall well-being of every child.
1. Accept Them -
We've all seen (and probably been) the parent who didn't get exactly what THEY wanted. As humans, we have a tendency to project what we are on to others and when they cannot be what we want them to be, reject them in small ways. We also like to think we are our children's actions or abilities and judge ourselves accordingly.
The truth is, however, that we are no such thing, and judging from my own life, I think it makes more sense that children CHOOSE who they want as their parents. Growing up, we don't understa
Positive vs. Negative 2007-06-26 00:36:53 I got an email yesterday from a reader that felt yesterday's post was akin to bribery.
Rob wrote - "It seems in order to get our children to do what we want them to, we have to bribe them. I don't see how this approach is any different than paying our kids to act the way they should act anyway. I wasn't given rewards for behaving the way I was expected to and I turned out pretty good. Don't you think you are making it harder on your children's future with this type of "discipline"?"
I can see Rob's point, but I'd like to clarify two of my own.
First off, two of my three children are from different dads and I came into the picture after they were raised a different way. I was also missing from my daughter's life for a few years and so much like a step-parent, I have to walk the thin line of disciplining them without trampling on everything they've ever known.
Second, despite this "handicap", my girls have shown a desire to improve their behavior, much of which I feel is due Read more:Positive
, Negative
The Carrot and Stick Child Behavior Tip 2007-06-22 20:05:47 WHEN I'm out in public and see children misbehaving, I take a moment to watch how their parents react. Typically, they threaten them with a spanking or a timeout when they get home or get frustrated and yell at their children.
I've never been a fan of punishing children with these tactics, though I'll defend your right to do so. Instead, I've taken the approach of taking the things they seem to care about most away (which constantly changes) and explain to them how their actions led to this decision.
At home, I rarely have to resort to this tactic as my children and I seem to have a mutual respect for each other, but every now and then I have to remove their video game, bike riding or playtime privileges. I'm also a proponent of making each additional punishment longer.
In public, I usually offer my children a snack or time at the playground after my errands are finished. Usually this is enough to keep them well-behaved, but every now and then they don't heed my calm warnin Read more:Carrot
, Stick
, Behavior
Improve Your Parental Communication Skills 2007-07-01 07:33:46 ONE of the best ways to improve your communication skills with your child is to use open-ended responses that do not convey judgment.
These "Door Openers" will help you get to the bottom of a problem instead of showing your child that you are interested more in winning than discussing with them.
Door Openers
"What do you think?"
"Would you like to share more about that?"
"That's a good question."
"I don't know, but I'll find out"
"I'm interested in what you are saying."
"Do you know what that means?"
"That sounds important to you."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Door Slammers are the opposite and are used by the majority of parents. These statements imply a lack of understanding and result in more arguments instead of resolving the original one.
Door Slammers
"You are too young to understand."
"If you say that again, I'll..."
"That's none of your business."
"I don't care what your friends are doing!"
"We'll talk about that when you need to know."
"That's just for boys/girls Read more:Improve
, Parental
, Skills
How To Make Your Child Feel Special 2007-07-01 05:43:39 ONE of the greatest gifts you can give your children is to maintain a positive outlook on life no matter the circumstances. Remember, no matter how hard times get, they offer an opportunity to learn and grow. This even includes times your child is misbehaving.
By focusing on making lemonade out of lemons, you provide your children with the tools to do the same when, not if, life gets harder than they think they can handle. Below are seven ways to make your child feel special enough to believe they too can make lemonade, even out of the most sour lemons.
1. Take time for hugs.
No matter how little time you have, there is always time for a hug. Hugs can lift spirits and change both you and your child's attitudes and is often the most effective method to stop misbehavior. Next time you are feeling frustrated or cannot get your child to behave or look at the bright side, give them a hug. You just may be surprised at the outcome.
2. Hold weekly family meetings.
A half hour meeting every w Read more:Special
Daddy's Girls 2007-07-06 23:20:56 IF you consider your daughter a daddy's girl, don't be surprised if she brings home a man that looks like you one day. According to a new British study, women who got along well with their dads as children tend to be attracted to men who resemble them physically.
Anthropologists examined 15 key facial proportions, compared those with random facial images and calculated the degree of similarity between which ones women felt more attracted to. After all that, the scientists took the results from two groups of women depending on how positively or negatively they rated their relationships with their fathers.
The results? A near certainty to a previously suggested theory that girls that had good relationships with their fathers were likely to look for their fathers qualities in men later in life.
The scientists added that this may be the result of women hoping to find mates that will be good fathers to their children. Read more:Daddy
, Girls
Five Steps To A Better Divorce 2007-07-06 23:00:14 BASED on 36 years of experience with cases numbering in the tens of thousands, divorce specialist attorney Ed Sherman knows exactly what you can do to make any divorce better. Here's an overview -- five essential steps to getting a better divorce:
1. Go slow. Unless there's an immediate threat of harm to you or children, it's better if you don't hurry. Your spouse needs time to accept the idea of a divorce and to digest ideas you propose for how to rearrange your affairs. You both need time to let emotions calm and adjust to your new reality. You need time to learn about the rules of divorce, how organize your facts, make sound decisions and how negotiate with your spouse. So long as you can make your situation safe and stable, even for a short time, you do not need to rush.
2. Get your facts straight. Whether you see an attorney or handle everything yourself, you need to gather essential details about your marriage, family, income and expenses, assets and debts. No one can do this Read more:Five Steps
Important Statistics About American Dads 2007-07-06 17:09:43 Dad's don't always get the credit they deserve, especially after a divorce or separation, but from the looks of things, times are a'changin'.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, fathers play a much larger role in their children's lives than society would let on to believe. Some of the more interesting facts are:
* There are over 105,000 married stay-at-home dads. Clearly men are becoming more flexible to ensure their children are being cared for.
* There are over 2 million single fathers, compared to less than 400,000 in 1970. As a single father, I'm proud of these dads being so proactive in their children's lives.
* 10% of single fathers are raising three or more children. Way to go dads!
* 10% of single fathers are raising infants under 1. Who said dads don't like dirty diapers?
I'm proud of the growing movement of fathers playing larger roles in their children's lives, especially those of us who are doing it on our own. In time, the stigma of the "Disneyland Dad" Read more:Statistics
, American
10 Great Ways To Spend Quality Time With Your Children 2007-07-06 16:47:53 THE one thing more important to your children than tv and video games is quality time with their father. Unfortunately, between work and the rest of life's demands, it's often hard to find the time to spend.
All is not lost, though. There are actually many ways to spend important, quality time with your children without breaking your time bank. Below are ten ways that I've enjoyed spending time with my children that puts a smile on their faces every time.
1. Tell them a story
Children
love stories and playing make believe. Telling your kids stories is not only fun, it is educational. Check out these ten reasons why telling stories to your children is beneficial.
2. Go on a picnic
Food, fun and games with dad. What can be better? Turn your picnics into memories with these great picnic ideas.
3. Take a vacation
Family vacations are remembered forever. With a little creativity, you can plan a rewarding vacation with your kids that won't cost a fortune. Here are 20 family vaca Read more:Great
, Quality
5 Rules For Making Joint Custody Work 2007-07-06 15:27:21 I recently gained joint legal and physical custody of my oldest daughter. Nothing much has changed since she already spends most of her time with me, but it has forced me to work more closely with her mother.
Making joint custody work requires the mutual cooperation of both parents. This can be difficult, especially if your relationship ended on a sour note. Below are five rules for making joint custody enjoyable for you, your spouse and most importantly, your child.
1. Put your children first.
Putting your children's needs ahead of yours requires compromise. Schedules change and demand flexibility on both parents part. Taking responsibility for creating consistent rules in both homes also means you need to be more than just the fun parent. Putting your child's needs over your own convenience will lead to long-term success of joint custody.
2. Communication is key.
It may not always be enjoyable, but maintaining an open line of communication with the mother will always make thing Read more:Rules
, Joint
Happy 70th Birthday Bill Cosby 2007-07-12 17:29:39 MY favorite tv dad of all time is Clifford Huxtable from The Cosby
Show, one of the very few shows I still watch in reruns. Today, Bill Cosby, the man who played Dr. Huxtable for eight hugely successful seasons, turns 70.
In addition to The Cosby Show, Bill played memorable roles in "I Spy", "Fat Albert" and the lesser known series, "Cosby".
Happy
birthday Bill, and thank you for being a great dad, on screen and off. Read more:Birthday
How To Use Myspace To Market Your Blog Or Business 2007-07-12 16:50:02 IF you are a work-at-home-dad or run your own business or blog, you are well aware of the importance of marketing through multiple channels. One of the most powerful tools for marketers today is social networking.
The rise of social networks has been meteoric in the last few years, to the point of becoming more popular than porn online. Kids are doing it. Parents are doing it. Even seniors are doing it. While there are social networks for just about any group, the granddaddy of them all is Myspace, with well over 100 million registered users.
So how can you use Myspace to market your blog or business? Let's take a look at a few ways you can start increasing your visibility today for absolutely free.
First off, if you don't have an account, sign up and set up your profile. You are going to want to use your company or blog name as your profile name and upload your picture or logo and set it as your default picture. You're also going to want to describe your products or service Read more:Market
, Business
Congratulations Jarod and Jayden! 2007-07-10 20:27:19 CONGRATULATIONS to one of my best friends in the world and a great father in the making.
Jayden
Charles Howell was born July 8, 2007 at 4:02 p.m. He is Jarod's first child, and judging from his size (9.1 lbs./21 inches tall), he is going to take after his daddy.
I was lucky enough for Jarod and his girl, Maureen, to have their baby boy in the hospital less than a block from my home and appreciate the obvious happiness they were both experiencing.
Congratulations
again Jarod. Let us know how things go during this exciting time in your life.
Top 5 Ways To Get Your Kids To Want To Do Their Chores 2007-07-10 16:38:24 A work ethic is something we can all agree is important, but learning wasn't exactly the fondest part of our childhood. I was often overloaded with chores as a child, but thank my parents now for the beliefs of working with the family and using hard work to get what we want in life they instilled in me.
Nowadays it seems, chores for children is a thing of the past. Whether parents find it easier to do themselves or just don't think their kids should have responsibilities (or perhaps think they have too many), I think a great opportunity to teach teamwork and consequences is missed.
When we work together as a family, not only do we bond, we also free up more time to bond in other ways. It always brings people closer when they are battling in the trenches together and you also tend to learn more about them.
Learning about consequences may be even more valuable. There will come a time in everyone's life (even Paris Hilton's) when not doing something right will lead to an advers Read more:Chores
Joining A Fathers Support Group 2007-07-16 08:27:00 FATHERHOOD is a tough job, especially when you are going through it alone. Work-at-home and single fathers especially, have a hard time finding like minded individuals to help them accomplish their paternal goals.
One way to make new friends and get the advice you need to get through a difficult period in your fatherhood is to join a fathers support group. Generally, there are three main reasons fathers participate in these groups.
1. Support
- Fathers
who are recently widowed, divorced, or have gained custody of their children, and dads with children with disabilities are facing new challenges and seek support through a fathers group.
2. Friendship- Fathers who feel isolated or alone or have few or no friends who are fathers and want to be a better dad are looking to connect with other men and make friendships through a fathers group.
3. Information- Fathers who are looking for legal, financial or medical advice, child care resources or help on balancing their career and family, or h Read more:Joining
, Group
The Mediation of Mediation 2007-06-21 22:14:57 TODAY, I received the best belated Father's Day present I could ask for - joint legal custody of my eldest daughter.
While the mediation itself went surprisingly smooth, getting to that point wasn't so easy. Getting my daughter's mother to agree to mediation and trust that I wasn't trying to take our daughter away from her, despite having the legal right to do so, was a rough road.
Truth is, she fought tooth and nail, insisting on a court battle that would not have ended in her favor and would have caused disarray throughout the entire family. In an effort to transcend our differences, much mediation went into getting her to see things my way, and in the end, cooler heads prevailed. The mediator actually admitted it was one of the smoothest mediations she'd done in some time.
I'm a firm believer that as single parents, we need to show continued love and respect to our exes not only for our children's sake, but for our own as well. It shows growth and compassion, qualities
The Importance Of Maintaining Your Moral Authority 2007-06-10 02:08:57 KIDS act up at times, that's a given. Recently, my oldest daughter has been aggressive and malicious towards her mother, causing me to not only wonder why, but revisit my own childhood for similar symptoms.
One reason I kept coming back to for my own actions was that my parents more than not, told me to "do as they say, not as they do". The hypocrisy of this statement has always bothered me and I've tried to go the extra mile in not behaving this way with my own children. It's one of the reasons, I believe, that my children like spending time with me and almost always do exactly what I ask them to do without resistance.
Their mother on the other hand (I say this to illustrate a point, not to place blame) makes promises and doesn't follow through, yells at every minor distraction, spends her time unproductively and is in a major fight with at least one family member at all times. She then expects our children to not pick up on these habits and be the (near) perfect little angle Read more:Maintaining
, Moral
, Authority
The Book That Changed My Life 2007-06-10 00:08:06 EVERY now and then, we have questions we can't articulate and somehow find the answers anyway. One such time in my life came three years ago, when after a lengthy, life altering breakup, I could no longer see the path I was previously on.
Searching for meaning in my life, I was handed a book by a friend who had recently beat Hodgkin's Disease and created a better life for himself despite the odds. This book, Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires, not only helped save my friend's life, but it changed mine so drastically, some people say it saved mine, as well.
I read about a book a week on average, but none have brought positive transformation into my life so effectively. From the moment I read the very first word, I knew it was going to change my life and open my eyes to a whole new world. A world of conscious creation and of fulfillment.
Within a week of that fateful day, I had made plans to move back to where my daughter lived and to correct the errors of m
How To Keep In Touch With Your Out Of Home Children 2007-06-01 16:00:38 KEEPING in contact with your children, especially those not living in the same home, is a full-time job in itself. Despite the rise in use of cell phones and other gadgets, it has seemingly gotten harder. The rapid increase of technology in our lives should make life easier, but it rarely seems to be the case.
Enter Our Family Wizard. According to the website, it facilitates interactive family scheduling and information management and allows you to quickly store and access important family information. The site also facilitates communication between parties in a very time efficient and effective manner.
If you find yourself lacking the time or resources to stay closely connected with your children, this site looks to be a great tool to help. It's free and offers some great resources for those of us in shared family situations.
Take a look and let us know what you think. Read more:Children
Honoring Our (Baby) Mother's 2007-05-15 06:56:33 I imagine that many of the fathers here have some bad blood with the mother's of their children. At times, I'm not completely thrilled about the baby momma in my own life, but I have come to accept that she is an integral part of my children's lives-for good or bad.
This Mother's Day began like many past Mother's Days. I woke up, made some breakfast and then called my moms (yeah I have two moms, just like I have two dads). Then I spend the rest of the day playing with my oldest daughter who somehow got left out of plans with her mom.
I could tell my daughter was upset about not spending time with her mom, but I tried cheering up and letting her know it was a matter of circumstances and not chance.
It didn't make things better.
Times like that, I see how important her mom is to her and her sisters. Regardless of how I feel, it's important for me to speak positively about her and reinforce to my children that their mom is a good person and just trying to do her best in life.
Top 5 Things You Can Do For Your Kids...EVER 2007-05-05 22:25:11 AS parents, we want to do everything we can for our children hoping to give them the best life possible. Often we overlook the most important things because we don't truly live them or have them ourselves to give away. Food, clothing and shelter are obviously very important, the basic legal minimum, but below you will find the sorts of things we all take for granted at one time or another, but are vital to the overall well-being of every child.
1. Accept Them -
We've all seen (and probably been) the parent who didn't get exactly what THEY wanted. As humans, we have a tendency to project what we are on to others and when they cannot be what we want them to be, reject them in small ways. We also like to think we are our children's actions or abilities and judge ourselves accordingly.
The truth is, however, that we are no such thing, and judging from my own life, I think it makes more sense that children CHOOSE who they want as their parents. Growing up, we don't understa
Things To Do With Your Kids 2007-05-05 08:57:20 YESTERDAY, I got a few emails asking me about things I do with my children now that I don't have t.v. in the house. According to many studies, the television is on for nearly eight hours a day in the average American home, with each family member taking in over four hours individually. Obviously, figuring out how to replace this time with more constructive activities is vital.
There are many things you can do, and it is up to you and your children's interests to figure out which are best for your family, but here are a few things we do around my house:
Play Board Games - This is probably my children's favorite thing to do, especially when I'm playing with them. I'm not sure if it's the chance to beat daddy, learning to be more strategic or just having the attention of a grownup, but they have a beaming smile throughout.
Read - Children absolutely love reading, and apparently even more so when they get to do it with their parents. Children don't want to tell you how good they are
The Benefits Of Not Having Cable T.V. 2007-05-05 08:53:26 April 23 through 29 is "Turn Off TV Week"
I recently had the cable turned off at my house. Yes, I'll miss the NBA playoffs, but no, I won't miss cable in general or the bill that comes with it.
I've thought about doing this for a long time, but recent fee hikes and the near-adult nature of most "children's" programming convinced me it was the right time. I only watch about two hours of television a week, splitting that time between Lost and Prison Break, but when my children get bored, they rely on the television to entertain them.
Sometimes I'll sit and watch with them, but usually I take advantage of the free time to get some uninterrupted work done. The times I sit and watch with them, I more often than not get the feeling the jokes and gags are directed more towards me than towards people my kids' age.
I don't like that at all, but the shows aimed at kids their age are almost too childish and they can't stand them (likely the result of too much "mature" t.v.). The best sol Read more:Benefits
, Having
, Cable
, Not Having
How To File For Divorce 2007-05-05 08:50:50 THE divorce rate may have declined, or at least stabilized in the past two and a half decades, but this is more a cause of increased cohabitation than improved relationships, and still hovers around the 38% mark according to divorcereform.org.
For many fathers, separation and divorce are the reality of life. Some parents stick it out for their children's best interests, but those who are unable or unwilling to make this sacrifice (or believe it will only do more harm than good) have to look at divorce as their best alternative.
The first step any couple must do at this point, is to decide what type of divorce is best for their specific situation. For most, there are three types to choose from:
1. At-Fault Divorce
2. No-Fault Divorce
3. Summary Divorce
At-fault divorce, the old-fashioned way, is brought when one party blames the other for some specific reason, and seeks to gain some distribution of property in their favor.
No-fault divorce is a newer form of divorce, and does not requi
Recommend Site To A Friend
