Owner: Dadviser URL:http://www.dadviser.com/blog Join Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2007 03:25:17 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Dedicated to paternal progression, helping fathers strengthen the bonds with their children and becoming positive, productive parents. Site statistics:Click here
Day 9 - Show Your Emotions 2007-08-09 10:53:10 THE ninth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to show your emotions.
Us dads are often viewed as being Superman by our children, but we are people just like every one else. I admit it is our job to be strong for our families, especially during a crisis, but I also believe it's important for our kids to know that we have emotions just like their mother.
By showing our emotions, it gives our children a glimpse into our hearts, into the things that we care most about, and shows them that it's ok to show their own and how to handle certain situations. This doesn't just mean crying, it means laughing and smiling when we are happy, expressing disappointment responsibly when we are let down, joy and pride in our loved ones' accomplishments, compassion for the less fortunate and remorse for our errors among many others.
Throughout my childhood, I can only remember my step-father crying once when we had to put our dog to sleep. The truth is that I'm sure hundreds of my actio
7 Things To Do When You Are Owed Child Support 2007-08-08 11:31:18 THERE were some great questions to choose from for Reader Request Wednesday, but I felt like dealing with ones about child custody this week since I've been dealing with some custody issues myself lately.
First up, is Eric, who asks "My baby momma hasn't paid child support one time since I got custody of our son. I am getting by, but it would help a lot if she pitched in. Is there anything I can do to make her pay?"
A. Getting your back child support will take some work, but with some effort you should be able to collect what you are owed. Here are seven things you can do:
1. Make sure you have a child support order- Just because you think you are owed child support doesn't automatically mean you will get it. You must have a court order stating the child support terms.
2. Talk to your ex- In the event you do have a court order, the first thing you should do is talk to your ex. If they are hostile or you are unable to find them, that is one thing, but there may be circumstanc Read more:Support
Day 13 - Learn From Your Childhood 2007-08-13 08:39:00 THE first tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to learn from your childhood.
All too often, I hear parents say they raise their kids the way they were raised because that's how it is. I disagree. If we aren't learning from our childhood and correcting the things we felt were wrong as we raise our kids, we are failing ourselves and our kids.
The value of going through your childhood is twofold. First, it allows you to gain the experience needed to be a man. But second, it allows us to raise our kids how we felt we should have been raised. To give them the things we were denied and to allow them as much opportunity as possible to live a better life than we do.
I was told over and over by my step-father that I would punish my kids as fiercely as he punished my brother and I, and I can remember saying time and time again, "No I Won't".
So far I haven't, but I have told him many times how greatful I am that he raised me.
Doing things different isn't meant to be a sligh Read more:Childhood
How To Use Netvibes To Market Your Blog Or Business 2007-08-12 11:00:47 LITTLE did I know a year and a half ago when I started using a new home page that I had one of the most powerful marketing tools I've ever used right in my browser.
Netvibes
is an AJAX-enabled start page that lets you put all your favorite RSS feeds and widgets of popular sites like Myspace, Facebook, Answers and Gmail in one place.
From the moment I started using it, I was thrilled. I eagerly put a widget of all my favorite bookmarks on my page, as well as my email account, calendar and to-do lists. It was clear immediately that Netvibes could save you an hour a day by letting you access all your favorite web properties quickly and easily.
Back then, I made my living selling wholesale items on eBay, so saving an hour a day was more than enough to convince me to dump my internet training wheels, My Yahoo.
Saving time was great, but it wasn't until I had decided to start my own marketing company and delve into the world of blogging that I began to see the true power of Netvibes. By Read more:Market
, Business
Day 12 - Establish Routines 2007-08-12 08:52:37 THE 12th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to set routines for your children.
Our children need routines. The earlier we set routines for our children, the more likely they will do well in school and behave at home. When children know what is expected of them, they are eager to gain your approval.
Developing routines in our own lives is the best way to create routines for our children. Children learn by watching others and when they see their parents getting up, eating breakfast, grooming and heading off for work the same time each day, it establishes an internal clock in them.
By the time they are school-aged, children should already have most of their routines set and be prepared for what is expected of them. They should know what chores are their responsibility and when they should be done. They should also know when bed time is and what they need to have done before then.
Good fathers have good children that more often than not do what they are supposed to befor Read more:Routines
Day 11 - Discipline With Love 2007-08-11 17:54:47 THE 11th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to discipline your children with love.
Children need discipline. They don't need punishment. They don't need to be yelled at or hit.
Discipline
is about guidance. You can't beat or yell it into someone. Guidance is about maintaining your moral authority and being the person your children look up to for guidance. When you reduce yourself to yelling or worse, hitting, you risk losing your status as "trusted adviser".
By choosing to discipline your children with love instead of anger, and choosing positive over negative, your children will come to know that you are on their side and that they can come to you in times of need without fear of reprisal.
When your children make mistakes, remind them of some pre-discussed consequences and follow through on them. Disciplining with love does not entail being a push over. It requires you to be firm and understanding, consistent and compassionate. Often times, our children make
The Ten Traits Our Children Can Teach Us To Be More Successful People 2007-08-11 07:31:43 MOST of us can agree. Being a parent changes things.
No matter how much I talk about individuals being the most important things in their lives, children have a funny way of making you think twice about that.
My life has gone through the ups and downs, and sadly, at times of my life I felt like being a parent was a gift and at others a curse. I now know how beautiful it is to be a parent, but I know the other side all too well.
From being on both sides, I think I have a certain perspective that even the most loving and loyal of parents can appreciate. In celebration of our kids, I offer the ten things about kids that can show us how to live a more fulfilling life.
1. A mirror of yourself- Our children are mirrors of ourselves. If we don't like something about them, chances are we have ourselves to blame. Change you, not them.
2. Play time- Face it, we all love play time. Without kids, we forget sometimes that life is not about work, but enjoying the fruits from our work. It's Read more:Traits
, Children
Day 16 - Put Your Children First 2007-08-16 07:43:00 THE 11th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to put your children first.
Children
have a deep need to feel they are the most important thing to their parents. Mothers usually master this ability immediately upon birth, but fathers have nature and life working against them.
Fathers are more hardwired to protect their children more than nurture them and they often have the added pressure of being the primary breadwinner and all the responsibilities that implies. It's not difficult for a father with a demanding job to put his career over his children; indeed, he's likely expected to by his superiors.
If you find yourself in this situation, explain to your children early on that daddy has to work to support the family and that he will hurry home as soon as possible to spend time with them. By doing so, there is no confusion that daddy would rather spend time with them, but has an obligation to spend part of his day at work.
The key is to be consistent and to follow through Read more:First
Day 15 - Encourage Your Kids To Follow Their Dreams 2007-08-15 07:08:03 THE first tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to encourage your children to follow their dreams.
As far as I'm concerned, the job of a parent is to raise adults, not kids. Part of raising a good adult is to teach them while they are a child to follow their dreams and to take the risks needed to make them a reality.
Adults that are chasing their dreams are far happier and satisfied with life than those that don't. Personally, I know that is the difference between being unhappy and being happy for me. Ever since taking destiny into my own hands, my whole outlook on life has changed.
I didn't get much support chasing my dreams when I was younger, and perhaps that's why I didn't really have any in the first place. I was content to be mediocre despite my superior performance in school. To my parents' credit, once I figured out what my dreams were and started taking the steps to get there, they have been very supportive.
It feels great having their support and knowi Read more:Dreams
Day 14 - Be Charitable 2007-08-14 07:21:24 THE first tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be charitable.
As kids, we treat others the way our parents treat others. Use this fact to show your children how to be kind to the world. Set an example by offering a helping hand to those in need and by doing charitable work or donating. Your children will learn that all people are important and that we are all in this together.
My parents were very kind to those in need. To this day, they go out of their way to help others when they hear of them needing it or to give support to those currently in crisis. It rubbed off on me in a major way. I treat everyone as a friend and it usually reciprocates. I also let people stay when they are having problems and volunteer at my children's school and the local library. I even Big Brothered for a little while.
By being charitable to those in our community who need our help, we not only make a better community, we make better kids. Kids that turn into caring adults that will do
Day 21 - Teach Your Kids Financial Responsibility 2007-08-21 14:56:06 THE 21st tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to teach your children financial responsibility.
Consumer debt is rising at an alarming rate due to several reasons. One big reason is that children do not learn good money management at home and head out into the world thinking credit cards are mana from heaven.
If we hope for our children to have stable futures, teaching financial responsibility needs to be a high priority for parents. It's not sufficient enough to instill a solid work ethic in our children. We must give them the tools and understanding of how money works and the importance of saving it.
If our children do not learn this important lesson at home, it's likely they will not learn it until they have joined a debt consolidation service, obviously a bit too late. There are many things you can do to teach responsible money management, including giving allowances, creating a bank account for them, showing them how to save up for desired goods and discovering th Read more:Financial
, Responsibility
Web Hosting Packages 2007-08-20 15:21:07 IF you own your own domain and are not reselling your extra storage, you are missing out on an easy way to increase your passive income.
I've been using Bluehost for about six months now and have been extremely impressed with their service and loading times, a far cry from my previous two hosting companies. I've used their affiliate ad for the past three months or so and though I've only sold one package, this post on web hosting packages got me thinking about being more proactive about earning affiliate payments for referring others to this great hosting service and/or selling off my extra space.
In addition to the great service and load times, Bluehost also allows multiple domain hosting, allowing you to set up many websites on the same package, and has an unbeatable price for what they offer.
If you are in need of quality web hosting, do not miss out on all the benefits Bluehost has to offer.
DAD TALK
* Who do you think has the best web hosting service?
* Have you tried to mak Read more:Hosting
, Packages
, Web Hosting
Day 20 - Be Consistent 2007-08-20 14:06:32 THE 20th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be consistent.
In order to establish routines for your children, you need to learn to be consistent in all areas of your parenting. One of the hardest things for children to do is toe the line between right and wrong in a home without consistency.
By creating routines in your own life, you will be that much closer to setting a consistent example in areas such as discipline, eating habits, work ethic, manners and personal hygiene. Your children will learn your habits and create consistent behaviors in their own lives, a quality that will allow them to make better decisions for themselves throughout their lives.
Consistency is also vitally important when dealing with two home families. Both parents need to agree on rules and acceptable behavior. By learning two sets of rules, you are not only pitting one parent against the other, you are teaching your child that they can act out of character in many situations. Don't fall f
Day 19 - Give Praise Daily 2007-08-19 13:16:25 THE 19th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to give your children praise daily.
Praising our children is a powerful motivator, for good or bad. The key to praising your kids correctly is to quantify the praise you give them. According to this article, simply praising your child without explaining the "why" actually leads to lower performance.
Though we want our children to believe in themselves, that they are smart and worthy, instilling these beliefs takes a little more effort than just telling them they are so. Like good writers, good parents "show" their children why they are worthy of praise instead of just telling them they are.
Next time your child does something you are proud of them for or accomplishes something new in their life, show them how proud you are by saying something like "I'm very proud of you for getting a "B" on your speech in class today. I know how hard you have worked to get over your fear of talking in front of the class. Public speaking Read more:Praise
, Daily
Day 18 - Laugh Every Day 2007-08-18 04:06:38 THE 18th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to laugh everyday with your children.
It's long been said laughter is the best medicine, but many parents either don't find the time to laugh with their children or simply cannot find anything to laugh about. What a shame!
Laughing creates healthy, happy bonds with your children. It brings joy to others and cures any blues you may have, as well. It also allows your children to believe in a world of good instead of the one seen in the daily news everyday.
For parents who don't have time for this tip, try tickling your child for 5 minutes and see if it doesn't bring a smile to both of your faces. If you can't find something to laugh about, you aren't paying enough attention to your kids. Responsible observation of your children will lend numerous opportunities to laugh with them each day.
DAD TALK
* Was your childhood home filled with laughter?
* What type of bond do you have with your parents?
* Do you think there is any
Day 17 - Family Fun Time 2007-08-17 12:05:31 THE 17th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to have specific days set apart to have family fun day.
Doing things as a family is a great way to catch up with everyone's latest news and to remind each family member that you are a unit and function best as a unit. Family
unity is often regarded as the glue that keeps families close far after the children have flown the coup.
It's also important to have certain times you can spend with each of your children individually and give them a little one-on-one time. Children act differently in different settings. While you are a family unit, that unit consists of powerful individual pieces. Pay attention to the differences in how your children speak to you when they are together as opposed to alone with you.
I know with my daughters, they are far more likely to talk to me about it when I make sure to give them each some time alone. When they are together, they are usually content to chatter amongst themselves. But when they
Day 25 - Encourage Risk Taking 2007-08-25 07:38:56 THE 25th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to encourage your children to take risks.
In order to follow ones dreams and realize true happiness in life, one must take risks. Taking
the safe road in life may lead to contentment and security, but the majority of people who have taken this road never experience the exhilaration of living life to their potential.
For many years, I was content to be mediocre, living a life without dreams. I had always known that I could do anything I wanted, but I had never been encouraged to go out and do it. Honestly, I was scared to take chances because I didn't want to be "better" than my family and friends.
Looking back on those days, I consider it lost time despite the valuable lessons I learned along the way. At some point, I knew I had to take a chance on my own if I was ever to be truly happy. That decision may be the best I've made to date. The security I once had isn't quite as solid, but I wake up each day looking forwar
Free John Chow Banner Ad Contest 2007-08-24 20:07:25 MOST bloggers know who John Chow is, but for those who don't, he is one of the highest paid bloggers on the internet. He also has a huge level of traffic come through his site each day.
Tim Schroeder of eMonetized is giving four people the chance to have their own 125 x 125 banner ad shown on John Chow for free. You can read more about his John Chow banner contest here.
The winners will likely experience a nice influx of traffic to their site, something that most of us are actively trying to make happen daily. There probably isn't going to be an easier way to get a healthy amount of new readers to your blog than this, so head over to Tim's blog and drop your comments.
If you win, let us know how the banner affects your traffic. I'm definitely interested in seeing what a $500 banner can do for a less popular blog's traffic. Good luck! Read more:Banner
, Contest
Day 24 - Teach Your Kids The Value Of Failure 2007-08-24 07:58:47 THE 24th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to teach your kids the value of failure.
Too many people believe that failure is a bad thing. Like discipline , failure is an integral part of the growth process. Without failure, you will never know what not to do. Without discipline, you will never have the resolve to not do those things again.
In conversation, I always ask the naysayers of failure where they would be without the failures in their life. From learning to walk to figuring out your best career path, failure was the catalyst that got us on the right path. Indeed, you don't tell a child they failed when they fall down as they learn to walk. You encourage them to try again until they succeed. Not a single one of us skipped the failure stage, yet we are all walking.
Too often, our society paints failure as the end when in reality it is the beginning. Those that are willing to try again invariably make the necessary improvements until finally they reach their g Read more:Value
When To Get Your Child A Cellphone 2007-08-23 07:35:44 TODAY'S reader question from Louis asks "My son is 9 and really wants a cellphone for his upcoming birthday. My wife thinks it's ok, but I don't think 9-year-olds need a cellphone. What do you think?"
Two of my daughters have cellphones, but I was against it both times. Unfortunately, they were spending more time with their mother at the time and I didn't get to protest.
Personally, the only reason I like them having a cellphone is because I can call them directly instead of having to talk to their mom all the time. Other than that, I don't think elementary-aged kids need cellphones and I'd almost extend that to junior high school kids.
In my opinion, there are some things children need to learn before and set as a higher priority than socializing. One of those things would be making and managing money. Another would be respecting those around them, especially in class. Most kids I know with cell phones tend to use them mainly for playing games, often at inappropriate
Day 23 - Conquer Your Bad Habits 2007-08-23 07:16:49 THE 23rd tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to conquer your bad habits.
As I've said in previous posts, _________ parents = _________ kids. Whatever bad habits you have, your children are at great risk of picking up themselves. They watch and they mimic. That goes for things like having a good work ethic and being charitable as well as for smoking, drinking and biting fingernails.
I'm not saying people should not do "adult" things, I just don't think they should do them around children. If you are unable to keep your bad habits away from your children, then it is more than just your bad habit. It becomes theirs, as well.
In order to conquer bad habits, one must focus on the desire to quit and nothing else. By putting your children ahead of your "needs", you give yourself some motivation that you may not have otherwise. Keep in mind that if you are disappointed in your own bad habit, you are going to be even more disappointed once your children pick up your habit. Read more:Bad Habits
Day 22 - Think Before You Speak 2007-08-22 07:14:39 THE 22nd tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to think before you speak.
As a hero to your children, your words are very powerful and can set the tone of your child's life for years to come. Everything you say to them adheres to their little brains and adds to their self-image. By thinking about what you say before you say it, you can ensure that your children will remember you for the positive words you said to them and not the angry or frustrated ones.
The easiest thing for a parent to do is to react to their child's behavior with yelling, commands, name calling or put downs. You must teach yourself to have the discipline to use each conversation with your child as a learning lesson and positive reinforcement of the behaviors you are trying to encourage.
Kids don't need negativity in their lives, especially from someone as important as their father. Next time you are in a position to blurt something out to your child, take a breath, think about what you want to teach
Using Google Calendar To Coordinate Your Family Events 2007-08-21 18:34:45 ONLINE calendars are one of the most efficient ways to keep your life organized. Due to their popularity and functionality, there are numerous free calendars you can find on the internet, but none better than GoogleCalendar
.
You can use this application for just about anything imaginable. I used to use it for keeping track of freelance jobs and family obligations, but the more I use it, the more it enters other areas of my life. I've recently begun to use it for my blogging calendar and due to the frantic nature of having three daughters with lots of summer activities to coordinate, for family coordination.
To help keep track of where everyone is supposed to be and when, I created a calendar for all our family events. Each member has the login and password and can add what they wish. As a two-home family, this has worked out wonderfully. I can coordinate plans and visitations with my daughters' mother, as well as check to see if I am supposed to pick up any of the girls from Read more:Family
Day 28 - Practice 2007-08-28 07:32:25 THE 28th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to practice.
As they say, practice makes perfect, and it’s no different with parenting. The more time you spend parenting, the better you will get at it. This doesn’t mean staying to yourself at home or spending all your time working. It means doing all the things your little ones expect of you and more.
The fact that you are reading this post is proof you want to be a better dad and that you will go out of your way to learn how.
I’ve often said that our parents did the best they knew how. It’s true for any of us, so the more we know, the better we will do. For me, that means writing blogs and reading others so that I can know as much as possible about parenting as well as spending as much time as humanly possible with my girls.
Ultimately, the goal is for our own kids not to say we did the best we knew how when they are our age.
DAD TALK
* Does practice makes perfect work for parenting or are there too many things out Read more:Practice
Day 27 - Eat As A Family 2007-08-27 07:17:51 THE 27th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to eat as a family.
Food makes people feel comfortable, which in turn opens up all kinds of conversation. Eating meals with your family helps you stay up to date on your children’s lives, as well as share your latest news with them. For many, mealtimes are the only part of the day everyone can stop what they are doing and appreciate the time they have as a family.
Growing up in a home where my brother and I ate alone in the kitchen, I’ve always felt that created a barrier to communication with our parents, but also symbolized where kids stood in the overall family structure. As a believer that my children are for the most part equal with me, I promised I would always find time to spend dinner together with them. It’s a good way to stay attached with my children and set a good example for when they have their own families.
Eating dinner together also allows the family to clean up together. Cleaning up together sets the Read more:Family
How Dale Carnegie Can Help You Be A Better Dad - Part 1 2007-08-27 05:21:36 RE-READING "How To Win Friends And Influence People" recently, I did so from the perspective of being a father and how to be a better one. Dale Carnegie's 1936 classic has long been a staple in my business dealings, but it's easily worthy of being a template for parenting, as well.
The book is broken down into four parts, each of which are a formula for succeeding at the title task. The first section deals with the fundamentals.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain- Relationships are hard work. Successful ones require the best in each of us on a consistent basis. When we are not at our best, we are not completely happy with ourselves and it becomes easy to complain about the actions of others. Criticisms of our spouse or children add up in their minds and eventually create a degree of separation.
Keep poisonous words to yourself and find a way to say something positive about the thing you were going to complain about. You'll be ha
Day 26 - Know Your Legal Rights 2007-08-26 07:02:41 THE 26th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to know your legal rights.
One of the main reasons I started Dadviser was to help single and separated fathers play a bigger role in their children's lives. After a divorce or separation, fathers are often left to play supporting roles, but it doesn't have to be that way.
By knowing your legal rights, separated fathers can play as large a role as they wish. I was out of my child's life for several years, but after asking her if she wanted me back in her life, I moved hundreds of miles to do so. Our relationship consistently improved, but I learned the hard way that I still had to secure my legal rights to have her in my life.
At first, I wasn't allowed to pick her up from school or take her to visit my side of the family, things that made me feel like less of a dad than I should have been. After educating myself of my rights, I went through custody mediation and received joint custody, allowing me all the rights I had pr Read more:Rights
10 More Ways To Spend Quality Time With Your Children 2007-08-24 05:00:17 SPENDING time with our children is at the top of the priority list for good dads. Unfortunately, many fathers don't have the time to spend much time with their kids.
Though young children want to spend all their time with us, the important thing to remember is that quality time is far more important than quantity of time. Here are 10 great ways you can spend quality time with your children.
1. Make believe- Kids love to pretend. They like it just as much when you pretend with them.
2. Build models and crafts- Participating on projects together builds bonds and encourages trying new things.
3. Care for pets- Bathe or walk your dog or teach your kids how to care for your other animals.
4. Explore nature- Hike, bike, swim or ski. Nature is fun when you do things together.
5. Start a collection- Build a collection of something you and your children will both enjoy and show it off to others.
6. Share entertainment together- Go to a movie, out to eat or take in a ballgame.
7. Cre Read more:Quality
, Children
Day 31 - Be A Good Role Model 2007-08-31 08:11:54 THE 31st tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be a good role model.
Whether you are a good dad, a bad one or don’t even care, you are one of the most influential role models of your child’s life. Children learn from you from day one, and retain many of their parents qualities for life, even after years of consciously trying to change them.
As the father of three daughters, I believe it is vital for me to set a good example for how men should treat women. I’ve never been one of those dads that talk about scaring off potential suitors with a shotgun or turning the house into a fortress to keep suitors out and daughters in. I know that if I treat women well, especially their mother, my children will likely expect men to treat them well. If not, there isn’t much more I could have done as a father.
For sons, fathers are the role model for how they treat women, what type of work ethic they have and what type of character they have. If these values are important to you a
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