Owner: Lets get things back into perspective here! URL:http://God-101.blogspot.com Join Date: Wed, 20 Jun 2007 10:35:08 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: NEED A PLACE TO VENT! A satirical look at religion, politics and sensibilities in everyday life!!!! Not recommended for the overly Religious, or anyone lacking the capacity for critical thought!
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Harp! 2007-07-04 13:16:00 Because my wife has cancer, one of the services she has available to her are sessions to make her feel better!Today a volunteer came in with a full sized "Harp" on wheels and as we speak she is in the living room seranading my wife. (This is to give her "inner peace and tranquility!")Because she is playing a harp I fiqured she might know "stairway to heaven" but no such luck. Plus, I was told in no uncertain terms to stay in the office and not bother anyone!So, if anyone wants me....... I'll be in the office!Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.comhttp://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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The Devil you know.......... 2007-07-04 10:19:00 Months before failed bombings in Britain that have been linked to several foreign doctors, a British cleric says an al-Qaida chief gave him a cryptic warning "Those who cure you are going to kill you." Canon Andrew White, a senior British cleric working in Baghdad, said Wednesday that he met with the al-Qaida leader and Sunni Muslim tribal and religious leaders in the Jordanian capital of Amman on April 18. He said the alleged al-Qaida chief, who travelled from Syria, warned of several coming attacks on Britain during the meeting. "It was so awful that, in my update for the day, I wrote that I have met with the devil today," White told British Broadcasting Corp. radio. Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.comhttp://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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Just so you know! 2007-07-04 08:46:00 On this American Independence Day holiday we salute the great American Industrial Machine and the wonderful products that have been invented over the years. This is just one of them!(click to enlarge)http://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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This is a stickup! 2007-07-03 15:53:00 Two armed men disguised as Muslim women in burqas held up a bank in Sarajevo and got away with some $40,000, Bosnian police said on Tuesday.They said the pair entered a Union bank branch in the capital wearing head-to-toe black dresses and veils typical of women adhering to the orthodox Islamic code and trained guns on customers. They then made customers lie on the floor while the emptied the tills, police added."Everything happened in a moment. Two persons in black niqabs (burqas) came into the bank. I thought they were ladies," the Sarajevo Daily Oslobodjenje quoted bank customer Mehmedalija Komarac as saying.Women in burqas and men with long beards have become a common sight in the Bosnian capital in recent years, although bank holdups have been less common, and men with long beards in a burqa are even rarer since you wouldn't be able to tell who was who now would you? And that's why they used this disguise to rob the banks, ....... you see!Your "pass the amunition" scribe;Allan W
More Stuff! 2007-07-03 12:48:00 Fun shit!Oh, shit!http://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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STUFF! 2007-07-03 09:40:00 I keep getting more and more e-mails asking, "What's it all about ....... Alfie?" Is this a religious blog, or maybe a political blog, or a humor blog, or WHAT? "I don't get it!"Well, let me set the record straight! It's not really about anything at all except.......... Stuff! Doesn't matter whether it's religious stuff, or funny stuff, or political stuff or even stupid stuff. If I see some stuff that catches my attention (And remember, I am ADHD!) it usually gets put in here one way or another. Stuff is great and stuff is never ending so I don't think I will ever run out of "stuff" to write about!(This is also one of the reasons that I hope you take a minute or two and vote for me on the "Blog about STUFF!" at the Blogger's Choice Poll.)Now for a complete lowdown on all the poop about "STUFF" that you'll ever need to know, have a look at this!Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.comhttp://Go
It's about time! 2007-07-03 08:34:00 A leading Muslim organisation today condemned the barbarity of the failed car bomb attacks in London and Glasgow as it called on its faithful to provide “all the necessary support” to prevent terrorism.Dr. Muhammad Abdul Bari, secretary general of the Muslim Council of Britain (MCB), said it was the “Islamic duty” not only to utterly and totally condemn such actions, but to provide all the support necessary to prevent such atrocities from taking place in the future.“The events of the past few days have been very disturbing and challenging ones for all of us,” he told a news conference at the MCB offices in east London.“At the very outset we would like to express our heartfelt gratitude to all the police officers and security experts who were tasked with removing the threat from the explosive devices in London and Glasgow."(Islam / Islamism - Islamism is a totalitarian ideology adhered to by Muslim extremists, e.g. the Taliban, Wahhabis, Hamas and Osama bin Laden. It is co
Permit me to introduce myself......... 2007-07-03 08:10:00 In my book "The Plain Truth About God-101" (what the church doesn't want you to know!) the first half deals with a history of how religion developed in the world. We briefly touched on the Hapsburg Family, who were the true rulers of Europe, along with the Catholic Church, for about a thousand years. (950 c.e.-1912 c.e. The rule of the Hapsburg's effectively ended with the assasination of Archduke Ferdinand by a Serbian nationalist, which was the start of World War-1!)An heir of the former Royal Family put one of their many, many holdings ("Dracula's Castle" in Transylvania) up for sale Monday, hoping to secure a buyer who will respect "the property and its history," a U.S.-based investment company said. The Bran Castle, perched on a cliff near Brasov in mountainous central Romania, is a top tourist attraction because of its ties to Prince Vlad the Impaler, the warlord whose cruelty inspired Bram Stoker's 1897 novel, "Dracula." Legend has it that Vlad, who earned his nickname becau Read more:myself
Hey! Let's Get Things Into Perspective Here! 2007-07-02 15:45:00 The next time you girls meet a nice guy on the Internet, just remember, it could be THIS guy! (Or his even UGLIER brother!) Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.comhttp://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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The smoker you drink, the player you get! 2007-07-02 08:51:00 What a week this is going to be. Canada Day is today, (Monday) and the U.S. Fourth of July is Wednesday so it looks like North America is not going to get much work done this week!Things got off to a bad start last Friday when a bunch of my old high school buddies ("Old" is not that far off the mark anymore!") stopped by and stayed until Sunday Morning! They probably would have stayed longer but the "Mrs. Herself" got fed up and threw everyone out.After they left I had 12 small bottles of whiskey left which I took down to the cellar to put away, but my wife found them this morning and instructed me to empty them. She said, "Empty each and every bottle down the sink," so I proceeded with the task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did likewise, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured Read more:player
QUIZ! 2007-07-02 07:46:00 Quick, for ONE MILLION DOLLARS! (Well...... how about a free book?) Tell me where you heard the phrase "A little trick with Nick!"Hint: "Name that tune!"Allanhttp://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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Parts of a computer, and other stuff! 2007-07-01 16:02:00 * One in three IKEA customers say they would rather clean out their closets than have sex!* Vacuum cleaners do not suck things. They create spaces into which the surrounding atmosphere pushes matter!* By 2012 the United States will have more private security guards than high school teachers!* The dog days of summer begin on Tuesday and end August 11th.* And finally, ONLY 177 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!Your "in the know" scribe;Allan W Janssenhttp://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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By the Way! 2007-07-01 10:40:00 Before I go out for the day, remember, football season's almost here!http://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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ASSHOLES OF THE WEEK! 2007-07-01 10:05:00 I was only going to give this to Hamas, but what the hell, Fatah desrves some of the credit as well. Otherwise this would be one more thing to fight about!(These are actual Middle-East political cartoons!)The TV announcer says: "the bulletin that reached us states that the Palestinians will attempt to liberate Palestine from the Palestinian occupation!" Meanwhile;The newspaper headlines say: "The Internal Palestinian Conflict!" And these idiots don't realize the Israeli's are laughing their asses off!Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.comhttp://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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Random Notes! 2007-07-01 08:25:00 Pamela Anderson is back in the news. Canada's second most popular sweetheart, (After Shannia) made headlines again. (?)First of all, because she went to Finland for a holiday, and then she said she has Finnish ancestry and would like to learn to speak the language! Yippie shit!----------------------------------------------------------------On a more serious note an article in the Toronto Star this morning states that Muslim girls in Toronto schools are being targeted for sexual assaults because attackers consider them less likely to report the incidents to authorities. Nasreen Karim, an assistant manager at the Muslim Welfare Home in Whitby, said sexual assaults are embarrassing for immigrant from Pakistan and India because of their cultural ethos, not their religion. He said; "I have a daughter myself and it would be embarrassing for parents to publicise things like this. They don't want to report incidents because of the shame it would bring on the family. That's just the way our Read more:Random
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SUNDAY MORNING FUNNIES! 2007-07-01 07:55:00 How to Tell the Sex of a FlyA woman finds her husband in the kitchen holding a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies" he responded. "Killed any yet?" "Yep, 3 males and 2 females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?" "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone." Dr. Allan slept with a patientDr Allan had slept with one of his patients and felt really guilty. No matter how much he tried, the sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But, every once in a while he'd hear an internal reassuring voice say 'Allan don't worry about it, you aren't the first Doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last. And you're single, so just let it go. But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality whispering...... 'Allan you're a fuckin' vet!' Driving...A man and woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable unfaithfulness when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off. Ang
Pig of the week! 2007-07-05 04:54:00 I can't make this guy asshole of the week because there are to many candidates, so we will just call him "Pig of the week."In a gut-busting showdown that combined drama, daring and indigestion, Joey Chestnut emerged Wednesday as the world's hot dog eating champion, knocking off six-time titlist Takeru Kobayashi in a rousing triumph. Chestnut, the great red, white and blue hope in the annual Fourth of July competition, broke his own world record by inhaling 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes - a staggering one every 10.9 seconds before a screaming crowd in Coney Island. "If I needed to eat another one right now, I could," the 23-year-old Californian said after receiving the mustard yellow belt emblematic of hot dog eating supremacy.http://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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Random stuff! 2007-07-12 07:07:00 We have all been subjected to asinine advertising on our e-mail, but I ran across one today that has to be noted for its strange eloquence.As per usual for spam mail this one is about a penis enhancer, but it's an add with a difference! This one displays a simple elegance the immediately caught my eye; "The most potent device known to make an Emperor out of you!"If nothing else they get marks for originality!Speaking of spam mail what is it with all those replica watches advertised on the Internet. Doesn't anyone know the time?Seems the e-mail spam can be divided into a few basic areas. I have noticed that over 90% of all mail is either about Viagra, Watches, Loans, Dick Strechers, (after you've taken the Viagra, of course!) Meds, Make Money deals or lottery winnings!Shows what North America is concerned with!!!Now, in the continuing sage of poor, deluded Judge Roy Pearson, we have this hot off the wire. A customer who lost a $54 million lawsuit against a dry cleaner over a missing Read more:Random
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IMAGES 2007-07-11 13:56:00 Cat fight! With a right like this she could do in a lot of guys.Faces of Meth. When I was a teenager we had a saying; "SPEED KILLS" Not very pretty, but neither is meth. So, let's get you happy again!http://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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SoThere! 2007-07-11 13:20:00 Scientology is evil; its techniques are evil; its practice is a serious threat to the community, medically, morally, and socially. Its adherents are sadly deluded and often mentally ill… Scientology is the world’s largest organization of unqualified persons engaged in the practice of dangerous techniques which masquerade as mental therapy.- Justice Anderson, Supreme Court of Victoria, Australia, quoted at "What judges have to say about Scientology."So there!- AllanAllan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.comhttp://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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Cults 2007-07-11 10:49:00 Not only has the Pope got a problem, Gary Beals has one too! (Gary's got the bigger problem!)He had been tormented for years by voices in his head but he had always shunned his parents advice to seek psychiatric care.On March 15, 1989, the 32-year-old grabbed a butcher knife and stabbed his mother Lawana before turning the knife on his dad.Bleeding from her injuries, Mrs Beals tried to defend her husband before fleeing the house and calling police. Arthur Beals was dead by the time authorities arrived.Three years later, Beals, having pled “guilty but mentally ill” to manslaughter, appeared before a parole board hearing where he blamed his religious affiliation for his actions leading up to the murder.Beals said he had been advised by the Church of Scientology against seeking therapy for his mental illness. According to him, the organisation’s members talked him out of accessing psychological help while “bleeding dry” his bank accounts.Remember, in the book "The Plain Truth A
Poor Pope! 2007-07-11 09:16:00 Well, the Pope went and done it, and he done it good!I realize that the Catholic Church is a two thousand year old institution, and they don't change fast, but this is the sort of idiotic, archaic thinking that I rant and rave about in my book "The Plain Truth About God-101" (What the Church doesn't want you to know!)The Vatican issued a document yesterday restating its belief that the Catholic Church is the only true church of Jesus Christ.It says although Orthodox churches are true churches, they are defective because they do not recognize the primacy of the Pope. (Ha, see what I mean? He's taking this personally!)"It follows that these separated churches and communities, though we believe they suffer from defects, are deprived neither of significance nor importance in the mystery of salvation," it said.The document adds that Protestant denominations — called Christian Communities born out of the Reformation — are not true churches, but ecclesiastical communities.Well, that's
Back 2007-07-10 18:05:00 Just had a long weekend off! Apparently I had a great time. Will start to write again tomorrow.http://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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The sounds of HELL! 2007-07-15 11:20:00 My Friends I wish this was the "Sounds Of Silence" or anything else, but unfortunately it's an actual recording of the "Sound of Hell!" Scientists in Siberia discover a deep crack in the earths surface and after lowering equipment into it they made a recording of the ACTUAL screams of the millions of poor souls who are roasting there to pay for the sinful, wicked, amoral, lustful life without Jesus as their personal saviour. (Or was it Muhammad to lead them? I forget!) Anyway, listen with your own ears and realise that God is not mocked. Listen and repent my friends for your immortal Soul is at stake here!Brothers and Sisters we have to prevent this from happening to others and I have set up a foundation to carry the Holy Word to the entire World but I can only do it with your help. If you care at all, please contribute what you can to this ministry. Contact Rev. Al in the comments section and let us know how much you can contribute. God Bless You! P.S. Cash or money order only, no ch
Sunday Morning Funnies! 2007-07-15 08:53:00 ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.On the fourth move, she had the man arrested.The case came up in court the judge asked the man (about 20 yearsold) what he had to say for himself.The man replied, " well your Honor, it was like this! When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming", and I grinned.Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling, and I had to smile.Then she placed her self under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under asign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident"...I just lost Read more:Sunday
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72 Virgins 2007-07-14 15:57:00 Just so that we give everyone equal time I have to make one more quick comment on that asinine statement Pope Helmut 11 made about Catholicism being the one "true" faith.That was an outright stupid, dumb, ignorant thing to say if his purpose was to reassure the flock or to try and bring someone else into the fold. The PopeAnd by the way, this isn't the first time he said something weird. Remember the "Islam is a religion of violence" thing. It's one thing if someone like me slams Islam or Catholicism or Scientology or whatever. That's my job. But it's certainly not the Pope's job. He's there for leadership and it seems to be lacking. Glad I'm not Catholic.The only problem is that I don't really think he would be that careless, so there has got to be another motive behind it, but damned if I can figure out what it is. Any ideas?----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sorry folks, that was supposed to be a picture of the Pope up there.... Read more:Virgins
Asshole of the Week! 2007-07-14 14:27:00 We are going to give our "Asshole of the Week" award, and a loud fart, to the second woman to win it in the last few weeks!A young woman (Bouchra El Hor) encouraged her husband to become a Muslim martyr, the Old Bailey Court in London heard. In a letter, she urged him to fight against non-believers and vowed that their baby son would follow in his footsteps.The letter was read out to the jury trying El Hor, 24, for failing to disclose information on terrorism. Her husband Yassin Nassari, 28, is charged with having documents and data on terrorism. (Note: I find it hilarious that her name is El Hor!)The couple, who had a five-month old son when they were detained in May, last year, deny the charges. Bouchra El Hor allegedly said in her letter: 'I am so proud of my husband. I am happy that Allah has granted you the chance to be a martyr. 'I am writing to let you know that you have my support and to remind you to be strong and do not let Satan influence you... to remind you that jihad is
Saturday Morning Confusion! 2007-07-14 09:02:00 Yes friends and neighbors it's time once again to have a look at all the stuff that goes on around us. Ah, those crazy Aussies. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for anyone that can stand up and say; "Every once in a while ya just gotta say, What the Fuck!"A man has gone on a rampage in an army tank in Sydney Australia's West end overnight, destroying six mobile phone towers and an electricity sub-station.Police Chief Inspector Guy Haberley says officers followed the tank through several suburbs as it left a path of destruction in its wake. "The vehicle continued to other locations within the Mount Druitt local area command and continued to destroy mobile phone tower communications sheds by crashing through the perimeter fence and colliding with structures, causing significant damage," he said. Police say the pursuit ended in Dean Park about 90 minutes later when the tank stalled as it was being driven towards another mobile phone tower. (Not a word on where he got the tank i Read more:Morning
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The Religious Spectrum. 2007-07-13 18:21:00 We got yer basic Fundamentalists. Then thar's a bunch in between until ya git down to yer hard-core Atheist. Everyone's in there somewhere!Personally I'm more of an Agnostic, but this video says a lot!Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.comhttp://God-101.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/full
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