Owner: The Grannys URL:http://www.trannyandzannagranny.blogspot.com Join Date: Sat, 26 Aug 2006 10:28:04 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: A twisted, hysterical look at an American love story between a couple who runs a corndog stand and the goings on in Moose-Taint County, USA. C'mon down to the stand and enjoy the view from "The Taint".. Site statistics:Click here
Hindu's: The Final Re-Incarnation of the Nazi's? 2007-08-06 14:09:52 Corndog Trailer arrived in grand fashion at the Haye's, Kansas Cultural Arts Center for our most recent gig. By "grand fashion" I am refering to the massive backfire our Pinto cut loose with as we pulled into the parking lot, sending a couple of WWII vets into flashback to D-Day mode. I can't help but find octegenarians yelling "Incoming" and creeping through bushes amusing, but Z, bless her heart, ran over to help calm them down. Damn, girls got a shake that measures on the Richter scale. I filmed the old man after Zanna got him an ice-cream to sooth him.We were in Hayes due to an invitation to sling corndogs at the Hindu
Indian National Dialogue Of Native Traditions. India Indians. Dots, not feathers.Things started out roughly, due to a translation problem with the word "corndog". We wer Read more:Final
, Incarnation
Sam Jackson, Always the Humanitarien...or however the fuck that is spelled 2007-07-04 09:42:59 Corndog Season is here!!!Z and I are busy like rabbits on a mix of Viagra (tm) and meth (not tm) now that NASCAR, summer, carnivals and general fun-ness are available due to the warm temps. So this is gonna be short, people. Make hay, when the sun is shining.What I would like to say is a basic add for our Corndog business. Seeing as Z and I both have a bit o' the Wop in us, genetically, we decided to combine our sauces and throw it on some pasta. In light of S. Jackson
s epic film, "Snakes on a Plane", we chose a relevant name:"Spaghetti: with MUTHA-FUCKIN' meatballs on a MUTHA-FUCKIN' plate"Still working on a kid friendly sign, mutha-fucka's.Peace and shit.
The Pupa Stage 2007-06-21 08:09:28 I will come right out and say it's pretty fucking ironic that a brand new post come out on the first day of summer when Corndog Season will become full-speed ahead. It's also ironic that I'd rather sit here and write a post for the first time in ages instead of helping Helga put on her fully body hairnet.T and I have a lot to update you all on...but I have to go make batter and the situation at hand is this: You may or may not remember the situation last year with Helga and Hannoush's death. (read here and here to familiarize yourself) . After she left Moosetaint for Auchwitz, she thought life would be better and she could get away from the tragedy. But as we know, no matter where you go, there you are and things didn't go well. So Helga came back to the town and the freaks that love her ( Read more:Stage
Eugene 2006-12-10 16:44:03 Tranny is gone. I'm SO hating life right now. I just got done eating Chef Boyardee out of the can, standing in the dark in the pantry. Then the bell rings. I'm figuring it's Jimmy, or Amy or SOMEONE. I would even settle for Freakshow Joe at this point. I'm lonely, what can I say.So, I opened the door and it's Tranny's cousin, Eugene
. Now, I only know Eugene from pictures and Tranny's "family flatulence" stories. Eugene hugs me like he's known me for years..picked me off the ground and everything. Eugene smells like a delicate combination of onions and Old Spice. Eugene just went out the the truck to get the rest of his stuff. I took a picture of Eugene with my camera phone while he was out there. I promptly sent it to Tranny's phone. And I'm going to leave it up to you if you want to see
CONIFEROUS, Not CARNIVOROUS 2006-12-04 19:44:39 Damnit kids, this will likely be my last post this year. The construction company I am working for until Blessed Corndog Season starts up in the spring picked up a month-long contract. In fucking Miami. No, not that Miami. Ever see a 3000 foot deep hole in the ground, surrounded by the most god-awful cacti and inbreeders imaginable? That Miami. Miami, Arizona. I may just be a little bitter, because Zanna isn't going, at least at first.She originally wanted to come along, as I was explaining that the entire state wasn't a blasted desert hell-hole, and I could show her some places that Arizona Highways Magazine will never find. I went on to explain that AZ has the largest coniferous forest in the United States....that's when she freaked. She kept proclaiming "no tree is gonna eat me" and "ar
Freakshow Joe on Jerry Springer 2006-12-02 18:09:20 Because he only made $12.37, Freakshow
has given up his month long dream of being a Michael Jackson impersonator in local train stations. His next scam to get some publicity was to take his show on the road and take care of a personal problem on JerrySpringer
.Freakshow Joe lost his girl Nicole to a stump named Josh. Me and T didn't even know he had a girl named Nicole. All I know is Amy from the Whack-A-Mole is going to be B to the Ullshit when she finds this out. But honestly, between you and me, Freaskshow has been getting a little too big for his proverbial britches and has basically been a fucking douchebag, so I don't blame her.Remember how I told you a couple of weeks ago, he got pissed at me in the bar and got on top of the bar and took his clothes off? He does the same thing on st
Thanksgiving "Gift" 2006-11-24 08:02:21 We weren't going to post anything while we were away for Thanksgiving
but I just wanted to share a nice picture T's niece made for me and presented to me in front of everyone at the dinner table yesterday. And then everyone at the table got really quiet, except for T who was pretending to cough to cover up the fact he was laughing. Then all of a sudden everyone is saying at the same time, 'pass the (insert here)".I was fucking pissed. But then I forgot about it when T said he was in the mood for some "pudding pie". But now I'm pissed again.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Leave a Message... 2006-11-20 10:41:11 I'm sorry I'm laughing so much. T said he'd be quiet while I recorded the message but he knows how to make me laugh. And my Chewbacca doll is what kills me every time. Plus he was making it dance. Happy Thanksgiving from the "Taint! Read more:Message
, Leave
Freakshow Joe: Tour de Midgit Petite (mee-geet pa-teet) 2006-11-12 12:15:47 Well, T is still sleeping and I’m jacked on caffeine because I bought one of those old school Italian espresso makers yesterday, made a pot and drank it ALL. Aaaaaaaaaa ya ya ya yaa ya. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzing!Anyway…Freakshow
Joe has limped his sorry ass back to the Taint. I was on the couch watching Food Network and how to turn “Thanksgiving Disasters into Delightful Delights” or some shit, I don’t know. All I know is if you have enough butter and parmesean cheese, apparently you can fix anything.So, T walks through the door, looking a little sheepish. And who jumps out behind him with his mouth wide open and his arms outstretched…like I’d be GLAD to see him. That’s right…. Freakshow. He knew I wasn’t glad to see him. I still get feel nauseus knowing his fecal dna is s Read more:Petite
Open Letter to Walrus Gumboots 2006-11-04 17:38:21 Here in the Taint we don't ususally go to these extremes. Except for that time Cock Ninja got pissy and we did a post about him after he said he was never coming back, and all he ever wanted to do was make us smile...and cry.I didn't get T's OK on this, I usually like to because this site belongs to both of us. But I would like to say to you, Wally....on behalf of the "family". And OK, I didn't clear it with them either. I'm basically riding bareback with no panties here. Anyway, on behalf of the "family"...and my apologies to anyone I missed..(Apache, LadyJane, Pinky Nip, Anastasia, Instant Ass Hat, Dragulf, Twzzlrgrl, Stallion, and yes..EVEN Cock Ninja). I present you this video "hallmark card" if you will. Its cold out there in the Internet, my friend. Listen to the words of the song ma Read more:Letter
, Walrus
Quality Time 2006-10-25 23:38:19 It’s been a rough few weeks in the Taint. T and I haven’t been connecting like we usually do…he’s working days in construction; I’m working nights at the club. But last night, I had the night off and I was hell BENT on making sure it was “quality time”.I see T sitting on our couch, relaxing after a long day at work. He’s leaning back into the softness of the couch, his shirt open. He has his eyes closed, half listening to something on television while absentmindedly running a hand back and forth over his chest. He doesn’t notice that I'm there at first. He didn't expect me to come until much later in the evening, but here I am.He opens his eyes and sees me sitting across from him on the edge of the recliner, stroking my thigh with my hand. T smiles when he sees me, and I Read more:Quality
, Quality Time
Come to Jesus 2006-10-23 10:47:35 If anyone is looking for me, I'll be getting my freak-on at the Grace Church tonight. Love me hard and love me often,Zanna Read more:Jesus
Stripper Down 2006-10-20 13:58:27 I fucking told her she didn't have the upper body strength to do the pole. Does she listen to me? Nooooooooooo, of course not. Why listen to Zanna...she's just some silly fucked up bitch "lati-da'ing" her way through life, right?Well, to my DELIGHT, Amy from the Wack-A-Mole took a fucking header today during pole practice. Between you and me..she fucking sucks as a dancer. Fucking sucksdonkeydickandchokesonthespunk. I mean check those moves out. I don't even like looking at her with clothes ON let alone off. Thank God when I'm in the club it's dark and I'm drunk.And because you were a cunt to me today Amy..I'm posting this. And you're on your own putting Clearisil on your ass.I think tonight, perhaps..I will dance to "Come to Papa" by Bob Seger. Makes me feel like grinding on a stranger's Read more:Stripper
Something Fishy in the Taint 2006-10-18 17:33:28 As Zanna has mentioned, I am back to construction for the winter. We are building a huge house for some trust-funder punk from scratch, and today we were clearing trees on a sidehill, in an early season blizzard. The picture is my boss trying to show off in his truck, and planting it firmly between 2 trees.The crew and I said fuck it, we'll dig it out tomorrow; then went to the bar. Chainsawing in a snowstorm sucks. Sometimes you just gotta quit early.Anyhoo, you know how after drinking all day sometimes a story comes out that you may regret later? Our laborer, Chucky Chez Ezz, told just such a story moments ago. I hauled ass to borrow some wi-fi, while the story is fresh. Last winter, Chucky was working at Flap-Ass Mountain Ski Resort and Bass Fishery, when in walked a woman he h Read more:Fishy
Just Got Me a Winter Gig 2006-10-13 00:21:04 I gotta do this quick because I'm on in about 10 minutes. But I just want to let you all know, that I've gotten my winter gig. I applied for 4 jobs.1. Moose-Taint County short bus driver2. Moose Taint County Bowling Alley Girl3. Moose-Taint County Geriatric Facility and4. Dancer at the Deja Vu. Moose-Taint County's local strip club.I got the dancing gig.Now, before you ask me if I'm part of the "Trifecta", as they like to call the 3 "facially-challenged" ones, I'm not (not that I feel like one of the 50 beautiful ones either-not today anyway) However, Amy from the Wack-A-Mole, is part of the "Trifecta". And man, was she bullshit about that in the "prep" room when she made me put flesh-tone Clearasil on her ass-zits before she went on tonight.T has gotten a carpentry gig...which I'm not so
There is No Place Like Home 2006-10-01 10:06:36 First, just let me say it's good to be back at the corndog trailer and T's very strong, muscular, tree-choppin, chainsaw usin' arms. Oh and that the wedding sucked.The whole fucking time I had to listen to my cousin go on and on about the time T set her fake tits on fire and "I chould make T pay for new one...pesos don't grow on tress, ju know".No, bitch, pesos DON'T grow on trees so why don't you go and pray to the " Virgin Mary in a Bathtub" thing you have in your yard and maybe there will be some kind of fucking miracle.I would also like to say that the Mexican heat coupled with fine polyester wedding garb tend to be a lethal combination. With that said, I would like to say this. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH ME DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T TELL YOU ARE SCRATCHING YOUR BALLS. Dur Read more:Place
The Cadillac of Hallucinogenic...er Spiritual Offferings 2006-09-25 16:36:12 Ok, I was just down at the laundromat, and I met some crazy Indian chick who kept babbling about yoga. She said her name was Shama, which means inner light or spiritual insanity or something....wait, that can't be a name....She must have said Shamu, like the whale. Cause that fucking fish was Spiritual, yo. So spiritual I got thrown out of Sea World for smuggling a deep sea fishing pole and some tackle into his tank. Z and I woulda eaten tons of smoked fish for a whole year! Bastards.Where was I? Oh, right, Shamu the Indian. That would be East Indian, not an American Injun. Well she was going on and on about how you could "focus your inner light" and "get in touch with your real self" and a bunch of other shit. And you know, while I was hastily folding my underwear trying to get Read more:Cadillac
Why I Hate Breast Implants 2006-09-19 15:13:47 The next 2 weeks may be a bit slow for new posts, Zanna is out of town.Z is going to her favorite Uncle's wedding in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, along the banks of beautiful Elephant Butt Lake. Why, you may ask, are you not going, Tranny? The reason: I am banned from being around her second cousin. Apparently, at a barbecue a few years ago, I lit cousin Chelsea's brand new breast implants on fire. I say, hey, if I don't remember no one should hold it against me...but Chelsea doesn't seem to see it that way. And as she is the bride, I am respecting her wishes to stay away. This time.So I plan on drinking Jim Beam straight from the bottle, throwing hot-dogs at PETA activists and lesbians for the next 2 weeks, listening to Patsy Cline and generally being miserable. Cause yo Read more:Breast
, Implants
The Show Must Go on... 2006-09-15 06:40:51 And by that I mean get that fucking FREAKSHOW Joe off my goddamned couch. Here is a guy who two weeks later is STILL complaining how he got "violated". I'm thinking at this point he should have considered himself lucky because if it wasn't for date rape, he'd never get laid.Have you ever SEEN a midget in tighty-whiteys? I don't even know how to spell whiteys. I'm not even going to check. All I know is I am offended by it. I'm sitting there with my laptop, TRYING to help Spanks out by writing stuff for her blog and Joe keeps suggesting "stories". And you want to know what his voice sounds like? Like someone sucked down a entire fucking cannister of helium. Oh and can I just mention about the "fecal incontinence" Joe has been experiencing since the incident? I don't even know why I put fecal
Where the Fuck is David Caradine These Days? 2006-09-12 11:59:30 The end of summer has historically been a bit crazy in the "Taint", and this year is proving to be no exception. First, Hannoush dies in a fit of mole-induced vaginal asphyxiation/neck breakage, then Freakshow Joe gets a hot-beef injection on TV, and now this: A rogue ninja assaults poor Mr. White's "family".Over the weekend, a dazed martial artist wearing a ninja mask and the sign of his rank, a paisley belt, was seen stumbling around town. He was drinking Mad Dog and talking to himself. Jimmy reported this ninja kept speaking of "supercheeks and spanking the fish". Jimmy has completed reading the Da Vince Code recently, and is convinced this mysterious man's ramblings may be of the utmost import. Poring over these words with his magic decoder ring has led to no revelations yet.Then the n Read more:David
Happy Birthday!!! 2006-09-12 10:09:29 I'd like to give a big Moose Taint County Birthday
shout to reader Lesli B. Ann.We are having a clam bake in your on her. Read more:Happy
, Happy Birthday
Pubic Service Announcement 2006-09-10 10:14:34 No, that's NOT a typo in the title.I just wanted to post this before I surprise T with breakfast in bed.Click on the picture to read. Feel free to thank me later. Read more:Service
, Announcement
Because I Can 2006-09-07 10:28:00 Posting because fair is fair and it's a witty retort to the McFlapp.Again, this has nothing to do with anything. Posting it because, as the title clearly states.....I can.If anyone sees T have him come back to "The Power Base" immediately....the boom box needs an adjustment.
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