Owner: Diary of a Misanthropist URL:http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sun, 10 Jun 2007 14:53:32 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: The story of my life and all things crap. Site statistics:Click here
A Wasted Day 2007-06-08 10:03:00 NB This has nothing to do with being a) drunk b) a drunk.We were going out. I was dressed. Wifey was making herself look pretty(err). I made a phone call.Me: Dear BOC. Why are you so crap at delivering oxygen to my wife?BOC: I'm sorry. Again. He came on Wednesday. Even though he has a key he did not use it for he is not allowed.Me: Then what is the point of him having it?BOC: Err....He'll be coming today.And so we waited in.....and waited....still he's not here. It's lovely outside. We were going to B&Q but I was to surprise the wife with a visit to the pub luncheon department. We wait...href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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I'm right! 2007-06-07 15:21:00 I used to love a good argument. That's why I joined an internet forum. Oh, the fights I used to have...Good times.These days, I just can't be arsed. Over on the SFX forum right now they're having a ding-dong over wether games should be excluded from the Fun & Games section and it's getting rather over-heated. I'm not going to venture an opinion as I really don't care (although the entire debate centres around a thread I started ages ago). Formerly I may have waded in and decried all the points thus far no matter which side I stood on but now I just can't see the point; It's all a bit 'meh'. I'd rather be reading Scaryduck's Condensed Films to be honest.A case in point in how I've changed: about a year ago I apparently sent an email to one of the forum saying I didn't like her. I can't imagine doing that now. I'm so indifferent to people I'm almost sociopathic. Look! I've killed me a catholic! Anyway, I apologised. What I was offended about is that she called me insinc
Princess Die 2007-06-06 03:34:00 Channel 4 are apparently screening a documentary tonight and may, shock! horror! be showing pictures of the car that carried our beloved Princess
Di toward her certain crushing end. There is a furore. And the question is: who really gives a toss? I challenge everyone who does to leave a comment. Lack of comments will of course vindicate this post.Harry and Willy have requested the photos not be shown. And Channel 4 are ignoring them. Respectfully, of course. The question is being asked on the news that if it was the boss of C4's mother in the car, would he still show the pictures? Is his mother the Queen of Tarts? Is she in the nations hearts? Is, in fact, his mother the only female personality with a bigger place reserved in Heaven ie Mother Theresa? No, I don't belive she is.I wouldn't mind my mother being shown in this program but then my mothers a bitch and I wouldn't mind her being dragged by the ankles behind a Shire Horse with diarhoea. Channel 4 are presumably a veritible c
Directions 2007-06-05 14:50:00 When I started this blog I meant it as a place to review SF&F books and stuff. I don't do that enough. So...I just finished watching Alias series 1. It was good. I shall now watch West Wing series 4. Anyone that posts spoilers shall be killed in a nasty way. Note the singular 'way'; I'm not wasting good ways on your skinny/fat non-specific coloured ass.My hands itch. Is it scabies?href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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Justice the American Way 2007-06-02 15:16:00 Some blokes have been arrested for plotting to bomb JFK airport in New Yoik. 'Plotting' is perhaps going a bit far as they were quite a way off even finalising the planning, let alone making the molotov devices (for you can indeed do much damage with a petrol lighter). So the question is: is America, Land of the Free, now arresting people for Thought Crimes? Let's see:I'm currently thinking of assassinating George 'Dubya' Bush, President of the United States, POTUS, DOOFUS and all round twat.I have got thus far in my planning: I've had the thought to do so.Bring it on CIA! Read this and weep NSA!I'll even go one further: I'm gonna kill all the Senators and Congressmen and women (for I'm sure there is actually a difference but I've yet to work out what it is) and all the Governors except Arnie cuz....you know....it's Arnie. He'd kill me. Using grenades. They wouldn't explode; he'd just insert them with Arnie-force into any available orifice. All the mayor's deserve to di Read more:Justice
, American
Bed + Sofa = Nothing! 2007-06-02 15:03:00 Next week we have some people coming to invade our house. We invited them but they will turn us upside down. I decorated my bedroom, they'll do the rest of my house. It's only fair after all.We've been deliberating about this for quite awhile and finally took the final decision when they phoned to say they were coming on Tuesday (we're great believers in waiting until five minutes past the final minute - nobody is too big to be put out). All well and good. Hmm. The decoration sorted we have today been ordering the new furniture; we planned on getting a chest of drawers and a sofabed to help with storage and multifunctionality. We hit. A. Snag. The sofabed we'd been planning on buying was again looked at. We then noticed the section in the Next catalogue that said 'Ahem. Measure your friggin' doors before you order this thing as we're not having it back just becuase you're stupid enough to order it'. Our doors? 74 cms wide. The sofabed? 88x86 on the ends. Now our doors are sta Read more:Sofa
, Nothing
Cunty Sark descending into slagging off London 2007-05-29 14:23:00 There are many things on the news that are worthy. Some actually deserve to have their legs spread open and probed before the nation. Others however should just be passed on by.The story of the stricken Cutty Sark is one such. Who actually gives a toss? OK, the day of the fire it should maybe have got a mention toward the end of the bulletin. But all this time later is there nothing else worth reporting? Have all the famines in Africa stopped? Has no-one been raped today? How many murders haven't taken place?I have a theory about stories like this and i t involves a formula: something happens. If 1 divided by the square of the distance from London is less than 0.1 it has little chance of appearing. This is because the majority of the media exists in London, to publicise London for Londoners of which the presenters and journalists generally tend to be. I was stuck in a traffic jam once in the Midlands. Not very newsworthy by itself but it was the biggest traffic jam ever to have happen
The kidnapped 2007-05-28 17:34:00 Let's take two minutes to think about dear sweet Madeleine and Alan Johnston, both kidnapped without ransom.....One minute......Bored now.Given they're still missing is it really possible they'll be recovered alive and whole? Whole in this instance meaning mental as well as physical. It's highly possible in my opinion that dear sweet freaky eyed Mads has been taken a paedophile ring (one for the Google searches there) and put to work on...well, lets not think about that.At what point do you give up hope and carry on with your lives? It was highly publicised that Madeleine's parents were staying in Portugal to search for her. Of course they were! What the frig else were they going to do? Come back to the UK and continue their jobs, sitting there hoping for the phone to ring? How long can they look realistically look for? Especially when it's been speculated that she could be in the middle of Africa by now.As for Alan Johnston...held in the middle-east, a place well known for it's
Shopping? Pah! 2007-05-26 12:28:00 Regular readers may realise that my wife has a terminal illness although 'terminal' is stretching things when there's no imminent departure planned. 'Terminal' in this sense means she'll die because of her condition - eventually. She could still live, in theory, until her eighties. Her specific disease is highly unpredictable and very erratic in it's prognosis.Although the terminal nature of her condition is obviously a bad thing, it has it's advantages. Because of it we were able to convince the council to pay me to care for her via the 'Direct Payments' system. This money is supposed to be used to pay for the sort of things you can normally get from the council: bath chairs, hoists etc.We found out not long ago that it also pays for you to get the shopping delivered from Tesco. Or Asda. Or even Sainsbury's. We live in hope that M&S get their online act together. The thinking is that while I'd be shopping, I wouldn't actually be caring. I love this mentality. The wife spe Read more:Shopping
On my DIY disaster 2007-05-24 18:15:00 The cause of the recent spate of DIYness is my wife's breathing problems. A problem for her that is, not me. Obviously.See, if you have asthma or the overly-complicated acronym COPD, dust, is Bad. In our old place we had wooden flooring throughout for the wife's wheelchair was awful for the carpets. When we moved here and found the joys to be had in carpet we thought "Hmm. Carpet". My feet hadn't felt my own carpet (Note to self: the use of a single word four times in four sentences is a crime. Stop it.) for about five years and just melted in. It wasn't bliss but it was certainly a Tesco's own victoria sponge. So they stayed.The thing about wooden floors, and is something we realised very quickly with regards to our bedroom, is they show up how much dust gets generated. I can sweep under the bed everyday and get a good handful of dust. It kinda makes you think how much is going into the carpet.Hence, that fateful Sunday we ripped it up. The floorboards would have been lovely varn
NANNANANANANANANA 2007-05-23 15:56:00 It's been 'suggested' to me that I should have posted an altogether similar picture of Nana: Maybe I too should send an email to everyone I know. It hasn't worked for Madeliene but it might for Nana.href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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One Note Cereal 2007-05-23 14:33:00 I went on a diet once. It was what I call 'A Bad Time'.I wasn't that overweight but I was developing a middle tyre (which to be honest is prevalent in my family - it's the family shape - so if genetics says this is gonna happen, how can I possibly fight it?) so set about making my diet slightly healthier. Exercise was, at the time, out of the question, so out was to go sugar, potato, rice, pasta and bread. HAHAHAHAHA. Have you ever tried not eating those five? Leaving aside breakfast for the minute, what do you possibly eat for lunch if not a sandwich? What hellish universe has the concept of no: mash, boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, potato gratin, chips, curry, chilli con carne, lasagne, spaghetti bolagnese or tuna pasta bake for dinner?For breakfast there's obviously quite a choice. Nestle and Kellogg's seem to have cornered the market on dietary breakfast. I stood perusing the shelves. I glanced at my beloved Frosties, the gorgeous Honey Monster on Sugar Poofs, the only two c Read more:Cereal
Job Done 2007-05-21 17:29:00 And yay he said for the slavery of DIY had passed - two weeks to the day after I started. I have: sanded, painted (ceiling, walls, coving, skirting), created new bedroom cupboards and laid a very expensive wooden floor (we couldn't - or should I say the wife couldn't - find one cheaper that matched). Photos shall be forthcoming.I've just turned off the bore that is Sahara. My love for films is waning. I used to be able to sit through any old tripe and find some sort of enjoyment. These days I struggle to sit through most. I judge a films quality on how long it takes me to check how much time has passed. Tellingly, I have no clock near me at the moment. Except on my laptop but I couldn't see it as I was watching the film. Anyway, Sahara = tripe. Here endeth my review.I feel remiss in not having mentioned my black cat, Nana. She has now been missing for 11 days (assuming I finish typing in the next fifteen minutes or it'll be 12 days). The wife is distraught. No longer are we being
The adventures of Kate - part 678 2007-05-17 03:41:00 The story so far:- My sister-in-law 'Kate', lives with her fiance 'Ben' and their two cats, Tiki and Jackson.Or they did until Jackson was brutally dragged for half a mile down the road by a car. Someone that happened to be passing phoned to say they'd found the cat 'in a bit of a state' IE 'carcass' would be stretching the definition - bloody mess might be more accurate but slightly too graphic for a PG rated blog. Which this isn't - there were blood and guts everywhere gor blimey guvnor.The cat was scraped off the tarmac and placed with much care into a Tesco carrier bag (although probably not a 10p one - more likely a free one cuz they're tight like that. I hope there was no 'spillage' through the holes onto the car seats...) and driven home where he was duly buried. Aah.The next day they got a new cat. Just like that. As grieving processes go it's not bad is it? I can't help wondering what their secret is. It's good to know that if my wife died tomorrow, I'd be sha
Easy Like Monday Morning 2007-05-13 23:33:00 My god it's early. I've already been awake for over an hour. In no way am I pointing the finger of blame at the wife but you should know it's all her fault.She currently has insomnia, so by default, so do I. We have this little game we play: she wakes me up to tell me she's awake and I pretend to listen. Eventually of course it just gets annoying and we end up being testy. Today we ended up just getting up. It's amazing how light it is at half past five in the morning.Later today (at least...counts...six hours away. Six??) we'll be going to look at yet more wooden flooring in the hope of being able to sleep in our bedroom once more. By rights you should buy it, let it sit for 24 hours, lay it and let it sit for another 24 hours meaning, if we buy it today, we shouldn't be in until Thursday at the earliest. Something IE the wife tells me that this won't be the way things happen. She'll be whip-cracking-away the minute we get in the door. As I'm a laminate laying virgin I may Read more:Monday
, Morning
, Monday Morning
I Got Served 2007-05-12 15:12:00 See them dark clouds on the horizon? That would be the wife. She found me out like a prize-winning beagle. She found this blog. Hello Darling! We had 'words' earlier so thus forever more, my blog shall be a sanitised version of it's former potty-mouthed self. Henceforth my posts will resemble:Flowers. Aren't they pretty? Aah yellows and pinks. Hmm. Nicey nice...Please feel free to not return, don't pass GO and save yourself the effort (and possibly your lunch).I did 'A Good Thing' today. In my decorating phase, having finished the paint job - two colours (count 'em) - I set to work on our bedroom wardrobes. I've ripped out the innards like a Hannibal Lecter type freak. In it's place I put up extra poles for my wife's clothes and I had the little bit in the corner. There's shelves and everything. Mother would have been proud. Not. Pictures shall be forthcoming when I can be arsed to faff around with the camera.The search for a flooring solution continues - 100 B&Q staff whe
Still? 2007-05-11 16:56:00 The decorating continues at a snails pace. Today I put up a new pendant light fitting. In a slothlike two and a half hours. Even then I had to phone my brother-in-law for help.href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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A Sudden Decision 2007-05-07 14:46:00 Spontaneous decisions aren't my wife and I's forte (Bad english? Who cares). Well, for me it is. My motto is "Don't dither, do". Wifey can't make a decision to save a kipper from someone's breakfast though. Until yesterday.Up she got (read: sitting on the edge of the bed while I fannied around). She asks "Is it me, or does this carpet create more dust than the wooden floor we used to have?". I disagreed, it wasn't her and the carpet was a hotbed of dust activity. Well, no sooner could you say hot-diggity than we were pulling the carpet up to gaze at the beautiful floorboards beneath. Gorgeous they were. Apart from the million splodges of paint all over them. So today, as well as having a pub lunch, I spent forty pounds at Homebase on various paint removal and sanding gear. Didn't work. Laminate it will be.The next few days I shall be slaving away painting, sanding, and flooring. Think of me.href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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The Common Garden Oik 2007-03-30 12:55:00 I'm not a nice person. This has been acknowledged on quite a few occasion including the time I alluded to my maths lecturers weight problem by shouting to the entire class that it wasn't possible for her to be under twenty stone. Beetroot? She was. I just sat there larfing and larfing...Hi Beverley by the way (Peoples College, Maid Marian Way, Nottingham for anyone that wants to enquire after her rotund wellbeing). I like to think I have standards though; I'd happily punch a woman given enough of a pummeling by one but I'd help her stand after.But not even I'd stoop so low as to SWEAR IN FRONT OF THE MOTHER-IN-LAW.This has got to be the most heinous of crimes. Murder cannot compare. Paedophilia? A mere trifle. See, it's not hard to continue my status of Golden Boy when you have my brother-in-law. He's the kind of person that tells his obnoxious six year-old daughter to tell other people to F*** off "cuz it's funny". Yeah, that's funny. See in twenty years that your daughter is Read more:Common
, Garden
Anger Management 2007-03-28 04:31:00 I've never been one to get my ire raised easily; I'm a chilly kinda person, I hang with the 'bros and am calmer than Robin Knox-Johnston at sea. But my wife....oh dear. She is the one and only person able to do this to me. A wrong word here, even a sly glance there and faster than a fireman in a flame my tempertaure rises and my steam kettle goes BANG!This was my downfall yesterday. Small are the arguments we have but they escalate. Massively. See, I don't see the point in arguing. It doesn't get you anywhere, it certainly doesn't make you feel any better. In fact it just serves to create bad atmosphere and increases the things for you to argue about next time. So most of the time my wife argues and I just sit there saying "Yes, dear" which of course makes her even more irate (but I can't help that). It's only three hours later when she's still going on and basically repeating the same thing over and over and over and over again that I start to get annoyed and that's mainly b Read more:Management
, Anger Management
The Adventures of 'Kate' - part 312 2006-11-06 17:55:00 My sister-in law 'Kate' lives with her much elder boyfriend 'Ben' in Devonport, Plymouth. In a flat.Now 'Kate' and 'Ben' earn far more than my wife and I ever did, even when the wife was working full-time. Despite this, they scrimp, scrounge and generally act like they're their own branch of Oxfam. They take pretty much anything we're giving away. Personally I'd prefer to sell it but my wife is STUPID!! and is perfectly happy to give it to them. For free. Nada.Why do they act this way? Why does it seem like they have no self-respect? I have no idea and I have realised tonight that I don't actually care. You see, I now live in Leigham, many rungs higher on the social scale than Devonport. It's not quite Chaddlewood or even Mainstone but both are only a short walk away. Devonport however is on the other side of Plymouth. Bizarrely this has bought about a sudden excess of visits from 'Kate'. I'd always out down her lack of visits to the prescence of...me basically. I even Read more:Adventures
The Adventures of 'Kate' - Part 3 2006-09-07 03:05:00 The story so far:- 'Kate's boyfriend 'Ben', has moved his formerly autistic but now with ADHD (possibly some confusion on my part, or theirs) son, in. 'Kate' is not happy.Over the past few days, 'Kate' has moved in, out and back in and no doubt if stress reaches acceptable levels, which is magnitudes higher than she can cope with - She's got epilepsy! Oh my God! She might have another fit like she did.....six months ago! Dear God...then she'll probably be out once more. 'Ben' is desperate for help. 'Psycho' wouldn't be too strong a word for Jordan. He's uncontrollable and runs around the house with knives in hand, kicking, screaming and throwing abuse at whoever is on the same planet. They literally pin him down. 'Kate' feels 'unsafe' - wuss. Does she not like excitement??Plymouth Social Services, Snail like Sloths that they are, are dragging their feet in providing day care or 'school' as it's known. 'Ben' would like to put Jordan into care but Plymouth won't Read more:Adventures
Man vs Woman 2006-08-27 01:32:00 I had an argument with the wife yesterday. I say argument, she argued, I just stood there in bewilderment as I tend to do at these ‘special’ times.She was going to her sisters, now the wife being in a wheelchair she needs ramps to get in, which we felt sure were down at 'Kate's. I knew from experience that we wouldn’t get a proper answer from 'Kate' if we were to ask her. She’d either ask a hundred questions before doing anything – once the wife and I urgently i.e. an emergency situation, needed a lift and we had to endure these questions! – or just deny it, it being the easier option. And this is, indeed, what happened. Now while the wife wrangled with her sister via text, I did what I thought to be the best option – I text 'Ben', knowing I’d get a proper answer and I did.This was apparently the wrong thing to do. I was being ‘deceitful’ and ‘manipulative’ by not saying what I was doing. I may never understand this or women in general. If you have any ans
The Adventures of 'Kate' - part 2 2006-08-27 01:18:00 The story so far:- 'Ben' has had his autistic son foisted upon him and 'Kate' is throwing a selfish strop.'Ben' returned from Cardiff, many bags and son & step-daughter (you know, his brothers daughter) in tow past midnight and stayed at his mothers. Within two days he was going nuts at Jordan’s behaviour; he couldn’t control him. Not once did he and 'Kate' speak.'Kate' has agreed that Jordan can stay in her house, realising what she’d lose if he didn’t i.e. everything including her house. This left a bit of a conundrum: where do two adults, a pubescent boy and a pre-pubescent girl all sleep, in a two bedroom flat? My god, you wouldn’t believe how long it took them to work it out. In the space of a few minutes I’d come up with three different solutions but it was only my wife’s intervention that prevented a meltdown.They’ve had our spare bed (for which we’ll probably not see the money for months, if ever) and Jordan will sleep on the mattress in the living r Read more:Adventures
The adventures of Kate 2006-08-24 05:29:00 The story so far:- My sister-in-law aged 19 moved in with 'Ben', aged 33. 'Ben' has baggage in the form of massive money debts and three children, all with different mothers. Having known each other for six months and going out for two, they bought a house, purely in her name. They fiddled a mortgage as she only earned £7000 so borrowed £105,000 over 40 years. The monthly repayment was just about what she was being paid.There are many things I find objectionable about 'Kate', not least of which is her selfishness, followed shortly by her immaturity (despite my wife and mother-in laws insistence on the contrary) swiftly backed up her stupidness. This tends to compound any sort of problem.Yesterday, 'Ben's 11 year-old autistic son, got taken into care temporarily (he lived in Wales with his mother, who it turns out wasn't the most loving parent). While 'Ben' was running around arranging a car to get to Wales to pick up his one and only son, you know cuz he cares, 'Kate' wa
I'm Freeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 2007-06-12 02:54:00 to do whatever I.............whatever I choose do-do-do do deee dooooooo.The decorators have moved in and the wife has moved out. Temporarily. To her mothers. Dust, is a bad thing for the wife. It gets, cough, right on her, choke, chest and plays havoc with her, going blue now, breathing. Which leaves me able to play, rest and do no work. For a period of about two hours at a time as I'm going back and forth. Never would I leave her in the clutches of my mother-in-law, she who makes Dr Harold Shipman look caring.http://www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/ is a very funny thing.href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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A Day Off Sick 2007-06-23 00:53:00 Mexico is a dirt, filthy and very poor place. Except the bit where we went to on Honeymoon (Puerto Aventura fact fans). All inclusive, large pool, 10 restaurants and not a Mexican to be seen except the staff who customarily bowed and scraped as only the very poor can. It was bourgeois heaven.The route there was a bit circuitous, consisting of a plane from Plymouth to Gatwick, via Newquay ie going west, then east and finally back west crossing Plymouth a total of three times on the outbound journey. But all was good.I melted on a regular basis and had to make use of the available shelter by gorging on food 24/7. I'm not sure but they may also have let us back in our hotel room during the day if we'd asked - or is that just B&Bs? The food was fir for a slightly well off king. Huuuuuuge buffets for the most part with each restaurant serving national dishes of different countries. Italian, Japanese, English etc I tried pretty much every dish available. The wife had cheese omelette an
L.A.M.P. 2007-06-21 14:50:00 Do you get your local newspaper? We have the Plymouth Herald delivered cuz we're lazy bastards - it's at least a two minute walk to the shop every day - and it often has delights. Generally it bangs on about the navy and how the local shipyard is the lifeblood of the city. Today though was an exception. Two things there were that were worthy of mention and mention them I shall.Ever been to Cornwall? It takes forever to get anywhere and it's crap when you do eventually arrive. Its all fishing villages on the coast and Emmerdale inland, all of them with the same Fudge and Pasty shops. Liskeard is trying to go one better. With a population of 8,478 an enterprising chap from Plymouth (not me) is opening a massage parlour. Not a 'legit' one either. A full on get your norks around me plums type one. Uproar has ensued. The village is rising up: Liskeard Against Massage Parlours is acting en masse to stop it. Unfortunately no internet link exists so you'll have to take my word for this.
On sticking with it. 2007-06-20 15:13:00 I went out last night. I went out with 'Ben' my penis with a personality of a brother-in-law. I had been foisted into things as his companion to go see Paul Weller at the local village hall. I wasn't really bothered about it but tagged along. During the course of the evening I had more beer than I'd drank in the last two years IE two pints. I was a little...smashed. Well, that made the evening fly by. Until we got in the venue anyway. We stood waiting for an hour before the support came on (Brinkman - have you ever seen a decent support act? Me neither. Even when going to see Kylie - three times and counting - you'd think Kylie could have Sugababes! I'd like a Sugababe. Just one; I'm not greedy.). Well, Mr Weller came bounding on and didn't stop bounding for 90 minutes. I hope to have as much energy when I'm the same age. He also friggin' rocked, man. I only recognised four songs but still.I write this, as I really need a pee and wanted to see how far I could go without havin Read more:sticking
Service shall shortly resume.... 2007-06-20 14:10:00 Decorators! Gone! In the process made lots of mess. And made my internet....not possible. Gah. Still, I'm back, from outer space, but I've not got, jizzum upon my face (unlike the lady I saw in a video yesterday - drowning? Nearly.)I may post later. Before Midnight. Or I may post tomorrow. It all depends on my wife's addiction to Scrabble. Find your F5 button and keep pressing for my return is imminent...href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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, shall
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