Owner: Diary of a Misanthropist URL:http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sun, 10 Jun 2007 14:53:32 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: The story of my life and all things crap. Site statistics:Click here
All white? All white at the back? 2007-06-25 12:05:00 For the second time in a week I'm going to skirt one of the most potentially explosive subjects (no, not dynamite) that can split an audience (insert your own obvious joke about atoms 'here'). Today, we shall be asking 'Is Plymouth, indeed the South West, so far off the beaten track that only the white folks from BC (Before Cotton) bother coming?*I've worked for two of the biggest, maybe even actual hugest, employers in Plymouth IE the local newspaper (upwards of 600 employees including reporters and advertising staff) and the local hospital (upwards of 6000 staff). How many non-whites dya reckon I saw? Here's one hand; we won't get to the thumb...Cumulatively, I worked there for four years. What does that say about Plymouth? Either both are massively racialist or not many non-whites live here. Personally, I can't blame them but why? Don't ask me, I'm no anthropologist. At a guess though I'd say there's nothing here for migrant workers (although in Cornwall apparently if yo
Important questions 2007-06-25 11:08:00 This was going to be an idea for an invention but I've forgotten what it was. Not much point saying so then really but I like wasting your time. It amuses me.Let's talk dust. It gets everywhere and comes from nowhere. Take my bedroom. I dust every day and yet the next day there are literally layers of the bloody stuff. This is part of the reason we got rid of the carpet - it just lies there and you can't get it out, especially from under the bed. Get wooden floors and you can see tumbleweeds rolling along...so, why??Most dust is human skin apparently and today I made the connection that most dust in my house is a generic grey/white colour (intellectual discussion always available here, see?) which led me to wonder, if you're black, asian or other coloured denomination, does your dust match your skin tone?Bum fluff is the same. Except I've yet to meet someone that is actually blue. Wifey comes close sometimes (Fnarr Fnarr) but that's because of a lack of oxygen (now there's an id Read more:questions
Toiletry Wipes 2007-06-28 14:39:00 There's an advert on TV at the moment. It's been on for awhile. A young boy (I'm guessing to be honest) is sat on the loo and - oh no! - all of hi special wipes are 'all gone, they're all gone'. None of this toilet paper for this little tyke. Well, a cuter specimen of the human race you've never seen...Yeah, right. What this kid needs is a thump with a length of wood. Not only is his voice that of [insert your own nasty voiced thing here] but he can't even synch his words with his mouth movements! It's almost like the sanitary company are using a Japanese advert the world over and dubbing it to save money. Tight bastards. I hate it when they do that.What's worse (but only just) is the make-up adverts where Hollywood beauties are dubbed! It's like they think we won't realise they aren't their real voices. Penelope Cruz is Spanish for frig sake!TV would be so much better if I was in charge but I don't want a job so it's not going to happen. Sorry.href="http://misanthropist
A tad excessive? 2007-06-28 02:13:00 This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:pain (5x) gay (4x) kill (3x) porn (2x)American censors are so...blah.href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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Gawd Morning 2007-06-27 14:18:00 I was up, awake and downstairs at 6am this morning. As Adrian Kronauer (completely guessed at the spelling there), it was also 0600 - what does the '0' stand for? Oh my god it's early.Why was I awoke so early? Did my wife have a yearning for canoodling? No. Was there a fire? No. Did I have a need to pee? No. My cat was tearing around the fucking house, twatting me around the face on a regular basis (every five minutes), biting my nose (no, really) and scratching my arse. So, up I got. This has been going on for four days.He's a gorgeous cat and cute as hell when he's sat still. When he moves he becomes Satan incarnate. The sooner we can chop his balls off the better. I'm all for brotherhood solidarity but he seriously needs to lose some energy. We play with him whenever he's awake and he goes to sleep fairly quickly but come the middle of the night - bastard.href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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And he's out! Yay. 2007-07-04 10:38:00 He's free. Is he? Great. Nice one....but who the fuck cares? Apart from his family obviously.He's been on the news nightly "Today is the 53rd day of Alan Johnson's capture", and the 54th, 60th, 61st and every one in between. If I was kidnapped would they do the same? They're not even still talking about sweet, photogenic Madeleine. That's what fucks me off about the media and people in general: always out to protect their own little group.Take the police (or their televised versions anyway): someone is knifed and an incident room is set-up, knife a copper and GRRRRRRRR Inpector Knacker of the Yard brings along his 3000 mates, jack boots (for the stomping of fingers) and knuckle dusters (not for cleaning). Is the original victim less worthy? No.Terry Waite, being kidnapped for a 'long time' should have been on the news nearly 2000 times but probably numbered his appearances in the tens (have you noticed how well researched these articles are? I could work for the Sun).href="http:
Satan is an Insomniac 2007-07-03 13:40:00 Aaah, Paddy, my gorgeous kitten tom cat. You play, you fight, you look generally cute. If you could just let me have some sleep now and again I'd be most appreciative. To that end, I've got to start being not nice to you.I am going to prod you, shake you, forcibly play with you and do pretty much anything else I can think of to keep you awake. You shan't go to sleep before my bedtime, you shall be so tired that you shall lay motionless all night. No longer will you jump on my head with all claws extended. You will not hit me in the eye. And hopefully you won't need a shit and stink my bedroom out.You don't like punishments. This isn't to say you don't like being punished, I just really don't think you give a toss. A spray of water in the face? You don't flinch. A shout? A slap? You carry on regardless. Throwing you from the bed to the floor three hundred times a night? You still come back for that three hundred and first time. So I will play with you and by god you will play w Read more:Satan
Stupid Boy(s) 2007-07-02 10:55:00 See that there terrorist that attacked Glasgow Airport? He was a doctor, he was. Isn't it a prerequisite that doctors have to have brains? Shouldn't his intelligence have at some point asserted itself in the form of the thought "hold on, what I'm about to do is monumentally fucking evil and stupid"?But then, terrorists, or freedom fighters depending on your viewpoint - let's not forget Che, the original celebrity terrorist, is beloved by students everywhere - are stupid in general.Play Pick-A-Target. Almost anywhere would be better than half the places these people come up with. Central London? Dya think they might be expecting that sort of thing? Much? Here in Plymouth we have the largest naval base in Europe and yet not a single incident happens. CND don't even demonstrate here. Drive past the base and there's an old fart on guard reading the Sun and smoking a fag. Half the time the barrier isn't even down.Or hows about sending a one man army AKA Jimmy Suicide Bomber to a foot Read more:Stupid
Not funny jokes 2007-07-01 11:11:00 I'm currently being made to watch the concert being performed in memory of Princess Diana. As a sign of protest I thought it might be nice to remember the jokes that came out after her death. If you remember any, please add them.What does DIANA stand for? Died In A Nasty Accident.Bob Geldof is walking through Heaven and approaches the pearly gates (having just died)."Yo, St Peter" says Bob."Erm...hello" Says Pete."So when do I get ma fuckin' halo, then?""Aaah. There are many years of being a junior angel before you my son for you to receive that most precious gift of our Lord"."You what? What about her?" Bob points to his left where Princess Di is gliding serenely along, complete with ring about her head."Ah, no" says St Pete, "that's a steering wheel".href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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I look good 2007-07-01 10:01:00 href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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Inventions that should be invented #2 2007-07-11 14:58:00 Have you ever tried to give an animal a pill? It's a very tricky procedure. At one and the same time you have to hold all four legs, open it's mouth, hold it still and, balancing the pill on your finger, force your finger to the back of it's mouth, risking life, fingers and the possibility of losing various amounts of skin.So, I propose this: a device for holding the animal still. It shall be called Parapet (Paralysed Pet obviously).Imagine a mitre saw. There shall be four holes, two at the front two at the back into which the legs can be placed and they're all fixed into place, with struts between them. This shall all attach to a neck collar so the head can also stay still. And a horsey type bit to keep it's mouth open. If Peter Jones, entrepreneur extraordinaire, is reading, I'll let you have 20% in exchange for £250,000.href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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On Boredom 2007-07-30 14:45:00 Gawd I'm fickle. I can spend days on this laptop doing absolutely nothing - where the fuck does the time go? It's the same with XBOX - I bought one and spent days (which seemed like five minutes just tossing time out the window trying to increase my power meter just one more notch.But now I can't be arsed. I can't be arsed about a lot of things lately. I'm just so - meh. Lifeless even. See that film Trainspotting with Renton with the scene featuring Renton in the pub being clean for a change and life whizzes past? That's me that is. Content to sit and do nothing. Except, at the same time I feel I'm wasting my life. Shouldn't I be doing something worthwhile? Is there a whale somewhere that needs saving?When I left school I was a cock. But that's irrelevant. I had one career option in mind: something to do with computers. Hmm. Bit of a wide span of options there. I just couldn't narrow them down. Programmer? Too boring. Office worker? Maybe generic enough to warrant a 'yes'. Read more:Boredom
Media Schnobs 2007-08-02 15:01:00 Ever read Dan Brown's Da Vinci code? I have. It's really very poorly written and has massive logic gaps. But OMG it's exciting. I'm currently reading The Runelord series by David Farland. They're poorly written too. Truth be told I'd have stopped with book one (of four!) but it's impossible to put down. I simply must know how, with only 250 pages, Gaborn is to kill all the Reavers and destroy Raj Ahten. No doubt it'll be some massively contrived cop out but gawd I love it. Latest Harry Potter? Utter tripe, as they all have been. And yet, I've read them all because I just have to know what happens next.Recently I've developed the ability, indeed you might call it a preference, to watch only rubbish films. I tried to watch Syriana, I did, honest. By God it was boring. So I put on The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe instead. Crackin' film. Just what is happening to me lately? Formerly I'd have been of the opinion that it's populist shite (Armageddon shall forever be in this
Family Dysfunction 2007-08-06 15:18:00 The wife is not relatively challenged. She's got 'em everywhere. We have functions to go to on more than a regular basis. I hadn't counted on this when I became her husband. I do more than my fair share of stuff for her already, don't I? I'm not quite sure she sees it that way.Thus, on Saturday I was dragged (rope around my wrists attached to a tow-bar on her 'chair) to a wedding. Not that we were invited to the daytime do, oh no, mere cousins were only to attend the evening buffet and disco. Chavtastic. It was the usual case of half the family not talking to the other. Luckily, I was sat facing a mirror near the door so could see all the fit birds as they walked in. It was only later that I realised I could even see them on the other side of the room. This was a first and one I put down to the simple fact of the smoking ban. What a wondrous thing that is. When I got home my shirt went straight back in the wardrobe and not to be incinerated. I didn't need a shower. The wife and Read more:Family
A Dietary Miracle 2007-08-07 13:49:00 I used to be a scientist. I'd be sat in my Psychology A-Level class and we'd be talking about...something. "Well", said the lecturer, "Blokey had a big thought and did an experiment, whereby he found if you whack a dog enough times with a big stick, after a time, the dog will avoid the stick". Well blow me down. I'd only gone and worked that out literally days before. (Which is not today's story).Well, recently I made another big discovery. I'm fat, see? Well, tubby. Podgy, maybe. My 'ideal' weight, being six feet tall, is 13 stone which even as a child I have never been. I currently reside somewhere between 14 and a half and fifteen stone (depending on how my digital scales feel). This is not a problem. The problem is that I also feel like shite. My general fitness is awful. SO wifey, bless her, is trying to get me fit and insists I eat 'healthily' and exercise 'every day'. Scoff.I am now the proud owner of a stepper machine. It fulfils the joint requirements of a) being si
Me Get Bored 2007-09-29 15:33:00 HelloI know, I've been neglecting you. But I got bored and it's not the same anymore. I used to vent my anger but...things happened. So at the minute I'm watching far more television than is good for me as I catch up with past things that I've missed. If you want to be informed when I re-start leave a message with your email address and I'll pop a note along.The following is just a list of terms that are relevant to me, for Google, in case anyone wants to find me.BulwellAlderman Derbyshire Comprehensive.Merchant StreetPeople CollegeNottinghamJamie StarbuckCity Electrical Factorshref="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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He's Back In The Room 2007-11-04 07:18:00 And....I'm back. OMG I didn't realise how much I'd miss this. It turns out that rambling about nothing is very cathartic. Which interprets as 'became a moody bastard'.Since we last spoke I joined Facebook which it turns out really is addictive as crack cocaine. Who'd have thunk? Proper post tomorrow....href="http://misanthropiste.blogspot.com/atom.xml">Feed here!
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Saturday! Saturday! 2007-11-10 12:29:00 Before I start I just want to say Strictly Dancing today. Kate Garratasaway. Yowzer. Ahem.When I was young I used to watch television. A lot. This was in no small part to having no friends (what changes?), me being totally inept at all things social (what changes?) and there being some quality stuff on (to the eyes of a ten-year-old). Saturday
's were my favourite day. I'd get up at ten and pretty much watch TV until bedtime. Depending on my age this may have been interrupted by a visit to the chip shop, a trip to town or a trip to the shops with my mum. But then it was back to the telly.We didn't have Strictly Dancing. We didn't have the X-Factor (which is a good thing seeing as how this years contestants are uniformly awful). We had Noels House Party. Looking back it was shite although I actually believed the studio was in the Channel Tunnel at the time of breakthrough to the french side. Noel's inheritors seem to be Ant & Dec who I wouldn't watch if you paid me. Funnily en
I Don't Have Time For Facebook 2007-11-08 14:18:00 Aah, the good old days. In them days I read books. I talked to my wife (if she was lucky). I listened to music. I trawled the Internet. 'These' days though I go on just the one: Facebook
. It has to stop.It's taking over my life. I have four games of Scrabble on the go. I have a vampire, a zombie and a slayer. I take tests (Tests?? Not done that since I was eighteen!). I read groups.I don't have time to contact the people I joined the site for!I need a plan. I need to set a certain amount of time aside for Facebooking and stick to it. Except my wife will demand I have my turn at Scrabble. I'll get an email telling me someone's left me a message. There's a statistic that says 90% of Internet traffic is videos via Youtube or torrents. This is incorrect. It's actually the millions of Facebook owners pressing F5. I understand now why Facebook is hated by employers. It should be banned. I'm planning on petitioning my MP to raise the issue in Parliament. I wonder if he's got his own
Join Me In Misery 2007-11-06 14:01:00 When I was younger, so much younger than today, I was as thin as the proverbial pencil. I was nearly taken to the doctors. Well, I would have been if my mother had cared enough. Anyway, I was so thin I could have been a model for . But the years have not been kind. The years have in fact been force feeding me sugar whilst locked in a small cube two feet to a side.I was sat on my bed the other and looking in the mirror. I found I'd developed a new ability. I could now, much to the amazement nee disgust of my wife, life my stomach and literally place it back on my lap. Up. Down. Up. Down. This was a form of exercise in itself.A plan was formed.Henceforth I shall be near vegan. (For one lives next door. Ho. Ho. Ha.) I'd only eat vegetables, fruit and salad (which my actually be vegetables or salad - I've never quite got the distinction) with chicken and tuna. Yes, this was to be the start of a diet. Oh yes. That was a week ago. In that time I've lost half a stone, a lot of money and v Read more:Misery
Christmas. Woo. Hoo. 2007-11-12 13:32:00 There are 40-ish days left until Christmas
and already plans for the day have changed numerous times. But then, that's nothing new. My wife's sister's birthday changed from going to a restaurant, to Exeter, to Bristol, to Clark's Village in Dorset, back to a restaurant and then to my mother-in-laws. There are at least 12 hours before B-Day so it may change again.Christmas in my wife's family is a 'special' time, for a given meaning of 'special' IE we do what my mother-in-law wants, which is generally along the lines of COME TO ME MY CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT MWA-HA-HAAA--HAHAAAA. Ahem. We, that is me and my brother-in-law have to suffer under the weight of countless relatives while being bored out of our brains.You might ask where my own relatives figure in all this. They don't, them being all the way up north. I'd consider spending this festive time with them but, you know, they're common. And my stepmum uses a vat of salt in all her cooking.So there's 'Ben' and I generally
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