Owner: Fulmer's Belly URL:http://www.fulmersbelly.com Join Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2006 10:11:21 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: Fulmer's Belly is a news/humor blog dealing primarily with college football, the SEC and Tennessee in particular, but articles from all over the NCAA can be found here. We give a tongue in cheek perspective unique among most other college football blogs Site statistics:Click here
Butch or Femme? 2006-11-15 09:57:05 We here at Fulmer’s Belly love nothing more than two hot lesbians going at it. But only when they’re two girlie lesbians, not when it’s one girlie and one manly lesbian. All that does is confuses us.
I suppose there are benefits to having a butch around though. She can kick ass if necessary (Don and I are deathly afraid of butch chicks), and she can slam down beers during a drinking contest and win nice presents for her lady. Apparently there are some Universities that feel the same way as we do because UNC just named Butch Davis as their new head coach.
I can kick ass too
Butch Davis of course, is best known for his coaching of the Cleveland Browns where he led them to a 24-36 record as a head coach before being unceremoniously fired and fed to the dogs in the pound. I kid of course, because Davis was best known for being the last living coach of the Miami Hurricanes (does anyone doubt that Larry Coker is a zombie? I mean, really) where he took a terrible Miam Read more:Femme
Female of the Week 2006-11-15 17:25:42 Sorry for the delay here guys, I’ve had a busy morning and couldn’t get the female of the week up. But before we get to that, we’re announcing a Female
of the Year award following the final game of the regular season (UT vs. Kentucky). You, our faithful readers will decide on who this lucky young lady will be. More to come later. But for now, the 8th Maxim/Fulmer’s Belly girl of the week, Erika. She’s a delictable thing who probably knows more than most guys about college football. So enjoy:
Name: Erika
Hometown: Clifton, Virginia. It’s about 30 minutes outside of D.C.
Major: Advertising
Click for more pics and the rest of the interview from one of the most kickass girls ever…
Why did you choose to go to UT? I was born and raised in Northern Virginia and as much as I love where I come from and the people there, I just needed a change and wanted to get away. I came and visited UT my junior year of high school with my godmot
Your opinion? 2006-11-15 23:40:53 I wanted to test out our polling software for our upcoming Female of the Year award, so I just thought I’d post this question to you all. Bonus points if you can come up with a more creative answer. (edit - those of you using Firefox 2.0 are going to see some tacky bullets next to the answers…we’re not sure why that’s happening…but those of you using IE6 or IE7 shouldn’t have a problem)
Who will win the Ohio State/Michigan game?
Read more:opinion
Offensive Coordinator the best job ever 2006-11-16 01:31:09 It’s being reported that Jeff Bowden has been offered $537k to quit his job. I think it’s painfully obvious that Jeff was really only hired because his daddy does all of the hiring, and no one really objected because his last name is Bowden. His resume probably looks a little something like this:
Now, normally, when most people have crappy performance at their job, they get yelled at and corrected. If it continues, they get fired. It’s pretty rare for someone to have cash just thrown at them. I think I’m going to aspire to be a crappy offensive coordinator, but one a little more cunning that Randy Sanders. Randy didn’t get anything to leave, just a swift kick in the ass.
I’m going to change my name to Don Bowden and try and convince Bobby I’m the son he’s always forgetting about. Somehow, I don’t think it’ll be that hard.
Read more:Offensive
, Coordinator
Crappy Weekend at Large 2006-11-18 03:47:09 With one of the most uninteresting and unexciting weekends in the history of college football, I am left to imagine what could have been. There could have been an awesome 1 vs. 2 game, there could have been a game to determine the Pac 10 champion, there could have been a couple of pivotal games in the ACC, and a revenge game in the SEC. But alas, that would be asking too much for any given weekend. Of course, due to the fact that there are very few story lines out there, there is almost no speculation and analysis available of the upcoming weekend games.
Since there’s nothing else to write about, let’s just say hypothetically that all those things above were true. In that case, this would be one of the greatest weekends of college football ever. First off, a #1 vs. #2 game would be pretty fun. If this game were between two traditional powerhouse schools in a BCS conference, it would be even more fun. If it were a rivalry game on top of that? It would be “deep- Read more:Crappy
, Weekend
Volume Control 2006-11-19 00:32:44 I must preface anything I say with this statement: “I’m not a huge Big 10 fan.” Take that as you want, but here goes.
Was I the only one who was falling asleep watching the Michigan Ohio State game? I mean, not that the game was necessarily boring or anything, but the guy doing the audio mixing for the game, and all abc games, needs to be fired. First off, the commentators’ mics seem to be set on 4 (with 11 being the highest of course), and secondly, I’ve never heard 100,000 people sound like a golf crowd. I take that back, when Tiger’s playing, golf crowds are louder than that.
I mean, I suppose it’s possible that the crowd actually does suck and can’t make noise, but switching between CBS and ABC, the Bama crowd just seemed to be at least a magnitude of 10 louder than anything at Ohio State. Say what you will about the broadcast crew of CBS (I personally like Verne, and the fact that Gary Danielson is so freaking stoked to be Read more:Volume
, Control
And That’s Why They Play The Game. 2006-11-20 12:26:06 Ever heard the saying: “That’s why they play the game?” The phrase is usually used when a team is better on paper than they are on the field, or if a game is too close to call on paper, or some such. That being said, what the hell was the point of Ohio State and Michigan playing at all? After the game, as it turns out… gasp… nothing changed. Ohio State and Michigan are still both #1 and #2.
This falls in the category of “the more things change, the more they stay the same” a.k.a. “stupid phrases.” I mean, who says crap like that anyway? It’s like saying “the fatter I get, the skinnier I’ll be” or “the more dudes don has sex with, the straighter he’ll be.” Something just doesn’t seem right.
What is the use of playing the game if nothing’s gonna change? Well, I’m pretty sure they sold lots of hot dogs. ABC sold lots of commercial space, and well, nothing of consequen
It’s that Time 2006-11-21 06:37:03 This is one of my favorite weeks. Not only do I get to stuff my belly full of great homemade Thanksgiving food, but I get to watch Kentucky get decimated by Tennessee. UT’s dominance over Kentucky is the second longest winning streak in Kentucky, and with a team that can allow Louisiana Monroe to put up 40 points against them, I don’t think much is going to be different this year. The nice thing about the brutal Tennessee schedule year after year is the warm-up to bowl season that is the Kentucky game. I’d like to include Vanderbilt in there, but last year pretty much ruined it for me. It also seems like Vanderbilt has had a few close games (I know UK’s had a few, but I just ignore them).
As many of you know, I’m living in Lexington (only for a short while longer, thankfully), and having spent four years as an undergrad in Knoxville. That experience has led me to the conclusion that UK fans know absolutely nothing about being a football fan.Â
Looking for the funny 2006-11-21 06:40:09 As you may have noticed, there’s been a noticeable lack of Funny as of late. As it turns out, I left my Funny in Vegas last weekend, at the Caesar’s Palace hotel, and Don, I believe, had his Funny stolen somewhere in Eastern Kentucky (don’t ask, he doesn’t like to talk about it).
That being said, people are expecting a certain level of Funny, and we can’t find good prices on Ebay right now because apparently there’s something called the PS3 that everyone and their brother is trying to unload. That thing must blow, for everyone to want to sell it without ever having opened any of the boxes.
Anyway, here is our plea to you, awesome reader, to bring the Funny for us. We’re going to hold a comment contest, and the winner will get, well, a whole bunch of nothing. Actually, the winner’s comment will be featured on this very site! Woo, isn’t that exciting? No? Well fine then. Just freaking comment, ok?
(edit by Don:Â As Jo
Female of the Week 2006-11-22 10:28:01 Alrighty folks, the day you’ve all been waiting for: humpday. As always, we’ve scoured the globe to find the hottest ladies out there in UT land, and this week, along with the 8th Maxim, Fulmer’s Belly (and jon, because jon’s cool to have friends that are hot unlike don) is proud to present, our awesome Female
of the Week:
Name: Jina
Age: 20
Hometown: Knoxville, TN
Major: Undecided
Why did you choose to go to UT?: I was too lazy to apply to other schools to be honest. I didn't want to write essays for other schools' applications. And I wanted to use the Hope (lottery) scholarship. Any dumbass can get it, so I figured, why not me?
We’re guessing she was the “S” in VOLS, either that, or a fishing hook.
How long have you been a Tennessee fan?: Not too long, but since my Junior year of high school, I started to watch more football, and I became a fan.
Remember that time we were at a party together and we started making out? Th
Happy Halloween 2006-11-23 14:51:52 We here at Fulmer’s Belly would like to wish everyone a HappyHalloween
. What’s that? It’s Thanksgiving? Crap, can we still use the “Great Pumpkin” image? Ok, well if not, just pretend like it’s Halloween, and if you’re a hot girl, get dressed all slutty and go to the Thanksgiving dinner like that. It will be fun, trust me.
From our Belly to yours, prepare to enlarge many times over. Stay safe, and you know, all that other crap.
Read more:Happy Halloween
Where have I been? 2006-11-25 00:10:57 Ok, this may seem like a really stupid observation, and perhaps my memory has completely failed me at this point, but since when did they start showing football games on black friday?
I’m sure these games have been on the schedule the entire season, and are probably on the schedule year in and year out, but I just don’t ever remember it happening. The reasons I don’t remember watching games on black friday could be plentiful, but my best guess would have to be that I was either vegetating in a comatose state or out at the mall fighting off old ladies for the last $5 fireplace cleaning kit (not that I have a fireplace, I just like pushing old ladies).
Baby? What baby? Get outta my way bitch!
I mean, I think it’s not really smart to schedule these games if for no other reason than the two I mentioned previously. I think it holds true for both the fans and the players. Fans and players are probably full, and don’t feel like screaming or playing. P
0.99 ways to suck 2006-11-25 10:09:53 Every once in awhile, we here at Fulmer’s Belly like to bring your attention to things that aren’t necessarily football or even sports related, but are so funny, we just have to show you anyway.
A guy who stood in line for a long time, and bought a PS3 a.ka. the P.S.ThreeBay (I came up with that one all by myself) has unloaded it on ebay… for 99…. cents. Dumbass.
I mean, overall, I feel sorry for this guy, because of the 40 hours of waiting time, the 2 year warranty, the 7 games that he had to buy, but you know what? If you don’t know how to add a few 9’s or 0’s, I don’t think I can help you.
And thus, the Christmas holiday Chanukah Kwanza Christmas season is upon us. Enjoy.
The More Things Change… 2006-11-26 02:53:31 You know how the old saying goes: the more things change, the more they stay the same. Well, perhaps that’s true to a point. Let me present to you, Kentucky vs. Tennessee.
Kentucky came into the game in second place in the SEC East. In Second Place in the East. In SECOND PLACE IN THE EAST. Sorry, I had to write it a few times to believe it myself. Kentucky, bowl eligible for the first time since the industrial revolution, decided it would be a good time to try and make a run at beating Tennessee for the first time in 22 tries.
For the first time in the last few games, the score was very low, unlike the shootouts dating back to the Peyton era. Well, with both of those changes, Tennessee was still able to muster out a win, extending the second-longest win streak against a single team to 22 (c’mon Navy, you can beat those America-Haters).
It’s sort of like that time I tried not to have sex with all the hot girls in the room but, it didn’t work, becaus Read more:Change
, Things Change
BasketVols take a hit in New York 2006-11-27 05:27:11 We here at Fulmer’s Belly, in order to have crap to write about during the football offseason bring you a more comprehensive view of college sports (no baseball, because they use metal bats, and that’s stupid), have decided to sort of write about basketball of the college variety.
First off, we’d like to propose nicknames for all the Tennessee sports teams incorporating the sport and the name of the team simultaneously. Allow me to illustrate:
Football Vols = FootVols
Basketball Vols = BasketVols
Baseball Vols = Boring Sport Vols BaseVols
For the Ladies’ Teams, there’s an easy solution too:
Lady BasketVols
Lady VolleyVols
Isn’t that catchy?
Ok, well, on to the analysis (p.s. you can’t spell “analysis” without “anal” “sis”):
The BasketVols (see, catching on already), having won the quarterfinals of the preseason NIT, were able to go to Madison Square Garden for the NIT tournament. They lost the semi-fina Read more:New York
Trojans, Take Back Seat to Nuts 2006-11-27 04:59:09 The University of Southern California Trojans
have taken the #2 spot in the BCS behind the Buckeyes of Ohio State University. Hmm, could I have written a more boring sentence? Such is the life I look forward to if I decide to take a job as a professional writer (which I think both you and I know is not possible).
I for one, am in favor of chaos. That’s why I think that perhaps it’s good that the Trojans probably will play against the Buckeyes for the national championship. This sets up a scenario of a possible Michigan vs. Florida or even LSU in the Rose Bowl or Sugar or some such bowl. Now, say SC beats Ohio State, and if the winner of the Michigan/whoever game wins convincingly, we have a scenario for the 2nd split national champion in 4 years.
Now back to the fun part of the story. I couldn’t decide which headline to use, but I figured some combination of “Beavers” “Trojans” “Nuts” and even sprinkle in some Arkansas&#
Female of the Year 2006-11-27 07:31:23 With the final fame of the regular season passed us, we’d like to revisit each girl of the week and pick a girl of the year. Voting will be completely by you, our readers, and voting is available at the end of this column. Voting can occur once per day from a given IP and votes will be accepted until 11:59:59 Saturday evening, and the results will be combined with those at the 8th Maxim. The winner will receive one free student footbal ticket for all of next season’s home games from their allotment provided they are still a student at UT. They will also receive an as of yet undetermined gift (probably along the lines of a gift certificate to somewhere - details to come).
We’d love to keep the girl of the week going, but to do so we will really need your help! If you know an attractive UT co-ed, alum, or fan, email us (admin@fulmersbelly.com) with her contact info. She won’t know who nominated her unless you specifically ask us to, so don’t be Read more:Female
Happy Birthdy to Jon 2006-11-28 08:57:44 Yes, it’s about that time, jon’s birthday. His foray into his um, little later than mid twenties? Anyway, jon would like a Wii, because it looks way cooler than the PS3. Anyway, yeah, so, um, yeah, perhaps I should stop writing in the third person. Happy
birthday to me.
Urban Warfare 2006-11-28 08:55:02 You know, I have been pretty critical of Urban
Meyer over the last couple of years. I didn’t like that he was going to come in to the SEC with his snake oil, and sell it to the folks down in Gainesville along with everyone else in the SEC, claiming it would cure the disease left over by Ron Zook (a disease that looked like a cupboard stocked full of awesomeness). I didn’t like the fact that he bolted from school to school every two years, not having to prove himself in the recruiting department at all.
But over the last two years, something changed. I hated him for different reasons. I hated that he kept winning. I just couldn’t understand why his system, which was seemingly not going to be effective against the speed of SEC defenses, kept managing to pull out wins. I mean, at least when Spurrier was kicking everyone’s ass, you felt nice and used afterwards with numbers like 50000 passing yards put up against your defense.
As much as I hate different aspec Read more:Warfare
Weekend Roundup 2006-11-28 08:53:38 Rivalry Weekend
(damn you ESPN, and forcing me to use nicknames for weekends) brought some upsets, and some semblance of normalcy to a few teams who are ready for this season to be over. Let’s take a few quick shots:
LSU def. Arkansas
The Hogs’ chances of backing in to the national championship game were marginal at best, but after the loss to LSU, those chances are all but finished. They can still get to a BCS bowl by beating Florida and the Gator’s chances of sneaking in to the national championship game in the SEC Title Game in Atlanta. LSU, at this point, is hoping for a BCS at large bid (no doubt hoping that game would be against Boise High School Boise State), and could be able to make it to say, the Fiesta, where maybe they could literally sneak in to the National Championship game.
Texas A&M def. Texas
The Aggies were able to defeat Texas for the first time in 200 years in an oddly low-scoring game with Texas only scoring 7 points. Franchione, in the
BasketVols Rebound 2006-11-29 11:07:09 Man, that title… So freaking clever, I don’t know where I come up with these things. Seriously, it’s like a gift you know? It’s like I can’t control it (bonus points to anyone who can correctly identify the movie that line references).
Anyway, the BasketVols were able to overcome their two losses in the Garden and a second half rally by the Ragin’ Cajuns to defeat Louisiana-Lafayette with the help of Chris Lofton’s three point shooting. Chris was able to “Lofton” into the bucket from three point range to put the game out of reach for the Cajuns. Holy crap, that last sentence was awesome. Okay, okay, I’ll stop.
Tennessee moved to 5-2 on the season, and will gear up for the annual barnburner that is the match against Murray State on the first of December. Enjoy folks.
Read more:Rebound
Musical Chairs 2006-11-29 10:48:57 So, the coaching carousel has begun. This season has already seen it’s fair share of casualties. Among them, Jon Bunting, at UNC (I’d add links to the respective coaches being fired, but no one actually clicks on those, do they?), John L. Smith at Michigan State and more recently Larry Coker at Miami, and Mike Shula of Alabama (1 year removed from a 10-2 season btw), and very recently Coach Scelfo has been dismissed from the Tulane football team.
Of course, this starts the inevitable process of coaches shifting places, and undoubtedly, one of the coaches will get left out, and go work for espn. Butch Davis has already accepted the job at UNC (because even HE couldn’t live up to the expectations he himself built up at the U), and speculation is that perhaps Steve Mariucci will be next in like for the Michigan State or Miami jobs. There has been talk of Miami trying to woo Greg Shiano from Rutgers, but that seems less and less likely.
After the jump, we’ll Read more:Musical
, Chairs
, Musical Chairs
Tennessee wins SEC, sort of. 2006-11-30 10:21:41 Apparently there’s some nerd out there that’s going so far as to figuring out and comparing average housing price differences around the SEC. According to this article (reg req’d) from the Knoxville News-Sentinel, claims that Knoxville wins the housing battle in the SEC.
When I first saw the title of the article, I assumed that it meant that Knoxville had higher home prices than anywhere (which seemed weird seeing as how everyone knows of the raging home prices in Starkville, MS), but as it turns out, the article states that Knoxville in fact has the lowest home prices of any city in the SEC East or West.
You know, that seems actually kind of bad. I wouldn’t want to be spreading that news around (even though I’m doing just that) for fear that people would have images of people living in muddy shanty-towns all around the city. I used to live there and I can tell you that this is definitely not the case. The shanty-towns are not muddy. Perhaps that Read more:Tennessee
Laaa de dah 2006-12-01 08:48:34 There’s really not much to write about. Actually, there is, but I’m just feeling too lazy to write it. So, here’s a video from our friends over at VolJunkie. Southern-accented blonde girls = AWESOME!
Wanna see a LiveBlog? 2006-12-01 22:18:52 Ok, you guys wanna see a liveblog? I mean, we could do it… it would probably suck… but we could do it for the SEC Championship game. We’re still trying to figure out the best way to get timestamps and crap up there but basically, it would consist of you guys having to refresh like a billion times throughout the game.
Leave your comments, and ya know, money.
Guess not. 2006-12-03 00:05:22 Welp, there was an overwhelming underwhelming no response to the liveblog idea, so we’ll bench it until at least the bowl season. The SECCG is about to start, but in early news, congrats to Wake Forest, probably one of the most underdog picks to be a conference champion in years.
So, congrats to the devilish churchgoers.
edit: I don’t really know who to root for, so I’ll either just cheer for every play, or boo for every play. I think I’ll choose the latter.
Read more:Guess
Novel Thought 2006-12-03 07:52:44 I felt like I had to get this out there before the inevitable screwing over of another SEC team announcement of the BCS championship game participants. There are basically three teams that are laying claim to the championship game. You’ve got your Ohio State, you’ve got your Michigan, and you’ve got your Florida. Two of these three teams are conference champions, and two have played top 3 rated schedules in terms of difficulty.
For everyone who automatically assumes Ohio State should be in the game, well, I guess it’d be hard to argue, but at the same time, it’d be hard to say that the Big 10 was really that tough this year with Ohio State’s only really tough games coming against Texas (out of conference) and Michigan, who themselves, played in a Big 10 that I personally thing was a bit weak this year. Everyone always uses the Iowa excuse, but Iowa is like the blow-up doll from the local adult bookstore. It looks awesome at the store, but you ge
Female of the Year 2006-12-03 18:20:00 Here’s the top three results for our female of the year:
1. JoAnna
2. Erika
3. Michelle
Official tally with 8th Maxim to be added later.
Read more:Female
Lack 2006-12-08 07:35:56 I know there’s been a lack of posts lately. And frankly, it’s due to the fact that me and don are really lazy really busy with year end crap. We’ll have a nice bowl rundown up here pretty soon (read: probably like an hour before the bowls start). Until then, keep coming back and reading this post over and over again.
Edukashun 2006-12-09 21:58:46 I said it’s great… to be… a USC Song Girl…
Doesn’t quite have the same ring as the stolen awesomely original cheer that UT uses. But why is it so great to be a USC Song Girl? Because they’re learning at a relatively young date that if you have nice boobies, you don’t have to worry about you know… Knowing anything.
Enjoy.
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