Owner: Fulmer's Belly URL:http://www.fulmersbelly.com Join Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2006 10:11:21 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: Fulmer's Belly is a news/humor blog dealing primarily with college football, the SEC and Tennessee in particular, but articles from all over the NCAA can be found here. We give a tongue in cheek perspective unique among most other college football blogs Site statistics:Click here
Breaking the Ranks 2006-10-31 12:43:55 The receiving corps has been taking a few hits as of late, with Jayson Swain being a little banged up, and Bret Smith and Robert Meachem getting tired as the season progresses. When does it become time to bring in some new receivers? More importantly, what ever happened to Stanley Asumnu? He was trying out for the team, and was actually given a lot of praise from the other receivers on the team.
We already know (actually, 90% of the people who read this now probably missed one of our first posts ever) why Stanley is staying at UT, but he wants to score on the field too. Give my man a chance, especially with Ainge overthrowing some of his passes lately, it might serve well to have someone like Asumnu who can get up and snag some of those crazy ass passes out of the air?
Candace, can make you feel like less of a man
Give Stanley a chance, if for no other reason than to make him feel manly around his woman again. Everyone deserves at least that, and if not, ya know, just let hi Read more:Breaking
, Ranks
Curses, Potions and Vexing 2006-10-31 12:27:57 Well, it’s all hallow’s eve, and it’s time for the weirdos and the creepy dudes to come out of hiding to make their voices heard. This phenomenon is true no matter how “respectable” someone might seem. Such is the case at many organizations throughout the country as well as even ESPN is not immune to such tomfoolery.
A writer who shall go unnamed, namely because I can’t be bothered to remember such things that have such little impact on, well, anything, has come out and said it. Oh yes, he went there. When I actually tell you where he went, you’ll pull a horizontal head bob with the requisite triple snap with a “ooh no you di’in’t.” Trust me. This writer came out and said that the Big East is better than the SEC.
Sacrilege I say!Â
How dare he. It’s like saying that banana’s aren’t the most phallic looking fruit, instead giving the nod to a pear because of it’s “ball shaped ar Read more:Curses
(BCS) Mess - Part Two 2006-10-31 11:55:44 I’ve been rattling on about the awesomness shittiness interesting aspects of the BCS, and decided I had so much to rant about that I should split it up into a couple different posts. Here’s part two:
The Billingsley Report
Poll Issue: Someone click on this link please. Anyone who has this large an influence in a multi-million dollar juggernaut that is the BCS, should be able to pay a pimply kid 100 bucks to design a website that doesn’t look like my butthole just shat it out on the walls of my toilet. I mean, seriously, it looks like they stole the design scheme from this site. Which I can tell you, is pretty crappy. Issue #2, is that well, they don’t even have the damn week right. Week 11? How about Week 9? Wow, smart. Really smart. Lots of confidence.
Mr. Billingsley tries to justify his rankings along with the circle jerk of other rankings, ripping into the sports media by saying:
This is the 9th season in the existence of the BCS, an organization Read more:Part Two
The Spurrier of BBall 2006-10-31 19:30:34 During football season, we’re mainly a football blog, and well, I guess generally we’re mostly a football blog, seeing as how we’re named after the head football coach, but we fully intend to cover some if not all of the college basketball season as well.
A lot has been said about the Spurrier vs. Fulmer game this past weekend, and about how Spurrier was always “zinging” the Vols (I didn’t use the phrase, mainly because I’m not a product of the 50’s). Well, Spurrier is the kind of guy who you hate if he’s against you, but who you love if he’s with you. No doubt Florida fans loved every minute of his little jibs aimed at all of their opponents while he mercilessly beat up on teams that could do nothing to shut him up.
Well, in the basketball scene, none of the coaches ever seem to be as animated or as excitable as Spurrier is to football. That is, until last season. Bruce Pearl has become the Spurrier of college basketball,
Conference Roundup Week 9 2006-11-01 06:47:39 Well, I haven’t done one of these in a few weeks, because well, I was too lazy. Some interesting things have happened over the last several weeks, and it’s possible that some of the events of the previous 2-3 weeks might work into the conference rankings for this week.
Here we go…
T1: Big Ten - Although the Big Ten currently only has 3 teams ranked, two of those ranked teams are at #1 and #2 in the nation. You can’t really discount the fact that the Big Ten might screw everyone by playing a repeat game right after the last game of the season. The possibility of a OSU vs. Michigan Championship Game becomes more and more real as the weeks pass, and if that happens, well, there shall be hell and fury as never before seen. I guess it helps that the Big 10 doesn’t have a championship game (join the pack Notre Dame, don’t be so selfish), but the game might as well be the OSU UM game anyway, so it works out nicely.
T1: SEC - The Southeastern Conferenc
Female of the week 2006-11-01 08:11:50 It being Wednesday, our partnership with the 8th Maxim has brought you another fine young lady from the University of Tennessee. This week’s cutie:
1. Name: Ginia
2. Hometown: Bolivar, TN
3. Major: Political Science
4. Why did you choose to go to UT?
Because I am a huge sports fan.
5. How long have you been a Tennessee fan?
All my life! My family are pretty much fanatics!
6. A tree falls in the woods and no one hears it. Does Steve Spurrier still suck really, really hard?
Um yeah pretty sure he always will!
7. What do you love most about game day in Knoxville?
Standing there looking around at a filled up stadium of Vols fans….oh yeah the tailgating is pretty sweet too
Read more:Female
Slap Happy 2006-11-02 01:00:05 Like sand through the hourglass, the inevitable seems to have happened. In the most shocking news since Lance Bass announced he was gay, John L. Smith has been unceremoniously fired stepped down as head coach of the Michigan State Underachievers.
Much like watching a stupid kid try to untangle a ball of string, it was more a matter of whether or not you could continue watching without either 1. tearing your own hair out in frustration or 2. laughing hysterically at someone who was obviously in over his head to achieve the task at hand. Of course, it doesn’t help with the empathy angle when you see the people slapping themselves in the face.
The Michigan State Coaching Job is right over there
So, if when Steve Mariucci gets the MSU job, it’ll be interesting to see if he can resurrect a program that has suffered from “Crappy Smith Syndrome” for the last several years. To borrow from the Tootsie Pop commercial: “How many blown leads does it take to get to Read more:Happy
Special Edition 2006-11-02 08:15:51 Stay tuned for a special edition of the Thursday Night Roundup that will follow the overrated bowl West Virginia - Louisville game. Instant analysis as well as possible BCS implications will be dictated from what the ESPN analysts say made up completely by myself. Yeah. Anyway, check back after the game.
Wait, this is the wrong Papa John’s? Damnit, I paid 500 bucks for these seats.
Read more:Special
, Edition
, Special Edition
Game of the Week: Week 10 2006-11-02 08:11:00 Apparently I am not a smart person, because I’m not smart enough to believe in the awesome power that is ESPN. The geniuses at Disney have decided (shockingly, I might add) that the greatest game of this coming weekend is that of Oklahoma taking on the Red Butt Raiders of Texas Tech. I, being a total homer, and realist, have decided to choose a slightly more understated game:
Week 10
#13 LSU vs. #8 Tennessee
The Bayou Bengaled Tigers of Louisiana State University in all their Purple and Yellow glory make the drive up to Knoxville to take on the Biting Smokeys Volunteers of the University of Tennessee. This marks one of the times these two schools have met (I don’t feel like doing the research to find the actual number, which this time will be 29 I believe [see what i did there? with the saying I didn’t want to give you the number, but then giving you the number? That’s called misdirection… poof!]).
I wanted to do an alumni section, but as it turns ou
Thursday Night Roundup 2006-11-03 05:16:31 Welcome to the ThursdayNight
Roundup, providing a recap of the Thursday Night ESPN game. This game has gotten more and more publicity and has in turn, gotten better and better matchups over the years. Let’s take a look at the game:
#3 West Virginia vs. #5 Louisville
Perhaps the biggest Thursday Night game ever, the Second day of November saw the Mountaineers of West Virginia get their couches ready for ignition as they visited the Cardinals of Louisville.
Much of the first half was back and forth (even though I missed a good chunk of it, thanks LA drivers), with a lot of bending but no breaking from either team. Both teams were able to show some of their respective offenses with West Virginia rushing for 161 yards with Steve Slaton accounting for 108 yards on the ground in the first half. That’s pretty impressive.
On the other side of the coin, Louisville was able to display some passing with 207 yards passing at the half although they decided to abandon that approa
Rocky Top Talk/Tigersmack Q&A Part 2 2006-11-03 06:55:46 Rocky Top Talk and Tigersmack / And the Valley Shook had a reciprocal Q&A session (not to be confused with the super-popular T&A sessions) Click Here for the post at Tigersmack and here for the post at RTT recently, and one of the questions was regarding coaches Fulmer, Weis and Mangino. Fulmer’s Belly takes a swing at it.
Fulmer, Weis, and Magino TRY walk into a bar,
Fulmer starts pounding it with a rock to get in, Weis tries to whine his way in, and Mangino, realizing the door is actually open, tries to open it but can’t reach it with his super short arms.
Hah! Thought there was going to be something about eating huh? Well, that’s how we roll over here. (Upon hearing this comment, all three coaches heard the word “roll” and tore jon apart looking for it, and the butter, it is a sad day for the staff at Fulmer’s Belly, but we must move on).
Read more:Rocky
Suck it, Mike 2006-11-03 22:01:06 Mike Hamilton is a little upset about the foul language used by the student section during the Tennessee game, as documented by our faithful reader Paul who was sitting in said student section.Â
I’m afraid I can’t just jump on the morality band wagon and advocate a nice, friendly environment for our equally friendly visiting fans. What fun is a ball game if you can’t make fun of the other team for losing?   I was belittled by a number of LSU fans after losing at the SEC Championship back in 2001, but I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing in their situation. Why? Because it’s fun and it feels good. Needless to say, this warning to fans comes from the same administration that suspended a player 4 games for allegedly waving a gun at a police officer (the gun was a toy). What’s the message here? “It’s okay to wave guns at police officers, just please refrain from using foul language when doing so.”
I
What to do? 2006-11-03 21:30:25 I believe that I am responsible for UT’s 4th quarter comeback to LSU last year (come on…we all know Rick Clausen had nothing to do with it). The problem is, I’m not sure what to do this year.
Last year, I found myself at Hooter’s on the Monday night of the LSU/UT game only to find that people in Kentucky don’t care about college football. After some pleading I got them to turn a minor television to the UT/LSU game (the rest were on Monday Night Football), and I proceeded to watch Erik Ainge’s worst game of his life.
I contemplated leaving Hooters and heading to Buffalo Wild Wings. The beer is cheaper there, but the waitresses wear decidedly more clothes. I decided I needed the alcohol with the impending UT defeat and this outweighed my desire to see cleavage. At about the beginning of the fourth quarter, I notice UT is down 17 points, so I get tired of watching the game and decide to play a round of Golden Tee Golf Live with my then fiance
Well Poop. 2006-11-05 03:49:42 Looks like Les Miles’ cursing didn’t go to waste.
Aaaaaaaaaand the Instant Excuse Generator says:
Backup Quarterback
Thank you for joining us for this first (and hopefully last) installment of the excuse generator. Time to try to ruin Arkansas’ season.
Feed Me 2006-11-05 13:08:36 Ok, so I’ve been screwing around with the live feeds (moving it over to feedburner among other things, for their cool graphic), but it might have probably screwed up everyone’s RSS feeds. Anyway, please bear with me, and if anyone knows how to do this, I’d appreciate any help.
Thanks,
Admin
Drink it Up 2006-11-06 06:42:14 Of course, everyone by now has heard about the 3 UT players being arrested at a night club after the loss to LSU the other night. The club that the players decided to go to after the tough loss was one called “Good Fellas,” which I believe doesn’t necessarily describe the people inside.
The players were charged with various charges ranging from disorderly conduct to underage drinking and public intoxication. I’m not one to nit pick, but in the wise words of Ron White:
I was drunk in a bar. They threw me into pub-lic. I don’t want to be drunk in pub-lic, I want to be drunk in a bar…which is perfectly legal… arrest them!
Obviously, it’s not actually legal for 20 year olds to be drinking, but work with me here people. I actually think that the 21 year old drinking law is a bit dumb, causing kids to actually drink more but that’s neither here nor there.
Had the players shown the level of gusto on the field that they did against th Read more:Drink
Losing with pride 2006-11-06 06:34:16 Being a Tennessee player, how do you mourn a Tennessee loss? By getting arrested, of course.Â
Arian Foster, Antonio Wardlow, and David Holbert all managed to stand up to the Tennessee tradition and find themselves locked away in jail (they are being charged with underage consumption and disorderly conduct) awaiting discipline from their coach (this usually consists of taking away their Hummer keys suspension for a few games). Â
I’m actually a bit embarrassed we never acquired Maurice Claurett or most of Miami’s current team. Just 3 arrests in one night…and none for rape or murder? We’re really losing our touch.Â
Around the SEC 2006-11-06 21:14:34 It was an interesting Saturday around the SEC, with three upsets, one possible upset, and an old fashioned mugging. Just to clarify, I’m not counting non-conference games here, because even though everyone knows how good Arkansas State and Northwestern State are, their awesomness would simply taint this discussion.
LSU def. Tennessee - In probably the biggest SEC contest of the week, LSU was able to come into Neyland stadium and pull off a last second last 8-minute comeback drive to seal the victory. They were able to do this with the occasional run and the occasional distraction play where they point out the fact that their two coordinators’ first names are Jimbo and Bo.
Mississippi State def. Alabama - As it turns out, it was pretty easy to realize that Mississippi State was unaccustomed to winning by the sheer fact that even though one player was holding the coach in place, they were still unable to douse him with the Gatorade bucket. That’s just bad preparation
Gotta Do It 2006-11-07 01:16:50 The sentences have been handed out in response to the drunken altercations of the UT players. Foster will be suspended for the first half, Wardlow for the entire game, and Holbert for the Arkansas and the Vandy games.
I don’t have kids, but I would imagine, that this would be like when your kids do something, and some other kid’s parents come complaining to you about what happened, narcing out your kids, at which point, you’re more pissed at the parents of the other kid because they were the ones that used to tattle on everyone back in the day, and now, feel that they are superior parents to you.
At this point, I would feel it necessary to make it seem like I was going to lay the law down on my kids by sending them up to their rooms, thanking the parents for being narcing bastards their concern, and sending them on their way, all the while, attempting to hold back my instincts to punch the pansy asses in their face. I feel like this is probably how Fulmer feels ab Read more:Gotta
It’s all in the Numbers 2006-11-07 08:15:21 It’s all in the numbers, and the cool animated graphics. As always, Rocky Top Talk has put up animated drive charts of the cold reality that was the LSU - Tennessee game.
There are lots of questions that are going to be raised from this game, but I know the most pressing question that everyone has at the moment “why is Les Miles so mad?” Poor Tracy Wolfsen, she was just out there, trying to be all nice and stuff, just getting the interview, trying to fill up her 45 seconds of camera time for the week, and Miles just goes off on her.
I was actually kind of hoping that LSU would lose so that I could hear his post-game interview (and so that UT would win, but you know, that’s just sprinkles on the cake). I can imagine it would have gone something like this:
We are still a damn good team (sniffles), and our guys left their asses on the field. Their actual asses. They can’t sit right now, because they have no padding on their backsides to cushion them. Th Read more:Numbers
The Silver Lining 2006-11-08 06:04:02 There are many bad things that happen in life. Oftentimes, when bad things happen, people are angry, sad, in disbelief, breaking their headphones, etc. but eventually, people will come to overcome the previous emotions and start looking for a “silver lining.” In an attempt to find a positive in a negative situation, people will still overlook very obvious positives about a situation. Allow me to illustrate:
I think with all the let down from the loss to LSU, we’re losing sight of the big picture: Tennessee is Bowl Eligible!
About this time last year is when the wheels started falling off the wagon, with losses to Alabama by 3 points, and eventual losses to Georgia, South Carolina, and um, the other team from Tennessee.
So, with that being said, I think it would be cool to go watch Tennessee’s bowl game. If I had my way, it would be somewhere near LA, since I live here, but, otherwise, it would be nice to just not go to the damn Citrus Bowl, because Spurrier, Read more:Silver
Female of the Week 2006-11-08 16:16:01 It’s Wednesday (that’s a stupid spelling…shouldn’t it be Wensday?), which means you’re probably here to see the the 8th Maxim/Fulmer’s Belly female of the week number 5.  This happens to be your lucky day as we were able to  get an all access interview (that is, if you consider ‘all access’ to mean ‘email’) with an upcoming FHM model. So please enjoy this week’s girl:
Name: Brittany Marsh
Hometown: Alcoa, TN
Major: English - Literature, Pre-Pharmacy
(There’s no nudity involved, but some images are mildly NSFW, so click below once the boss is gone.)
Why did you choose to go to UT? Close enough to drive home every Sunday and eat with the family - invites all around. . .
How long have you been a Tennessee fan?
I bleed orange, so, go figure. Go Vols! Go Vols! Go Vols!
I can cover those up for you…
Favorite Tennessee player of all time?
My boy, Cedric Houston, for many reasons. First, because ev Read more:Female
The Road to Glendale 2006-11-09 08:48:14 If a team in the Big East (at this point, Rutgers or Louisville) is able to pull the unthinkable and go undefeated for the season, and if they are able to overcome the computers and pollsters to get into the National Championship Game, one thing will have proven true: the Road to Glendale will have been lined with these:
Mmm, pink frosting
Actually, for what it’s worth, I personally believe that Ohio State’s schedule for the most part has been lined with candy coated cupcakes as well, but I’m probably the only person who thinks such things. In fact, I think the “Game Without a Name” should be named the “Cupcake Bowl” or the “Who Can Make it Out of the Easiest Conference Title Game.”
Sure, it might seem like homerism for my favorite conference, but I think it’s getting to a point where a conference might be getting too powerful for it’s own good. Sure, the top ranked teams might be able to pull a one game victory agai
Tennessee Wants to Pound Dick, Nutt 2006-11-09 09:03:34 Tennessee’s answer to Tim Tebow, “omg, he’s gonna ruuuuun!” Jon Crompton, says he’ll be ready to go for the Arkansas game if Ainge isn’t ready to play. Crompton had a pretty good outing in his first meaningful playing time of the season throwing two touchdown passes to Robert Meachem. Upon throwing the second touchdown, Crompton was overheard saying the following:
Damn Meach, I rule. I mean, you rule. I mean, I rule… Shit, what did Erik tell me to say? Uh, you rule? Ok, we’ll go with that one.
Needless to say, he’s got a bit to learn. I personally, would like to see Crompton and Tebow go at it toe to toe (and well, fist to jaw), just to see who could pull it out since both have shown tendencies to play chicken with defenses.
Really really stoked to play
As it turns out, Jonathan Crompton didn’t get his toughness from growing up on the mean streets of Compton, but instead, grew up on the mean peaks and valleys (if you&# Read more:Tennessee
, Pound
Game of the Week 2006-11-10 06:35:02 After consulting with the head honchos over at Disney, we’ve decided that it will be okay to make our game of the week between two teams seen regularly on CBS:
   Â
Tennessee at Arkansas
I’m not going to sit here and regurgitate everything you’ve probably read and heard about throughout this week as I’m sure you’re all well aware of Ainge’s questionable condition and we won’t sit here and speculate as to what impact that’s going to have on the game. And I’m assuming since you’re at this website and it’s this late in the season (what is this? week 9? 10?), you’re already pretty well aware about the offense and defense of the Tennessee team. However, let’s take a quick look at what Arkansas has to offer.
Arkansas will be bringing what college football fans (I’m embellishing…but let’s start the trend here!) affectionately call the “Cock ‘n Balls” offense due to the
Rutgers Beats Down Louisville/BCS 2006-11-10 05:27:34 Louisville took a huge hit today in their quest for the national championship when Rutgers
was able to shut them out during the second half. Rutgers not only beat Louisville, they might have single-handedly killed the current BCS system.
If people were saying that West Virginia deserved to be #2 when they were undefeated, and then jump to the passing bandwagon that was Louisville when they beat WVU saying Louisville deserved to be #2, how can you not say that Rutgers doesn’t deserve to be #2? I for one, hope Rutgers can pull out the 12-0 season and get screwed out of the Championship Game, then win the Fiesta or whatever bowl they go to, and have the team playing the winner of the Ohio State/Michigan game beating the Big 10 champ, creating another split National Champion.
Maybe it’s just me, but I think that would be funny.
Read more:Beats
, Louisville
Cock ‘n Balls Offense successful 2006-11-12 04:04:04 So the question stands…is Arkansas that good or is Tennessee that bad? This definitely increases the odds we’ll see an SEC team in the national title game.Â
I would also like to take this opportunity to thank the Razorbacks for that sympathy final touchdown by Swain and the sympathy onside recovery. Although I don’t think one more touchdown would have really hurt so much, couldn’t you have made it 31-21? Â
Ah well, there’s always next week. Now, where did daddy put his bourbon?
Read more:Balls
, Offense
The Mighty have fallen 2006-11-13 21:42:50 An unfortunate side effect to losing on Saturday? Tennessee has relinquished its number two spot in the SEC East to the University of Kentucky. UK is bowl eligible for the first time since 1999 and even has one columnist calling them a ‘Great Team’. While this is a little laughable considering that just a few weeks ago they had the 119th worst defense of 119 Division IA teams, and this is including playing teams like Central Michigan and Division IAA Texas State, it doesn’t take away from the fact that we’re a spot behind Kentucky.Â
Um, Coach, why is there an arm coming out of the Gatorade bucket? (Photo taken from the Kentucky Kernal website)
Is it Randy Sanders’ doing? I’m sure a part of it is - with his experience at Tennessee, it ought to be easy to turn a crappy team into a mediocre one. Or is it the arms they put in their Gatorade (see picture above)?  Do I have a real point to this article? No, and I can’t think of a goo Read more:Mighty
ESPN’s Wet Dream 2006-11-14 02:06:51 A while back, I wrote about my issues with ESPN trying to come up with gaytarded names for different Saturdays. As it turns out, they got their wish this past weekend, when basically all the teams that had any chance of doing anything lost in a burning blaze of glory sucktitude.
It was an impressive showing of craptacular game planning and effort with Texas, Auburn, Cal and Louisville all going down in one weekend. After the dust settled, there were only three teams left undefeated (Boise State doesn’t count), and only about 2 or 3 one loss teams that have a shot at going for the national championship game. It truly was “Upset Saturday” and I’m sure everyone at the offices in Bristol were giddy.
Visual representation of ESPN’s collective consciousness
Before it’s all said and done, there will possibly be two undefeated teams left, and if all the stars aligned, Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, could find themselves in the National C Read more:Dream
, Wet Dream
Two Words: Suck It 2006-11-14 09:18:23 There’s lots of debate going on around the country as to whether or not Ohio State and Michigan should play in the National Championship game regardless of the outcome of the game on Saturday. If this were the case, why should they even bother to play the game? Why? Because they could have so much fun with it, that’s why.
Imagine the fun that could be had if OSU and the Maize and Blue both knew for a fact that they would play each other again in the National Championship game. They could try out strategies that they would never do in a real game.
This could be the greatest nerd battle ever. Advantage to Jim Tressel.
1. Pass every down - Of course, the fans would like this one. There could be some records broken, and it would be fun to get to see the 5th string QB after the first four were worn out from all the passing.
2. Run every down - As much as commentators like to say that offensive linemen like it when running plays are called, this statement could be be Read more:Words
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