Owner: Funny hoho URL:http://funny-hoho.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Mon, 04 Jun 2007 15:12:40 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Fanyy stories, photo... Site statistics:Click here
Blonde 2008-02-02 18:31:00 Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? A: Kick open the car door. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room. Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: "Are you boys all in the same band?"Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Because everybody gets a turn. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?A: Because she's been laid all over the country. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex ? A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?A: She drops her nail-file Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?A: Data transfer.Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?A: A wine cellar. Q: Why are Read more:Blonde
No title 2007-08-28 16:33:00 MAKING A POINTA rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that the
Surprise 2007-08-25 16:50:00 One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who shouts out, "Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fucking the cow!" Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains that a certain decorum is required. "You should have said, 'The bull is surprising the cow'- not some filth you picked up in the City," he says. A few days later, little Johnny comes again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining. "Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!" The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, "Thank you little Johnny, but surely you meant to say the cow, not COWS. A bull cannot 'surprise' more than one cow at a time you know." "Yes he can!" replies his obstinate nephew, "He's fuck Read more:Surprise
Banged Up Pirate 2007-08-23 14:47:00 A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How did you end up with the peg leg?" he asks. The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" says the seaman. "What about your hook?" "Well," answers the pirate, "we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand." "Incredible!" says the seaman. "How’d you get the eye patch?" "A seagull shit in my eye," the pirate replies. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the seaman asks. "Well," says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook." Bad Husband's Routine A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for Read more:Banged
, Pirate
Ode To A Mammogram 2007-08-21 08:24:00 For year’s years they told me, "Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests." So I heeded all their warnings And protected them by law... Guarded them very carefully, And always wore a bra. After 30 years of careful care, The Doctor found a lump, He ordered up a Mammogram To look inside that clump. "Stand up very close," she said, as she got my tit in line, "And tell me when it hurts," she said, Ah yes!There! Thats just fine." She stepped upon a pedal... I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate was pressing down... My Boob was in a vice!! My skin was stretched'n stretched From way up by my chin, And my poor tit was being squashed To Swedish pancake thin!! Excruciating pain I felt, Within its vice-like grip, A prisoner in this vicious thi
No title 2007-08-20 17:40:00 "Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor." "Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!""Do you drink a lot?""Not really - I spill most of it!" "Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?""Yes, of course...""Great! I never could before!" A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!""Is this her first child?" the doctor queries."No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see,
No title 2007-08-20 17:24:00 While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back. They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it. The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?" The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor." Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?" The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor." The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?" The policeman answered: "No, so
Knock Knock 2007-08-16 17:17:00 Knock KnockWho's there?Luke!Luke who?Luke through the keyhole and you'll see!Knock KnockWho's there?Luther!Luther who?Luther the silver lining!Knock KnockWho's there?Lyndon!Lyndon who?Lyndon ear and I'll tell you!Knock KnockWho's there?Madame!Madame who?Madame foot is caught in the door!Knock KnockWho's there?Mae!Mae who?Mae be I'll tell you or Mae be I won't! Read more:Knock
, Knock Knock
Knock knock 2007-08-16 17:14:00 Knock KnockWho's there?Kendall!Kendall who?Kendall and Barbie go together!Knock KnockWho's there?Kenneth!Kenneth who?Kenneth little kids play with you!Knock KnockWho's there?Kent!Kent who?Kent you tell who it is?Knock KnockWho's there?Kentucky!Kentucky who?Kentucky too well, have a sore throat!Knock KnockWho's there?Kenya!Kenya who?Kenya guess who is it?
Funny 2007-08-16 01:23:00 Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?A: His lips are moving. Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?A: There are skid marks in front of the dog. Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?A: Professional courtesy. Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?A: Not enough sand. Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?A: Cut the rope. Q: Do you know how to save a drowning laywer?A1: Take your foot off his head.A2: No. Good! Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of dirt?A: The bucket. Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definit Read more:Funny
Gorila 2007-08-16 01:18:00 A small zoo in Tennessee obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following
Computer Jokes 2007-08-13 16:53:00 Before Computer
sAn application was for employmentA program was a TV showA cursor used profanityA keyboard was a piano!Memory was something that you lost with ageA CD was a bank accountAnd if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy You hoped nobody found out!Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a fileAnd if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for awhile!Log on was adding wood to a fireHard drive was a long trip on the roadA mouse pad was where a mouse livedAnd a backup happened to your commode!Cut - you did with a pocket knifePaste you did with glueA web was a spider's homeAnd a virus was the flue!I guess I'll stick to my pad and paperAnd the memory in my head I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crashBut when it happens they wish they were dead! Computer Read more:Jokes
Trees-A Poem 2007-08-12 07:40:00 I think that I shall never see a hazard rougher than an tree; A tree o'er which my ball must flyif on the green it is to lie; A tree which stands that green to guard,and makes the shot extremely hard; A tree whose leafy arms extendto kill the six iron shot I send; A tree that stands in silence there,while angry golfers rave and swear. Irons were made for fools like mewho cannot ever miss a tree. Read more:Trees
Jokes 2007-08-11 16:03:00 A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatning to jump off a bridge. the blonde says to the brunette i bet you ?100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies ' ok i bet you ?100 that he does jump. Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself. the blonde gets out ?100 and gives it to the brunette. The brunette says 'i can't take your money.' 'Why not replies the blonde?'Doctor And Lawyer TalkA doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?""I give it to th Read more:Jokes
Even When They Lie, Women are Noble 2007-08-08 17:23:00 One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked:"My dear child, why are you crying?"The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.The seamstress replied, "No."The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.Again, the seamstress replied, "No."The Lord reached down again and came up with a simple leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.The s Read more:Women
, Noble
No title 2007-08-08 16:16:00 A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey
No title 2007-08-06 17:09:00 A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar.They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"The others agree that sounds like a good place.Then the American says, "Yeah,that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murph
Training the blonde 2007-08-05 16:01:00 An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" Read more:Training
Blonde interview 2008-07-03 17:42:00 A blonde goes for a job interview
in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, "Ehhhh .. 22!" The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a m Read more:Blonde
Mujo i Haso 2008-07-03 17:28:00 Vicevi - Mujo i HasoKaže Haso Muji:'Ajde, Mujo, pomozi mi napravit' kuću.Ne mogu, bolan, imam rijetku polnu bolest.A koju?Boli me k.... za tvoju kuću! Pecao Mujo ribu i najednom upeca zlatnu ribicu. Kao po običaju, ribica zatraži da se pusti, a za uzvrat će da ispuni tri želje. Poželeo Mujo tri želje i ode kući da proveri da li su mu se stvarno ispunile. Došavši kući, sav se zaprepast
War Jokes 2008-07-02 07:41:00 A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as partof the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines,the captain asked for questions.Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happento step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?""Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the airand scatter oneself over a wide area." Here is yer JokeDuring WW II an American so Read more:Jokes
Smesne price 2008-07-02 03:46:00 Mlada i neukusna
"Bila sam jos mlada i neukusna. Pastiri su gonili stada ovaca medju kojima sam bila i ja. Od jedanput meni mi nešto zaigra ispod nogama. Svi popadasmo od stra na travi u meni mi srce sidje u petama. Malo posle iza toga kad se vrati smo u svest od straka neko upita šta to bi, ja si reko u sebi, pa to smo učili u školu na zemljopisu i reko decama: "to su arhitektonski potresi Read more:price
No title 2008-07-02 03:17:00 ANAUpada ubica u kuću i zatekne muža i ženu u krevetu. Upita ženu: Kako se zoveš? Ana - reče žena.Poštedet ću te jer mi se tako zove mama - kaže ubica.A kako se ti zoveš?Mirko al svi me zovu Ana - kaže muž.MOBILNIRuski arheolozi iskopali telefonski kabl star hiljadu godina i odmah zaključe da je još tada u Rusiji moglo da se telefonira. Američki arheolozi pronašli optički kabl st
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