Owner: Temporary? Insanity URL:http://kymburleev.blogspot.com Join Date: Mon, 04 Jun 2007 13:41:44 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: I'm a dabbler. A little of this, a little of that. Not extraordinary in any way except for the fact that I'm humble enough to realize it, honest enough to admit it, and egomaniacal enough to hope that despite it you'll all adore me. Go on. You know you wa Site statistics:Click here
Motherhood and Me-dom 2007-07-19 10:49:00 I often read about mom's struggling with self-definition. The age old question of; Am I Mommy? Or Am I Me? And How Can I Be Both?A friend of mine recently wrote that she goes through an identity crisis every decade or so, and I'd love to say the same. Instead, it feels like a weekly occurence lately. Finding that elusive balance between Motherhood
and Me-dom, has been a huge struggle for me.What really set it off was the fact that I gave up who I was to be a Mom. This wasn't asked of me. Giving up everything that I enjoy and have a passion for was not a prerequisite of Motherhood. And I've spent some time pondering why I felt I ought to. I think that because the gift of a child is so overwhelming, some of us feel a need to sacrifice accordingly. And what greater sacrifice can we offer than the very essence of who we are?It's taken me three years to come to the realization that not only was this sacrifice not necessary, it has actually done incalculable damage to my happi
Last Post 2007-07-21 23:09:00 Stop panicking, beloved fans. It's not my last post ever, just my last one before I wing my way off into the wild grey yonder (haven't seen much blue around here lately). And, as I logged tonight, I noticed that this will be my 199th post. Neat, eh?So while I'm frolicking in Utah next week, I'm hoping you'll miss me enough to leave me a couple dozen comments, pestering me with insanely personal questions, all of which will be answered in my 200th post.Hopefully asking these questions will prevent you from sulking about the fact that I'm off having the time of my life, revelling in the freedom of kid free travel, and four glorious days visiting with one of my favouritest people on the planet!Then again, perhaps I'll be sulking, missing my sweetheart, my sweet girls, and my sweet life.For all you Utah dwellers, pretty please come out to play?Wednesday at 6:30pm - Dinner at AppleBee's in American ForkThursday at 10:00am - Meet at Visitor's Centre in Temple SquareThursday at 12
The Time of My Life 2007-07-28 22:43:00 It began with a kiss. A goodbye kiss. That little lurch in my stomach. That fluttery feeling of presentiment. I knew I was going to miss Neil like crazy.Yes, I got a little heartsick over the cute kids at the airport, on the plane, at DeDee’s house, and at the Pioneer picnic. And DeDee’s little niece Adele, Becca’s kindred spirit for certain, did a real number on me.But I missed Neil the most. I won’t go into details, because as much as I pretend to pout about my blog being rated “G”, I’m actually kind of proud of that fact. Suffice it to say, I had to resist the urge to call him several times a day. And when my plane got in Thursday night, and I got lost trying to find his Aunt’s house, I gave into my feelings and drove the two and a half hours home instead of trying to wrap my head around the map book.You should’ve seen him jump when he rolled over in bed and I was there! Priceless!But enough about what I was missing while I was gone, time to talk about wha
200th Post! 2007-07-27 21:44:00 So here are the answers to your questions. As for the nitty gritty details of my trip, I'll post about that tomorrow evening. We have company, and I'm neglecting them enough as it is. In the meantime, you can pick up a few of the details from DeDee at The Quiltmaker's Gift. I had so much fun, and such crazy mixtures of feelings throughout the experience. Leaving was so bittersweet, and far more bitter than I'd anticipated. There wasn't enough time. I suppose there's no way there could have been.Anyway, I'd best go on before I continue on and write the post I plan to write tomorrow instead of answering your questions!DapoppinsWhy are you scared? I spent most of my life as a painfully shy, mousy little creature, who’d rather shrivel up and die than actively participate in a conversation. Over the course of the last five years, I’ve changed dramatically. I’m sure I’ll blog about it someday. Anyway, I’ve become a very outgoing, laughing, bouncing, giggling, danc
Have You Ever... 2007-07-31 15:22:00 ...suddenly found a small piece of popcorn kernel stuck in the back of your mouth? And then realized that it's been over a week since you last ate popcorn? Cue the mouthwash!Have you ever changed you blog template so often that you're becoming famous for the fact? And despaired of finding the one template that would be so perfect, that you'd never spend ages browsing through blogskins.com ever again?Have you ever spent all day on the computer, as your house and life not so slowly crumbled around you?Have you ever looked up at the date of your most recent post, and promptly had an anxiety attack as you realized that today is your Mother-in-Law's birthday?
Why I'm Happy to Be Home... 2007-07-30 15:59:00 And so, life returns to nowhere near normal. Neil has gone back to work, and I'm left with a mountain of laundry, a week's worth of housework, and, as pictured above, two very happy little girls.Our hot water tank went kapoof last night, I've put on two pounds because for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to bring Neil home some fudge, and I've just had my knee x-rayed to find out if the small lump on my kneecap is scar tissue or a shard of bone from a nasty spill I took last month.And you know what? I don't feel the least bit sorry for myself.Not even a little bit.Because I just had a fabulous vacation. And I feel so loved by my three sweethearts. Because my Mom is getting so much better, and I got to have a wonderful chat with her this morning. I have a nice big house, and we just painted the first room in it (and it looks amazing!). My knee only hurts when something bangs into it, so I'm not having to limp and hobble around like a little old woman or anything Read more:Happy
The Anti-Meme 2007-08-04 12:13:00 I've lost the last of my holiday weight, and am back down to my all time low of 185. Can I get a round of applause please? A few pats on the back perhaps?Five more pounds and I get my next "Reward Weight". Since the 200 pound mark, I've been saying that 180 = ipod. I've already bought it, and have been dangling that all too tantalizing carrot in hopes of spurring me onwards. I haven't even turned it on yet. Neil is both surprised and proud of me, because I'm a notorious cheater. Which is probably linked to how I got so fat in the first place, now I come to think of it.Anyway, five more pounds! And I'm hoping to get there by my birthday (August 19th, people!), so I can clutch my ipod to my chest and declare cornily to anyone who will listen, "It's my birthday present to myself!" Sniff sniff...I'm a bit musically challenged though. I know what I like when I hear it, but can I remember artist and song names? Not for the life of me. So I'm compiling a list of music to
You know... 2007-08-03 19:32:00 ...you're somehow failing your children when, on the rare occasion you get around to brushing your toddler's hair she asks excitedly, "We go for a car ride?"Yeah. We need to get out more. Not to mention one or two personal hygiene issues.
First Kiss 2007-08-03 12:11:00 It came on so suddenly. The awareness that there was need for awareness. I caught him stealing looks at me. And not the bashful, quick glimpses of an uncertain adolescent, rather, steady gazes of frightening intensity. My stomach did flip-flops, my cheeks flushed a brilliant pink; always my betrayal.In the background, the professor's voice droned on. Once, so fascinating. Inspiring of keen attentiveness as I sought to absorb the subtle nuances of Creative Writing. Now, a monotone counterpoint to the steady thrum of, what? Such a strange commingling of feelings. Self-consciousness, pride, shame, and rampant curiousity. How little I understood the feeling of being admired.I was enthralled. As much by the experience as by the man.He asked me out. My first experience of this as well. The uncertainty in his bearing, the flickering fear of rejection. Did I really see that or did my pride conjure it up into my memory? I drank in the moment, certain there’d never be another l Read more:First
Promises 2007-08-02 10:57:00 Dear Sweetheart,I've been missing you the past few days. I'd love to think of a unique way to express how I'm feeling, but only the old, cliched phrases, seem to come to mind. There's an ache in my heart...an emptiness. And the dull flicker of the computer monitor is no compensation. How is it that it seduces me away from you? What do I find in its glow, and in the tickety-tack of the keyboard that in any way compares to the warmth of a loving cuddle, shared laughter, and long talks into the night?I love you more than my blog. More than the myriad of blogs lighting up my bloglines page. More than the thrill of internet scrabble, or of finding a beautiful new template. More than emails. More than comments. More than the whole lot combined.Internet scrabble is now gone. You'll no longer sit alone on the couch, listening to the shuffling tiles. You'll have me instead of sound effects. The great blog template search will soon end. My bloglines list will shrink. I'll b Read more:Promises
Apologies 2007-08-01 23:36:00 I planned on writing a brilliant post tonight, to amuse and delight you. However, our hot water tank was replaced this morning (woot woot!), and I'm off to have a lovely soak in the tub instead. As I haven't washed my hair since Sunday, I'm sure you'll all be supportive despite my shameful neglect of my blog.And least I got you a pretty new template to ogle while I'm away.
Constant Cravings 2007-08-05 23:14:00 For those of you who are musically literate, no, I'm not posting about K.D. Lang.But I'm besieged by cravings right now. There's this deep seeded hunger clawing at my insides, and at any moment I'm either going to give in and seek satisfaction, or scream my throat raw. The latter is actually the worst of the two options, now that I break it down like that. After all, the kids are sleeping.I'm craving books. I keep bringing Amazon.ca up in another window, clickety-clicking my shopping cart full then, torn by indecision, closing the window and pretending it never happened. This has been going on for weeks.I turn now and look at the bookcases lining the far wall. Books, binders, toys. A set of dusty encyclopedias dating back to 1976. Some are Neil's, foreign to me. Mixing with books so very dear. Friends from otherwise friendless days. So many memories wrapped up in the ruffled pages and bent covers. The borrowed copy of C.S. Lewis' Cosmic Triology seems to shake with s Read more:Constant
, Cravings
First Kiss - Part Two 2007-08-10 20:13:00 Read Part One here.I remember the way he tentatively reached for my hand afterwards, asking was that alright, to touch me since he couldn't kiss me. I remember the way he played with my fingers, and how thrilling that was. Just that simple, gentle touch, affected me more than the unexpected kiss.Reassurances were given. He wasn't too old. The beard and earrings didn't bother me (like they did my mom, who I later overheard telling a friend, "He looks like a pirate!"). I felt ashamed to have been the catalyst for that surge of vulnerability in him. Somehow, despite my blushing and stammered answers, he understood some small part of what I was feeling. Of all the myriad moments, that one remains forever crystallized in my memory. The curving of his lips into a smile sparked by hope. It was exhilarating! I had done that! I, Kimberly Miller. The shy girl. The wallflower. The invisible girl. All at once I felt powerful. And afraid. Neil once told me that telling someone Read more:First
, Part Two
On Hiatus 2007-08-09 14:37:00 We have company. The good kind. The kind where you circle the date on the calendar and jump up and down excitedly when you think no one's looking because that's how excited you are.I'm not a fan of blazing summer sun, but I do love all the houseguests it brings our way. Entertaining friends and family has been a hobby of mine and Neil's since we first were married. Dinner parties. Overnight guests. Barbecues and picnics. And of course, ever our favourite, The Fondue Party (worth of capitals).While our house here might not be our ideal, it boasts plenty of room for company. Here at Chez Kim, you can luxuriate in the comfort of our basement. Our guestroom boasts a queen size bed, three empty drawers, and a microwave which comes with complimentary popcorn and bean bags. The adjoining room has a comfy leather sectional which converts into a queen size bed, a large TV, computer with internet access, and even, a piano. Not content with this, we've provided you with your very Read more:Hiatus
Your Daughter Might Be Too Bossy If... 2007-08-08 10:55:00 ...she orders around the characters in her favourite Winnie the Pooh movie. "No, no, Pooh! That's my honey!"...she yells out the window on a rainy afternoon, "Stooooop Rain! Stoooop!" And her tone and manner suggest that she fully expects to be obeyed....she tells you off if you sing a song that isn't on her "Approved" list....she gets grouchy at inanimate objects which don't subject themselves to her will....your Mom tells you she reminds her of you at that age. Read more:Daughter
, Bossy
The Great Debate 2007-08-07 10:48:00 His parents or mine?There's a four day weekend on the horizon, and the question of where to spend it has Neil and I twisted up in knots of uncertainty. We've seen my family more recently, but my Mom was in the hospital (viral encephalitis for those unfamiliar with that series of events), and would really like to spend some time with her girls now that she's sane again.Not an unreasonable wish.Neil's Dad and Step-Mom came to visit us this Spring, but we haven't been down to Kelowna in months and months. I miss Neil's siblings, and my nieces and nephews. But deep, deep down? I want to go home. The last few trips don't count, really. There's no feeling of home when your mother is tossing and turning in a hospital bed miles away. When you're sitting by her side, clutching at her hand because there's nothing else to do. No words you can say or comfort you can offer that will wipe away the nightmares and hallucinations.I want to see her home and healthy. And while I know I Read more:Great
, Debate
What Makes the Most Scents? 2007-08-14 11:39:00 No, you don't need to point out how corny I am. I'm well aware. I simply can't resist the opportunity for a good pun (or a terrible one, as the case may be).I recently had an odiferous experience and decided to share. The experience, of course, not the odours.While picking up some goodies for our campfire cookout at the local market the other night, I grabbed a stick of deodorant since I was running low. I used it the following day and was quickly dismayed by its ineffectiveness. It was a mild day, warm but cloudy, and as we strolled at a leisurely pace through the local park, I was overwhelmed by feelings of underarm discomfort. Later that day I hurriedly searched through the drugstore's selection, and grabbed the first stick that looked appealing. It said "Platinum" on it, so it had to be good, right?Right! Now, such things are, of course, affected by personal body chemistry, but I'm willing to take a chance and give this product my personal endorsement. It goes on smoo
Back on Track 2007-08-13 15:35:00 I'm very excitedly anticipating my trip to Vancouver next week to visit my family. I even had a brief moment of near madness when I considered packing up and leaving today. Thankfully having dear friends visiting us for five days slowed me down a great deal, and I'm too far behind to be seriously tempted.As always, when faced with an enormous amount of housework to do, I've been indulging in all sorts of meaningless activities. Blog template switching (as you may have noticed), Facebook Tetris, and my most recent volume of escape enabling literature.It's an odd quirk of mine, that the more I have to do, the less I seem to accomplish. This realization leaves me feeling thoughtful and discontented. Although I've often heard the saying that we are our own worst enemies, clear evidence of my self-destructive tendencies is always disturbing.I'm happier when I'm busy. And the deeper the groove in my desk chair, the deeper my misery. I hate facing up to my imbecility, but it's Read more:Track
Sorry. Please Try Again. 2007-08-19 22:33:00 I have the sad duty to inform you that you've lost out in a competition you weren't even aware you were a part of. Blogging vs. Emailing.I took the weekend off (because hey, it's my birthday!), and was left debating whether to spend my night a) finding a new blog template (done), b) catching up on my emailing (desperately needs doing), or c) trying to find some spark of rational thought in my poor weary brain with which to entertain you.As I said, you lost.But it's my birthday so I can be sadistic and mean like that if I want to. Read more:Please
, Again
A Decade of Dave - Part One 2007-08-18 00:03:00 Remembering my first year of university is like trying to wring moisture from a slightly damp cloth. I can feel it there, palpable in my memory, yet with all my twisting and shaking, only a few drops fall free.I had just turned eighteen, but I had the maturity and life experience of a twelve year old. Idealistic, eager, excited, and nervous. It’s a wonder I didn’t collapse, quivering, at the foot of the massive cement stairway leading to the quadrangle. Instead, I bounded up the stairs two at a time, breathless and bouncing as I achieved the summit.I vaguely remember the feeling of being lost. Multiple times. Of arriving an hour early for classes for fear of getting lost and not making it in time. Mostly though, what I remember is fear. Fear of the general, pervasive variety. Comprised of a myriad of specific ones and too overwhelming in its entirety to be picked apart. In short, I was terrified. Pretty much most of the time.Except when I was learning. Like a newly forme
Have You Ever... 2007-08-17 14:36:00 ...reread a book you intensely disliked, just so you could complain more accurately about everything that was wrong with it?...forbidden your children to watch a specific children's program because it gives you nightmares?...avoided answering the phone for a whole day, so as not to interrupt the sweet escape of the book you're currently enthralled by.I didn't think so. And yes, I know I need help.
Embarrassing Moment #1 2007-08-16 11:28:00 Part One of an Ongoing SagaGreg Congram. He was the bane of my existence. A dark haired, freckle faced, beanpole of a kid. He had mastered the art of the sly sneer, and directed it my way often. In gym class, he’d whip balls at my head when the teacher wasn’t looking. Once, when the class was working on an art project, he grabbed my hand and shoved it into the box of pins. I exclaimed “Ouch!”, and was dubbed Cry Baby from that moment on. Inwardly, I seethed with righteous indignation. All I’d said was ouch. I hadn’t cried, despite how sore the temptation had been.But I never told on him. My siblings could tell you how extraordinary that was. I was a born snitch. Something in my rebelled though. Ours was a battle of wills. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. Indeed, as weeks and months passed, it became increasingly clear that this was his intention.He wanted to break me.One day, after a particularly bad bout of playground teasing I snapped. “You Read more:Embarrassing
, Moment
Blog Bling 2007-08-01 16:07:00 A Place to Brag Show How Much I'm Loved Read more:Bling
Linky Love 2007-08-01 15:54:00 Links Books I've Read in 2007 Before And After - A Pictorial Tour of my Life Marc and MeaganStrength to Take - by Velveteen Mind Blogging Babes I Know and Love and Have Met!An EXTRAordinary MomAdorable AnnieAmber the Amazing!Brillig: Beautiful and BrilliantCarrot Jello is the CutestCarronin the CreativeDelightful DeDeeEfervescent EveJoyful JennyKrazy KerriKate, my Special "K"Kathryn the DaringLovely, Lovely LaraMillie the Minion SlayerThe Marvelous MuseNCS is Too Cool for MeSweeTNT: Too Sweet for Me!Tirzah is Terrific!Blogging Babes I Admire from Afar A Beautiful LifeThe Amazing Shrinking MomAnnapinionsAnnie PallA Waist-Terrible thing to MindBlooming MarvelousBleeding EspressoCrazy Bloggin' CanuckDaisy ChainDapoppinsDrama MamaEveryday Life as Lyric PoetryFragile FlowerGoing BarefootHalf of MeI Blog About Nothing I Gotta B.Imaginative MusingsJason For the Love of God!Life As I Know It Life in the Fish BowlThe Mayne EventsMejojac's MemosMental
Literary Libations 2007-08-23 11:43:00 I've realized that despite being a professed lover of literature, my intellectual horizons are in severe need of stretching. For so long I've confined my reading to old favourites and what I like to call Fluff Fiction. My mind is feeling cramped and small, eager to push beyond my self-imposed boundaries.I dared the library with both girls Tuesday afternoon. Becca was blissfully contented with chewing on the head of a plastic cow, while Emma reveled in the loot she'd found in the children's section. Her finds were promptly dubbed, "My Dragon Book" and "My Fishy Book." Sometimes I grow wistful as I watch her, remembering in some small part a time when possession implied ownership.As my girls enjoyed their various pursuits, I perused the shelves of our pitifully small library, seeking out those authors I'd heard of but rarely if ever attempted. My final stack contained some Hemmingway, Dostoevsky, Kafka, and even a battered old copy of The Illiad.It's been so many years since Univer Read more:Literary
Waiting Till Tomorrow 2007-08-22 12:17:00 Who needs folded laundry right away... ...when there's cuteness like this to be had?You should have seen her face... ...after I told her she was too little to go to school."No! I go a school!""Sorry sweetheart, but you're too little.""I not too little! You too little! I a big girl! I wanna go a school!""You can go two years from now, okay?""Tomorrow? When a sun come out?"That's right, my darling. The sun will come out tomorrow.I love my job. Read more:Waiting
Chocolate Milk and Doughnuts... 2007-08-21 14:31:00 ...should not be mixed together in large quantities.Poor Emma.Poor anonymous minimum wage earning teenager who had to clean up the mess.Poor mommy who may just be too embarrassed to eat there ever again.And there you have it. Having blogged about a child's bodily fluids, I now consider myself to have formally entered the ranks of the Mommy Bloggers. Look out world. Read more:Chocolate
, Doughnuts
Confession 2007-08-20 17:31:00 I don't know how to tell Neil about this, but there's someone else. We've only had one, dizzying, encounter, but I can't shake the memory of him from my mind. At night, with Neil cuddled up against me, I find my thoughts turning to him.And I’m wracked with guilt.If you could only see him, maybe you’d understand in some small part. He’s tall, red, and has the most svelte form you’ve ever seen. I while away the hours, dreaming of our next encounter, captivated by my memories of him.Tonight, when Neil slips into his evening bubble bath, I’m going to let him out of the closet. I’m going to hold him tight against me, and then…I’m going to mop the floor.What? What did you think I was writing about?
Coincidence? 2007-08-27 13:44:00 I'm starting to think I might have psychic powers. Lately, my dreams have been verging on prophetic.Example the First: I dreamt that Emma was refusing to go to bed and kept knocking on her bedroom door asking to be let out. What woke me from this dream? Emma knocking.Example the Second: I dreamt that the girls in the church youth group I'm a leader of took up smoking. Later, in the waking world, when I opened the lesson manual to see what lesson I needed to prepare for Sunday the title was "Physical Health."Example the Third: I dreamt about spiders off and on all night last night. When I woke up? I had a spider bite on my leg.I only hope I use my powers for good and not for evil. Read more:Coincidence
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