Owner: SPANK CHEEKS URL:http://spankcheeks.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Mon, 21 Aug 2006 21:37:04 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: All the news that's fit to spank -- celebrity gossip, paparazzi pics, all that's inspired in Hollywood. Mindless crap in one irrefutable, beautiful blog. Come and knock yourselves out. Literally. Site statistics:Click here
SPANK IT YOURSELF 11.29.06 2006-11-29 19:54:00 Ah yes, the many confident poses of a man in a girdle (molly good)In a flashing of a different kind, Heather Mills shows us her court notes (seriously?! omg! Wtf?!)Britney Spears is developing a bulbus drunk nose, looks like Courtney love, and almost put gas in the driver's seat (celebrity puke)Free your mind and see the beauty in ugly (the bastardly)It's rumored that Owen Wilson is going to ask Kate Hudson to marry him. Take a glimpse into the future and see what their offspring will look like (city rag)Harriet Carter will defile your senses (ibbb)The trials and tribulations of the Holilday Season and the Equal Opportunity Employer (litely salted)
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COKED UP FIRECROTCH GETS THE BOOT 2006-11-29 18:00:00 I wish Steve Irwin were still alive so he could do a running commentary on the video of Lindsay Lohan flipping her shit when her mother gets in the car; (blimey she's a firey one) Britney wearing her Jiffy Pop hat (you don't see that very often in this part of the world, this is facsinating!); and Paris yelling, "Tell Firecrotch She's no Longer Welcome"…with the whole video culminating with a big ol, "FUCK YOU' from Paris (crickey! this filly clearly is near her menstrural cycle!)It's like like watching the Discovery Channel. Except that the crocodiles are more civilized.Click here to see the video and a timeline that precedes the glorious event.
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MADONNA ALERTS THE WORLD OF HER CHRISTMAS PLANS 2006-11-29 16:47:00 Madonna wants to get away from it all. And is letting you know precisely where she'll be while doing it. Starpulse reports:Superstar MADONNA is reportedly taking her adopted son DAVID to a tropical island for his first Christmas with his new family.Madonna and husband GUY RITCHIE initially planned to bring the whole family to the Maldives, but changed their mind when a hotel reportedly demanded $450,000 (£250,000) for them to have the whole place to themselves for one week.A source close to Madonna tells British newspaper The People, "Madonna has been so happy since adopting David. She decided to make Christmas really special this year as it is his first with his new family."She and Guy decided to go somewhere idyllic where they could get away from it all. When it went wrong she was devastated." The couple are now said to be seeking out an alternative destination, possibly in the Cayman Islands or the Seychelles."She's been so happy since adopting David" Nothing like making yo
SPANK IT YOURSELF 11.28.06 2006-11-28 18:44:00 Tom Cruise is to release a record with new wife Katie Holmes. A remake of "You lost that loving Feeling" Who wouldn't if your man wore a fucking girdle (ibbb)PETA names Nicole Richie worst dressed (celebrity terrorist)Jerry, Elaine and George are going to be fucking pissed (e-online)The guy Cosmo Kramer is based on is named Kenny Kramer and he has his own website. (kennykramer)Hilary Duff is less horse-like now (the evil beet)Kirsten Dunst has ugly photoshoot sex with photographer Matthew Rolston (the bastardly)A part of the MTV series we didn't see. Jessica Simpson has a soon to be released sex tape (yeeah!)
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THE GREAT SNATCH ATTACK 2006-11-28 17:23:00 Atta girl. This is going to look real good when it comes time for the custody portion of the divorce: PR-inside reports:A source told the New York Post newspaper: "Britney has been missing recent recording sessions because she has been out all night partying."Her label, Jive, is very worried." The 24-year-old star, who has two young sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, has been telling her friends: "I gave birth for two-and-a-half years, and now I want to party." She gave birth for two and half years? Well, that there's got to be a record or sumpthin' y'all. That there just could be a wonder of that medical science I dun heard about on the TV. (click here for musical accompaniment)She's being a complete idiot. Meanwhile, K-Fed is initiating some kind of "good guy" campaign. I hope she dons her metal panties when she enters battle for the custody of the children. She's going to need them.To see it the great snatch attack up close and personal click here . And thank God the internet
TOMMY LEE'S PENIS HAUNTS KID ROCK 2006-11-28 14:16:00 Kid Rock had a meltdown in front of everyone at a special screening of Borat a few weeks ago. Page Six reports:"Ron Meyer held a screening of 'Borat' at his house for a bunch of people, including Pam and Bob," says an Anderson pal. "It was the first time Bob had seen the movie, and, well, he didn't like it."The hugely popular film shows Sasha Baron Cohen - in character as Borat Sagdiyev - falling in love with Anderson after seeing her in a "Baywatch" rerun, then driving across America in order to propose marriage to her.Her friend tells Page Six, "Bob started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' - in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing.First, she was a whore BEFORE that movie so don't blame it on Borat. Secondly, let's face it, I don't care who you are. Any guy that hooks up with Pam Anderson at this point, is going to feel inadequate. Only for the fact that the w Read more:KID ROCK
MY WORLD IS COLLAPSING 2006-11-28 13:48:00 Why is it I expect Paris Hilton to start singing, "A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down"? I'm confused by how lately, she is appearing to have her shit together. I know it's like comparing apples to kiwi-fruit..but it's still fruit. That's why I'm struggling with this.Here is the Queen of Twatilidge keeping Britney's legs closed. And this is Britney's second, "flashing". So she knows about the media and the attention it got. And what disturbs me about this is she isn't doing a damn thing to make herself look better. Her hair is a mess, her face is a close second, and beside her is fucking Paris Poppins with the headband and the poofy blouse. I'm waiting for an English accent to come out of her saying, "Dahhling, you simply must start behaving more like a lady."I'm so confused by the sight of all of this. My brain actually hurts. But, I DO think that Paris is using all of this to bolster her own image..which makes me somehow be able to balance the imbalance in my h
JENNIFER ANISTON IS COMING TO GRIPS WITH REALITY 2006-11-28 12:41:00 Hot on the heels of being #1 on the "hot hair" list; Jennifer Aniston is considering becoming a contestant on "Dancing with the Stars" Life Style Extra reports:The former 'Friends' actress is an avid fan of US p rogramme 'Dancing With The Stars' - which sees celebrities coupled with professional ballroom dancers and then compete against one-another in knock-out rounds - and is delighted bosses have invited her to participate.A source told Britain's Daily Express newspaper: "She's seriously considering doing the show and thinks it would be a laugh."I'm glad for her. Because admitting it is the first step to recovery. It's not easy admitting to yourself and to the world you are a has-been. When you are ready to step onto the dance floor with the likes of Jerry Springer, Joey Lawrence, Evander Holyfield, Tia Carrera and Tatum O'Neil, you know that for a moment, albeit a brief one; you can step out of the blackness of obscurity and feel the warmth of the spotlight on your fac Read more:JENNIFER
TOM AND KATIE'S BRONZE COLLECTION 2006-11-28 12:10:00 In August, Abby reported on a humorous, yet heinous, tribute to Suri Cruise. There it was for all of us to see, "art" in it's simplest of forms. If you went to Tom and Katie's house, you'd see what they call a "trend" in their choice of decor. And that trend would be enveloped in bronze. Tomkatcrazy reports:Patrizia Riccioni, mayer of Bracciano gave Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes a Bronze Model of Odescalchi Castle with their wedding date inscribed in it as a wedding gift. Isn't this beautiful? I think the town should market these for TomKat fans.Um. That would be a resounding no, thank you. It doesn't look big enough for anything useful. And by that I mean not big enough to stash all my sex-toys.But after confirming Tom's "emotional eating" problem and the fact that he had a girdle sewn into his wedding tux, I'm imagining the only thing that bronze box will be holding is an array of Hostess baked goods and the underwear he wore in Risky business...with a girdle-esque support pan
SPANK IT YOURSELF 11.27.06 2006-11-27 19:57:00 Lindsay Lohan needs detox and a reality check (celebitchy)Beyonce's dad is the new "Papa Joe Simpson" (idlyitw)Ken Paves cost Jessica Simpson a job (celebrity mound)K-Fed doesn't read internet blogs cuz he know who he be (mollygood)Whatever you do, don't tell him that he might want to consider watching VH1 (ibbb)How quickly we forget. Taylor Hicks bites the hand that feeds him (seriously?! omg! wtf?!)A very cool website written by a celebrity lawyer….tells you enough to keep you interested, but not enough to betray any confidentialities. It's a fine line, really. (crazy days and nights)Michael Richards in blackface. Nice. (the bosh)Kate Moss hates kids with cancer (yeeah!)
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CRUISE ADMITS TO BEING AN EMOTIONAL EATER 2006-11-27 18:39:00 You all thought I was making it up. And I don't like to say I told you so. But I fucking told you so! Tom Cruise had to admit he was a "nervous eater" as he forces Giorgio Armani to design a girdled tuxedo for his wedding. Nice. Janet Charlton reports:Tom was wearing a GIRDLE under his tuxedo at his wedding! In case you haven't noticed, Tom packed on around twenty pounds in the past few months before the big event. He says he's a "nervous eater." And he's had a lot to be nervous about - his exit from Paramount and his high octane marriage.When Tom arrived in Rome, we hear that Giorgio Armani was apoplectic because the wedding tux was too small. Armani personally tended to all the fittings while Tom's pants were let out and various details were adjusted. Tom wanted to look svelte so he didn't protest when Giorgio suggested girdling Tom's midsection so the jacket would fall properly. The corset was sewn into Tom's undergarment. Everyone was sworn to secrecy, but those Armani Read more:EATER
BRITNEY IS PARIS' TOKEN UGLY FRIEND 2006-11-27 06:52:00 We all have one. Hell, I have two. That special person with the great personality (or not) that makes you laugh (or not). These are the friends that make great accessories to use when you need to look your very best. There isn't much I can say about this besides showing you the pictures that make it true.Paris is hanging with Britney because (and I hate to say it) but she makes Paris look good. These pictures have been taken since Thursday. And I can PROMISE you that it's no coincidence that Britney looks like ass in every picture. This is very strategic on Paris' part:You can tell in this picture that Paris told Britney she looked "hot". Knowing all too well that she looked more like a hawt mess. T-shirt? Unkempt hair? Same coat you've been wearing all week? Oh yes, you're ready to go out. They won't notice...you look hot. Here, borrow my big blue sunglasses. It IS night afterall. And they totally go with your outfit.I hate when I get drunk and I let my friend Diane do my hair Read more:TOKEN
SPANK CHEEKS THANKSGIVING POLL RESULTS 2006-11-27 06:38:00 Over 200 of you voted and it looks like the majority of our Spank Cheeks readers would have like to have woken up on Friday to read this headline:KEVIN FEDERLINE CHOKES ON TURKEY; NO ONE AT DENNY'S KNEW CPRYea, I know this would be a good opportunity for a "choking his chicken" joke but I'm dying with the flu right now and DayQuil is preventing that part of my brain from working. Anyway the stats break down this way:37.1% K-Fed16.1 Heather Mills16.1% Madonna11.3% Anna Nicole Smith9.7 Lindsay Lohan6.5 Michael Jackson3.2 Screech We have a new poll up today. So get your Nostradamus on and give us your prediction. I'll let it run until New Year's and on new year's day, and depending on the resultss of the poll, we'll put a "countdown timer" on the site and see how close we come. AND you wiseasses, just let me tell you that as of tonight, it's a resounding 40% saying they live in fairy tale land with rainbows and unicorns and they'll live happily ever after.
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, CHEEKS
MICHAEL RICHARDS APOLOGIZES 2006-11-27 06:10:00 click here for exclusive audio from Rev. Jackson's interview with Michael Richards.Michael Richards claims that humiliation caused him to embark on his spew of racial epitaphs. We all deal with humiliation differently. When I'm humiliated, you can find me alone in the closet with an Alden Merrill cheesecake. But this isn't about me.Michael Richards apologized today during an in-studio interview with Reverend Jesse Jackson for his racist tirade last week. But he doesn't know just how sorry he's going to be. According to City News The two men who were the target of a racist tirade by former Seinfeld star Michael Richards are demanding a personal apology and their lawyer has suggested the comic could avoid a lawsuit with a monetary settlement.Frank McBride and Kyle Doss say they were at a West Hollywood comedy club last week with about 20 other people to celebrate a friend's birthday. Their attorney, Gloria Allred, claims they were ordering some drinks when Richards singled them o Read more:RICHARDS
, MICHAEL RICHARDS
DAVE COCKRUM LIVED HIS DREAM 2006-11-30 06:00:00 X-Men illustrator Dave Crockum died peacefully Sunday evening in his home. CNN reports:Wearing Superman pajamas and covered with his Batman blanket, comic book illustrator Dave Cockrum died Sunday.The 63-year-old overhauled the X-Men comic and helped popularize the relatively obscure Marvel Comics in the 1970s. He helped turn the title into a publishing sensation and major film franchise.Cockrum died in his favorite chair at his home in Belton, South Carolina, after a long battle with diabetes and related complications, his wife Paty Cockrum said Tuesday. At Cockrum's request, there will be no public services and his body will be cremated, according to Cox Funeral Home. His ashes will be spread on his property. A family friend said he will be cremated in a Green Lantern shirt.I know. You expect me to tear into a grown man for wearing Superman pj's, and covered in his Batman blanket. But if you knew me, you'd know I have a very special fondness for those of the "geek" persuasi
KEVIN COSTER WILL AGE THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY 2006-11-30 12:52:00 Kevin Coster has learned from others' mistakes and refuses to disfigure himself by giving in to plastic surgery. PR-inside reports:Hollywood star KEVIN COSTNER insists he will never have cosmetic work done to change his ageing body.The 51-year-old actor, who was once one of Hollywood's hottest stars after starring in films such as THE BODYGUARD and DANCES WITH WOLVES, refuses to use surgery to look more like his younger self.He says, "I am never going for a hairpiece, dye or nips and tucks. You will always have to take me as you find me."We all have our vanity. We can all hear whispers. In my case, they still say, 'He's taller than I thought.' "But there will come the day when they will say, 'He is much older than I remember him.'"Well, at least he won't be hearing horrified gasps saying, "What the fuck happened to him?"There are three male celebrities who should have filed a malpractice suit as soon as the anesthesia wore off.First up: Kenny Rogers. Who apparently, did no
IT IS NOW LEGAL TO USE FORCE ON ANNA NICOLE SMITH 2006-11-30 14:08:00 Those are words that are music to my ears. The guy that let Anna Nicole "borrow" his house is now allowed to evict her by force. TMZ reports:A court in the Bahamas has ordered Anna Nicole Smith to vacate the house she's living in -- STAT.TMZ has obtained a default judgment issued yesterday against Smith (aka Vickie Lynn Marshall). G. Ben Thompson, the owner of the home in which Smith has been living, recently filed papers to evict her. Smith was required to respond to Thompson's filing by Monday, November 27, but failed to do so.Yesterday, the court entered a default judgment, which means Thompson can now force Smith out of the house.Fuck the whole Britney thing. If I was a photographer I would be down in front of her house waiting to see how they "force" her out and her reaction to it. Since she's a piece of shit and probably looks like one since she's been living without electricity for three weeks, I imagine it will have to be the equivalent of an enema. Or a strateg Read more:NICOLE
, ANNA NICOLE
, ANNA NICOLE SMITH
KEVIN COSTNER WILL AGE THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY 2006-11-30 12:52:00 Kevin Coster has learned from others' mistakes and refuses to disfigure himself by giving in to plastic surgery. PR-inside reports:Hollywood star KEVIN COSTNER
insists he will never have cosmetic work done to change his ageing body.The 51-year-old actor, who was once one of Hollywood's hottest stars after starring in films such as THE BODYGUARD and DANCES WITH WOLVES, refuses to use surgery to look more like his younger self.He says, "I am never going for a hairpiece, dye or nips and tucks. You will always have to take me as you find me."We all have our vanity. We can all hear whispers. In my case, they still say, 'He's taller than I thought.' "But there will come the day when they will say, 'He is much older than I remember him.'"Well, at least he won't be hearing horrified gasps saying, "What the fuck happened to him?"There are three male celebrities who should have filed a malpractice suit as soon as the anesthesia wore off.First up: Kenny Rogers. Who apparently, did no
SPANK IT YOURSELF 11.30.06 2006-11-30 20:10:00 Entertainment lawyer finally meets Lindsay Lohan and learns there will be no more Britney Twatilige. (crazy days and nights) Oh yea, and there are rumors that Paris and Lindsay were lovers. So….that means Paris GAVE Lindsay the "firecrotch?" (crazy days and nights)Eva Langoria is engaged (seriously?! omg!! wtf?!)Danny Devito is drunk on "The View" (celebitchy)Fiddy calls Oprah an Oreo. (tmz)Latoya Jackson is going to shoot somebody (a socialite's life)Las Bonitas en Beverly Hills (x17)Kramer is psycho (yeeeah!)
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WANT TO CLONE JESSICA SIMPSON? 2006-12-01 16:32:00 In an attempt to make some quick holiday cash, a resourceful e-bay seller tries to lure bidders to buy a chewed up piece of gum, with the promise of being able to clone Jessica Simpson. PR Inside reports:Jessica was chewing gum when shooting started and asked if we would mind her putting her gum in a napkin on our table. I joked that I would sell it on eBay. She said, 'Go for it. You might make 99 cents.' "Here's that pale blue gum. I forgot I had this, but glad I found it. It was in her mouth so it has her DNA on it so you can clone her."As well the gum, the seller will also provide a letter of authenticity, some gossip from the film and a "head shot to the winning bidder so that they have proof that I am sitting next to Jessica in the movie." The highest bid for the unusual lot currently stands at $55. The auction ends on Monday (12.04.06).Okay, so I have this brilliant idea of taking the gum and using it to clone Jessica Simpson so I can sell her as the first ever living blow-up
WILL FERREL HATES LINDSAY LOHAN 2006-12-01 12:44:00 This is so awesome. Lindsay Lohan got completely shunned the other night at the GQ Men of the Year Dinner. And seriously dissed by Will Ferrell. NY Post reports:DESPITE attending "several" Alcoholics Anonymous meetings this week, Lindsay Lohan drank champagne and made a big scene at the GQ Men of the Year dinner - all under the watchful eye of her hard-partying mom-ager, Dina Lohan.When the Lohans arrived at the exclusive dinner at the Sunset Tower - joining the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Gore, Jay-Z, Jennifer Connelly and Magic Johnson - she "flipped out" upon seeing Jessica Biel, the luminous star of "The Illusionist," there with her assistant.Biel's assistant used to work for Lohan and earned the "Mean Girls" star's ire when she quit several months ago.According to a witness, Lohan started screaming, "If she stays, I'm outta here! I can't look at that girl! I can't believe you would allow an assistant in here - she doesn't belong in here!"Wait for it…wait for it….they
KARMA IS A FRY COOK 2006-12-01 19:43:00 There really is a thing called Karma. And this time, Karma is a fry cook telling Paris Hilton to fuck off and go to Wendy's.Click here to watch Paris beg for food.
SPANK IT YOURSELF 12.02.06 2006-12-02 18:44:00 Jack Nicholson says shaving is for pussies. (bwe)I just got sucked into a timewarp. Best. Looney Toon. Ever. (cityrag)She wasn't wasted, she was just tired. Ok. Then explain the hat. (popsugar)Beyonce's video for "Listen". Check it out (the bosh)Kramer's apology tour is pulling into the station (defamer)Like a lot of my friends, AA is a place you go before you go to the bar. It makes you feel like you're trying. (the bastardly)That lawyer keeps taunting us with his crazy "I can tell you but I can't tell you puzzles" (crazy days and nights)Excellent commentary on the whole Perez Hilton getting sued thing (the evil beet)Ha ha ha ha….Letterman totally sets up Richard Simmons and his stupid steamer (celebitchy)Kramer to pay up and apologize to his "victims". (dlisted)Fergie looks like ass for a reason (hollywood tuna)Hillary Swank's Pirelli pics are just okay (egotistic)Nicole Kidman makes an assload of money (idlyitw)Vogue vehemently denies photoshopping Kate Wi Read more:SPANK
C|NET EDITOR AND BLOGGER MISSING 2006-12-03 17:24:00 It's no secret that there is a special place in my heart for anything IT, computer, gadget or blogger related and that includes the geeks behind them. So it was disturbing to read that James Kim (the Senior Editor of CNET and Crave Blogger), and his family have gone missing. CNET reports:The 35-year-old Kim, his 30-year-old wife Kati and daughters Penelope (4 years) and Sabine (7 months) left their home in San Francisco last week on a Thanksgiving road trip to the Pacific Northwest. Before the Denny's sighting on Saturday, November 25, they had last been seen earlier that day in Portland, Ore., according to the SFPD's missing persons' report.Search efforts had been busy in Curry County, where Gold Beach, the family's reported destination for last Saturday evening, is located. But after a multi-agency search involving snowmobiles, a Sno-Cat and helicopters including a UH-60 Blackhawk, there's still no sign of the Kims' 2005 silver Saab 9-2X station wagon with California persona
TOMKAT'S WEDDING VIDEO 2006-12-03 20:04:00 I think I'd like them better if they really did do it this way.
OPRAH USES THE "N" WORD 2006-12-04 06:11:00 I think I've just found my loophole to use the "N" word with wild abandon, if I wanted to. Page Six reports:DON'T feel bad, Michael Richards - Gayle King and Oprah Winfrey use the "N-word" all the time! Though Oprah has been very vocal about her distaste for the word on her show, King told her XM Radio listeners while discussing Richards' racist outburst, "You know, I have to say, in the privacy of my own home, with my closest friends, who shall remain nameless, you know, we have - we have used that [word] when we're talking about other people. So I go back and forth between a term of endearment, sometimes, the way it's used, and just a very hateful, bad thing."I was black for a short time in the 70's. I got a really bad perm and my mother went to the store to get me a pick and being off the boat Irish, had no idea what she was doing when she brought home the "black power" hair pick . She just wanted me to be able to fluff my frizz with style. If Gayle says they use it
GWENETH PALTROW: AMERICA HATER 2006-12-04 13:48:00 English men must be able to dick-whip a woman into hating America. Breitbart reports:I love the English lifestyle, it's not as capitalistic as America. People don't talk about work and money, they talk about interesting things at dinner," she told "NS," the weekend magazine supplement of daily Portuguese newspaper Diario de Noticias on Saturday."I like living here because I don't fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans," the 34-year-old added.Paltrow, who won a best actress Oscar for 1998's "Shakespeare in Love," lives in London with British band Coldplay's frontman Chris Martin whom she wed in 2003.She said having US pop star Madonna, 48, who married British film director Guy Ritchie six years ago, nearby was another advantage to living in London."She's like an older sister. Everything I have gone through, she went through ten times worse and ten times longer. She gives me good advice about how to say Read more:PALTROW
, HATER
SPANK IT YOURSELF 12.04.06 2006-12-04 19:17:00 Lane Garritson from "Prison Break" in SUV accident that killed 17 year old (tmz)There is a mathematical equation that proves Renee Zellweger is ugly (yeeeah!)Jessica Simpson screws up the song "9-5" then walks offstage (seriously? omg!)Sexiest pig alive dies (junkiness)Agent Bedhead is excellent at hating Gwenyth Paltrow (agent bedhead)Last Night VH1 Awards Pics (pop on the pop)Eddie Murphy in the running for an Oscar? (Malibu)Posh house hunting next to the Cruises (daily mail)Lance and Riechen call it quits (a socialite's life)
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MADONNA'S MARRIAGE ON THE ROCKS 2006-12-05 14:08:00 What? A problem with this marriage you've got to be kidding me. Female First reports:Madonna and Guy Ritchie have reportedly been seeing a marriage counsellor in a desperate bid to save their six-year union.The 'Hung Up' singer and her film director husband have allegedly been seeing top marital therapist Tricia Barnes after their relationship hit "rock bottom", following the couple's controversial adoption of a Malawi baby.A source told Britain's People newspaper: "The marriage is near rock-bottom. They've been putting on a united front in public but behind closed doors their marriage has come under strain. The publicity surrounding the adoption has created a difficult atmosphere in their home. After a heart-to-heart they decided to seek the help of a marriage guidance specialist."There were reports that he had reservations about adopting David, and I had a sneaking suspicion that Guy Richie really agreed with me. Before you know it she'll be reinventing herself again as the
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