Owner: SPANK CHEEKS URL:http://spankcheeks.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Mon, 21 Aug 2006 21:37:04 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: All the news that's fit to spank -- celebrity gossip, paparazzi pics, all that's inspired in Hollywood. Mindless crap in one irrefutable, beautiful blog. Come and knock yourselves out. Literally. Site statistics:Click here
LINDSAY LOHAN IS A ZOMBIE HIPPIE 2006-12-05 13:45:00 Lindsay Lohan showed up to Britney's 25th birthday party, where she wandered aimlessly in the parking lot flashing a peace sign, and never went inside. I'm thinking it wasn't a peace sign but just the letter V. Which stands for Vagina and to expect a sighting.Check out the coked up, rabbit fur ensconsed zombie hippie at X17.
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GWYNETH IS 'SORRY' 2006-12-05 13:35:00 Now she's claiming she's been misquoted. Fuck you Gwyneth. People Reports:This is what I said. I said that Europe is a much older culture and there's a difference. I always say in America, people live to work and in Europe, people work to live. There are positives in both," says the actress, adding, "Obviously I need to go back to seventh-grade Spanish!"I can only guess her publicist mentioned maybe dissing the country that made her homely ass famous might have been a bad idea. Yea, Gweneth, Europe is much older culture. You might remember that they escaped religious persecution and came to the NEW WORLD, called AMERICA to an area they dubbed NEW ENGLAND to demonstrate their independence from the British Crown. They even made a holiday around it called "Thanksgiving". AND, they don't speak Spanish in Portugal, so you've got more to deal with than your 7th grade Spanish.You're not upset you were misquoted…you just realized you bit the hand that holds your paycheck.
Read more:GWYNETH
GUESSING GAME 2006-12-05 15:56:00 Just asking from Page Six wants to know:-- WHICH recently separated celeb has a new habit to go along with her new friends? The cutie is spending way too much time in the bathroom of the many clubs she visits, hoovering down cocaine that her pals supply her with . . . WHICH hard-partying Hollywood starlet has club cocktail waitresses fueling rumors of rehab by whispering that the actress cuts her coke with strawberry Quik? . . . WHICH new pair of best friends are actually more? When they get back to their hotels or homes, the clothes come off.Well?
SPANK IT YOURSELF 12.05.06 2006-12-05 22:39:00 Fergie performs drunk at the Billboard Awards (celebitchy)Reading about Jessica Simpson's fuck up of 9-5 was better than watching it (mollygood)Don't H8 - Ebay Auctions for PS3s (don't be a h8r)Please don't break my big gay heart (the evil beet)Guide to celebrity apologies (cityrag)Scarlett Johannson loves her ta-tas (pop on the pop)Read about an A-list 60+actor who starts drinking in the morning and can't get a woman to sleep with him more than once (crazy days and nights)Dreamgirls premiers in New York (popsugar)
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SPANK IT YOURSELF 12.06.06 2006-12-06 13:49:00 I'm really sorry about this but today I've got to ask you to Spank It Yourself. All day. Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn are all done. Oo, Shocker. (I'm not obsessed)Jenny McCarthy has no plans on getting married to Jim Carrey (popsugar)Andy Dick drops the N-bomb. He must have a black power hair pick too (defamer)Carmen Electra is giving us tits for Christmas!!! Woot! (hollywood tuna)J-Lo doesn't spend much time thinking about "those girls" (a socialite's life)Beyonce dishes out an array of backhanded compliments towards Jennifer Hudson (tmz)Lane Garrison used to live with Jessica Simpson and Papa Joe (evil beet)Lance Bass has either moved on or hired an escort (page six)Tori Spelling is having a yard sale..ha ha ha ha ha (perezhilton)
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NO BELL CAN SAVE YOU FROM THIS 2006-12-07 01:47:00 I interrupt my current Merlot imbibement to bring you something you will curse me and dare I say…hate me for. But I feel it's my obligation to mentally accost you and leave you unable to sleep. At least give me credit for not leaving it for morning, while you are eating breakfast or at work. Unless you are the Night Security Guy, in which case it doesn't matter because you are sitting there with your pants off already. I know about you people.I give to you, in it's full and complete entirety, the Screech "Dirty Sanchez" video. And I'll have you know watching this had the reverse effect that regular porn has. Dried right up like the Sahara.I don't think there is enough Merlot left in the box to make me okay with any of this.
LINDSAY LOHAN IS A SPITTER 2006-12-07 14:17:00 The bloated and bemused Lindsay Lohan was at a party recently and grossed people out. The National Enquirer reports:Talk about a shocking breach of decency and sanitation…Mean Grrl LINDSAY LOHAN grossed eyewitnesses at a Hollywood industry bash when she snaked out a paw as a waiter passed by with hors d'oeuvres, popped one in her mouth, then shrieked, "This tastes like s***" - and spit it back onto the tray! As eyes rolled, Ms. Train Wreck snagged a napkin and daintily patted her pie-hole as the horrified waiter tossed his napkin over her disgusting spit-out, stalked straight to the kitchen and dumped the contaminated tray! (Dude, you shoulda sold it on eBay!)I know, The National Enquirer. But like I heard this guy tell his wife in line at the grocery store the other day, "There has to be some truth behind what they print or they'd be getting sued ALL the time". And I thought yea, that's true. That's why my court appointed attorney told me I can't sue Han Dynasty
OPINIONS FROM THE BRAINTRUST 2006-12-07 14:01:00 Here's something to make your head spin. I thought it was the hangover but I'm pretty sure it was reading this article. Courtney Love and Janice Dickinson have decided we need to know what they think about Britney Spears' parenting skills. Pot! Kettle! Black! Oh and can I just tell you.…I'm in front of the liquor store but Loretta from the shelter was here before me. Can you imagine being that desperate to be here at 7:30 a.m.? Why not wait until a civilized hour like…8:00 am? God. That's why this town is going to the dogs.Click here to read about Courtney and Janice's take on Britney's parenting skills.
PEREZ HILTON ON HOWARD STERN 2006-12-07 13:41:00 I know a lot of you hate him. I don't hate him. Hhe makes me laugh with his sophomoric and mean retort. It satisfies the mean girl in me, what can I tell you. But love him or hate him, Perez Hilton is taking it up the ass for the rest of us bloggers at the moment, even if it is by his own doiong. A lot of bloggers give him shit for not paying for the pictures he uses on his site, but how many of us do? How many of us can, is the real question. It's very expensive to buy the rights to imagry. And although he does get over 4 million hits a day and he can afford it, this whole case is going to bring to light the very fact that there are thousands of bloggers who borrow imagry and the outcome could potentially impact the rest of us.So depending on the outcome of his trial, "right click, save as" will be a thing of the past and then we'll have to depend on solely our writing skills. And that scares me because I don't have skills. Well, I do….says so over the 3rd urinal but you Read more:PEREZ HILTON
, HOWARD STERN
BRITNEY SPEARS NOT BEING INVESTIGATED 2006-12-07 13:37:00 There was rumorage yesterday about Social Services coming to investigate Britney because she's been out partying. But I guess it's a bunch of shit. TMZ reports:Reports are circulating that the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services has paid a visit to Britney Spears because of her recent hard partying. I'm told that is simply not the case.Reliable sources in the world of Britney tell me DCFS never questioned the panty-challenged singer about her late-night clubbing. I'm getting a sense that the agency may have questioned Spears in the recent past as a follow-up to the seat belt incident earlier this year. Of course, Brit aficionados remember that DCFS went to her Malibu home after learning that Sean Preston was a passenger in the car she was driving and he was not strapped in. No action was taken in that case.Well, that's a load off of my mind. Because I don't want kids to get in the way of my hard partying lifestyle, and rumor has it I have some kids
FRECKLED TRAINWRECK THAT IS LOHAN 2006-12-07 17:38:00 Back in the day, drinking and dialing used to be the thing you wanted to avoid. In this new age of technology, it's drinking and and typing. Page Six Reports:LINDSAY Lohan is preparing to clean up her image and go to war with the media with the help of a high-powered friend - former Vice President Al Gore."Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me," Lohan wrote last week in a rambling, semi-literate e-mail to her friends and lawyers.In the bizarre message read by Page Six, Lohan burbled, "If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis [sic], and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."Would be willing to what, exactly? You've got to read the rest of it. You need to read about the "Way of the Future…"Invoking what she puzzlingly calls the "way of the future-Howard Hughes," her desire is to "release a politically/
THE SIMPSONS... 2006-12-08 13:40:00 *start playing the theme song in your head*Jessica's mom is bullshit about her daughter messing up the 9-5 song in front of Dolly Parton and thinks Jessica should get out of the business if she's not willing to put in the work. Of course, Papa Joe called it cute. I don't think either one of them are going to have to fight Jessica's career much longer. Stick a fork in it. It's done.Click here to read about her mother verbally spank her. And below, is what her mom is so mad about.
IF LEGS WERE BRAINS.... 2006-12-08 12:02:00 Heather Mills would be missing half of hers. The Daily mail reports:Heather Mills has taken the extraordinary step of representing herself in court to reduce mounting legal bills in her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney.Ms Mills has dispensed with barristers charging as much as £15,000 a day in her latest legal action against McCartney.The source said Ms Mills has retained the services of London law firm Mishcon de Reya in the main divorce battle over money and custody of three-year-old daughter Beatrice.But in the ancillary action, she appeared as a litigant in person without professional help. The source said: "She is an intelligent woman and felt she was capable of handling this."The "source" is smoking crack. If she was that intelligent, she would know she is one of the most hated women in the world right now and she needs all the help she can get. But she's a lying whore and used to defending herself and she's probably an expert in trying to get johns to pay her by now. So itâ
GET YOUR WANNABE ON 2006-12-08 12:00:00 You ever see something you like but you can't have it? Besides your girlfriend's husband? Well, have I got a website for you. Have you ever seen something on these celebrity blogs that you would love to have? For me, it's Jessica Simpson's shoes and purse in this post.So, check it out. You can go to this website and do a visual search on any of the celebrities they have featured. Jessica Biel's shoes? Yup. Beyonce's earrings? Got you covered, beeatch. Brad Pitt's watch? Yup, that too. Just in time for Christmas.Click here.
LADY IN RED 2006-12-08 14:05:00 Jessica Simpson wasn't the only person embarrassed at the Kennedy Center event the other night. First Lady Laura Bush was one of four women who wore the same dress. CBS reports:As CBS News correspondent Thalia Assurasreports, that's exactly what happened to first lady Laura Bush at Sunday's Kennedy Center Honors, always one of Washington's biggest nights for stars, and glamorous fashion. With guests in the spotlight at the exclusive White House receptions that go with the ceremony, the designer gowns are always scrutinized. And on Sunday, four women at the reception wore the exact same $8,500 Oscar de la Renta dress, Mrs. Bush among them.Click here to see what some would call a fashion faux pas (personally, I'd file it under "clusterfuck").
SPANK IT YOURSELF 12.08.06 2006-12-08 20:03:00 Ever wonder what a children's book about Pete Dougherty would be like? (agentbedhead)David Hasselhoff has daughters and they're getting a reality show (seriously? omg!)Al Gore and Barak Obama keeping their distance from Lohan (tmz)Madonna and husband Guy Richie argue loudly in public about what a controlling POS she is (celebitchy)Cameron Diaz Does it Doggy Style (yeeeah!)Because everyone flashes their cooter now-a-days, Paris embarks on next publicity stunt (pop on the pop)Ahem. Indian men! Your plight is nearly over (junkiness)Lindsay Lohan's cutting is confirmed. She's giving off so many cries for help..and yet, no one will. Go figure. (cityrag)
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ROSIE O'DONNELL IS A HYPOCRITE 2006-12-11 18:50:00 I find it curious that someone who is constantly voicing her "view" and acting as the pundit of all that is "politically correct" is now telling Asians to "get over it". TMZ reports:She may not have used the N-word, but that doesn't mean Rosie O'Donnell is in the clear when it comes to race relations. According to Page 6, Asian-Americans are fuming at "The View" host for saying that Danny DeVito's drunken antics made headlines in China that read: 'Ching chong, ching ching chong, Danny DeVito!""The use of the distorted phrases is insulting to the Chinese and Chinese-Americans, and gives the impression that they are a group that is substandard to English-speaking people," says the Asian-American Journalists Association. But Rosie's rep thinks they just don't get it: "I certainly hope that one day they will be able to grasp her humor."You know what? I wouldn't be disgusted with it if she didn't get on her high horse when someone says something she doesn't like. He
TORI SPELLING'S YARD SALE A SUCCESS 2006-12-11 18:00:00 Oh thank God....the yardsale was a success. I was worried she might have to attempt a comeback. And now..we all know where she lives.Click here to enter the yard sale Portal...
Read more:YARD SALE
THE PIT OF DESPAIR 2006-12-11 06:38:00 Step right up! Step right up! Behold the cavernous "Pit of Despair". Don't mind the smell tuna and bengay!! Only the brave can cast their eyes upon such a monstrosity....Enter only if you dare...
TRUTHINESS NOW JOINS THE LEXICOGRAPHICAL PANTHEON 2006-12-11 06:32:00 The 2006 Word of the Year is: Truthiness. Yahoo reports:After 12 months of naked partisanship on Capitol Hill, on cable TV and in the blogosphere, the word of the year for 2006 is ... "truthiness."The word — if one can call it that — best summed up 2006, according to an online survey by dictionary publisher Merriam-Webster."Truthiness" was credited to Comedy Central satirist Stephen Colbert, who defined it as "truth that comes from the gut, not books.""We're at a point where what constitutes truth is a question on a lot of people's minds, and truth has become up for grabs," said Merriam-Webster president John Morse. "`Truthiness' is a playful way for us to think about a very important issue."Other Top 10 finishers included "war," "insurgent," "sectarian" and "corruption." But "truthiness" won 5-to-1, Morse said.Colbert, who once derided the folks at Springfield-based Merriam-Webster as the "word police" and a bunch of "wordinistas," was pleased."Though I'm no fan of reference
BUSTED! NICOLE RICHIE ARRESTED FOR DUI 2006-12-11 19:20:00 Same story...different "celebrity". Nicole Richie got popped this morning for driving under the influence. TMZ reports:TMZ has learned that Nicole Richie was arrested for DUI early Monday morning. She was booked at 4:50 AM today and was released around 7:15 this morning. The booking sheet reveals Richie is 5'1" and 85 lbs.We're told two motorists spotted her SUV going the wrong way on the 134 Freeway in Burbank. The drivers called 911.When the CHP responded, Richie was stopped in the carpool lane and was alone in the vehicle. When cops approached the vehicle, Richie was on her cellphone.Law enforcement officers tell TMZ Nicole Richie admitted she had taken Vicodin and smoked pot. A preliminary alcohol screening device revealed that Nicole was not under the influence of alcohol.I could come up with something catty or snarky but I'm not going to because frankly, I've used up all my "dumbfuck" jokes on Britney, Paris and Lindsay. I'm spent. Give it 30 minutes and a story will be out Read more:NICOLE
SPANK IT YOURSELF 12.11.06 2006-12-11 22:57:00 Unseen Marilyn Monroe Pictures (dailymail)A fascinating read about the life of a city squirrel (yahoo)Paris and Nicky get a little incestuous (news of the world)Get your "insiders' update here (crazy days and nights)John Stamos to play a gay wedding planner (agent bedhead)Courtney love thinks she might have gotten another STD (junkiness)Eva Longoria shoves her ring in our collective faces (seriously? omg!)Gwen Stephani does TRL (yeeah!)
Read more:SPANK
KIRSTIE ALLEY WANTS US TO STOP MAKING FUN OF SCIENTOLOGY 2006-12-12 13:32:00 Oh yea? Give us a reason not to. Pr-inside reports:Former CHEERS star KIRSTIE ALLEY
has had enough of the criticism the Church of Scientology receives and wants the media to start poking fun at other religions.The actress, a fervent Scientologist, suggests it's unfair that her chosen religion is always wrapped up in controversy and it's members considered cultist nuts.She says, "Why is it OK that Scientology gets slammed? A bigot is a bigot is a bigot."You would never come out and say Catholics are weird or 'Jews are weird' that's nothing short of bigotry. And it should be defended by every other religion in this world, because they're next." "For me, Scientology is, 'Let me make some oars and get in the boat and paddle myself across...' That's how you get to the other side."I'm thinking when the founder of your religion is also a science fiction author, and you've got Tom Cruise as your poster boy, and all your holidays suck , then your religion is going to have some credib Read more:SCIENTOLOGY
JENNIFER ANISTON HAS NO SELF ESTEEM 2006-12-12 12:46:00 I'm thinking K-fed either has Kevorka or we are on the cusp of Armageddon and I'm waiting for K-Fed to open his shirt and show us the mark of the beast. Celebitchy reports:After hanging out with former "Friends' costars, Jen made for Club Citrus with some gal pals for some laughs and what became a few too many Limoncello's. Jen was first introduced to the high-octane cocktail in Italy by the same guy that sent his pal Danny DeVito to be on "The View" while he was in a state of mild delirium.And what other newly exed celeb happened to be in the same place, slamming a Colt 45 while wearing a too-large-for-his-frame velour sweatsuit? None other than FedEx and his posse, all of whom went nuts when they saw Jen. My sources tell me they spent the rest of the night in a private area, making fun of their exes.When the lights of the club finally came on, the two were seen escaping into the shadows through a back door. Citrus owner Peter Chin, always tight-lipped about his mega-st Read more:JENNIFER
, SELF ESTEEM
LINDSAY'S COOCH IMMORTALIZED IN SONG 2006-12-12 12:07:00 There is a band called "Spank Rock" doing a song called "Lindsay's Revenge" comparing Lindsay's cooch to a baby rat. I did a Google search looking for a bald, disfigured red rat to personify said cooch, but there wasn't anything, so behold the closest thing I could come up with. Abby's description of "hollowed out ballsac" rhymes with rat but they didn't use it. Should have though.Click here to listen.A shout out to the uber-spankable Teresa Marie for the tip.
DEVITO WAS JUST KIDDING 2006-12-13 14:45:00 As outrage grows over Rosie's "ChingChong" joke, Danny DeVito has decided to remove himself from the debacle by saying his public drunkenness was nothing but a joke. TMZ reports:Danny DeVito says his wacky appearance on "The View" was the result of being "groggy" after a wild night with George Clooney ... not because he was drunk.The funnyman appeared to be wasted during the chat show, which included a rant against President Bush -- much of which was bleeped out by censors. He also cursed the "seven limoncellos" he drank the previous night. In his first TV appearance since the incident, DeVito tried to clear up the situation last night on CNBC's "Conversations with Michael Eisner," telling the media mogul, "I was funny ... I was a little groggy ... I was joking, that was a joke." Ah, c'mon, that's a little Mickey Mouse.Apparently Danny was drunk during that too because I have no idea why you would drag Mickey Mouse into it. Anyway…I too, like to come into work and "pretend"
CHRISTMAS 2.0 2006-12-13 14:17:00 Good Morning! 10 Zen Monkeys has a nice post called: Christmas 2.0: Subverting the Holidays With Re-dubbing, where you can witness our traditional Christmas favorites morph into new, timeless classics like Frosty the Raging Anarchist or A Charlie Brown Christmas - Alternate Ending. I thought it would be nice to be able to start you off with Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - The Unrated Version. Enjoy watching this with your morning coffee (turn the sound down).Wahoo-Doray, let the bastardization of Christmas begin!Thanks to Junkiness for the tip.
SPANK IT YOURSELF 12.13.06 2006-12-13 18:23:00 Was Sly Stallone the brain behind the "Richard Gere's Gerbilgate"? (celebitchy)Gray's Anatomy Spoiler..click it…click it..you know you want to….(seriously omg)Harriet Carter - Earth Angel (IBBB)Cameron Diaz rides Justin Timberlake like a Harley on a bad stretch of road (yeeeah!)GUESS what kind of implants Ashlee Simpson is getting? (agent bedhead)Jude Law plans on destroying Christmas for his children (junkiness)Katheryn McPhee is beautiful in her OK photoshoot (pop on the pop)Santa saw you masturbating. Yes. He did. (the onion)*image 'right clicked/saved as' from Celebitchy.
Read more:SPANK
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