Owner: If I Was A Gecko URL:http://ifiwasagecko.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Thu, 24 May 2007 18:19:27 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Guaranteed to enhance your life. Though only if your life is particularly empty. Site statistics:Click here
3 King 2007-06-07 14:04:00 As documented in one of the first posts and again sometime after, I have being attentively observing my 10-year-old nephew’s swearing habits. Over the last year I think he has matured in one sense, that is realising the hypocrisy of attitudes towards children swearing. The monotonous routine of swearing is instilled in him by his parents unconcealed arguments and the movies and games he is
Home 2007-06-25 15:38:00 So I’m home! ‘Of The Day’ is not home quite yet as he’s rather smitten by this tart called ‘Del Día’.
Don’t worry, it’ll never last.
It's Your Business 2007-06-22 09:34:00 Out of the county #3
Today I watched ¡Allá tú! on TV, their version of Deal or No Deal. It was rather exciting, although the woman playing it was rather under-whelmed by the whole show and the gay host with a fairy wand.
'Of The Day' apparently had a successful day fishing, both at the lake for fish and in the city for slutty Spanish words and phrases. Read more:Business
Very Serious Men 2007-06-19 15:12:00 Out of the county #2
Today I watched two men talk on TV about something that seemed very serious indeed. I don’t think they liked each other.
'Of The Day' spent the day cycling, came back to shower then left again to get laid.
El Gong Show 2007-06-16 15:12:00 Out of the county #1
I have been sitting indoors alone watching ‘El Gong Show’. The highlight being a man who crushed nutshells with his buttocks.
Obviously, 'Of The Day' is also out of the country with me, but has left me by myself to go and watch some football match.
Swings And Roundabouts 2007-06-13 13:26:00 'Of The Day' and I are busy packing to leave the country and enjoy the playground of Europe....except the parts that include Scandinavian designed playgrounds that contain things that no one is sure the purpose of....
Be right back...
Hope Not Withstanding 2007-06-10 15:07:00 On the sidebar on the left I found it quite unsettling that under “Probable nonsense OF THE DAY”, the main story in the daily mail, was “Depression and my wife's affair: Bobby Davro talks about the dark periods of his life”. This motivated me to think about using some future posts to help those of us struggling with the conundrum of existence. Until then though, PRETEND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DIE!!
Humoral Medicine 2007-06-28 15:10:00 Humorism is a theory of the makeup and workings of the human body adopted by ancient Greek and Roman physicians and philosophers and a commonly held view among Europeans until the nineteenth century. It holds that the human body is filled with four basic substances, called Four humours, which are held in balance when a person is healthy. These four humours were black bile, yellow bile, phlegm, Read more:Medicine
Quite Contrary 2007-07-01 15:37:00 So I had this idea to test, Fraudulent Christian # 1, Shane/Carl the rodeo, church building, TV evangelist, following his u-turn on the subject of sex. The original thought “slam my 101/2 cock into you and jack hammer ur pussy”, had changed when I told him (as a fictitious female!) I spent most of the weekend having copious amounts of sex. His attitude had now become, “when your young like you it
Never A Frown With Gordon Brown 2007-09-10 13:01:00 I really don’t know how you are able to determine whether a feeling is ‘homoerotic’ or otherwise. But I just think GordonBrown
is lovely. He’s just a big lovely, cuddly, clunky, chunky monkey. The combination of austere intelligence and unrefined, childlike awkwardness is just adorable. Yeah....using the word “adorable” is probably how you determine whether a feeling is ‘homoerotic’.....Well I Read more:Gordon Brown
Stones And Rock 2007-09-07 13:00:00 So the McCanns murdered Madeleine! They probably didn’t and no one has seen any proof of any kind, but they still definitely murdered her. They just have that look on their faces and that’s enough for me. Gerry McCann is outraged at the allegations as he was planning on releasing a lengthy autobiography accompanied by a compilation of soft rock classics and a range of Madeleine McCann sportswear. Read more:Stones
Courageous And Daring 2007-09-04 14:08:00 The boldness (and genius..............) of If I Was A Gecko cannot be understated but I’m sure it’s often ignored due to the intimidating amount of letters, words and sentences. So now the boldness will be twofold, in all my posts, as I attempt to alleviate the ardour of tackling the overwhelming amount of letters, words and sentences I write.
Monthly Review AND FREE GOOGLE ASSISTANCE Of The Read more:Daring
Don’t Blame It On The Sunshine... 2007-08-31 19:49:00 ...Also, don’t blame it on the moonlight or the “good times”. Blame
my recent absence entirely on (Peruvian football/soccer legend) Nolberto “Nobby” Solano. Yes the entirely true, if somewhat implausible, reason for my absence over the last two months is actually because I actually am “Nobby” Solano‘s actual agent and have spent the entire length of the summer transfer window negotiating his
Yesterday's News 2007-10-07 18:36:00 For many weeks now I’ve neglected the lives of local people in place of unnecessary activities such as perusing happiness and venturing outside my local borough. I now know this is unacceptable and have rummaged through the paper bins of various local friends to show solitary with the facially challenged, racist farmers in my local area by returning with Weekly Review of my Local Weekly Newspaper Read more:Yesterday
Truly Memorable Parodic Material 2007-10-04 18:39:00 Re: Dr. Loves Breasts-
Dear Gecko,
I'd like to start by telling you that I thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog entries last evening while perusing the Internet. Your conversations with assorted individuals and their various sexual fetishes was phenomenal...truly memorable parodic material. As someone who frequents such websites as theonion.com, I found I couldn't stop reading your conversations
Ponkybooberries 2007-10-01 14:20:00 Monthly Review AND FREE GOOGLE ASSISTANCE Of The Previous Months Searched Keywords OF THE MONTH -
To illustrate how insanely high up If I Was A Gecko is on google for many seaches, this site is the first result when searching for “footbollocks”. I’m not entirely sure why someone would search for footbollocks, but it must annoy another blog actually called Footbollocks, that I’m above them. The
The Great Prophet Gecko 2007-09-28 14:20:00 OF THE DAY Is Away At The Moment, But Here Is A Picture Of What He Is Doing OF THE DAY - OTD is currently passing through passport control with the Ukrainian taekwondo team.
That really was the Ukrainian taekwondo team. Because, due to my previous Ukrainian Superstition OF THE DAY and musings about Scottish taekwondo, you may think that I’ve just made that up like a big maker-upper. But HA, it’s Read more:Great
, Prophet
, Gecko
Nicole Versus Tayra 2007-09-25 13:04:00 When my mother recently told me about my sister’s husband being in trouble for sleeping with a stripper, my instinctive reaction was to jokingly chant “Jeeerry, Jeeerry, Jeeerry”. Apparently it’s not funny though. But I later realised that Jerry (Jerry Jerry) Springer is probably a lot better at resolving issues than my sister and her husband. “Is your marriage falling apart because of cheating?
You Don’t Know You're Dead 2007-09-22 14:17:00 In a recent post I suggested have a new feature: I Have Yet To Discover The Meaning Of Life, But I Definitely Know What Isn’t The Meaning Of Life And That Will Have To Do For Now OF THE DAY. I think it was going to include things like past-life regression and ..........visiting Stonehenge. But that would be somewhat negative and profitless, so I think the new feature I should work on should be
I Want A Zonkey 2007-09-19 14:10:00 Yes, my niece wants a zonkey. You may recall she’s wanted both a crowbar and a terrorist in the past, when she actually meant Care Bear and terrapin. Unusually she actually pronounced her intended word correctly. A zonkey is another name for a zeedonk, a zebra-donkey hybrid that is very cute indeed if you’re a 6-year-old girl. Not being able to easily procure a zonkey, instead I showed her a
Arse 2: Judgment Day 2007-09-16 14:14:00 After worrying about my doctors appointment and then realising that having an old man finger your anus can be quite a amiable experience, I was finally referred to an arse doctor...... a colon commander..... a buttock boffin ......... OK, I can’t actually remember what they’re called, but they’re fucking bastards.
This was all several weeks ago, but I can only now bring myself to retell the Read more:Judgment
De Dum Dum 2007-09-13 14:15:00 I never liked the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand. Not just because it’s obviously a pretty crappy story, but more the undeniable dubiosity and intended meaning. If Christians were fractionally as questioning of biblical events as they are over any other, I’m not sure how such a story can be seen as a miracle.
“Listen everyone, those bloody disciples can only find a couple of fish and
SEX-CHATATHON: "Reverend Rock n Roll" 2007-10-12 17:25:00 Following the initial carnal chat with “Christian” Shane/Carl and the subsequent condemnation of his past and sexuality in general, I thought I’d added him to Mary Adams’ MSN Messenger and see if his epiphany was genuine:
Mary: hello
Shane: hiya
Shane: :P
Mary: hey im not sure how i know you
Shane: ur not
Shane: me eithers
Shane: lol
Mary: oh
Shane: yea
Shane: Well nice to meet u again
Shane: Read more:Reverend
#94: "How To Find A Lost Gecko" 2007-10-10 17:13:00 The age old question. But what DO you do when you lose your gecko. I looked for the answer.
You’ll need to attract your gecko using the lure of food or a warm hide. Mealworms or crickets are useful to tempt the gecko out if you have an idea where it may be and are ready to catch it. If you are unsure where it may be you will need to look in the smallest of cracks and the warmest, darkest areas Read more:Gecko
#95: "Sex-Obsessed Obsessed" 2007-10-13 14:25:00 Despite ‘Bean OF THE DAY’, the majority of the emails I receive refer to the transcripts of filth from fake sex chats with perverts, paedophiles and the occasional “caring, sensitive, intelligent young man”. Should it be a case of supply and demand or shall I aim for a greater sense of self-governance when it comes to the quality and content of these pages?
In many ways this dilemma is the
Recommend Site To A Friend
