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Just Something Funny I Wrote While Living On My Little Brothers Couch (1993)
2007-02-17 01:24:07
. . “There is no fucking ice cream in your fucking future.” Otis Driftwood, The Devils Rejects . . this was less than two minutes of ‘manic’: . “If we could all erase the colour of our skin we would all die because we would have none and then what would hold our stomachs in and without stomachs we would go hungry and we [...]
Read more: Brothers , Couch , Funny , Living

This One’s For St. Michael And All The Memories In The Backrow
2007-02-02 02:37:57
. Mary (1993) . The first cut is the deepest, Baby I know — The first cut is the deepest ‘Cause when it comes to being lucky, she’s cursed When it comes to lovin’ me, she’s worse But when it comes to being loved, she’s first That’s how I know. Cat Stevens . . “…Does our breath leave us with the hope of one day returning to our [...]
Read more: Michael

I Still Need This Thing.
2007-05-17 09:13:30
. . Blood may be thicker than water, but you can still drown in it. “Can’t you see I’m busy gettin’ high?”. Bystander Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. . . Salted Lithium is coming back… . I still need this thing… because I’m not sane yet. So next week, maybe this weekend, I start posting here again. . . . …since november fourteenth, 2006. “You burn things when there’s no going back. [...]
Read more: Thing

Manic Depression Did Not Rape You And It Certainly Didn’t Kill Your Dog
2007-05-20 03:27:06
. . People say things / People lie about themselves / People talk about the way they want to be / People use words to hide themselves / I can call myself an Angel / But it won’t / take The Pitchfork / Out of my hand. Something I wrote. …Call it what you like, / that nightly jaunt I took, [...]
Read more: Manic

Ten Things I Did Last Year, Eight Things I’ve Stopped Doing This Year, Three Revelations And A Ten-Year Old Holding A Gun
2007-05-23 03:21:44
. . The reason I write / is to make something / as beautiful as you are. / When I’m with you / I want to be the kind of hero / I wanted to be / when I was seven years old / a perfect man / who kills. “The Reason I Write”, Leonard Cohen She sits with / [...]
Read more: Eight , Revelations , Three

God Save The Queen, Because I Was Too Broken To Do The Job
2007-05-28 11:22:40
. . Elephants // aren’t any more important / than insects // but I’m on the side / of elephants // unless one of them tries / to crawl up my leg “Elephants”, John Newlove Young man, / Seize every minute / Of your time. / The days fly by; / Ere long you too / Will grow old. // If you believe me not, / See there, in the [...]
Read more: Broken , Queen

UmBiPMaD Stories: Food Banks, Roaches & Potato Soup
2007-05-31 20:21:15
This is a photo of the Main Street of my little village… looking East. . . If Hell is so Evil, why does it punish the Wicked? Just A Question I Asked. “…it’s just the ability to reason that wears so thin / Living and dying and the stories that are true / The secret to a good life is [...]
Read more: Potato , Stories

UmBiPMaD Stories: Taking The Razor Blades Out Of My Homemade Cookies And Other Lessons Of The 209 Chocolate Milk Jugs
2007-06-04 01:52:58
This is a diner in a mini mega-mall near my little village. . . There is no system of philosophy to spin out. There are no ethical truths; there are just clarifications of particular ethical problems. Take advantage of these clarifications and work out your own existence. You are mistaken to think that anyone ever had the answers. [...]
Read more: Blades , Chocolate , Cookies , Lessons , Razor , Stories , Taking

First Truths: Larry, The Escape From My Father And My Twelfth Home In Nine Years
2007-06-09 05:13:51
Me. . . When the Truths being offered are complicated and frightening we tend to grasp on to what we believe to be true and never let go, no matter what evidence is offered. I stopped holding on to the lies and started gathering evidence a long time ago. . Is love the way / A man will abuse his [...]
Read more: Escape , Father , First , Larry , Twelfth , Years

Flickr Has Flicked Me Off For The Last Time…
2007-06-08 05:03:30
If you can see this Flickr hasn’t totally fucked up… . . Flickr Sucks Wet Horse Dung… most of my photos are hosted on Flickr, then I link them to this site… this is the fourth time in three months all of my Flickr photos have disappeared without explanation — even from my Flickr pages. This time it’s everything saved [...]
Read more: hellip

When You Spend 6570 Consecutive Days Wanting To Kill Yourself The Little Things Get Neglected… Like Dental Hygiene.
2007-06-13 03:30:24
This is a photo I took of the lifeguard station on a Lake Ontario beach in Toronto. . . “Currently, access to dental care is mostly limited to those with jobs that provide private insurance benefits, or can afford to pay for treatment out of pocket. Many on low incomes do not receive dental benefits and cannot afford [...]
Read more: hellip , Hygiene , Yourself

Protected: A Lying Maoist Revolutionary Con Artist Stole My Family And All He Left Me With Was A Crappy Bike
2007-06-25 01:51:48
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Read more: Artist , Crappy , Family , Lying , Maoist , Revolutionary , Stole

A New, Gaping Hole In My Mouth Reveals Nothing About My Personal Recovery But The Photo Is So Totally Worth Seeing
2007-06-29 18:13:05
Until thirty seconds ago this was firmly attatched to my jaw. — photo by Me. . . “The tooth fairy comes when a child has lost a tooth. Commonly, she is very small, and she comes in the middle of the night. The child is to leave the tooth under his/her pillow, so that the tooth fairy can take it [...]
Read more: Nothing , Personal , Photo , Recovery , Seeing , Worth

UmBiPMaD Stories: Fred Nietzsche Was My 240lb Solvent-Huffing Ex-Nazi Rooming-House Neighbour And Friend Insert Two Exclamation Points Here
2007-07-04 02:18:01
Some flowers on the back porch at my parents place. . . To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence. Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German Philosopher . Dave killed my rabbit. Fred Nietzsche, Rooming House Neighbour, Spadina Street, Ottawa . . UmBiPMaD: Unmedicated BiPolar Manic [...]
Read more: Points , Stories

Testing An Epiphany And Having A Revelation While Losing Ten Pounds In Two Days On The Fashion Model Glamour Diet
2007-07-11 01:57:34
“Maligne Lake, Jasper Park”, Oil On Canvas — by Lawren S. Harris (1885-1970), scanned from a postcard. . . “There exists an obvious fact that seems utterly moral: namely, that a man is always a prey to his truths. Once he has admitted them, he cannot free himself from them. One has to pay something. A man who [...]
Read more: Fashion , Having , Pounds , Revelation , Testing , Two Days

My Memory Is So Good I Can Say With Absolute Certainty That On June 4th, 1996, I Had Creamed Corn With Chopped Onions For Dinner… It Was Delicious
2007-07-14 03:31:10
The first gate on the driveway to my grandfather’s farm. I remember planting most of these trees. . . “Memory is… one of a suite of higher or ‘executive’ brain functions hobbled by depression.“ “Memory Loss and the Brain”, Daniel Pendick (1991) . “The problem is that eyewitness acounts, while more convincing than hearsay accounts, are not always reliable. Research on eyewitness testimony is [...]
Read more: Absolute , Certainty , Delicious , Dinner , hellip , Onions

Fixed: 504 Gateway Timeout Because Apparently Canada’s Biggest ISP Refuses To Talk To The WordPress Server
2008-03-07 16:07:55
UPDATED 21:55 Mar 07 01:27 Mar 08 So… HOLY CRAP I can SEE. Whatever button someone pushed, please keep up the good work… I have a Blue Bar, I can see WordPress pages, and I think I’m surfing faster than ever… and no more 504 Pages… HOLY YAY. I’m going to do a post on Panic [...]
Read more: Canada , Fixed , Gateway , Refuses

Living Off The Avails Of Others Part One
2008-03-05 03:06:31
Just a place I passed on the way home — Photo by Me, Dec. 18, 2007 . “Sweet Dreams”; Marilyn Manson Let me know if the video isn’t available. . This is going to be a series of posts on what is without a doubt the one subject most likely to cause me to consider suicide as an option. This [...]
Read more: Living , Others

Maybe It’s Time For A Manic Depressive Anonymous Or At Least Someplace We Can Go To Get More Than An Emoticon Of Support
2008-02-28 16:10:43
Yeah that’s right, you’re lunch; — Photo of Kipling by Me, Feb. 27, 2007 . “Hey Man, Nice Shot”; Filter It’s a song inspired by an American politician who killed himself on live TV Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available. . . . In 1989 I was diagnosed with manic depression based on symptoms which were about two years old. I [...]
Read more: Emoticon , Manic , Maybe , Support

Anatomy Of A 504 Panic Attack
2008-03-11 02:42:53
That was a bare sidewalk 24-hours ago — Photo by Me, Mar. 09, 2008 . “Joy To The World”; Three Dog Night Let me know if the video isn’t available. . . . I spent the better part of last week trying to decide whether to throw my computer off the balcony or cover it in Shake ‘n Bake and put it [...]
Read more: Panic , Panic Attack

No Post Day: Counterbalance
2008-03-14 04:55:49
More than 14-feet of snow has dropped on my Little Village this winter — photo by Me, Mar. 10, 2008 . “Woodstock Boogie” (the first half); Canned Heat Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available. . . I thought I’d have some time to write this week, but my grandfather’s computer, my moms delivery schedule and various WordPress / [...]


Mice And Bunnies And Puddles And Guns
2008-03-17 06:39:52
Orange juice behind plastic and glass — photo by Me, June 07, 2007 . “Blown Wide Open”; Big Wreck Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available. . . I’ve been writing my second post about my relationship with my mother, her parents, my father and his parents but I’ve got a mouse in my cupboard and it’s driving me nuts… [...]
Read more: Bunnies

Living Off The Avails Of Others Part Two What Really Is And What Should Have Been
2008-03-20 09:45:00
Taking a cookie break while walking Kipling — Photo by Me, March 13, 2008 . “Paper Planes”; M.I.A. Let me know if the video isn’t available. . “I’ve lived in extreme poverty for most of my life. In the Collective I grew up in poverty was a virtue, sacrifice proved loyalty. Most of the members worked out in the community, [...]
Read more: Living , Others

Salted Shambhala
2008-03-23 04:02:14
First time I’ve seen my pink ball there and it’s my first post… weird — screenshot by Me, March 23, 2008 . “Stand By Me”; John Lennon Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available. . . When I started blogging on WordPress I created three blogs. The idea was to keep this one for my Recovery stuff then to use [...]


Living Off The Avails Of Others Part Three A Hand Full Of Pennies
2008-03-25 09:45:50
I’m all right Jack, Keep your hands off my stack… $72 bucks in quarters — photo by Me, March 24, 2008 . “Money”; Pink Floyd Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available. . “So there was my mom, finally starting a career which paid her real money, in a new marriage with a wonderful human being and finally moving [...]
Read more: Living , Others , Pennies , Three

No Post Day: Going To The Show
2008-03-27 01:22:17
National Anthems, 2007 Stanley Cup Finals, Game 4… Senators won 5-3 — photo by Me, June 02, 2007 . “Tessie”; Dropkick Murphys One of my favourite songs… Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available. . . I’m going to The Show… Thursday night the Buffalo Sabres are in Ottawa to play against the Ottawa Senators, and I’m eating chicken fingers [...]
Read more: Going

Living Off The Avails Of Others Part Three A Hand Full Of Pennies
2008-03-25 09:45:50
I’m all right Jack, Keep your hands off my stack… $72 bucks in quarters — photo by Me, March 24, 2008 . “Money”; Pink Floyd Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available. . “So there was my mom, finally starting a career which paid her real money, in a new marriage with a wonderful human being and finally moving [...]
Read more: Living , Others , Pennies , Three

Weekend Update
2008-03-30 01:59:10
Water water everywhere — photo by Me, March 27, 2008 . “Tattoo”; Eric Lapointe The theme from “Bon Cop, Bad Cop” Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available. . . I was watching bits and pieces of the Montreal Canadiens v. Toronto Maple Leafs game when I realized I haven’t used the PlayStation all week. I’m not sure if that sounds [...]
Read more: Update , Weekend

Walking Up Hills To Prove I Can Climb Mountains
2008-04-02 03:10:09
…the only time she told me how smart I was was when she was telling me what a failure I was. One of the few “home over pump” gas stations left – photo by Me, March 27, 2008 . “I Want To Take You Higher”; Sly & The Family Stone Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available. . . . I had [...]
Read more: Climb , Hills , Prove , Walking

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