Asymmetric Movie Review: Delta Farce
2007-05-14 02:33:32
Man, I’m glad that was over. I had a choice between twenty-eight days later and Delta
Farce
. To maintain solidarity with my Southern comrades and because I felt I would have some affinity with a movie set in Iraq (which I "visited") with characters in the Army reserves (like me) who visit Mexico (as I have (I have the wife to prove it), I chose Delta Farce.
The relentlessly unfunny DF causes one to wonder whether the producers of the movie intentionally made a comedy without jokes or just forgot to include them. In fact, the whole movie seems like a project slapped together because Larry the Cable guy’s two-week vacation was a month away.
The premise isn’t bad, actually, and it could have been a passable fish out of water comedy. Three out of shape reservists (no, not redundant), all of whom share a certain skin condition inherent in Caucasian men from the South and affecting, mainly, the area on the body between the head and the shoulders, are deployed to Iraq. Wh
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You think movie reviewers aren't biased?
2007-05-12 17:15:32
1. Why would confusing Mexicans for Iraqis be racist in the first place?
2. Is this reviewer comparing Mexico to Iraq under Saddam Hussein?
OUR REVIEW
by Dave White
Who's in It: Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall, DJ Qualls, Danny Trejo, Marisol Nichols
The Basics: Dumb Army Reservist Larry the Cable Guy and his dumber friends fall out of a plane headed for Iraq and land in Mexico. And even when they encounter actual Mexicans, they still think
they're in Iraq. (It's not that they're racist, necessarily, just really, really idiotic.) Disappointed they have no war to fight, they end up battling some bad banditos and saving a village anyway.
What's the Deal? I will come clean about thinking Larry the Cable Guy is pretty funny. I do. It's not the sophisticated film critic stance, I know. It's kind of like admitting that you watch Cops (OK, yes, I do that, too.) But I laughed out loud a lot when I had to see Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, and I laughed out loud a lot at th
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, biased
Spiderman backlash
2007-05-08 06:19:50
I've gotten some grief from my buddies for gushing over Spiderman
and I've also noticed a cool reaction to the movie from other reviewers. I feel those people miss the essential point-that Spiderman is a masterpiece amongst superhero movies. Let's think of other comic book-based movies and see which ones compare to Spiderman. Of those popular enough to have become a series, Spiderman is better than the X-Men series, the Superman series, and the Batman series (I think the Land Before Time Series is better than the Batman series). No other superhero movies compare; Hulk, Daredevil, Punisher, Judge Dread anyone?
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Movie review: Spiderman Three 3
2007-05-06 03:18:49
One may quibble over their exact position, but amongst the five best superhero movies are the three Spiderman
films. In fact one can convincingly argue that the Spiderman movies back up into the first three slots,(with the third one being the best), for the Spiderman movies alone amongst superhero series may stroll alongside Lord of the Rings and Star Wars as movie series comprised of individually outstanding films that maintain or improve in quality and depth with each iteration.
A few superhero movies combine special effects and a solid plot to provide an enjoyable, escapist experience. It's when superhero movies attempt profundity that many falter. The inherent psychological complexity of the Hulk beckoned its writers to focus on David Banner's inner struggle and the writers failed miserably; the Hulk not only offers no non-obvious insights, but is ridiculous and boring. The X-Men movies focus on social analogy and encounter some success, but only middle-schoolers conside
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, Three
Robert Downey Jr. is Ironman You heard correctly
2007-05-01 06:16:01
What? Ed Begley Jr. wasn't available? Certainly, this is the worst superhero casting since Michael Keaton as Batman. What's next, Rosie O'Donnell as Wonder Woman? Link to preview.
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, Downey
, Ironman
24 Semi-live blog Hour 20
2007-05-01 04:03:36
I can't watch the show and publish posts every minute so I decided to just keep them all in one place and publish at the end.
1. What could Morris possibly have to with which to threaten Maya
2. Jack's in trouble again.
3. All this time and she was the mole. Good job, writers. I never suspected it.
4. So, now we have to root for the vice president.
5. Necessary expertise? Morris' chance to redeem himself.
6. A gigolo-spy.
7. Cloe crossed the line with Morris? He's a little sensitive, I think.
8. You don't need Bill. You need Jack.
9. Another official in between Jack and the solution.
10. Hey! That's Michael Shanks from Stargate SG1! My wife'll be thrilled. (See picture from convention)
11. Betrayed!
12. Go jack! Do something about it.
13. This is the second time Jack Bauer told a psychologist to shut up. Is the producer a Scientologist or something?
14. Nadia has nice hair.
15. Audrey's hair is a mess.
16. Is Jack's interrogation a valid technique?
17. Two issues: A. The
Movie Review Next with Nicolas Cage Jessica Biel
2007-04-29 06:34:36
Perhaps because of his decidedly unconventional looks for a leading man (He used to be bald, but he has hair in Next), I’ve always thought of Nicolas
Cage as an artsy actor. And, Cage may have started out that way with Moonstruck and Raising Arizona, but he’s quickly racked up a lengthy list of box-office candy, Con Air, Armageddon, the horrible Face Off, and others that would shame Eric Roberts. Some of that candy has sports bar-like enrichment, however; I enjoyed National Treasure, The Rock, and a couple of others.
Next falls somewhere in between Con Air-like cheesiness and Moonstruck. In fact, if you liked National Treasure, you’ll probably like Next. In Next, Nicolas Cage is Cris Johnson, a professional magician with the gift to foretell by two minutes, although he can, occasionally red line it to one week or, when love is involved, several months. In one of his out of spec scans, Cage foresees falling in love with Liz (Jessica
Biel and her stunningly gor
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, Jessica Biel
Stargate review: Line in the Sand
2007-04-26 03:11:33
I will always have a soft spot for Stargate
SG-1. I was deployed in Iraq when a buddy purchased the season one box set and lent it to me. I had never heard of the show, although I liked the movie. I fell in love with the shows; the premise of which was perfect Sci-Fi fodder. Perhaps it was the fact that I watched so many episodes in a row, but I felt an attraction to the characters who, in a strange way, I eventually came to see as friends. Except for The Sopranos, it was the first television I had seen in fifteen years. I still don't watch a lot of television, but I respect television more now and still watch 24 and Battlestar Galactica in addition to the Gates. I also saw Farscape which I greatly enjoyed. Anyways, here's what I thought of the show:
After the mixed and ultimately less than great Quest episodes, Line in the Sand showed that Stargate SG-1 has a chance to finish strong. One of the things I liked about the show was the serious tone. Almost all shows, after a while, ten
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24 keeps going strong. Hour 19-Asymmetric review
2007-04-25 02:55:46
Note to self. If pursued by CTU, hide under the power lines.
I once heard some conversation advice that suggested one should change the conversation every 15 minutes or so to remain interesting. I think the Joel Surnow and Robert Cochran approach 24 the same way. I mentioned last week how the main plot changed three times-from nukes to Russians to Chinese- in a seamless masterpiece of television storytelling.
The vice-president’s moderation makes it maddeningly hard to predict his future course, although Wayne Palmer returning seems out of the question. I like the two couples,’ Hayes and Buchanon, Chloe and Morris, squabbling. The Chloe-Morris scene was touchingly tense. The Audrey scene was also great; she probably won’t recover this season, but she should be OK for season seven.
Politically, the show is very moderate. It manages to ruffle a few feathers on each side without really offending. The Chinese make a good, safe villain as nobody in the United States r
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, review
, keeps
Movie Review: Perfect Stranger
2007-04-22 04:43:38
Given a choice between Vacancy and Perfect
Stranger
s, I went with the adjective-noun mystery (primal fear et al. ), Perfect Stranger
. It’s about an intrepid reporter (is there any other kind?) who goes undercover to solve the mystery of her best friend’s death… or does she? Hmmm. It stars Halle Berry, who won an Oscar once upon a time, and Bruce Willis who used to be bald. Anyways, the plot twists and turns until the audience is surprised. In fact the audience is so surprised that some of them may become angry. I won’t give it away, but just imagine if Daphne was the one scaring away the customers to buy the land.
PS can be very annoying. One noticeable annoyance is the product placement run amock. Because Bruce Willis works for an ad agency, the producers must feel no reason to be subtle. We get Heineken and Reebok, amongst others. And they’re not in the background like in most movies. They’re mentioned by name-a lot.
Second, as I mentio
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I'm still mad at the Army for making me miss 24
2007-05-15 05:16:40
Darn. I blame my own dumb self for last week, but this week, it's all on Uncle Sam. Can anybody tell me how I can watch the last two shows?
Read more: making
Bauer Babes- Best season for 24 admirers of female beauty
2007-05-21 22:07:56
Occasionally, and with my wife's OK, I notice that some women are very attractive. This year, 24 catered to men who share that interest by seasoning season six with three very beautiful actresses, Rena Sofer, Marisol Nichols, and Kari Matchett.
Enjoy.
Marisol Nichols
Rena Sofer
Kari Matchett
And yes. I know Elisha Cuthbert is gone, but she was a little annoying at times and I didn't really miss her. But, if you insist (by the way, finding an Asymmetric-tasteful picture of Elisha isn't easy):
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, Babes
24 Season 6 debrief: Hint-Best season ever.
2007-05-21 21:39:55
24 is one of the most consistent shows on television. It could be because of its writer's high standards or it could be because all of the seasons are pretty similar. Anyways, this was probably the best season, although one can take away a couple of points for the silly character retreads (Logan? Logan's wife! Really, now)
The last episode contained Jack's only recorded instance of bragging, "I'm pretty good at killing and disappearing." Otherwise, he was his own selfless, dutiful, Neutral Good self (or Chaotic Good. I can't decide). He also had a good contemplative stare moment at the end.
It's incredible when one thinks of how often the plot-and the villains- have changed this season. Indeed, how often in one day! From terrorists to lil' bro to Russian rogue to slimy White House aid to vice president to Chinese to dad. It's really kind of incredible.
One thing is that CTU and the whole realism thing in general is kind of faltering. I've given my reasons.
And Jack going
24 Live blog 6
2007-05-21 20:34:18
OK Kinda spectacular. Kinda fake. Can a helicopter survive such a blast? As if the American Air force couldn't stop a Russian advance.
24 live blog 5
2007-05-21 20:24:08
Wow! Exploding barrels. How convenient! I guess they just leave barrels full of oil when they decommission oil rigs. The alltel geek commercial is hilarious. Dungeon Masters don't have levels. Hilarious!
24 live blog 4
2007-05-21 20:14:59
The satellite scene looked totally fake; "que paquete!" as my father would say. So you can just pull up infrared imagery like that? They didn't check that stuff out before? How many times has Jack commandeered a helicopter? Sharapova commercial funny. Anyways, I guess Jacks going to go Bauer on the rig. Oh! and another strike to be aborted!
24 Live blog 3
2007-05-21 20:00:12
OK. Jack's going on a rig. This should be good. Good commercials too. I like the Alltell one. The blond is pretty in the one where the guy hits her on the head. Who knows what they're selling? OK here it comes.
24 Live Blog 2
2007-05-21 19:52:14
Very good and very exciting. One flaw may be the Russian sub-plot. Do you think the Russians would attack the United States for a computer part. That's like me killing one of my co-workers for taking my thumb drive. A good T-Shirt- "Never trust a Psychopath."
24 Live blog 1
2007-05-21 19:40:53
I'm writing as much as I can in one commercial set.
OK. This has been the best season yet. This season has everything: Romance, excitement, non-repulsive social and political commentary. Anyways, keeping this year's theme alive, Buchanan comes back to help. I almost expect the guy who trapped Kim in his bomb shelter to come back and lend a hand. Speaking of Kim, they can't let her in for just a minute.
Bauer's dad isn't as scary as Middle-Eastern terrorists, the Russians, or the Chinese, but that's OK; It comes full circle. Woops Gotta go.
Movie review: Shrek the Third (3rd) Great but soul-less
2007-05-19 23:45:23
Shrek
3 is the movie you get when you have the greatest writing and animation talents at your disposal. Compared to previous Shreks, the third one is visually superior and as funny as its predecessors, but fails to reach the emotional level of the best animated movies.
Drama:
This Shrek 3 contains three main stories. The first one involves finding a replacement for the Frog King. Either Shrek must replace the king himself or find the last of the royal line. When Shrek decides he doesn’t want to be king, he goes to an island in search of that heir who he eventually finds in the person of Arthur, a geeky, but noble teenager. The second plot features Prince Charming, the vain and decidedly un-noble seeker of the throne whose plot Shrek must foil. The last plot involves Shrek again, but in this one he battles his paternal apprehensions after Fiona confronts him about having children. The plots are solid and move along nicely, but don’t inspire, despite efforts to make t
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, Great
Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean three (3): At World's End
2007-05-27 19:07:16
**no stars since the budget for this movie could have fed the city of Managua for a year**
I’m puzzled by the fact that the three most difficult movies for me to understand (ever) are the ones that make up the Pirates
of the Caribbean
trilogy. I wouldn’t think three movies intended for the selct demographic of men and women from ages nine to ninety-three would be beyond my intellectual grasp, but there it is.
I’ve devoted some time to the issue and have come up with two possibilities: One, that I’m an idiot (maybe, or it could just be a coincidence) or two, that the makers of Pirates of the Caribbean tolerated a high degree of convolution in the storyline. Considering the talent and financing available to the producers, I wonder how much beyond their budget a coherent script would have taken them. Perhaps they figured that the audience would be so entertained by Jack Sparrow’s comic lurches and turns of phrase; and the monkeys; falling eyeballs; and t
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, Movie Review
Guest Review: Shrek by Samantha Guirado
2007-05-27 14:51:31
HERE IS MY WRITING ABOUT SHREK THE THIRD:
Shrek
the third is funny, kind of nasty, and cute. My favorite part is when snow white sings. She sings normal and all the animals come. But do you know what's funny? That she sings weird and then all the animals attack the trees. I also like when Shrek had a lot of babies, one of them did something nasty and funny, he threw up on Shrek and he was all wet, but that was in his dream.
Another funny thing was when somebody scrubbed Shrek in his bottom. All the people saw him do that. Everybody laughed at Shrek. If you haven't seen it you should go see it in theaters.
**She's only eight so cut her some slack**
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, Samantha
Does anybody else think Lindsey's father is pathetic?
2007-05-29 08:59:05
Here's the Lohan patriarch:
Hey man,
First rule of good fatherhood. Don't air your dirty laundry in front on cameras. People might question your motives.
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, Lindsey
, pathetic
Guest Comentary: Big and Rich, Comin' to your city
2007-05-28 17:27:53
Big and Rich
Comin
' To Your City Review
By Susan Sponable
I love music, its fun, and it makes me feel good, and when a cd is done correctly it’s a thing of beauty. Comin' To Your City by Big and Rich was a good cd. It was not a great cd, but it was good. It didn't make me run away screaming, listening to it, but once was definitely enough for a while. So, all in all, the cd itself ranked about a 7 on a ten star scale. Like I said, it was a good cd, but I could have lived without it.
As far as music genre was concerned the cd could only be described as a fun country cd. This was definitely not a serious cd, it was more of a road trip, no worries, I'm going to take a day off of work, and I have no responsibilities, kind of cd. Or as they say in their song, "Soul Shaker," it was more of a wham, bam, thank you ma'am, kind of cd.
In conclusion, if you like good carefree country music, this is definitely the cd for you. I will warn all my readers though; the last two song
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Best youtube video ever-Women in Art
2007-06-10 08:46:32
This has to be the best youtube video
ever. I liked it even better than the one where the cat is flushing the toilet.
Not only is it a beautiful voyage through Western art history, but its expertly done and tasteful, which is wonderful exception to the standard youtube fare. I don't have time to go ever every frame, but I'm anxious to find a list of all of the works shown in the video-maybe the author provides it. Also, I didn't notice Frida Khalo, the Mexican artist. I don't know how well respected she is as an artist, but she certainly is popular. How many female artists have a movie? Interesting. Anyways, enjoy.
The music is by Bach. It's one of his Cello Suites as performed by Yo Yo Ma. I'll find out which one.
Bach: Six Unaccompanied Cello Suites
Frida
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Movie Review: Fantastic Four (4): Rise of the Silver Surfer
2007-06-16 13:41:43
The only strong felling induced by the Fantastic
Four is one of nausea at seeing the shameless product placement advertisements. They appear throughout the movie and the film-makers even incorporate them into the plot. As if to parody themselves, the producers of the movie have one of the Four, the Human Torch (Chris Evans), obsess over money and, yes, endorsements. I’m all for capitalism, but I don’t like my movies to look like a NASCAR race.
Behind the Ray Ban and Dolce attire is a thoroughly average film that fails to completely satisfy even the non-exacting movie-goer. In The Fantastic Four
: Rise of the Silver
Surfer
, Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) and Sue Storm (both Jessica Alba and her bad self) are about to get married when a glittering alien able to harness cosmic forces through the use of a mysterious oval device which also serves as his primary mode of transport, a Silver Surfer as it were, comes to destroy the planet.
The Fantastic Four must defeat the S
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Conservative Military reaction to Army Wives on Lifetime
2007-06-25 13:31:30
Whenever a group feels somewhat slighted or ignored by the broader culture, people within that group jump on the tiniest morsel of group-focused media as if they were starved Cubans uncovering Michael Moore's lunch bucket (feeds 12).
Mexican gang members would watch American Me and Blood in Blood Out twenty four hours a day if they didn't have to leave their cell to exercise an hour a week.* Soldiers love Black Hawk Down and the first hour of Full Metal Jacket. Classical Music fans adore Amadeus (after delivering a twenty-minute lecture on how inaccurate it is). Football fans might especially enjoy Rudy. Rock fans love Spinal Tap. Role-players are keen on Conan the Barbarian. Skateboarders like the Dogtown one. When somebody makes a movie about bloggers, I can imagine Michelle Malkin inviting everybody at Pajamas Media over to watch the DVD along with some popcorn (I can imagine, can't I?).
Match with numbers below
Anyways, you get the idea. Ignored people enjoy seeing movies t
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, reaction
, Lifetime
Movie Review: Evan Almighty- Bad but heartwarming
2007-06-23 19:38:18
A comedy that’s not funny and a movie with a plot as imaginative as the menu from In-N-Out Burger, Evan Almighty
is nonetheless worthwhile for what can be called its warm-heartedness.
I didn’t realize this at the time, but Evan Almighty is a sequel of sorts to Bruce Almighty, the much funnier and adult-oriented Jim Carrey movie of 2003, which seems appropriate since, in some ways, Steve Carell who plays Evan Baxter, the back-stabbing newscaster of Bruce and in Evan, a former newscaster turned freshman congressman, succeeds Jim Carrey as America’s goofy but lovable comedian. The 40 year Old Virgin was a hit in 2005 and Carell was the funniest crew member in the 2004’s Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy.
Evan Almighty begins with Evan moving his family into an enormous house in what must be suburban Virginia to begin his congressional term. His first assignment is to cosponsor a bill with an obviously uncaring Congressman Long (John Goodman) which give
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Asymmetric movie review: Transformers-spectacular
2007-07-03 15:24:19
"Wow! I want to see that again," will most likely be your reaction when you watch Steven Spielberg's Transformers
.
Transformers combines bar-setting special effects with a solid story line, some very funny lines, and the Spielberg je ne sais quoi to make for an outstanding action film and, along with Spiderman, one of the two most fun movie
s of the year.
Transformers begins with a narration on the history of the Autobot, the proper name for the race of thinking machines mistakenly referred to as Transformers. I’m still a little confused, but I think the relevant points here are that the Autobots fought a war with the evil Decepticons, that the war destroyed their home planet, Cybertron, and that right before the annihilation of Cybertron somebody managed to dispatch the Allspark, a device that enlivens machines. Afterwards, Megatron, the ruthless leader of the Decepticons, arrived on Earth to search for the Allspark, but crashed in the Antarctic instead where he remained
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, review
Libertas picks for the Fourth of July
2007-07-04 22:56:56
This article from Libertas has 4th of July movies if you're interested.
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