Owner: Comedy Plus URL:http://comedyplus.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sun, 13 May 2007 16:07:58 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Life is too serious and I prefer to just laugh about anything and everything. Very little is sacred to me, I mean very little. If you like poking fun at men, women, kids, blondes, idiots, and old people then you have come to the right place... Site statistics:Click here
Wikipedia Birthday Meme 2007-07-16 14:35:46 Sarge over at Sarge Charlie tagged me with the WikipediaBirthday
Meme. I've done this one before, but since Sarge is doing the asking then I'm going to participate.Here are the rules: You go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday (month and day). Then you write down 3 events, 2 births, 1 holiday, and tag 5 friends. There are five slots in the meme list.... as you are tagged, you have to remove the name in the first slot and bump everyone up so that your name can be added to the bottom.And the list:Mimi WritesLast Minute LynAre We There Yet??Sarge CharlieComedy PlusAnd I tag:Us Danes & Our FamilyTwisted Sister...totally pissed off!The Rocky Mountain RetreatRhonda's BlogA Nice Place In The SunThree Events:1986 - The first Oprah Winfrey Show airs.1999 - US Attorney General Janet Reno names former US Senator John Danforth to head an independent investigation of the 1993 fire at the Branch Dividian church near Waco, Texas in response to revelations in the film Waco: The Rules of Eng
Race To The Shower 2007-07-16 13:30:51 Julie over at Flip This Body has been conducting the "Race To The Shower
" for many weeks now and since her bridal shower is right around the corner she will be announcing 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place winners as well as Honorable Mentions. Don't miss it as there are some that lost some mega weight. I wasn't one of them, but I tried. The important thing is we all had fun.
The Chicken and the Horse 2007-07-12 13:53:13 The chicken and the horse were best friends.One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the the rope the chicken tossed to him.After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser Read more:Chicken
, Horse
Eagles Mate For Life 2007-07-12 11:23:35 Did you know that eagles mate for life? Well one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead!Harry was devastated. After about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate.He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest. The sex was OK but all the dove would say is "I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!"Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.He found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was great but all the loon would say is, "I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!" So out with the loon.Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous duck an
Eight Random Things 2007-07-12 11:22:42 Linda over at Are We There Yet? and Dixiechick over at Dixie's Heart & Soul have tagged me with the EightRandom
Things meme. I've done this one before, but because it's Linda and Dixiechick doing the tagging I'll do it again, but with a new twist. Heck, no one wants to hear about me. So, since I love boating so much, I'm going to share 8 things I like about boating on the California Delta. Ready? Well, even if your aren't here goes.1. Willow Berm Marina because that is where our boats live.2. Boating over to Grand Island Mansion for brunch. Yummy!3. All the waterways to traverse. 4. The sites that you can see. 5. Flipper, Willow Berm Marina's half owner (Dan Duc). This baby is 105' long, complete with crew.6. The abundance of critters that one can see while floating on the river. We pass this bouy often and our dog loves to bark at these big critters.7. Muscle boats are everywhere and when they do poker runs it's a blast to watch them scream down the river at over 100 MPH.8.
Ryan Velting Photography 2007-07-11 15:34:09 Ryan Velting @ Ryan Velting Photography is an awesome place to shop for beautiful photographs. I recently ordered 3 shots and they are beautiful. Go take a look at the outstanding photography he has to offer. Ryan is extremely easy to work with and he also is a fellow blogger. You can catch him over at Ryan's Calamity.
Bull Comparisons 2007-07-10 12:56:51 A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They start heading down the alley where the bulls are kept. A sign in front of the first bull says: "This bull mated 50 times last year."The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year! You could learn from him."They proceed to the next bull and that sign states: "This bull mated 65 times last year."The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That's over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, big time."They proceed to the last bull and his sign reads: "This bull mated 365 times last year."The wife's mouth drops open as she gasps, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That's ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one!"The man turns to his wife and says, "Yeah, okay. Go on up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."
Blogging Chicks Blogroll 2007-07-09 17:11:26 I was over at A Nice Place In The Sun and read a post that Ann did on BloggingChicksBlogroll
. Well, I too decided to sign-up. What the heck, even old chicks need lovin' too. So, I'm just waiting for the code from Blogging Chicks and I'll have a new set of gals/chicks to visit.
Air Shamrock 2007-07-09 12:48:43 After an Air Shamrock
flight reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from Speke Airport, Liverpool to Dublin.The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and ... OH, MY GOD!"Silence then followed!Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom."Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a Flight Attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"One Irish passenger yelled, "Oh be Jesus, you should see the back of mine!"
The Schmoozer Award 2007-07-08 15:56:25 Ann over at A Nice Place In The Sun has awarded me with the Schmoozer Award
. Talk about a surprise. Now I'm not even in the same ballpark as prior winners because I mostly just recyle silly stuff on my site.Here is what Ann had to say about schmoozing. I cannot say it better so I will let her repeat here what she said in her post. This one paragraph made me think of all the friends that have schmoosed their way into my heart while cruising out here in cyberspace.“As it goes, schmoozing is the natural ability “to converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection.” Good schmoozers effortlessly weave their way in and out of the blogosphere, leaving friendly trails and smiles, happily making new friends along the way. They don’t limit their visits to only the rich and successful, but spend some time to say hello to new blogs as well. They are the ones who engage others in meaningful conversations, refusing to let it end at a mere hello - all t
Bumper Stickers 2007-07-08 14:15:40 A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply.I'm just driving this way to get you mad.Keep honking, I'm reloading.Hang up and drive.Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. Read more:Bumper
, Stickers
, Bumper Stickers
The Mo Show 2007-07-07 18:07:42 Our buddy Morgen is expanding his half hour show to a full hour starting next week. I knew he was going to be a hit on the first week... Here is the scoop on the next show.When: Tuesday, July 10, 2007 @ 6:30pm to 7:30pm EST.The topic: Why Do We Blog?Some questions: So, what drew you to Blogging? What keeps you Blogging? Do your "real-life" friends and family know you Blog? What do you get out of Blogging?You can call in @ (646) 716-7100. You can IM @ Y! Messenger - IM Name: morgen pittman, or you can just listen. You just have to do one or more... Okay? Okay!
Blonde Bank Robbers 2007-07-07 10:42:33 Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy, planned the robbery and went over the plan with the second blonde, Buffy, in great detail.The robbery began. Judy drove up in front of the bank, stopped the car and said to Buffy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?""Perfectly," replied Buffy.Buffy went in the bank while Judy waited in the getaway car. One minute passed...three minutes pass...seven minutes pass...and Judy was really stressing out.Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here came Buffy.She had a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.About the time she got the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he was firing his weapon.As the gals are getting away, Judy yelled, "You are such Read more:Blonde
Can You Say Hot? 2007-07-06 13:54:47 Click on image to enlarge...
Butch the Rooster 2007-07-06 10:48:00 Keith the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets" and eight or ten roosters,whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Keith could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning Keith noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer Keith's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pu Read more:Rooster
Manic Monday #14 - Independence 2007-07-05 20:08:36 Independence is the self-government of a nation, country, or state by its residents and population, generally exercising sovereignty. 2. Meloncutter3. empress bee (of the high sea)4. Rhonda5. Travis6. Blog That Mommy!7. Gattina8. Nancy Liedel9. Ian10. Jersey11. SargeCharlie12. mags13. Sanni14. Crazy Working MOm15. Lizza16. Mary mert17. marilyn18. Stine19. Imma (Alice)20. Reba21. lYN22. NOLADawn23. Get Your Blog On!24. Catherine, the redheadLearn more about ManicMonday
here.View More Manic Monday
ParticipantsPowered by... Mister Linky's Magical Widgets. Read more:Independence
A compilation of stupidity! 2007-07-05 17:37:09 I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was a University of SC graduate and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again...same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64. This actually happened to me in Austin at MoPac Blvd and Parmer Lane....They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail. I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door....They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them s Read more:compilation
, stupidity
Special Edition Hallmark Cards 2007-07-19 11:38:38 My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry!Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... "What the hell was I thinking?"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you... I've changed my mind.I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you.As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me.Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep.So your daughter's a hooker, and it sp Read more:Special
, Edition
, Hallmark
, Cards
, Special Edition
The Moaning Meme 2007-07-18 17:47:41 Sarge over @ Sarge Charlie tagged me with The Moaning Meme. This meme was started over at Freelance Cynic.I. List four things that should go into room 101 and be removed from the face of the earth.1. Hillary Clinton. She scares me! If she makes president is she going to get done in the oval office like Bill did? Who would touch that? You just couldn't call it sex could you?2. All the terrorist organizations everywhere and all their members. Bye now.3. Every American who hates America. We aren't going to miss you! Did I perhaps take care of this with #2?4. All the folks on death row that have been sitting there for 20+ years, and have exhausted all their appeals. The heck with the death penalty being cruel and unusual punishment. Bye-bye.II. List three things people do that make you want to shake them violently.1. Go out to a nice restaurant for a nice, quiet meal while you let your kids run all over the place. I don't love your kids one bit. Take your snotty nosed little devils and
Rockin' Girl Blogger Award 2007-07-18 15:45:54 Stine over at Mother's Home awarded me with the Rockin' Girl BloggerAward
. Here's what she had to say:Sandee at Comedy Plus, for her blog, that's a fount of Rockin' funnies, and for her friendliness and perserverence at visiting my blog, even during my recent "dry spell"... A great big thank you Stine! This is my second Rockin' Girl Blogger Award and that makes this even more special!I'm supposed to pick five rockin' girl bloggers and pass on this great award...I just don't know of anyone that hasn't already won it. So, if you haven't let me know and I'll add you to this post. After all, all of us gals ROCK! Have a great day everyone. :)
Great Hands... 2007-07-18 12:49:43 One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed."Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.He whispered back, "I found the remote." Read more:Great
, Hands
Thoughtful Blogger Award 2007-07-17 16:54:24 Ann over at A Nice Place In The Sun awarded me the Thoughtful BloggerAward
. I was floored after I read the minimum qualifications. Having come back from a long weekend on the water I'm so behind in commenting and visiting. Well, what an honor anyway. A big thank you Ann. You are a sweetheart. Here's what she had to say about me:Sandee at Comedy Plus: Who is not only hilarious, she's warm and thoughtful in her comments, in addition to thinking of little ways to help other blogs. Hers is one of the blogs I thought of when I read the description for the Thoughtful Blogger Award.The Thoughtful Blogger AwardFor those who answer blog comments, emails, and make their visitors feel at home on their blogs. For the people who take others feelings into consideration before speaking out and who are kind and courteous. Also for all of those bloggers who spend so much of their time helping others bloggers design, improve, and fix their sites. This award is for those generous bloggers who think o
I Don't Think So... 2007-07-20 11:37:55 Scroll down for Friday's FeastA husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts. “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s bee flickering for weeks now.”He looks at here and angrily says, “Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”Fine, then the wife asks, “Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.”The husband replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”“Fine, then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break?”“I’m not a carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps. Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!”So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home. As he walks into the house
Friday's Feast - Feast One Hundred & Fifty Two 2007-07-20 09:37:32 AppetizerOn a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest) how much do enjoy watching sports on television? One, okay even lower than that. I’m just not into sports.SoupIf you could completely memorize any one work of fiction, which one would you pick? Gone With the Wind.SaladWhat is your favorite breakfast food?A big omelet complete with Tabasco sauce, guacamole and sour cream...Main CourseName something fun you can do for less than $10.00. Sit on a bench at the mall and people watch.DessertHow long does it usually take you to fall asleep?Usually under fifteen minutes. If I turn on the television it's even sooner. Read more:Friday
, Feast
, Hundred
, Fifty
A Blonde Microsoft User 2007-07-24 12:29:44 A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.”The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to have a hard time choosing.Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.The blonde promptly replies, “Seventeen inches.”“Seventeen inches?” asked the salesman. “That sounds very small — what room are they for?”The blonde tells him that they aren’t for a room, but they are for her computer monitor.The surprised salesman replies, “But miss, computers do not need curtains!”The blond says, “Hellllooooooooo? — I’ve got Windoooooows?” Read more:Blonde
, Microsoft
Eleventh Commandment 2007-07-24 12:05:07 During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment,because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. They began their brain-storming and came up with the 11th.After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:“Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.” Read more:Commandment
Recommend Site To A Friend
