Owner: Comedy Plus URL:http://comedyplus.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sun, 13 May 2007 16:07:58 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Life is too serious and I prefer to just laugh about anything and everything. Very little is sacred to me, I mean very little. If you like poking fun at men, women, kids, blondes, idiots, and old people then you have come to the right place... Site statistics:Click here
Eight Things I Know—Pass it on 2007-06-11 17:05:00 Damien, over at Riley Central got introspective for his 38th birthday. He started a meme listing 8 Things I Know. Damien tagged This Eclectic Life and bless her heart she tagged me. Well, I like Shelly a whole lot, so I'm in. Also, near and dear to my heart is all the link love that happens with these tags. Eight
things I know:1. I know if I need eye-candy I visit Morgen @ It's A Blog Eat Blog World. Want to see them? Okay, go HERE! Yummy huh? Now that I have your attention let's move on.2. If I want to examine life, personal growth, perspectives, and critical thinking skills I head over to Necessary Skills. Peter will make you think!3. If I want to smile, okay sometimes I am on the floor laughing my you-know-what off I visit Empress Bee of the High Sea. She usually does a blonde joke everyday and they are a must read. Big hug to you Empress Bee.4. If I'm feeling patriotic I go visit Sarge Charlie. If you don't know, him and Empress Bee are soulmates. Big hug to you too Sarge Char
Be Politically Correct With Men 2007-06-11 17:00:00 He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.He is not a CRAP DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He Read more:Correct
Vote For Michele :) 2007-06-17 19:54:00 My buddy Michele
over at The Rocky Mountain Retreat and Fishing Fiesta has been nominated for two Bloggers Choice Awards; Best Sports Blog and Best Hobby Blog. I'm asking you to vote for her. She is one heck of a nice gal and she would appreciate your support. Just click on each of the buttons below and it will take you right to her voting link.
Aunt Mildred 2007-06-15 17:54:00 Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast". Later that night... Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
Voir Dire 2007-06-15 09:54:00 I have been asked numerous questions about my jury duty process. This is my fourth day and I haven't even said anything yet. The process that we are currently going though is called voir dire and you can read about it HERE.To view a sample voir dire go HERE.To view Due Process Freedoms Voir Dire Simulation go HERE.Another resource is, Voir Dire: Getting Jurors to Talk. Kudos to Desert Songbird over @ The Ice Box who knew that I was going through voir dire.
The Invoice 2007-06-15 09:42:00 The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings." Read more:Invoice
Another Order From the Court 2007-06-14 20:49:00 Superior Court
, Department 8The Honorable Judge Ricardo Cardova presiding."Report to the jury room Friday @ 10:00." I'm in the box, but have not been interviewedby the judge or the attorney's... Read more:Order
Searching for People With Big Hearts 2007-06-14 12:56:00 Shelly over at This Eclectic Life is looking for some folks with big hearts for an excellent idea she has. So, if you know how to crochet then you could can help. Her idea is to have a bunch of volunteers crochet squares for an afghan, for children who have cancer, and once they are pieced together (she will do that part), they will be given to cancer patients @ Camp Sanguinity.If you have a big heart and want to contribute to this wonderful cause then hop on over to Shelly's place and participate. Bloggers are the nicest people in the world so let's prove it. Go HERE and let Shelly know that you will help. I already did. A great big thank you from the both of us! Read more:Hearts
Order From the Court 2007-06-13 21:06:00 Superior Court
, Department 8The Honorable Judge Ricardo Cardova presiding."Report to the jury room tomorrow @ 1:30." Read more:Order
Tagged Again... 2007-06-13 19:25:00 I've been tagged by Little Aussie Cynic. It's that 8 interesting things about myself one that I did a couple months back. And y'all know I'm turning into a linky-love ho!The RulesEach player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.1. I've had cosmetic surgery.2. Women drool over my husband.3. My favorite holiday is Christmas. I love the tree, decorations, the planning, but not the shopping. Once the New Year rolls around it is time to turn off winter and turn on spring.4. Most everyone knows we boat, but HERE is information about where our boats live. Yes, we have two.5. I've had the HOTS for Tom Selleck since I first laid eyes on him. Go ahead and click on the picture to get a real goo Read more:Again
, Tagged
The Dinner Party 2007-06-13 12:10:00 A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors' house each month.Of course, the lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their house, like most women, Susie wanted to out do all the others and prepare a meal that was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over.A few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decided to have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to pay. She then told her husband, "We aren't going to have mushrooms because they are too expensive."He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek bed."She said, "No, I don't want to do that, because I have heard tha Read more:Party
, Dinner
Why I Got Fired 2007-06-13 09:32:00 For the Annual Company Picnic, management had decided that because of liability issues, we could have alcohol , but only one (1) drink per person... I was fired for ordering the cups. Read more:Fired
Making a Point... 2007-06-13 09:15:00 A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked for a couple of dollars for dinner:I got ten dollars out of my purse and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?""No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me."Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked."No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.""Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked."Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman.. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!""Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."I said, "That's okay. It's importan
The Reunion 2007-06-19 11:29:00 Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday." The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy, he started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."The third man said, "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own cons
The Professor's Wife 2007-06-18 16:55:00 A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:Dear Wife:You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter that I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I will be home before midnight. When he arrived at the hotel, there a fax was waiting for him that read as follows:Dear Husband,You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you read this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, my love, do not wait up!
Manic Monday #13 - Heat 2007-06-18 16:47:00 Summer is a few days away and the heat will rise. My ManicMonday
is dedicated to Mo and the heat he causes. Enter at own risk...adult material. You have been warned. Happy Manic Monday
with Mo.To excite emotionally; inflame or rouse with passion. You know -- heat!!!
Happy Father's Day 2007-06-17 11:08:00 Dear Dad,$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.Love,Your SonDear Son,I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.Dad Read more:Happy
, Father
Linky Love 2007-06-16 15:00:00 Want to do some Linky Love? Just sign in below. Have a great weekend. :)
The Priests 2007-06-16 10:27:00 Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it.He looks at the other priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis."The other one replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day."IF YOU LAUGH...YOU'LL GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!Don't Even Smile!!!
I Was Driving Along... 2007-06-22 09:34:00 I'm driving along on the highway at 65 miles an hour (the speed limit), minding my own business, when outta nowhere there's this big crack in my windshield!!I swerved right,and then left,and it was still right there!!!There just ain't NO words for this!Have a great weekend...See you Sunday! Read more:Driving
The Hunting Trip 2007-06-21 15:19:00 A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck."Where's Henry?" the others asked...Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied."You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired."A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
Rockin' Girl Blogger Award 2007-06-20 19:35:00 My buddie Callie Ann over at Scrappin...with life in this New Year of 2007 tagged me with the "Rockin' Girl Blogger
" award. This is what she said about me:My goodness this is Sandee she is hilarious and such a with it Blogger. She finds the coolest things to share with us on her blog. This girl is a fellow Patriot. Sometimes X-rated but still she is a really cool person. I just love her!!! I am proud to call her a Rockin' Girl Blogger.I'm with Callie Ann, there are lots of great Rockin' Girl Bloggers out here. Callie also tagged a bunch I would have done. I can do this and just pick five... If you get tagged, grab the pretty badge up top (because you deserve it!) and then list five women bloggers who are 'TOTALLY ROCKIN’.1. Linda over at Are We There Yet? Linda has two daughters that she cares for very deeply. She works as a dispatcher and has numerous stories about that. She does frequent history lessons and always about stuff I don't know enough about. She is a smile for me e Read more:Award
The Husband and the New Girlfriend... 2007-06-20 16:30:00 She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.Then slowly, the house began to smell.They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to repl Read more:Husband
, Girlfriend
The Mo Show 2007-06-26 15:43:00 Let's all support our beloved Mo for his first airing of The Mo Show. Here's what The Mo Show is all about: An eclectic cornucopia of entertainment, rants, raves, and ramblings.Show Schedules:In The Beginning Fun Jun 26, 3:30PMMy first Blog Talk Radio Show! Summer Entertainment Fun Jul 3, 3:30PMRants & Raves on Summer Movies & Books On Blogging Fun Jul 10, 3:30PMWho Blogs & Why We Do It
What's My Blog Rated? 2007-06-26 15:16:00 My blog is rated PG and I really thought it would be rated R. I found this over a Callie Ann's. She was rated G and even used the word whore. Our Callie Ann used that word? So, I used the word "bastard" to earn this rating. I think they missed an awful lot of other stuff I've said and done.
Five Things Meme 2007-06-26 13:52:00 Shaz over at US Danes & Our Family has tagged me for the Five Things Meme.INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:1. Daddy Forever2. The Ice Box3. The Buzz Queen4. Us Danes & Our Family5. Comedy PlusNext select five people to tag:If you want to participate let me know and I'll add you here.Then answer the following questions:What were you doing 10 years ago?Working and dating my current husband. It was a grand time in my life.What were you doing 1 year ago?Boating, boating and boating.Five snacks you enjoy: Cheetos Chocolate (in any form) Cookies (any kind)Coffee Lovers Ice Cream @ Cold Stone Pumpkin pie with whipped cream Five songs to which you know all the lyrics: Imagine (John Lennon) If You Asked Me To (Patti LaBelle) California Dreamin' (The Mamas & the Papas) I Don't Wanna Fight (Tina Turner) California Girls (The Beach Boys) Five things you would do if you wer
Efficient Waiters 2007-06-26 11:32:00 Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?""Well, 'he explained, "The restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour . If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to
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