Owner: Its time to laugh... URL:http://online-jokes.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Tue, 08 May 2007 16:05:38 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: This blog makes the reader laugh with different types of jokes, funny pictures, cartoons, and animations. Site statistics:Click here
BlOnDe JoKeS 2007-05-08 13:31:00 ParachutesA blonde, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.The plane was going down fast, and there were only three parachutes for them.The movie star took one and jumped, then the blonde took one and jumped.The pope told the pilot to take the last one.The pilot said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"
Three WISHES 2007-05-08 13:26:00 A just divorced lady was sitting near a river, when she saw a sealed bottle. Out of curiosity when she opened the bottle, a Ginnie sprang out of it.The happy Ginnie says he will grant 3 wishes to her. But there is one condition. Whatever she will wish, her ex husband will get 10 times more of the same.After thinking for a while the lady agrees.For the first wish, the lady says she want to be the most beautiful woman on this world.Gennie grants the wish. At the same time her ex husband becomes 10 times more beautiful than her.The second wish, the lady says she want to be the wealthiest person on the world.Again the ex husband becomes 10 times richer than her.Now for the third wish, the lady thinks for a while and says I want to give birth to TWINS. Read more:Three
Funny cats 2007-04-27 21:55:00 If you love cats, you will LAUGH while watching this video.If you hate cats, than also you will LAUGH, while watching this videoHE HE HE... Read more:Funny
Crossing the river 2007-03-04 00:21:00 A man is looking up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Atlast when he looks at the other side, he saw another man on the opposite river bank. He tried calling to him."How can I get to the other side of the river?" he shouts loudly.The other man replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!" Read more:Crossing
Clean Restrooms 2007-03-03 18:39:00 On his way home from a long trip, Little Johnny drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES."By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 34 restrooms. Read more:Clean
For BEST results... 2007-02-06 21:20:00 Little Johnny decides to paint his bedroom walls.His wife arrives home and smells the distinctive smell of paint.She walks into the living room and finds him lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.She notices that he is wearing a ski jacket and a coat at the same time.She goes over and asks him if he is OK.He replies yes.She asks what he is doing.He replies that he wanted to prove himself to her and he wanted to do it by painting the house.She then asks him why he has a ski jacket over his coat.He replies that he was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS. Read more:results
BOTH of THEM 2007-02-05 19:13:00 A man stops by to visit his friend who is on bed rest.After sometimes his friend asks, "Can you please go upstairs and bring my socks?"The guest goes upstairs and sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking.He says: "Your father sent me up here to make love with you!"They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"He replies, "OK, let's check!" And shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of them?"The reply comes back, "Yes, both of them!"
No CONTACT information 2007-01-30 23:41:00 Q: Why did the book "Most Beautiful Woman of the World" disappointed many men?A: No contact information
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WORLD CUP 2007-01-30 22:25:00 Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.
I'm lost 2007-01-29 21:03:00 A man who hated his wife's pet dog decided to get rid of it.One day he drove the dog 10 blocks away from his home and left it at the park.As he was nearing home, the dog was walking up the driveway.The next day, he decided to leave the dog 20 blocks away.As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the dog!He kept taking the dog farther and farther away, but the dog would always beat him home.At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the dog there.Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Lily, is the dog there?"."Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn dog on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions".
Your arrival tomorrow 2007-01-29 17:20:00 After reaching the hotel, a lady decided to send her husband an e-mail.Unable to remember his email address, she did her best to type it in from her memory. Unfortunately, she missed one letter and her email was directed to an elderly widow, whose husband had passed away on the same day.When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint.At the sound, her son rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:"DEAREST HONEY, JUST GOT CHECKED IN.EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.MISS YOU LOT". Read more:arrival
, tomorrow
She stole this too... 2007-01-28 17:38:00 An old lady was taken to the court for shoplifting.The judge asked her :"What you stole"?The old lady said :"A can of peaches".The judge asked :"Why you did it"?The old lady said :"Because I was hungry".The judge asked :"How many peaches were there in the can"?The old lady said :"6".The judge decides :"You will have to be in jail for 6 days for this".Then her husband stood up says :"She stole a can of peanuts too".
Drink and Drive 2007-01-27 13:37:00 A juggler is stopped by the police.Police :"What are those big knives doing in your car"?Juggler :"I use them in my act"."Oh, yeah? Let's see" officer says doubtfully.The juggler starts tossing and catching the knives."My God," says a passing driver to his passenger, "I'm glad I quit drinking and driving. Look at the test they're giving you now". Read more:Drink
It's terrible out there 2007-01-25 18:33:00 A Golfer left home early to play golf regardless of the weather. But the day was too rainy and windy to play golf.So he returned home, and snuggled up to his wife in bed, saying, "It's terrible out there"."I can hear it", wife said, "and can you believe that my stupid husband is out there playing golf"?
Fun City "LEFT" 2007-01-11 21:52:00 Little Johnny is driving to visit Fun City.He saw a sign saying "Fun City Left!"After thinking for a minute, he started driving back.
Some moe BLONDE jokes 2007-05-10 20:47:00 But we don't have a driverTwo blondes got into a double-decker bus. One blonde somehow managed to get a bottom seat. But the other one is pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, the blonde sitting at the bottom seat goes upstairs to see her friend. She meets her friend in a bad condition, scared to death, clutching the seats in front with both hands. The first blonde says, "Whats wrong? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? The scared blonde replies. "Yeah, but we don't have a driver".A blonde and the lottery ticketA blonde wins a lottery ticket and goes to the lottery office to claim the reward. The officer verifies her ticket number. The blonde says, "I want my 10 lakhs.The man replied, "We will give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest in installment in the next 9 weeks."The blonde gets furious with the man and screams out, "Look, I want my money now! If you are not going to give me my 10 lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees
Answer in BRIEF 2007-05-10 20:23:00 Little Johnny is appearing for his final examination. He stares at the question paper for few minutes, and then takes off his shoes andthrows them out of the window. He then removes his shirt, pant, socks and throws out of the window. The invigilator got alarmed on this and approaches him to asks what is going on."I am only following the instructions", says Little Johnny.On the questions paper it is written as,'Answer in brief'
ChIlDrEn JoKeS 2007-05-09 16:38:00 BEST TIMEA man asks the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son for a hair cut.Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four".APRIL FOOLSon tells his mother, "Mama, our servant Robert is misbehaving with the maid servant Leela".Mother calls Robert and scolds him badly.Robert is confused.Son laughs and says merrily, Mama, APRIL FOOL, it was not Robert, it was DADDY".
PSYCHOTHERAPIST 2007-05-09 07:27:00 A psychotherapist was not willing in paying high amount to have a shop banner. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him and put it above his shop entrance.But, after putting the board the business began to slacken. He had also noticed the ladies are shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. AND then he understood why !The boy was able to find a small wooden board for the shop banner. So he had split the word "psychotherapist" into 3 words :PSYCHO-THE-RAPIST
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