Owner: buffalo void URL:http://buffalovoid.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sun, 06 May 2007 08:31:31 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Stories, humor, and drawings from the big, beautiful, empty room also known as New York City. Site statistics:Click here
Bullied Oversight (Or, Where the Hell Was Susan Sarandon?) 2008-03-05 17:18:00 I had dinner with my friend Patty a few days after Heath Ledger's death.Before we got headlong into a discussion of Mary-Kate Olson, Patty said:"And what about Brad Renfro? That pisses me off.""What about Brad Renfro?""Exactly."You see, less than a week before Heath Ledger died, the young actor Brad Renfro died of a heroin overdose.I'm not sure why, but it wasn't exactly breaking news on any front.At least, I thought, Renfro would get some sort of acknowledgment in the Oscar ceremony (in the long-standing traditional "here's to the departed" film reel).And...once again, Renfro's death was ignored.Although the academy took the time to remember the other actors and the executives and the make-up artists and the hair bangers and the choreographers and the secretaries and the fluffers and the Read more:Oversight
, Susan
Truimph of the Weak (Or, Google Me, Google You) 2008-03-04 13:18:00 Might as well knock out both featurettes for the week...Here's this week's (short, sweet) list of internet search queries that brought folks to BV:There Are Two Kinds of People Ms. SandstoneMs. Sandy SandstoneCell Phone Self PortraitsMistress ShitStretch Marks, Gilda RadnerNaomi is a Slut in BuffaloI'd pick a favorite...but this list seems to weave a cohesive narrative...something like:My mistress Miss Sandy Sandstone shoots slutty cell phone self-portraits of her stretch marks by the shitty sea shore...in Buffalo.This little shitty ditty stars the late Gilda Radner as both mistress Miss Sandy Sandstone and her twin estranged sister, the ne'er-do-well-but-always-natty-never-nappy Naomi Nomiton. Read more:Google
Kid Charlemagne (Or, Krautastic Tuesday) 2008-03-04 10:31:00 Even though I really wanted to study French, I took German in high school.My sophomore year, our German class when to Ohio State to be a part of some German Day thing (hey, it was Ohio after all). There were various competitions held that day...and I was on our class's "German Culture Team".Go figure.Anyway, our team had to compete against other schools in various trivia challenges. The entire bus ride to Columbus, our overzealous, overbearing, overwrought German teacher berated us for not studying enough. He was convinced we would be knocked out of the first round - our German-laden heads to hang in deep, lederhosenisch shame.He was German, after all.In the first round of this odd "German Culture Bowl", our team realized our lack of studying really wasn't going to be much of an issue.C Read more:Tuesday
The T$ Memorial Reservoir (Or, Take Back the Night...Please) 2008-03-03 09:22:00 I was in Central Park yesterday with my friend Torrey. We entered the park on the East side, uptown near the Jackie Kennedy Onassis Reservoir
.I'm not knocking Jackie herself...but the entire American way (or is it global way?) of naming every single thing after someone, is always good for a laugh in my book.As we walked around the East edge of the Reservoir, I blurted out:"You know, there's this pool of water that always forms on my bathroom sink. I like to call it the 'Trevor Messersmith Memorial
Wading Pool'."Naturally, I jog around it every morning...pondering my multiple lives as an American style icon...as spouse to an assassinated President...as a kept man on a Greek isle...wandering to and fro in huge sunglasses and linen kaftans...trying to avoid Maria Callas's attempts on my lif Read more:Night
, Please
Spring Procrastinating (Or, A Drawing) 2008-03-01 09:07:00 I'd claim "spring fever" as the reason why I've been writing twice a week these days....Except it's not quite spring and I'm far from feverish.I got a dog a month ago...can I prop myself up on that as an excuse? Read more:Spring
Three Wishes (Or, A Certain Sunday Night in Review) 2008-02-25 09:26:00 I usually write more about film than I have recently (um...all of last year) and I wanted to do a little Oscar hoo-haa thing prior to last night.In retrospect, I'm glad I didn't. I had three small hopes for the ceremony - all of which pulled through:As much as I love Julie Christie, I wanted Marion Cotillard to win for La Vie en Rose.And...she did.Once was one of my favorite films from last year (even thinking about the film's ending now makes me choke up more than I should admit to), and I wanted its big song "Falling Slowly" to win.And...it did.I have had it bad for Tilda Swinton since I saw her in Derek Jarman's Caravaggio way way way back when. She is a masterful, intellectual actor and what she did with her role in Michael Clayton is completely representative of her intense craft an Read more:Night
, Sunday
, Three
, Wishes
G-G-G-G-Googly (Or, The Weak in Review) 2008-02-22 09:54:00 This week in what-kind-of-cockamamie-shit-brings-bitches-here-via-Google:Mandee in Teen VogueNatalie No PantsMale Escort in TurkeyMale Midget StrippingNow Tell Me is it Time to Get Down?Hard Rough Rider FuckersAnd...my personal favorite:Wurst and Kraut
Crazed In the Afternoon (Or, Is That a Banana in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Drunk?) 2008-02-20 15:44:00 Yesterday I was running errands in the afternoon and decided to pick up a few groceries while I was out. I hardly ever go into this particular grocery store in the middle of the day.The shopping trip was uneventful until I got to the checkout line. I started unloading my basket at the register and I noticed a man standing next to the magazine/impulse item rack. He was swiging enthusiastically from a half-pint bottle of vodka.He finished his chug and started to put the bottle into the front pocket of his jacket. As he tried to finish his less-than-discreet move, he saw me staring at him."Oh shit," he said suddenly surprised at the bottle in his hand. "I thought this was a banana!"I laughed and said, "That doesn't look like any banana I've ever seen."He returned the laugh and replied, "H Read more:Afternoon
, Pocket
Wie Jetzt Braun Kuhe? (Or, Krautastic Tuesday) 2008-02-19 10:07:00 I was all talk last Friday when I declared that this Tuesday
(uh...today) would herald the beginning of a new BV featurette called Krautastic Tuesday.I have a set of funny German-tinged stories to whip out like a dish of kraut...yet, once again, the inspiration to write is a little on the skids.In lieu of my own jokes, I will start the ball rolling with a quote from a Woody Allen movie (kudos to anyone who can name the source). The following was spoken by an intensely German domestic after serving a bowl of (presumably) Spätzle:"It's Bavarian pasta - it doesn't need sauce! The Italians use sauce on their pasta because they are weak!"Below is the video for "Hold On" by Apparat - hands down, my favorite song of last year...from my favorite album of the year. (If you haven't purchased/he
Splitsville (Or, Please Give It Up for Miss Tandi Dupree) 2008-02-18 18:20:00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.I know what you're thinking.All video...no wordies.Don't worry, some shit's in the can...I just have to get my act together and write it down.In the meantime...here's an act that's damn hard to follow.Please
give it up for Miss Tandi Dupree...in a drag number to end all drag numbers.If there were a medal/award/whatever for such feats, surely she deserves it.Enjoy. Read more:Splitsville
See You Next Tuesday (Or, Something Like a Feature) 2008-02-15 13:17:00 I almost started a new feature this week to keep my posting lethargy in check...but it sort of skidded out of my mind.So, the new BV featurette Krautastic Tuesday
is starting today.Above: Ellen Allien's early early Stadtkind.Below: the trailer for Fassbinder's Lola.
Your Googly Heart (Or, V.D.) 2008-02-14 09:28:00 Since I have next-to-no love for today's "holiday", here's my weekly list of Google searches...it's about as close to V.D. as I am right now...Enjoy.Pesky WhiteMadonna Body of Evidence ClipsStag Party in BuffaloNan Kempner 1979Joni Mitchell Never LiesTyra Banks Passport PhotoThe Public Wants What the Public Gets"An Amazing Nightmare"*All the Great Operas in Ten MinutesWhat If I'm in Black Jeans?Bigass SouthernAnd...my personal favorite:Can I Perm My Pubic Hair?*Kudos to anyone who knows who that quote is in reference to. Read more:Heart
Catastrophe (Or, We're the Architects of the World) 2008-02-11 13:04:00 I'm feeling this song today - not sure why...it was a big, big favorite of mine a couple of years ago...and the band has since broken up.Here's Rainer Maria* with "Catastrophe
".Enjoy.*Given my krautastic tendencies, it was/is a brilliant name for a band. Officially, they took their name from the poet Rainer Maria Rilke...but when I first heard of them, I immediately thought Fassbinder. Either way, it's a hot krauty reference. Read more:Architects
, World
Hey, Lady (Or Poppin' Fresh) 2008-02-10 14:26:00 My last entry was indeed officially embarrassing (see also: Mod Fab). So, to make up for it, here's another gayass political entry...one I've been holding on to for quite a while.My brother works for the government and his former boss used to be a certain political person's personal assistant (I won't name names...you can reference the drawing above for a hint).Said certain political person's personal assistant just happens to be a gay man. And one day while he was in the service of said political person, he got into a random discussion with his employer regarding recreational drug use in the gay community.This is starting to read like a Watergate memo, so I'll cut to the chase.The two of them were talking about Amyl Nitrate.Details ensued...the assistant gave up lots of information and
If She Could Turn Back Time (Or, Leave It to Cher) 2008-02-08 17:54:00 Not like I ever have to say "I'm Sorry" for extreme homosexual statements or stories or retold incidents...but this next entry might need a "this-is-too-gay-for-words" apology.Last night, Cher was on Nightline. She weighed in on the upcoming presidential election as such - in her typically candid manner:"I love Hillary. I know her and she's a strong woman. I want her to win. I really like Obama - I think he's a great speaker. But he doesn't have enough experience and that's scary to me."The interviewer was about to ask her to clarify a little when Cher jumped in with:"Look, there was a guy I loved - I really had hope for him and what he stood for. I had dinner with him when he first got to the White House. It was sad what happened to him - he was a great idealist and he got torn apart Read more:Leave
, Turn Back
Perpetual Goo (Or, Sluts and Tits) 2008-02-07 10:03:00 I haven't been keeping up with what Google searches have been bringing folks to BV...but I just checked my site stats and feel compelled to share some queries...I might bring it back as a returning feature if they stay as titular and slutty as these:Jodie Foster SmokingBitch Tit PhotosRhymes With GinPumped Up TittiesDisco BarnJulianne Moore's TeethTranssexual Taylor DayneMy Mother the MistressSagittarius Equals SlutDarcelle is a SlutJe suis a piggyOlder Sluts in BuffaloEva Longoria Camel Toe YouTubeLots of TittiesWe Used to Hang in a Buffalo StanceAnd...my personal favorite:Eyebrow Threading Courses in Cleveland, Ohio
Now Listen Up (Or, The World of Heterosexuality Is a Sick and Twisted Place) 2008-02-06 17:04:00 I completely forgot about this incident...it happened the same night that I was asked to carry a young lady's cake into "da club". Since a few readers have balked at my refusal to assist the young debutante with her grand entrance into "da club" society, maybe this story will clarify my mindset that night...and give another reason/excuse/whatever for why I didn't carry that damn cake.Out to dinner with my visiting younger brother and his friends, I stepped outside to smoke a cigarette.Hey, it happens.I stood far off to the side of the restaurant's entrance...as per the new smoking etiquette. No sooner than I had sparked the stick, I was surrounded by three fellow smokers from the restaurant (two women and one man).I could not escape the following conversation...since it happened inches fr Read more:Listen
, Place
, Twisted
, World
The Story of O (Or, Super Tuesday) 2008-02-05 20:44:00 I was discussing the Obama-Oprah factor with my friend Torrey. I won't reveal the details of said political discussion...but the highlight was this:ME: I just feel like Oprah turned Obama into a rockstar overnight. It troubles me.TOR: You mean she put too much pressure on him?ME: No, I mean she put too much pressure on me.With that, we laughed at the thought of Oprah's giant head looming above voters' heads inside those deliriously modern voting booths, pressuring them to do the right thing by her man of the hour.I guess it's a step up from her staged fawning over Tom Cruise and John Travolta.Anyway, I will say, I'm always shocked at how easy voting in my neighborhood is...maybe I'm the only one who ever votes in the 16th precinct, but there's never a line...ever. I was in and out of th Read more:Super
, Tuesday
21st Century Boy (Or, Yo Teef Is Givin Me Grief) 2008-02-02 20:09:00 I had dinner with my old friend Jeremy this week ("old" meaning we've been friends for ten years...not "old" as in he started his career in show business as a backup dancer for Carol Channing).As the meal progressed, we got to telling old stories...and this one came out of nowhere:A number of years ago, my friend Lucas was in New York for work. We were out and about at the usual neighborhood haunts and we ran into a friend of mine who was out for drinks with one of his coworkers.The coworker in question, despite being a sweetheart and nice and funny and all that, had some unfortunate issues in the dental department.His grill was missing some fill.His teeth were giving grief.*He had "summer teeth" - some were there....some were not.Now, the whole time I was talking to the guy, my friend Lu Read more:Century
, Grief
Stretch Marks (Or, Ms. Patti Caldwell) 2008-01-30 12:43:00 In my YouTube search for Jewess Jeans, I came across this clip - which I'd never seen before.Here's Gilda Radner as Patti Caldwell...promoting her new album Stretch
Marks.It's got big hair.It's got a bitter, bitter heart.And it's got some hot late 1970s fashion too good to be true.Enjoy. Read more:Stretch Marks
Gael, When We Made Love You Used To...Juliette? (Or, I Got My Education) 2008-01-29 11:19:00 Almodovar's Bad Education
is one of my favorite films...I'm particularly fond of it because it is all about relationships between men (as opposed to being all about relationships between women or all about mothers...or all about high heels...or all about Penelope Cruz's tay-taas). When I first saw the film, I was obsessed with how the drag queened/trannified Gael Garcia Bernal looked like a very lusty, very voluptuous, very-better-ass-ed version of Juliette Lewis.And...low and behold...the folks at Moviefone.com think so too (see answer #2 above).The screenshot is from some "Name this Star in Drag!" Quiz I took a few months back...I laughed out loud when I saw it.
Three 2008-01-27 17:46:00 Yesterday, Buffalo Void turned three.There have been fond rememberances.There has been pillow talk.There have been drawings.There have been eyelashes.There has been shameless plugging of products I named.There has been shameless plugging of videos I made.There have been stories.There have been stories about my fictional vagina.There have been nicknames.There has been frozen yogurt.And, again after another year logged, there has been a lot of practice.And, yes, Virginia, despite my current writing and drawing and photographing and sassing and gassing and joking and poking and styling and profiling lethargy, there should be another year in store. Read more:Three
Not So Hong Kong Garden (Or, Illustration Friday) 2008-03-12 12:45:00 I just submitted this to the excellent site IllustrationFriday
for this week's topic: Garden
.Although today's not Friday...this is an illustration.I'll try to do this more promptly from now on...especially considering one of my (now seemingly former) featurettes (Who's Googling Who?) is not so fun anymore.Maybe it's just this week...but every recent Google search bringing the masses (all two of you) here has had to do with either male midget escorts or Eva Longoria's chronic camel toe. Granted, both are pretty hot topics...but there wasn't any sort of "looking for sluts in Buffalo" query to make me smile this week. Read more:Hong Kong
Mädchen Amok (Or, Krautastic Tuesday) 2008-03-11 13:54:00 This week's Krautastic Tuesday
is a fast two-parter...all about the ladies.Eins:In 1996, I was obsessed with an online 'zine called blairmag. Astonishingly, it's still there - exactly as it was way back when. The folks that wrote it were ornery and hilarious...and they set up two online games (back when having an animated .GIF file on a website was groundbreaking shit)...one was called "Gay or Eurotrash?" and the other was called...Lesbian or German Lady?Click the link above and play...it's just as fantastisch as it was twelve years ago.Zwei:My maternal grandmother is a German immigrant...and she's got the intense love of meat products and butter (her basic two food groups) to prove it. She thinks my mother is insane for using spices like black pepper or garlic when she cooks. At nearl
Quirkadelic Quirkington (Or, Enough About Meme, Let's Talk About Me) 2008-03-10 16:43:00 Once upon a time, I avoided memes.I ran.I hid.I played dumb.I acted like, all of a sudden, I had no idea how the internet worked...even though it's how I feed my family (read: me and my dog) and my fictional staff of four.And here I am now...meme whore.Anyway, Toni from the I-always-get-way-too-hot-and-bothered-when-I'm-there-blog Attempted Entertainment has tagged me for a "personal quirks" meme. In writing up my answers, I realize this has turned into a mini-roadmap of my various OCD traits:Share six non important things/habits/quirks about yourself.1. I have a tendency to eat meals standing at my kitchen counter.2. I am compulsive about making the bed. I start making it the split second I get out of bed in the morning. I even do this when I'm an overnight guest..and in hotels. I can Read more:Enough
My Dinner With... (Or, A Streetcar Named Desire) 2008-03-07 08:26:00 My Dinner
With... Mod Fab has tagged me for quite possibly the best meme ever. I have to admit, choosing a single person has been a challenge. While various parts of me wants dinner with various directors (Fassbinder, Almodóvar, Derek Jarman, Preston Sturges), I think I'd rather spend this kind of dinner on the potentially sultry side of things.1. Pick a single person, past or present, in the film industry who you'd like to have dinner with, and tell us why you chose this person.After much deliberation (see above), I decided to kick it old school with my choice. I would like to have dinner with Marlon Brando – for countless reasons. It's hard to deny his genius as an actor...or his intensely masculine beauty. And in any interview he gave he was Read more:Desire
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