Owner: DoingWord URL:http://doingword.com/ Join Date: Sat, 05 May 2007 10:04:11 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: A frequently updated and frequently humorous blog of an Australian male. Site statistics:Click here
Five Dollar Gimp 2007-05-03 07:31:52 My teachers have always been honest with me but have always said things like: “you’re disturbed“, “you’re disgusting“, “you’re sick and French people won’t get your sense of humour” and most recently today: “I’ll give you five dollars for it“.
And so ladies and gentlemen, my story begins…
Just over four years ago, it was a requirement of my school to do metal work. Our class of twenty students consisted of nineteen tirelessly working students attempting to create their favourite sporting trophy out of metal, and me: in the corner giggling, while the industrial vacuum cleaner left perfectly rounded ‘hickey’ marks on my cheek. I eventually got stuck into the work aswell and managed to finish mine by presentation day.
All of the trophies were lined up, and to be honest, they all looked fantastic. There were basketballers, divers, football players, atheletes all hand-crafted out of metal. They Read more:Dollar
My Life is Falling Apart! 2007-04-29 15:16:11 Not entirely true, but I’ve lost my DVD remote control and I just put away the nailclippers to realise that I missed my left thumbnail. Sometimes, in this big spinning globe; I can’t help but ponder,
“Why God?! Why always pick on the handsome ones!”
And it makes me even more depressed after all these months to realise that Subway was actually serious about phasing out their bonus cards. Fuck you, Subway.
PS. I know I suck with the internet at the moment (we’ll blame it on the whole ‘life-falling-apart thing’ - it’s amazing how much a lost remote control can mess with your head) but I’ll be reading all your blogs this week. I apologise for being a douchebag.
Results Are Not ‘The End of History’ 2007-04-27 16:11:17 I know you all don’t care; but it’s my blog, so I don’t care that you don’t care. Although we all secretly know that I actually do care that you care (if you care). But if you care or not, my half-yearly exam results are back.
Business Studies average was 63%, I managed to scrape by with 64%. Maths average was 59%, I managed to gain 8th place (of 102) at 83%. English was 73% and still waiting on French. But my teacher has gone back to France. So we could be waiting a while. Although Business and English are nothing to rave about - I’m still quite happy with my results considering the amount of effort I put into the exams. All I honestly care about is passing all my subjects… but maths: I want to succeed with flying colours and a newspaper result.
For those who find education boring: I finally got the Fionn Regan CD, &lsquo
;The End of History
‘ and as simple as it is, it’s some beautiful music and it was a great purchase.
For those who fi
Something Fishy, Something Smooth 2007-04-25 05:21:44 It amazed my neighbour Aimee that I’d never been to the Fish Markets.
It’s right underneath the ANZAC Bridge (and today is actually ANZAC Day) and it’s freakin’ massive. It’s fair intense too. To get a meal, you have to do a lot of pushing and shoving and when you finally get to where you want to be, it’s a screaming match to get your order in. Well worth it though; it was damn good seafood. And I’m not really a seafood-y person.
To top off the day, we all joined in in waxing Matt’s chest.
The nipples were by far the highlight of the ordeal. It’s bizarre - I always thought the blood coming to the surface was a myth… It’s not. Read more:Fishy
Sushi Etiquette 2007-04-23 05:10:57 I am hungover. We drank a lot last night. Flying backwards yelling about Princess Peach taking the star that was rightfully mine, I belted my head against a table. We watched the first night of Big Brother. Realisation of its patheticness kicked in.
I need sushi. It solves everything. However after a close analysis, Kate and I have discovered that if you miss the crispy gyozas, you have to wait 4 minutes 31 seconds and 7 tenths of a second for it to come around again assuming that it will not be intercepted by anyone else along its journey. However if you’re willing to do a ‘reach’ (ie. a reach across to the kitchen side of the train, extremely forbidden and frowned upon) then you’ll only have to wait 13 seconds flat if you’re sitting at the fourth stool from the front of the shop.
Most of you are probably thinking, “rightio, Paddy’s on another useless highly exaggerated ramble”, but let me tell you this..:
You’re fucking wrong and Read more:Sushi
, Etiquette
“What Do You Want?” 2007-04-21 09:44:40 My big one-eight is in about three weeks (May the 15th, last time I mention it, we’ll see who remembers..!) which is a Tuesday. I’m having a little thing at our house with about seven or eight of my friends, family friends, and family. Nothing too big, and then the cousins, two of my friends and my sister and her beef (Hi Jess and Andreas!), and the infamous Maths tutor (ie. everyone over 18 and under 35) will head out for a few quite ones somewhere.
As I’m slowly letting everyone know, I’m constantly getting the &ldquo
;well, what do you want?&rdquo
;. I hate this question… I don’t really want/expect presents from anyone coming (except my sister - Hi Jess!), and no one seems to take ‘no presents’ as an answer. I discussed this with my milf and she reckons that I should just tell them what I want. Not to be shy. I’ve thought about it; and I’ve decided what my answer will be.
I would really love an original Mini Cooper. I don&
East Infection 2007-04-19 08:09:21 Mother and son bonding day today. Which basically means she buys an overpriced bracelet and buys me some overpriced jeans. To top it all off, we have an overpriced lunch. It really hits the spot. Naturally, as you’ve already guessed, because everything is overpriced (but fantastic quality) - this could all only be in the Eastern suburbs. Where I live, on the North Shore, it’s all overpriced, but shit quality. I would move to the east in a flash…
…if I could reverse park.
This is probably the first and last post I’ll ever talk about clothes. Clothes and fashion don’t interest me. And they don’t need to - that’s what my mum, my sister and female friends are for. (On a side note, the girlfriend is gone. Hmmm, I should probably let her know sooner or later. Then again, have to live up to the reputation of being ignorant, don’t I?). But the Nudie Jeans are the sex.
We headed over to bills in Woolhara (location above). Perhaps the best
Big Smiles and Big Rods 2007-04-18 07:48:48 My house is this: we face the bush, we have no curtains. The side of our house that faces the bush is wall-to-wall glass. And so the tale begins..:
Originally the sun was an issue. The sun comes straight into all our rooms and when we first moved in (about four years ago) it was summer and I was being woken at 5.30 - 6.30 AM every morning. I’ve built up a tolerance to the sunlight and can now sleep in front of very large flood lights (although I try not to too often as it gets rather hot). The sun is no longer an issue.
Now it’s privacy. I had an awkward stare-off with a gardener once who was coming to rip out some trees. He was just trotting past my window at about 9.45 AM and casually glanced in to my room - as you do. Meanwhile there’s me in my undies pulling on some jeans getting ready for my 10 AM shift. We both paused, tilted our heads, and went our seperate ways both feeling rather confused and embarassed.
This morning I wake up to face the pool man who is abou Read more:Smiles
Public Displays 2007-04-17 01:32:35 I love my friends X and Y. I had a great night with them (and Kate) last night… But when X and Y start being affectionate, it makes us uncomfortable. It creates tensions. It makes us want to leave.
I’ve cropped the photo because I really don’t like public displays of affection. We’ll be sitting there having a rivetting conversation about why DK is better than Wario, and all of a sudden X will drop his lips onto Y’s cheek who’ll someone make sure she swivels to create twelve seconds of doom for the rest of us.
Naturally, you’re mind is saying “Look straight ahead. Make lots of noise” but sometimes, even though you don’t want to, you find yourself looking straight at them. I personally, would wait the extra fifteen minutes until Kate and I left and then fuck like beavers (yes, beavers fuck). It’s unnecessary - particularly seeing as the relationship is a year old.
I’m not making sense. Its 9.35AM, I’m not us Read more:Public
, Displays
Real Life Acronyms 2007-04-15 16:27:25 The weekend away to Melbourne was tiring. It’s always intense and jam-packed going there. There’s something organised for every minute of every day, and there’s always at least fifteen people involved. I’m just lucky I have a family who can laugh.
My uncle began using acronyms in every-day language about a year or so ago. It was essentially a racist comment for the taxi drivers of Melbourne, but let’s not go there: I have a multi-cultural audience. But the use of every-day acronyms has increased and is also used by all of my Melbourne relatives now. What’s even funnier is that they don’t have to think about them either. They’ll quite happily continue a conversation without pausing about “Some T.F.P.I.T.A who cut-me off”. That one stands for a Total Fucking Pain in the Arse. These acronyms have also become more personal. One aunty is now known as the B.F. Triple B (or B.F.B.B.B). That one stands for a Big Fat Butch Bogan Bitch. Read more:Real Life
“Your son is a fuckup.” 2007-05-07 15:24:23 Education and I don’t really get along. I think school is a joke; and I plan to start succeeding after school in my chosen course. A bit of a catch 22 though which I don’t even think needs explaining. I have less than seventy school days left. And it’ll be all over and my fate will be decided including factors such as:
a) What courses I will be eligible for post high-school
b) My success / failure as a human being
c) How much money I’ll be earning, and
d) Whether or not a woman will ever love me
This evening, our parent-teacher-student interviews were on. As my rapports with my teachers have not been brilliant of late, I managed to convince Daddy Dearest that these interviews were designed not to include students. As usual, I later realised that I still have difficulty with the idea of ‘thinking plans through’. He came home rather pissed off upon discovering 95% of students were present with their parents at these interviews. I guess I just assumed Read more:ldquo
, rdquo
Almighty Bloggers 2007-05-09 10:27:06 I am on the prowl for the best weblogs on the internet. I mean, the best of the best. The elite, the inspirational. Most of the readers of DoingWord have weblogs, and they’re all great - but let’s be honest: if you were elite, you wouldn’t be here; so I’m not going to bother apologising for not listing your blogs in my favourite weblogs list. Currently it’s sitting at one and a half.
1. Dooce.com (Heather)
My alltime favourite weblog. It makes me laugh, it makes me cry, it makes me laugh, and once I almost threw up. Heather is to me, the definition of ‘elite’; and I’m absolutely amazed she supports her family off her blog. If she were next to me right now I’d probably say.. “hey” or something really witty like that.
1 and a half. Jemjabella.co.uk (Jem)
This lass’ weblog is growing on me everytime I read it. At first I was a little ‘nyeeerrrr’ about it (because in my eyes no one has the right to compare Read more:Almighty
The Best Things In Life Are Free! 2007-05-11 14:52:58 Are you one of those annoying people who slow down to have a look at car accidents as you drive past? Because I am. I don’t know what it is. I get a rush no-one can explain when I see a demolished hunk of metal with its crying [female] driver sitting beside it. (Ladies: I’m sorry, that was rude. Gentlemen: YEAHHHHHH!).
I also love when people pick up their mobile phones just after the caller has given up waiting and hung up and the receiver is left stuttering to themselves:
“Hello? Uh.. oh.. ah”
Or when distressed mums scream useless questions at their kids like:
“Do you want a smack?!”
(”No you dumb bitch, just fuck off and leave me alone”)
And when people get on busy trains to realise they can’t reach a handrail from where they’re standing… and they fall over as the train lurches forward.
That last one gets me everytime. That’s humour at its very greatest. The best things in life really are free… What get
Yesterday and Today 2007-05-16 12:19:40 Be prepared for a long entry. In this entry, you’ll get every detail of my eighteenth birthday. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and if you’re anything like me; you’ll probably throw-up.
Some Love
The day was all about hugging. Numerous group hugs, birthday bashings, and James’ intrusion into the middle of our English class to hug me for eighteen full seconds, counting each one in time at the top of his voice before disappearing without another word.
Some Tangibles
Happy with the clothes mum and I had previously purchased, I wasn’t expecting a great deal on my birthday. You can only imagine how ecstatic I was when I received the Nikon D80 I’d been looking at as a potential purchase with my saved up moolah. I still have a lot to learn, but I’m loving it like a son-of-a-bitch! (That’s my dog, Ziggy)
On top of that, arriving at my afternoon TAFE class in North Sydney, Emma turns up after spending the previous day in hospital and waking Read more:Today
, Yesterday
Open Comments 2007-05-14 22:20:42 I’m clearly not going to say why… But comments are open for an ‘apparently’ useless post. Read more:Comments
Needle In A Haystack 2007-05-21 02:12:34 I was reading a Missing Persons article in the newspaper the other day. To be honest, I didn’t really see the point. I find it rather useless to have Australia searching for a man who fits the following description:
Asian in appearance
Around 30 years old
With dark hair
With a slim build
And I really don’t think you can call me a racist for saying this because it’s plain truth; but it would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I dread the day I walk into Chinatown next. I’ll be overwhelmed with the desire to yell “THERE! That’s him!“. Read more:Needle
PhotoMess 2007-05-20 00:37:11 Unfortunately, the Nikon is massive and not really pub material; but Friday night, Tom, Kate, Emma and myself all headed out to the Orchy for numerous drinks and potato wedges.
I don’t like being 18. It’s so damn expensive and it seems like I’ve got a constant headache.
Last night I headed over to Paddington for Kel’s eighteenth birthday. It was a great night, with lots of dancing, drinking and some fantastic speeches. I wasn’t entirely prepared, but as one of the few males there; I got up and gave a little ’short and sweet’ one, fortunately before a really sad speech that had most people in tears. (’Fortunately’ because mine seemed funnier than it actually was, and I generally seem a much happier person now).
In the last three days I’ve acquired two new exciting things I thought I’d share with you:
1. A Visa debit card… which in turn, has allowed the purchase of;
2. PhotoMess.net
The Joys of Webcams 2007-05-23 08:06:28 Alex has one of those dandy Macbook Pro’s with the multi-featured webcams. The new definition of “procrastination”.
Paddy, Alex, James (and Andy’s hand)
Paddy, Alex, James, Alex
Alex with many peoples’ gestures
I wonder if I could make certain appendages appear larger with the ’stretch’ feature… Read more:Webcams
Reinvigoration and Murder 2007-05-25 19:07:18 Because I’m slightly obsessed with the traffic in, out, and throughout this dismal excuse for a blog; I am using the fantastic services of reinvigorate for tracking and statistics. So far it’s been pretty useless except finding out that people find my website by searching “paddy large nipples” and “i know you want to smack me haha” - ha. ha. But browsing through my account the other day; I realised how powerful this little website makes me.
I decided to check out the “Geolocation Map” feature and decided to fuck around with the zooming and satellite modes. Correct me if I’m wrong, but is this much information for a statistics site unnecessary?
This basically means, that for poor Amanda; the next time she leaves a comment that slightly disagrees with anything I say… I’m going to hunt her down and put a bullet in her head.
And let it be a warning to the rest of you…
Private School Wankers 2007-05-30 05:00:09 Me and my mate were discussing private schools and the wankers they breed. Mainly those in Sydney, Australia. This was brought up after another friend told me about the stories in her female private school. Apparently the girls aren’t fussed about good marks and careers because they have large sums of money in ‘trust funds’ anyway. I’m still yet to understand what a trust fund is. I’m hoping everyone has one because according to some of these girls, trust funds equal yachts. I’ve always wanted a nice wooden yacht.
I heard some great stories; my favourite being about a girl who wanted to leave school early for a waxing appointment. The teacher kindly stated that it was her legal obligation under OH&S duty of care to make sure the student remain in class until the end of the class. The girl stands up anyway and snarls;“My parents pay you to teach me. You can’t tell me when I can and cannot leave.” before walking out. Classy.
Anywa Read more:Private
, School
iLove 2007-06-04 01:51:17 paddy: iLove
paddy: U
macca: iDont
paddy: (wh)iNot?
macca: iJoking
paddy: i…
macca: iSorry
paddy: iGHTTTTT
macca: iAhahahaha
paddy: ahhahahahhaahhah iiiiiii
paddy: fuck.
Perhaps it’s one of those ‘guess you had to be there’ situations. But we found it pretty damn funny. Actually to Carl Barron’s pleasure, I laughed so hard a little bit of wee came out.
PS. I owe you all some comments big-time
Beating Strippers & Incest 2007-06-06 22:59:16 I think my education has officially gone to pot. We began a new unit of English today, the last unit of English I’ll ever have to do. We’re reading and discussing a play… I was tuning in and out, and what grabbed my attention was not the fact that one of the characters belted a stripper multiple times across the face, but when one of the other characters began talking about his disabled sister.
This sister was disabled in a car accident, and he used to comfort her everynight until they became lovers. You can imagine the reaction of the class to discover our beloved pot-smoking character Geoff is not only hearing photos talk to him, but is having sex with his sister - who has no legs.
It got better. At one stage, the mother walks in on them doing the deed, says nothing, and sits alone in her room sobbing. Naturally, Geoff goes to comfort her and ends up sleeping with his mother aswell.
Do you agree that’s a little bit unorthodox for high-school English? I have t Read more:Strippers
“Box Set” Theme for Wordpress 2007-06-15 21:53:49 I’ve spent the last three days trying to get this all good and ready… Here is my first Wordpress
theme to be released on DoingWord. I actually like it, I guess you have to if you spend hours trying to get it all right. But I do, so hurrah.
Box Set
is now available for download. I know most of you won’t, but tell your twatty friends to download it and use it. Oh, and just to let you know, the demo preview may or may not work depending on what you look like. If anyone knows how to get a better demo working, please let me know. Read more:ldquo
, rdquo
, Theme
Floods and Nipples 2007-06-13 06:17:17 As you may or may not know, Sydney has been experiencing some crazy rain lately (different to normal rain, don’t ask how). But it’s been flooding towns, swiping cars off highways, collapsing bridges and killing people. It’s also been making my nipples incredibly rock solid. It has been so cold lately, I’m starting to understand what the mentos guy feels like.
In other news, I took advantage of the public holiday on Monday, dragged Kate around and completely raped my bedroom. The process took six hours (with a short stop for dinner), a broken dust-buster, unstoppable bleeding, and three garbage bags full of crap. I’ve done my bit for the community though and have donated all my clothes (and a fork) to Vinnies. As you’re all getting bored, I think I should tell you how the unstoppable bleeding began; but I don’t want to incase some of you find cutting the inside of a bible to hide contraceptives slightly offensive.
(Don’t worry, I’m Read more:Floods
A Thousand Words 2007-06-17 07:56:04 They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I just realised I haven’t posted a proper photo since May 16th. So in essence, this website is… worthless.
So there’s a photo of some pens stuck on the roof. I hope you got as much joy out of it as we did. (I promise bullshit blogging will stop very very soon).
(And I also promise to the 20+ of you that I owe comments to, you’ll get them very sorta soon.) Read more:Thousand
, Words
Good Reads? 2007-06-20 07:35:35 We’ve just had a nice dinner out, and we, being the conservative and proper people we are; began talking about books. You know, right after the conversation about using your mobile phone for sex services and WAP porn. And apparently I’ve been missing out (on the books and the porn).
I’m no big reader, in the last five years I’ve probably only read four or five books that weren’t required as part of my classes. I’m really fussy, and a book has to be really fantastic for me to get through it… If I lose my place in a book, I’ll probably never pick it up again. But the last book I read was about a year ago, The Day After Tomorrow by Allan Folsom (completely unrelated to that movie about the rain and the snow and the buildings). Which was great, but I’m supposedly going to give these ones a try next:
Tully - by Paulina Simons
The Girl in Time Square - by Paulina Simons
My Sister’s Keeper - by Jodi Picoult
To be 100% honest, Read more:Good Reads
What’s In A Link? 2007-06-20 02:14:36 Four days after I released the Box Set theme (and only one day after it was released on the Wordpress Themes website), someone’s already managed to remove my credit links and claim it as their own.
The owner of puregaming.be obviously wasn’t aware of the invisble text I’d put in the layout. Call me sneaky, call me obsessed, but I like the idea of catching people who have stolen my work. Semi-flattering in a way; but more than anything, it makes me feel intelligent; like I’ve put some top-secret tracking device in the theme to bust the biggest criminals of our world (even if it was just only text that was the same colour as the background!).
My friends say I take myself too seriously…
A Park, a Stadium and a Casino 2007-06-24 09:42:23 My weekend summed up in three venues. Three of willingness. Yesterday Kate and I went to an 18th in Davidson National Park which was actually a really nice afternoon. After two weeks of flooding and rain, a relatively chilled day in the sunshine with some UDLs was pretty damn good. Sure we were being cheap and nasty, but we were proud enough to stay off the goon.
That night, the family and some close friends all went out to see the Swans get thrashed by Collingwood. But as disappointing as it was, it’s always a fun night out. Particularly when there are free sandwiches and pies involved.
After eight hours of work today, I decided to finally blow it all at the Casino
. One hundred and fifty (or so) dollars later, I am now typing this entry half tanked, and with $15 left in my wallet with only a few allowable hours of sleep ahead of me.
Actually that’s an awful reminder that I’ve got to get up and help run a commercial kitchen tomorrow morning to pass my Cert. II in Hosp Read more:Stadium
Concentrate 2007-06-28 22:30:35 I’m having a very hard time trying to study at the moment. There’s about a month until my trial exams (which count for about 40%) and I don’t have the time, nor the motivation to get my arse into gear and start working. I found this great poster from Right Brain Terrain though;
I haven’t been at home for a full night in seven days, and although I won a little bit on the pokies last night, I’m still very very broke, particularly since I’ve renewed my hosting for a full year. Which reminds me, I’ve got 250GB of storage and 2.5TB of bandwidth to fuck around with. Who wants to play?
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