Men From Women Perspective
2007-07-18 06:19:00
1. The nice men are ugly.2. The handsome men are not nice.3. The handsome and nice men are gay.4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.7. The handsome men without money are after our money.8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
Read more: Women
, Perspective
Jock Strap Help
2007-07-18 03:44:00
Read more: Strap
Female Comebacks
2007-07-17 06:29:00
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.Man: Is this seat empty?Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.Man: Your place or mine?Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.Man: So, what do you do for a living?Woman: I'm a female impersonator.Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?Woman: Do not enter.Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?Woman: Unfertilized.Man: Your body is like a temple.Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.Woman: But would you stay there?
Read more: Female
Underwear Problem
2007-07-17 03:45:00
Read more: Underwear
, Problem
And God Created Man
2007-07-21 03:27:00
So God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.God said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with everything you say. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"God replied, "An arm and a leg."Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"The rest is history...~~~~~And God created woman and she had three breasts. He then asked the woman, "Is there anything you'd like to have changed?"She replied, "Yes, could get rid of this middle breast?"And so it was done, and it
Tyson Got Milk
2007-07-20 05:44:00
How to Impress a Woman?
2007-07-19 07:22:00
How to Impress
a Woman?Wine her, Dine her, Call her, Hug her,Hold her, Surprise her, Compliment her,Smile at her, Laugh with her,Cry with her, Cuddle with her,Shop with her, Give her jewelry,Buy her flowers, Hold her hand,Write love letters to her,Go to the end of the earth and back for her.How to Impress a Man?Show up naked.Bring beer.
Where Is The Golfer ?
2007-07-19 07:03:00
Read more: Golfer
If Life Were Like A Computer !
2007-07-23 05:30:00
If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.When you lose your car keys, click on "find"."Help" with the chores is just a click away.You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your boot diskette to recover from a crash.We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.To undo a mistake, click on "back".Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".
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No Kids For Him
2007-07-23 03:20:00
Tiny Men in Fur Coats
2007-07-22 06:19:00
@Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.@They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.@They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.@They growl when they are not happy.@When you want to play, they want to play.@When you want to be alone, they want to play.@They leave their toys everywhere.@They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.@They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
Read more: Coats
Stupidity
2007-07-22 01:49:00
Explaining A Computer
2007-07-25 04:23:00
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!If the label on the cable on the table at your house,says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,but your packets want to tunnel on another protocolthat's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,then
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All Part of The Game
2007-07-25 04:19:00
Computer Viruses
2007-07-24 03:05:00
Prozac VirusScrews up your RAM but your processor doesn't care. Dr. Jack Kevorkian VirusSearches your hard drive for old files and deletes themViagra VirusExpands your hard drive, while putting too much pressure on your zip drive. Viagra 2 VirusIt turns your floppy into a hard drive. Airline VirusYou're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Health Care VirusTests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $5,000. Joey Buttafuoco VirusOnly attacks minor files. Disney VirusEverything in the computer goes Goofy. Ellen Degeneres VirusYour IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
Read more: Computer
, Viruses
, Computer Viruses
Uneven Matchup
2007-07-24 02:18:00
Read more: Matchup
Abort, Retry, Ignore
2007-07-28 01:37:00
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,Longing for the warmth of bedsheets,Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:Having reached the bottom line,I took a floppy from the drawer.Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE commandBut got instead a reprimand: It read "Abort, Retry, Ignore
".Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before.Carefully, I weighed my options.These three seemed to be the top ones.Clearly, I must now adopt one....Choose: "Abort, Retry, Ignore".With my fingers pale and trembling,Slowly toward the keyboard bending,Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,Praying for some guaranteeFinally I pressed a key....But on the screen what did I see?Again: "Abort, Retry, Ignore".I tried to catch the chips off-guard....I pressed again, but twice as hard.Luck was just not in the cards,I saw what I had seen before.N
World Cup Exitement
2007-07-28 01:17:00
Read more: World
, World Cup
Microsoft Should Make Cars & GM Should Make Software
2007-07-27 04:23:00
At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft
, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT.' Then you would have to buy
Read more: Software
Do You Dare?
2007-07-27 04:01:00
New Virus : Senile Virus
2007-07-26 05:32:00
There is a new virus called the "Senile Virus" that even the most advanced programs of Norton and McAfee cannot take care of it. So be warned. The virus appears to affect those of us who were born before 1960!Symptoms of the Senile Virus:1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.4. Causes you to send e-mail back to the person who sent it to you.5. Causes you to forget to attach attachments.6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the e-mail.
Read more: New Virus
Extreme Biking
2007-07-26 05:25:00
Read more: Extreme
, Biking
$20 Bill Remembrance of 9/11
2007-07-30 03:49:00
It's a very interesting item...A $20Bill creates remembrance of America's Tragedy- September 11, 2001.Follow the directions:1. Fold a $20 bill in half so that you see the top half of the reverse side.2. Fold the left half away from you as shown. 3. Fold the right half so that the burning Pentagon is revealed. 4. Flip the bill over to see the World Trade Center.
Read more: Remembrance
Flying Crash
2007-07-30 01:57:00
Read more: Flying
The Perfect Worker
2007-07-29 02:46:00
1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be13. executed as soon as possible.Addendum:That idiot was looking over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to youearlier. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.~~~~~OFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss + smart employee = profitSmart boss + dumb employee = productionDumb
Read more: Perfect
, Worker
Male Sports Vs Female Sports
2007-07-29 02:17:00
Read more: Sports
, Female
The Special Perks for Being 40 & Over
2007-08-02 02:49:00
If you have attained the age of 40 and over, you are entitled to enjoy these special perks:Kidnappers are not very interested in you. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. No one expects you to run into a burning building. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy now won't wear out. You can eat dinner at 4 PM. You can live without sex but not without glasses. You enjoy hearing arguments about pension plans. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You sing along with elevator music. Your eyes won't get much worse. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. Your joints are a more accurate meteorologist than the national weather service. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. Your supply o
Read more: Special
Weapons Of Mass Dis-traction
2007-08-02 01:59:00
Read more: Weapons
Why Aren't You Married Yet?
2007-08-01 04:42:00
And the stupid but smartest answers could be following:You haven't asked yet. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. What? And spoil my great sex life? Because I just love hearing this question. Just lucky, I guess. My fiance is awaiting his/her parole. I'm waiting until I get to be your age. It didn't seem worth a blood test. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund. They just opened a great singles bar on my block. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads? We really want to, but my lover's spouse just won't go for it. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck. Why aren't you thin? I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation. (For Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
Natural Instincts
2007-08-01 03:59:00
Read more: Natural
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