Owner: Funny Pics And Videos URL:http://videopics.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sun, 29 Apr 2007 06:16:46 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: This blog is an effort from me to collect some funny things related to life...
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The Perks of Being 40 & Over 2007-05-23 07:48:00 *Kidnappers are not very interested in you.*In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.*No one expects you to run into a burning building.*People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.*There is nothing left to learn the hard way.*Things you buy now won't wear out.*You can eat dinner at 4 PM.*You can live without sex but not without glasses.*You enjoy hearing arguments about pension plans.*You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.*You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.*You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.*You sing along with elevator music.*Your eyes won't get much worse.*Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.*Your joints are a more accurate meteorologist than the national weather service.*Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.*Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.funny jokesjokesold age
Four Sophomores 2007-05-26 05:43:00 At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, mid-terms, and labs, etc., that each had an "A" for the semester.These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to drive up to Charlottesville to the University of Virginia and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elat
Just Smile 2007-05-25 08:11:00 How does a man show he's planning for the future?He buys two cases of beer instead of one.~~~~~How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.~~~~~How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?Three, if you slice them very thinly.~~~~~What are a woman's four favorite animals?A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and a Jackass to pay for it all.~~~~~What did God say after creating man?I can do so much better.~~~~~What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?Exchange him.~~~~~What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?His wife is good at picking out clothes.~~~~~What should you give a man who has everything?A woman to show him how to work it.~~~~~What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?A candlelit football stadium.~~~~~What's the best way to kill a man?Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pic Read more:Smile
The Sins of Three Nuns 2007-05-24 06:52:00 There are three nuns and a Mother Superior. The Mother Superior tells the three nuns that before they can receive their Saint name they had one final test. She told them to go commit one sin so that they would not have urges to be bad.After the three nuns return, the Mother Superior says, "Did you commit your sins?" They all shake their heads yes. The first two nuns are crying, the third is giggling.The Mother Superior says to the first one, "What sin did you commit child?"The first nun answers with tears in her eyes. "I was just rotten, I picked flowers from someone's garden."The Mother Superior says, "Go drink the Holy Water and it will be alright." The third nun is dancing around in laughter.The Mother Superior asks the second one. Her whole body is shaking and she is crying. "I stole candy from a baby."The Mother Superior says, "My child, drink the Holy Water and you are forgiven.The third nun falls on the floor hysterically laughing. The Mother Superior is disgusted and asks, "Wh Read more:Three
viralink-to-increase-page-rank 2007-05-29 06:47:00 Hi Friends...!!Here is another spin-off of the link train. I have to admit, I am impressed with the novelty of the scheme! Great cool job Andy! For us new bloggers, it could be quite beneficial for long term SEO reasons. It’s very straight forward and could bring in a nice haul of backlinks if everyone uses it right.It’s called ViraLink (great name!) and was masterminded by Andy Coates. Be sure to read the post about it over at his blog, as you may not understand it at first, but I assure you this could be a nice little link builder here. Instructions below:———copy and paste the Viralink and instructions below this line———Below is a matrix of 120 stars, I have already added a link to my blog onto one of the stars, all you need to do is copy and paste the grid into your blog and add your own link to one of the other spare stars, and tell others to do the same!Viralink*********************************************************************************************************
What Kind Of Farter You Are? 2007-05-28 04:36:00 *Vain: You love the smell of your own farts.*Amiable: You love the smell of other people's farts.*Proud: You think your farts are exceptionally fine.*Shy: You release silent farts and then blush.*Impudent: You boldly fart out loud and then laugh.*Unfortunate: You try really hard to fart, but you poop instead.*Scientific: You fart regularly but you're concerned about pollution.*Nervous: You stop in the middle of your fart.*Honest: You admit that you farted but offer good medical reasons.*Dishonest: You fart and then blame the dog.*Foolish: You suppress your farts for hours.*Thrifty: You always keep a couple of good farts in reserve.*Anti-Social: When the need arises, you excuse yourself from the room and fart in private.*Strategic: You fart and then conceal it with loud coughing.*Sadistic: You fart in bed and then pull the cover up over your partner's head.*Intellectual: You can determine from the smell of any fart exactly what food item had been consumed.*Athletic: You fart at the s
Horny Dog 2007-05-28 01:22:00 curiousdogsfashionhornywoman Read more:Horny
I'm so fat that... 2007-06-01 06:55:00 When I dance I make the band skip.My cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.When I go to the zoo the elephants throw me peanuts.My graduation picture was a aerial photograph.My driver's license says picture continued on other side.When I ran away they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.When I get in an elevator it HAS to go DOWN!Instead of being born with a silver spoon I was born with a silver shovel in my mouth.They have to grease the door frames and put a Twinkie on the other side to get me through.I could become rich and sell shade.My belly button doesn't have lint - it has sweaters.And you think YOU'RE fat? fatjokes
How To Change Your Oil 2007-05-31 05:04:00 Women:1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.2. Drink a cup of coffee.3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.Men:1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.3. Open a beer and drink it.4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.7. Place drain pan under engine.8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.9. Give up and use crescent wrench.10. Unscrew drain plug.11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.12. Clean up.13. Have another beer while oil is draining.14. Look for oil filter wrench.15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.16. Beer.1 Read more:Change
The Man Bra 2007-05-30 07:06:00 boobsbrabreastmanwifewoman
If Microsoft were GM 2007-05-30 04:27:00 Microsoft should make cars, GM should make software:At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unle Read more:Microsoft
Cash From ATM 2007-06-02 08:36:00 How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM...1) Parks the car2) Goes to ATM3) Inserts card4) Enters PIN5) Takes money6) Drives away...How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM...1) Parks the car2) Checks makeup3) Turns off engine /put handbrake4) Check makeup5) Goes to ATM6) Hunts for ATM card in the purse.7) Inserts card8) Hits Cancel9) Hunts in purse for chit with PIN written on it.10) Inserts card11) Enters PIN12) Takes cash13) Goes to car14) Checks makeup15) Starts car16) Stops car17) Runs back to ATM18) Takes ATM card back19) Back to car20) Checks makeup21) Starts car22) Checks makeup23) Drives for 3/4 mile24) Releases hand brakeATMboycashcheckgirlsmoney
KIDS & MARRIAGE 2007-06-09 06:03:00 OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABESKids are asked questions about marriage...and, OH! how they answered!!How do you decide who to marry?"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.""No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."What is the right age to get married?"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.""No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."How can a stranger tell if two people are married?"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.""You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids."What do you think your Mom and Dad have in common?"Both don't want no more kids."What do most people do on a date?"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them t
Friendship Oath 2007-06-14 08:20:00 When you are sad,I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the jerk who made you sad.When you are scared,I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get.When you are worried,I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining.When you are confused,I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.And when you are lost,I will answer my cell phone and give you directions.When you are sick,I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god.When you fall,I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass."This is my oath, I pledge till the end.Why you may ask?Because you're my friend."friendsfriendshipoathpromise Read more:Friendship
I Learned From My Girlfriends 2007-06-13 04:24:00 Good times are even better when they're shared.A good long talk can cure almost anything.Everyone needs someone with whom to share their secrets.Listening is just as important as talking.An understanding friend is better than a therapist; and cheaper, too !Laughter makes the world a happier place.Friends are like wine; they get better with age.Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on.Great minds think alike, especially when they are female !When it comes to "bonding," females do it better.YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD FOR SLUMBER PARTIES !!!It's important to make time to do "girl things."Calories don't count when having lunch (or any other food) with your girlfriends.You can never have too many shoes or girlfriends.GEMS MAY BE PRECIOUS, BUT FRIENDSHIP IS PRICELESS !!!friendsgirlfriendlearning Read more:Learned
, Girlfriends
Two Types of Friends : Real & Simple 2007-06-12 06:09:00 A simple friend has never seen you cry.A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean.A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.A real friend could blackmail you with it.A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.A real friend expects to always be there for you!frien Read more:Friends
, Simple
Medical Definitions 2007-06-16 06:33:00 Benign: What you be after you be eight.Artery: The study of paintings.Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.Barium: What doctors do when patients die.Cesarean Section: .A neighborhood in Rome.Catscan: Searching for kitty.Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.Colic: A sheep dog.Coma: A punctuation mark.D & C: Where Washington is.Dilate: To live long.Enema: Not a friend.Eyedropper (i'-drop-ur): A clumsy ophthalmologist.Fester: Quicker than someone else.Fibula: A small lie.Genital: Non-Jewish person.G. I. Series: World Series of military baseball.Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.Impotent: Distinguished, well known.Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane.Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.Nitrates: Cheaper than day.Node: Was aware of.Outpatient: A person who has fainted.Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.Post Operative: A letter carrier.Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.Rectum: Darn near killed him.Secretion: Hiding something.Seizure: Read more:Definitions
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