Time For Hair Cut
2007-05-03 13:08:00
long hairhair cut
Seven Stages Of The Married Cold
2007-05-03 10:00:00
1st year -- The husband says, "Oh, sweetie pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from China Garden. I've already arranged it with the head nurse."2nd year -- "Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?"3rd year -- "Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something--do we have any canned soup around here?"4th year -- "No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!"5th year -- "Why don't you t
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, Stages
Adam In The Garden Of Eden
2007-05-06 13:34:00
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden
of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"God replied, "Go on Adam, but be quick. I have a world to create."So Adam says," When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvy and tender unlike mine?""I did that, Adam, so that you could love her.""Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?""I did that Adam so that you could love her.""Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?""Well Adam, No. I did that so that she could love you."
One Way To Get A Date
2007-05-06 13:32:00
Just Divorced
2007-05-05 14:26:00
A ninety-year-old couple decide to get a divorce. They go to the judge and say, "Judge, we want a divorce."The judge says, "You've been married 70 years and now you want to get a divorce? Why did you wait so long?"The couple say in unison, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."~~~~~We were very happily married for eight months.Unfortunately, we were married for ten years!~~~~~At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."~~~~~A guy slices his ball in the woods and goes in to look for it. He meets a girl from the next fairway looking for her ball. They start to chat and have a wonderful little conversation. She suddenly says to him, " You know... you look like my third husband."He says, "Oh yeah?", and then asks her how many times she's been married."Twice," she replies.~~~~I must admit, you brought religion in my life.I never believed in Hell until I met
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Soccer Fouls
2007-05-05 11:13:00
footballfoulspenaltysoccer
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Divorce Humour
2007-05-05 10:08:00
Definition of Divorce: The future tense of marriage.~~~~~Question: Why is divorce so expensive?Answer: Because it's worth it.~~~~~My husband and I divorced over religious differences.He thought he was God, and I didn't.~~~~~Marriage is a three-ring circus:Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.~~~~~There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:Before marriage and after marriage.~~~~~Why were hurricanes usually named after women?Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.~~~~~90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house.10% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.~~~~~First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel"Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."~~~~~Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."~~~~~The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing ....and then they marry him.~~~~~divor
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School Dress Code
2007-05-04 15:25:00
dress codeschool dressfashion
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Clinton: The Early Years
2007-05-09 10:21:00
clinton
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, Early
, Years
You got an F in sex
2007-05-09 09:05:00
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date."Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?""Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. It is not polite.""OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?""Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?""Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play."My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend."Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?""I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you f
Wife And Mistress
2007-05-08 16:31:00
A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported.The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife."She was a real lady," his mistress said."How so?" the encouraged man asked."She came on board with her husband and never left his side." wifemistress
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Wait Up Homies
2007-05-08 16:31:00
ducklingsducks
Best Way To Cheat
2007-05-07 14:10:00
boobscheatingexams
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Fallen In Love
2007-05-07 14:10:00
A young man excitedly tells his mother that he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."The mother agrees.The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."She immediately replies, "The one in the middle.""That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?""I don't like her."love
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My Kind Of Teacher
2007-05-07 13:53:00
peepingteacher
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Kids & Condoms
2007-05-07 13:43:00
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see.", replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and ask, "Why are there 3 in this package?"The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.""Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks "Then who are these for?""Those are for college men", the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.""WOW!" exclaimed the boy;" Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men, One for January, one for February, one for March..."kidscondoms
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Golfer's Itch
2007-05-11 14:45:00
golfitchitching
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Pregnancy Humour
2007-05-11 10:19:00
Pregnancy Questions & Answers:Q: Should I have a baby after 35?A: No, 35 children is enough.Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?A: Childbirth.Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?A: Yes, pregnancy.Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?A: When the kids are in college.humourpregnancywoman
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, Humour
Streaker Chase
2007-05-10 12:11:00
catchgolfracestreaker
Man And Woman
2007-05-09 14:49:00
Two new additions to Periodic Table of Elements:First Element:Element name: WOMANSymbol: WOAvailable Atomic Weight: (25 to 250)Ideally Accepted Weight: (45 to 65)Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Second Element:Element Name: MANSymbol: XYAvailable Atomic Weight: (35 to 350)Ideally Accepted Weight: (55 to 85)Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape eas
Top 10 Things Only Women Understand
2007-05-15 08:25:00
10. Cats' facial expressions.9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.7. Fat clothes.6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell.4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.3. Eyelash curlers.2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.AND, the Number One thing...1. Other women.girlwifewomanjokes
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, Understand
Never Go For Dieting
2007-05-14 14:43:00
bikinidietingmodelmodelling
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Love Principles
2007-05-14 13:17:00
Romance MathematicsSmart man + smart woman = romanceSmart man + dumb woman = affairDumb man + smart woman = marriageDumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy~~~~~Shopping MathsA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.~~~~~General Equations & Statistics*A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.*A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.*A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.*A successful woman is one who can find such a man.~~~~~HappinessTo be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.~~~~~LongevityMarried men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.~~~~~MemoryAny married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.~~~~~Propensity To ChangeA woman marries a man expecting he will c
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X-ray Bag
2007-05-14 08:26:00
buttgirlmodernwomanX-rayfashion
Kidnapping
2007-05-13 13:02:00
There was this blonde who needed money badly. She then decides to kidnap a little boy. She finds a boy then she brings him to the playground, She explains to him that she has kidnapped him for money, then she writes a ransom note saying that she has kidnapped their son and she demanding $10,000 cash. She wants it in a brown paper bag under the pear tree in the park, The blonde signs the letter THE BLONDE!! She then pins the letter to the boys chest and sends him home...The next day the blonde goes to the pear tree to find the brown bag under the tree with the $10,000 in it with a note that reads... How could you do this sort of thing to a fellow Blonde??!!blondekidnappingjokes
Finally Uncomfortable
2007-05-12 16:16:00
beautifulblondeboobsbroken
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Men Prefer Dogs Over Women
2007-05-12 10:08:00
Few reasons why men prefer dogs over women:Dogs love it when your friends come over.Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.Dogs think you sing great.Dogs don't cry.Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.Dogs are excited by rough play.Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.Dogs love red meat.Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.Anyone can get a good-looking dog.If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.Dogs don't shop.Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.Dogs never need to examine the relationship.A dog's parents never visit.Dogs love long car trips.Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.Dogs like beer.No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.No dog ever p
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, Prefer
Qn & Ar
2007-05-17 15:17:00
Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do?A: Because women don't shut up long enough to build up pressure.Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first?A: The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.funny jokesjokes
Made For Each Other
2007-05-17 09:59:00
dogsdatingromance
Words Women Use
2007-05-16 08:53:00
Vocabulary Lesson For Men:Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with '"Nothing" usually end in "Fine."Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.Thanks: A woman is thanking y
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, Women
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