Owner: Boomer Jokes URL:http://www.boomerjokes.com Join Date: Sat, 28 Apr 2007 23:43:04 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: BoomerJokes.com - Giggle, laugh and smile, your life depends on it! Humor for Baby Boomers and Beyond. Site statistics:Click here
You May Be Getting Old If… 2007-04-26 05:41:08 You May Be Getting Old If&hellip
;
You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age…and isn’t breaking any laws. (more…)
The Old Dog 2007-04-23 00:16:50 A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
(more…)
Forrest Gump is at the Pearly Gates! 2007-04-18 20:49:44 The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the PearlyGates
, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, “Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.” (more…)
You Know You’re Getting Old When… 2007-04-16 19:13:59 Time. Let’s face it, we’re all going to grow old. But how do we know when we’ve arrived? We’re here to help. You know you’re getting old when&hellip
;
A 30-year mortgage sounds like a pretty clever scam.
You no longer consider staying under the speed limit a challenge.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
(more…)
My Favorite Things ~ The Senior Version 2007-04-15 19:05:44 Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things..
Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache,
when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I reme Read more:Favorite
I’m sure you never did any of this… 2007-04-14 14:23:43 Here are some ways to really annoy people big time&hellip
;
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip…”
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. (more…)
The Strongest Man on Earth… 2007-04-13 06:33:54 The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen,etc.) but nobody could do it.
(more&hellip
;) Read more:Earth
90 Year Old Has A Child 2007-04-12 04:51:00 A 90 year old man was having his annual checkup. The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
“I’ve never been better,” the old man replied. “I’ve got an eighteen year old wife who was pregnant and delivered a child.” “What is your opinion about that Doc?,” the old man asked.
(more…)
The Proposal 2007-04-30 03:23:31 There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?” After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. “Yes. Yes, I will.” (more…) Read more:Proposal
Do these folks belong in the Gene Pool? 2007-05-05 07:27:24 MEGA MORON #1
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and demanded all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.
(more…) Read more:folks
Do you remember…the Hollywood Squares? 2007-05-07 21:56:27 If you remember the Original HollywoodSquares
and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when “Hollywood Squares” game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Here are the questions and the actual on the air answers:
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attrac Read more:hellip
Short ones ~ Just for Laughs 2007-05-06 21:52:17 Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied. “Two years older than me.” “So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented. She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it? (more…) Read more:Short
THE LAND OF SANDRA DEE 2007-05-11 14:33:59 THE LAND OF SANDRA DEE
By Leland Waldrip
Long ago and far away,
In a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan
Or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents,
And they were you and me,
Long ago and far away
In the Land of Sandra Dee. (more…)
Adult Resignation 2007-10-27 00:46:27 I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again. Read more:Adult
, Resignation
South Park Lady 2007-09-16 20:53:08 Dear South
Park Lady,
I want to thank you for cutting in front of me at Dick’s Sporting Goods at South Park
Mall, around 12:30PM today. I can’t begin to tell you how you made my day.
Do you take life too seriously? This is for you. 2007-09-15 15:16:38 Save the whales. Collect the whole set
A day without sunshine is, like, night
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Test for Dementia 2007-08-20 00:53:27 ‘It’s that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.’
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take [...]
Stress Relief 2008-03-14 23:31:29 Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called “the world.”
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear and you can easily [...]
Recommend Site To A Friend
