Owner: The Toxic Life URL:http://www.thetoxiclife.blogspot.com Join Date: Thu, 26 Apr 2007 00:43:11 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: cutting edge humor on entertainment, politics, and current events Site statistics:Click here
Geraldo Versus Bill, and A Moron Named Cho 2007-04-24 18:58:00 So whats worse, 2 scumbag spin journalists fighting over illegal immigrants on TV; or an obvoiously deranged 23 year old (who should've been in in-patient therapy) who buys 2 weapons and kills 32 people on a college campus? In Toxie's opinion they're both part of the problem.Lets start with Geraldo, (shown below at his induction into the Taliban) who is a failed tele-journalist, that looks for any oppurtunity to ham it up in front of the camera. While I do respect his early work on Willowbrook reform, since he has become the patron saint of Trash TV. Anyone who thinks I'm being too harsh just think back to Al Capone's Vaults, or what about his talk show's Satanism special? Here's a quote:In 1987, he hosted the first of a series of prime time special reports dealing with an alleged epidemic of Satanic ritual abuse. He stated:Estimates are that there are over 1 million Satanists in this country ... The majority of them are linked in a highly organized, very secretive network. From Read more:Moron
Toxic Canidates For Social, Economic, and Government Reform 2007-04-17 04:32:00 With the 2008 election stretch under way, and racial/social tensions at an all time high (see stupid cowboy wannabe and racism salesmen below). VS:The Toxic Life has been trying to think what kind of leader could fix America right now? So in spirit of the season, here are The Toxic Life's Top 7 canidates for change.7.) Hillary Clinton - The former first lady and current senator, has a rockstar husband (who she obviously couldn't satisfy in bed), and a political-ambition complex that can't be matched. She likes socialized medicine and generally believes the American public to be composed of buffoons who need government control. But, I really like her bath cakes, they keep my skin so soft! 6.) Towelie (from South Park) - He's popular with the younger set, understands our nation's drug problem, and has a great campaign slogan:5.) Fred Dalton Thompson - He's a senator (so he knows politics), he stars in Law & Order (so he understands boredom), he was in Days of Thunder starring Tom C Read more:Social
, Economic
, Government
, Reform
Max Wright - Father, Actor, Pervert 2007-04-08 22:37:00 Meet Max Wright
, star of award-winning movies such as All That Jazz,popular family sitcoms, such as ALF, Beloved family man,and, most importantly, crack addict with a taste for unprotected sex with homeless men that makes Bumfights look tame. As seen below, in sickening detail, our good friends at the National Enquirer (scumbag dirtrag) have pics and the whole story on Max's charitable work with the poor. Here's the basic story. Closeted Hollywood star's (refer to our March 17 "Male Queens of the Silver Screen" story for more) wife (Linda) grows tired of being a "beard" (somebody explain this concept to Liza Minelli)and kicks said deviant (Max) out to live with his gay lover (the guy who got paid for giving this story and pictures to the Enquirer). To put the worries of what his maritial problems are doing to his children (Ben and Daisy) Read more:Father
, Actor
Male Queens of the Silver Screen 2007-03-17 22:58:00 We're dedicating this post to male hollywood stars who refuse to come out of the closet. These individuals think they've fooled the general public, and even in some cases have sham relationships (beards). Let's start with mister "ain't it cool" himself John Travolta.For years, gay rumors have swirled about Travolta. But the actor has repeatedly denied them.The talk was squelched when he married actress Kelly Preston (Fag Hag) in 1991 and they had a son, Jett, two years later. Preston, 38, gave birth to their second child, daughter Ella, in 2000. There have been several unsubstantiated reports in news rags (Globe, Enquirer,Sun), but in this case a picture is worth a million words.To the left is John checking the toncils of an unidentified male friend as they get ready to board John's private jet (named "Greased Lightning") and join the "Mile-High Club." When asked to comment on this, John's lawyer Jay Lavely (bottom-feeding slime) simply says, "Anyone who knows John knows it is c Read more:Queens
, Silver
Toxic Movie Reviews 2007-03-14 23:52:00 Okay, it's review time and this week we have 4 standing films. Let's start with a romantic, comedy The Holiday. This movie has so many problems, I don't even know where to begin. Perhaps what bothered me the most was lack of chemistry. The 4 main players (Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, and Jack Black) are all fine actors in their own regard, I'll even go as far as to say Winslet is among the top 10 actresses of today. But, they seem ill-suited lovers in this film. I don't know if I blame the script or them personally for that. The secondary players in this film are also high caliber, so at this point I'm leaning towards the script. Note to producers: spend more time on plot development, and less on cameos. The constant inter-weaving of commercials in Cameron Diaz's life is also pointless and distracting. Altogether, avoid this one and save that 138 mins for watching I Love New York re-runs. **This movie gets 2 toxic waste barrells out of 10 (AVOID THIS TRASH)**Ok, let me
Adam "Pacman" Jones - Football Player or Thug Prince of Nashville? 2007-03-13 22:50:00 These are the many faces of Adam "Pacman" Jones. An "alledgedly" talented player for the NFL football team the Tennessee Titans. Recently though, Pacman's lengthy rap-sheet has been a national conversation piece. Today, we'll determine who the real Pacman is. Lets start with his rap sheet:10/04/03: Jones was sentenced to one year in jail following a bar fight in which he beat another student with a pool cue, while he was a student at West Virginia University, but the sentence was suspended and he was placed on two years probation.4/27/05: Adam "Pacman" Jones was at Club Blaze in Conley, Ga., around 3 a.m. ET on April 27 when officers responded to a fight involving two women. Andrea Akins, a supervisor at the club, told police she was punched in the mouth by a woman who was with Jones. But she later told police the woman "had nothing to do with the altercation," a police report said. 7/13/05: The Tennessee Titans' top draft pick, Adam "Pacman" Jones, was arrested Wednesday on charges Read more:Football
, Prince
, Nashville
Internet Message Board Etiquette... or Why I Shouldn't Talk Shit On-Line 2007-03-11 02:11:00 Ok, I love movies (except for Jerry Bruckheimer productions), and I love talking movies. So where do I do most of this you might ask? Why at the Internet
Movie Database message boards of course. I find these boards to be a wealth of information, as well as a place to vent about what I feel is bloated hollywood (this years academy awards) , with bloated stars (Jack Nicholson anyone?), and bloated contracts (Internet piracy cost movie studios an estimated 30 million dollars last year, exactly what Arnold Schwarzenegger got paid for Terminator 3 - Rise of the Machines). So the other day I was complaining there about Oceans 13, because as most people have figured out,unlike the first Ocean's movie (which had some definite artistic flair), the sequels have turned into poor plots so rich Hollywood stars can get a free vacation.Reportedly, George hosts huge, lavish boat parties during production for his friends. I have no problem with what these guys choose to do, but if the movie you produc Read more:Message
, Board
, Etiquette
Pat O'Brien - Hypocritical, Cokehead, Scumbag or Nice Guy? 2007-03-09 22:24:00 This is in honor of pillar of society (maggot pusswad) Pat O'Brien. Longtime voice of CBS sports but better known as former host of syndicated The Insider and frequent correspondent on Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight (cheap news rags). Pat has been frequently targeted by comedians lampooning his nasal voice (by-product of cocaine use), bushy moustache (porn-stache), and seemingly desperate on-camera attempts appear to be "hip". O'Brien has been parodied or targeted on shows like The Simpsons, Home Movies, The Howard Stern Show, South Park, The Soup, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Best Week Ever, The Opie and Anthony Show, The Boondocks, Cheap Seats, The Showbiz Show with David Spade, and by Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live. On March 20, 2005, O'Brien issued a written statement announcing that he had been admitted to a rehab facility for alcoholism. Around the announcement of O'Brien entering rehab, a string of sexually graphic (and embarrassing) voicemail messages th
10 Fast Food Items Even Morgan Spurlock Won't Eat 2007-03-08 22:36:00 As the week draws to a close, almost half of American families throw the cooking mit in the kitchen drawer, and decide to head out to fast food chains to feed the family. So what are the worst fast foods? Well, after researching this with USA Today, and Sally Wadyka from MSN health and Fitness, we present The Toxic 10 Fast Food
Rankings.10.) McDonald’s Deluxe Breakfast - This trough of trash includes eggs, sausage, pancakes smothered in syrup and margarine, hash browns and a biscuit. By themselves, not so bad. Added together, a grand total of 1,220 calories, 550 of them from fat, including 17 grams of saturated fat. Just enough to make your colon McSpastic.9.) Burger King’s Triple Whopper With Cheese - A regular Whopper With Cheese already delivers 760 calories, 47 grams of total fat including 16 grams of saturated fat. But when you triple it up, this meal tips the scales at 1,230 calories and 82 grams of fat including 32 grams of saturated fat. On top of that, recently Burger King Read more:Items
, Morgan
To Catch A Predator - Taking The Moral Highground... TO HELL 2007-03-07 18:21:00 How many people at this point, can say they haven't witnessed at least one episode of the compelling newsmagazine drama known as Dateline NBC - To Catch
A Predator
. Quality family viewing at its best (If your part of Pat Buchannan's family). The purpose of this "happy" little show is to catch online predators (sick, sexual deviant, perverts) as they attempt to chat up underage boys and girls(harlots, lolitas, jezebels). Let's get an idea of how this works:Sick, middle age, pervert gets computer:Pervert figures out that there are these "wondrous" and "magical" places called chat rooms. Here, they are free from being socially awkward, unattractive, or morally reserved (i.e. they can be as nasty as they wanna be).Pervert then logs into chat room for kids and tries to solicit sex (or in some cases submission and/or domination, but we'll get to that later):Now, here is where things get sketchy. Sometimes these pervs will talk for weeks to the kids even sending incriminating photos of th Read more:Taking
, Moral
Joey Greco - The Man, The Myth, The Legend 2007-03-06 01:25:00 Not very often, perhaps only once in a lifetime, does a show as sad and pathetic as Cheaters come along. So consider how lucky we are to be able to view it not only in syndication, but also now on G4's latenight programming. At the center of this cess pool of humanity is its host the truly disspassionate Joey Greco. His job is as sad as it comes, announcing to the suspicious signifigant other (or redneck/inbreeder/illiterate/ghetto trash/retard) that their partner (skank/hoochie/hoodrat/crack-a-lack/baby daddy) has been unfaithful (slippin/hittin some skins/chasing strange/two-timing). At this point hillarity ensues, or something like that. Actually, he now talks the suspicious party (LOSER) into a conforntation with the cheating party. In carrying that out Joey has been stabbed:shot by a paintball gun: Molested by hillbillies: Tasered by a swat team:Tortured in an Iraqi Prison camp by American soldiers:Probed by aliens from outer space:Bitten by a kid with down syndrome:And barely es Read more:Legend
Academy Awards: More Like SHAM-demy Awards 2007-03-04 21:19:00 Well the Oscar season has once more came and passed. The dreck big Hollywood calls art is on display, and once again (in Lucas terms) it's a steaming pile of Sith. Before I rant anymore about the so called Academy
of Motion Picture Arts and Science, I'm gonna give the Toxic 10. These are films that people should have recognized if their collective balls hadn't shriveled up and ascended into their pelvic regions.1.) Pan's Labyrinth - Since the Academy members haven't figured out how to read subtitles yet, this had no chance of being up for best picture. But coming from the man who brought us sweeping American epics like Mimic, Blade 2, and Hellboy (Note my sarcasm), this is a visionary piece. Beautiful, odd, and entrancing, it is something M. Night Shyamalan tried but couldn't accomplish with Lady in The Water. This will be a classic for years, wonder when the Martin Scorsese re-make will start. 2.) The Fountain - Darren Aronofsky's long awaited take on love and spirituality. An Read more:Awards
, Academy Awards
10 Signs The Apocalypse Is Not Upon Us 2007-05-03 02:31:00 So last week I took a trip to a local nursing home (no matter how many showers I take, I can't seem to get the smell off of me). While speaking with a kind 94 year old lady (who thought I my name was Melvin for some reason), I noticed that all old people think the end of the world is upon us. This negative additude bothered me, so in response here are The Toxic Life's - Top 10 Reasons The Apocalypse
Isn't Near. 10.)Rosie O'Donnell Announces Her Departure From The View - Hallejuah!!! Daytime television is once more free from America's over-exposed, loudmouth, bulldike. Upon her April 30th announcement that she wouldn't be returning after June, public sentiment was uncharacteristically...positive. Hopefully Barbara Walters will get it thru her skull that nobody wants to be bullied on TV, hear about ongoing fights with Donald Trump, or listen to a raving lunatic that for years denied her sexuality in public, and now acts like she should be the Gay and Lesbian envoy to the United N
The Name Game 2007-05-11 06:16:00 So what's in a name? Apparently quite alot. If your name is Paris Hilton, it means you probably won't do your 45 days in jail. Not beacause you were found innocent, not because you learnedyour lesson, but because it's really your publicist's fault.If your last name is Windsor, people will treat you as if you have some political input, or even a clue about the lifestyles of the people you "rule."If your last name is Povich, you can act like you have a responsible news program. Truth is you actually touch only 3 different topics; teen girls gone wild, paternity tests, and hidden video. Thats because they best allow you to exploit the lower income edge of society.If your last name is Couric, you accept a record-breaking amount of money to revive a dead franchise. When you don't live up to your job though, you basically turn a blind eye to your own failure.If you last name is Ray, you shamelessly accept any marketing or franchise deal that comes your way no matter how moronic (see her
I WOULD RATHER GOUGE MY EYES OUT WITH A SAND-PAPER COVERED SPOON THAN WATCH ANOTHER EPISODE OF ABC'S PRIVATE PRACTICE 2007-10-08 15:16:00 Apparently, alot of people watch the hard-hitting medical drama Grey's Anatomy (really it's a soft-core soap opera porn for women). Recently it spun off another show (unholy abomination) known as Private Practice. Bored as usual, I decided to give this piece of monkey spunk an objective viewing. After watching it, I'm left with one feeling only...best described medically as a feverish, vommitting sensation accompanied by severe spastic colon. Don't get me wrong, Dr. Addison (Kate Walsh) is one hot piece of tail (I'd definitely let her "practice" with my "privates"), but other than her the cast is made up of wooden B-actors walking through a script not fit for a Lifetime movie of The Week. Starring alongside her "fineness", are Taye Diggs, from How Stella Got Her Groove Back.Tim Daly, otherwise known as the "not-so-funny" guy from Wings. That was the show where a bunch of drunks sat around a bar and complained. I think he was a postman or something.There's also some ugly chick w
BRITNEY SPEARS - Mom Of The Year 2007-10-04 12:54:00 Upon hearing that Britney Spears lost her two children for non-compliance with a court ordered drug and alcohol test, a couple of things came to mind: Is she really that bad a parent by Hollywood standards, and is K-Fed really a better option? If she's really that bad, here are some Hollywood pillars of society that are much better:Joan Crawford - better known as "Mommie Dearest" - a sweet caring physically and emotionally abusive, alcoholic, nymphomaniac, bi-sexual, sweetheart. She wa allowed to adopt and ruin the lives of 5 children.Bing Crosby - A tender loving soul, who gave his son heartfelt advice like, "stay away from alcohol ("It killed your mother") and suggested he smoke pot instead." His eldest son Gary wrote a book about their relationship, depicting Bing as cold, remote, and both physically and psychologically abusive. Two of Bing's children, Lindsay and Dennis, committed suicide. It was widely published at the time of Lindsay's December 11, 1989 death that he ended his
5 News Headlines That IT'S GRRREATT!! To Be An American 2007-10-23 00:37:00 With American
pride at a supposed low (according to recent Gallup polls), here are some recent headlines guaranteed to make you pledge allegiance. 1.) Panama Justice – Boot Camp Killers of 14 year Old Black Teen Acquitted - Yes, the punching, kicking and deprivation of oxygen of 14 year old Martin Anderson by seven men and one woman is not unusual apparently in the Florida juvenile justice system. Even with video-taped evidence a jury still found no inappropriate behavior. I'm sure these jurors were fair and unbiased here's a photo of the foreman and two jurors: 2.) Mrs. Bin Laden? - Caren Ann Burke, 49, petitioned to change her last name to bin Laden. She listed her reason as "divorce from Rory S. Burke." A few things about Caren: she enjoys long walks on the beach, killing infidels, starring in the TV show "Lost", not paying child support and Barbara Hershey.3.) Brokeback Joker? - Americans love Batman, and Americans love " Brokeback" gay cowboy jokes. Put the two together, mix
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