Owner: The Pineapple Report URL:http://thepineappleprincess.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2007 13:04:41 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: I like to comment on all sorts of things (from the absurd to the mundane) and nothing is off limits or out of bounds. You never know what this pineapple will report on next... Site statistics:Click here
Not that I really pray, but my non-prayers have been answered 2007-04-18 18:13:00 If you follow my blog at all, you know that I planned on having a revolution this year. What I really planned on doing was to actually get rid of all of my old papers this year. The fact is, I've been hanging on to a lot of this crap for over 10 years. It is a lot of paper. Boxes of it. I put the word out that I was looking for Fawn Hall, considered burning it all, and entered a contest to have people from my story come to my house to shred it for me. Some people might consider this a poor attempt at reaching my goal. I think I tried. Well, this Saturday, the City of Austin is sponsoring something called Shred Day 2007. They will let you bring up to 5 file boxes of crap and they will shred it for you. Now all I have to do is load 5 boxes into my car on Saturday and take it to them. You can call me Pineapple McShred!For my Austin readers, here is the info so that you can get your crap shredded too:Shred Day 2007Shred Day 2007 is sponsored by Association of Records Managers a Read more:prayers
When fact and fiction collide 2007-04-18 01:34:00 In light of the events at VT, Fox has decided to pull the new episode of Bones so that it won't offend or upset anyone. Apparently, this Fox show has a plot that is too closely related to reality. For those of you that don't watch Bones, the story centers around a forensic anthropologist and an FBI agent that solve murders from bones they find out in the world. In this week's episode they find some bones underneath some bleachers on a college campus. They soon discover that the bleachers did not kill this person and, thus, the mystery ensues. In my mind, the similarity stops with the fact that it involves a college student. I don't see how a fictitious murdered college basketball player is like a real sniper murdering real people. But what do I know?This isn't the first show featuring David Boreanaz that has been preempted because fiction collide
d with reality. After Columbine, two episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer had to be rescheduled. I can see why the WB delayed
If you don't want to go to school today, please just skip 2007-04-17 20:49:00 When I was in law school, we were required to attend class. If we missed too many days, we were automatically dropped from the class. That really limited how many days you could blow off going to class, but you could always take the chance of going unprepared and hope you didn't get called on. I was caught unprepared on several occasions. I survived. However, there was someone that wasn't willing to take that chance. My first year we all had contracts at the same time, but in two different classes. One class was on the first floor and one was on the third floor. At least once a week, the fire alarm would go off a minute or two before class. Naturally, the whole school had to be evacuated. By the time we were allowed to go back to class, there wasn't much time left. How lucky for that unprepared person! One day the fire alarm went off while I was in the elevator. As we were about to get to the third floor, the elevator stopped and started going down on its own. That was
A not so honest mistake 2007-04-16 05:56:00 My friend, Alberto Gonzales, has come semi-clean about his involvement in the dismissals of eight U.S. attorneys. You know the ones -- they were fired for cause but didn't do anything wrong (unless you count the fact that they weren't all buddy-buddy with the administration). Ole Al is calling the way he handled the dismissals an "honest
mistake." Well, if it really was an honest mistake, why the cover up? I would like to think that when I make a mistake that it is honest and that I can be honest about it. It seems like people tend to cover up the things that weren't so honest or that weren't really mistakes. Or maybe that's just me. I also wonder why if he is being "honest" now why he really isn't being all that honest about it. When people talk about being "less than precise with my words when discussing the resignations" I jump to the conclusion that it is lawyer speak for "I am a liar, liar, pants on fire!" It seems like he is the kid that is real sorry that he got c
A small victory for those of us that like oxygen 2007-04-02 20:42:00 The Supreme Court ruled against one of the many ways that Bush has been trying to kill us off one by one. He didn't think that the Environmental Protection Agency had the authority to regulate carbon dioxide and greenhouse gas emissions from cars under the Clean Air Act. Apparently, he didn't seem to think that it had anything to do with actually making sure the air is clean. Writing for the majority, Justice John Paul Stevens rejected the administration's argument that it lacked the power to regulate such emissions. He said the EPA's decision was "arbitrary, capricious or otherwise not in accordance with law." He also said that the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency "has offered no reasoned explanation" for its refusal to regulate carbon dioxide and other emissions from new cars and trucks that contribute to climate change. Well, ha!Bush has been against these regulations because they are bad for business. I'll tell you what is bad for me -- carbon dioxide. But let's
Happy April Fool's Day 2007-04-02 04:42:00 Here are 10 of the top April
Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's Read more:Happy
I have a question 2007-04-01 15:19:00 After all of the times that Bush and others in his administration have been caught in a lie, does anyone really believe what Bush says anymore? And people that are brainwashed don't count. Now Bush is trying to tell me that Alberto Gonzales didn't do anything wrong and that there is no evidence that there was any monkey business behind the firing of those US Attorneys. Bush also asserts that Gonzales will "tell the truth." Often when people lie so much about something they believe that what they are saying is the truth. That does not count as telling the truth. You know what be really fun? To hook up all of those bastards to a lie detector machine.And in the "yeah me" section of this posting, CNN has linked to my blog. If you want to know the buzz on Alberto Gonzales, you can just ask me. Wheeeeeeeee!tags: Bush Albert Gonzales CNN
Reason 9,837,902* that our government is a disgrace 2007-03-31 16:23:00 Since this country waged its so-called war on terrorism, certain truths have leaked out. Little things like Saddam wasn't really in league with al-Qaeda, that he didn't have any WMDs and our government knew it, etc. But often times we forget that our war of terror started in Afghanistan because that's where al-Qaeda was allegedly headquartered. Let me refresh your memory -- Osama bin Laden is supposed to be camping out in a cave there. Let's face it, chasing around some dude through some caves was a lot less glamorous than scary weapons and suicide bombers. But I don't want to make light of it because we have soldiers dieing there, too. For example Pat Tillman. When he died it was natural for the media to make mention that we were still in that country fighting the invisible enemy because he was a NFL star that died for his country. We were told that he died in an ambush. His family was told the same lie. Now we are finding out that it wasn't really an ambush, but "frie Read more:Reason
, disgrace
fun with haiku and alberto 2007-03-29 18:12:00 u.s. attorney general, heh*tags: madhaiku Alberto Gonzales
This is for Damon 2007-03-29 17:01:00 There isn't much I can say about you that others haven't already said. I know a lot of words, but I can't think of any that do you any justice. Saying things like you were warm, funny, caring, blah, blah, blah, just fall flat. Everyone you met was your friend and you didn't know a stranger. One thing I do know is that you left us too soon. For those of us that knew you are hurting deeper than we ever have because we know exactly what the world is missing now. I can't even imagine the size of the hole in Leslie's heart. It isn't very often that you get to see a great love story play out in real life and you two were the real thing.The first time I met you, there was someone standing by us that had a camera in his hand and you insisted that he take our picture. I don't even know if you even knew that guy. After getting to know you better, it makes sense that some random guy has a picture of us. Anytime we were at the same place, I knew that it was going to one of the fu Read more:Damon
Just one week... 2007-03-27 19:43:00 ...and Deadliest Catch starts again. I can't tell you exactly what it is about that show, but I am hooked. I can honestly say that I never thought I'd get into a show about crabbing, but it is much, much more. Those guys on those ships are hardcore and slightly insane. The show keeps you on the seat of your pants because they can die at anytime. Seriously. If you haven't ever seen it, check it out on the Discovery Channel on Tuesday, April 3rd, 9 pm EST. tags: Deadliest Catch
Immigration: The Human Cost 2007-03-27 19:26:00 Brought to you by the fine folks at The Onion and Dewar's!tags: Immigration The Onion Dewar's
Return of the Legion of Doom 2007-03-25 17:41:00 Once upon a time I was looking at my law license and noticed that every single Texas Supreme Court Justice that signed it was evil. I dubbed them the "Legion
of Doom." Last on the list, but not least, is Alberto Gonzales. I noticed this at a time when I was looking for a job. It made me wonder if it was some sort of struggle between good and evil (as in the bad juju on my license was keeping me from prospering). What can I say? I had a lot of time on my hands. As I am once again looking for a change in career, I wonder if that bad juju is going to kick a girl when she is down. Of course, some of the members of the Legion of Doom are busy spreading their evil among others: 1. Nathan Hecht is busy trying to convince the State of Texas to pay the legal bills for his bad judgment in supporting Harriet Miers in her bid to be on the Supreme Court. 2. Priscilla Owen is busy being an inept judge on the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals (only after being confirmed on the second try).3. Read more:Return
Et tu, Brute? 2007-03-15 19:26:00 That's right. Today is the Ides of March, so beware!tags: Ides of March Read more:Brute
Oh no! Anonymous hates me! 2007-03-15 01:25:00 So, last September I had a difficult time getting a pizza with no cheese on half. It was more funny than anything else. But Anonymous got really pissed off about the whole thing and told me all about it. Well, Anonymous still hasn't gotten over it and wrote me again today.Read all about it!tags: The Pineapple Pizza Battle with Anonymous Continues
1 Prick, 2 Pricks, 3 Pricks... 2007-03-12 21:46:00 Some days it is really easy to narrow down who the assholes are. Today I have picked three: Texas State Supreme Court Justice Nathan Hecht; Rep. Tony Goolsby, R-Dallas; and Sen. Jeff Wentworth, R-San Antonio. These guys are assholes for so many reasons, but today we can link them all together. So, here is a little background. When Bush decided to nominate Harriet Miers to be a Supreme Court Justice, her ex-sweetie, Texas State Supreme Court Justice Nathan Hecht decided to publicly and actively support her nomination. You know, giving about 120 interviews singing her praises. Some people thought that this was a misuse of his office. He was investigated for ethics violation so he hired lawyers. He is now claiming that the State of Texas should foot his legal bill because they found no wrongdoing (it was not a unanimous decision). But don't worry the bill isn't much - just $340,000.00 (and that's after the fee reduction). So now there are identical bills that have been file Read more:Prick
Beware of daylight savings time 2007-03-05 20:28:00 So this year, it is extra special because we start daylight savings time next weekend. Of course, it is usually a suprise to me when it happens so the fact that I know about it ahead of time makes it "extra special" not that they have changed when DST starts! This year, they have added a month to daylight savings time to cut energy use. I promise that once summer hits, it won't matter what time it is because my air conditioning will be on full blast 24-7.Of course, this time of year becomes confusing for jet-setting types because other countries don't adjust for daylight savings time when we do, if they do it at all. So, this just to warn you that you need to "spring forward" on Saturday night and if you need to call another country you need to calculate the time difference accordingly. Since I only email my international friends, this does not apply to me.Something I have always wondered is if daylight savings time is so great, then why don't we stay on it all year round? Ti Read more:Beware
Happy Texas Independence Day! 2007-03-02 19:52:00 If you are lucky enough to be a state employee, you might get the day off or you might get overtime for being on the skeleton crew. Either way, it pays to work for the State of Texas
on such a pretty day.On this day 1836, Texas declared its independence from Mexico. However, it was not until the Battle of San Jacinto on April 21, 1836 that Texas won the war. Also of note, March 2 is also Sam Houston's birthday. For all you non-Texans, he was the commander in chief of the Texas army. It was when Houston and his men captured Mexican general Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna during the Battle of San Jacinto that the independence of Texas was offically recognized. Sam Houston went on to serve as the first President of the Republic of Texas (he also served a non-succesive second term), as US Senator, and as Governor."Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States cannot make it without Texas! -- Sam Houston, President of the Republic of Texastags: Texas Independence
Day Read more:Happy
, Independence Day
Austin's latest problem... 2007-03-02 19:44:00 ...cars in trees. You heard me. Cars in Trees. The story was much more interesting and entertaining when I read about it. However when I clicked on the video, I found out that the cars weren't really in the trees. It just looks that way when you are on the lake. Once you get to the shore they are on the ground. Very misleading. Of course the only way for the cars to get there was over a big cliff. That's kind of interesting. But not as interesting as actual cars in actual trees.tags: Austin
Texas Cars in Trees
Texas is #5... 2007-03-01 16:06:00 ... in teen pregnancy rates. Guess that abstinance only education is really paying off. Obviously telling teenagers not to have sex is stopping them right in their tracks. Whatever. That is the most ridulous thing I have ever heard. Since the beginning of time teenagers have been actively not listening to authority figures. For some reason there are people that think that teaching teenagers about birth control will encourage them to have sex. Well, telling them not to certainly isn't stopping them. tags: Texas
Teen Pregnancy
take that! 2007-02-21 01:17:00 “You may all go to Hell, and I will go to Texas”--Davy CrockettOur idiot of a governor tried to fast track 6 coal-fired plants in central Texas by executive order. I don't know about my neighbors, but I'm not interested in breathing that crap. The good news (for now) is that a state judge issued an injunction today. Seems like Pretty Boy Perry has gotten a little big for his britches lately issuing all sorts of executive orders and mandates. Who does he think he is, god? Farming out the Trans-Texas Corridor to some out of state company (the voters never approved it), unfunded vaccines, and now he wants to pollute my air? What's next? Is he going to mandate what time I can take a shit? That jackass didn't even get a majority of the votes. I think it is pretty clear that most of us don't even like him. So here is my message to you: FUCK OFF! tags: Texas Politics Perry Coal Davy Crockett
Casual Rain 2007-02-12 03:44:00 That's right, I said casual rain. On Friday I was in the car and they were talking about the weather. They said it was overcast with casual rain. Did it dress down because it was casual Friday?tags: Weather Rain Casual
Rain
Here is my conspiracy theory 2007-02-08 23:24:00 Well, I'm not really sure what "They" are conspiring to do yet, but it will become clear in time. Of course, the "They" is also unclear. But there isn't a conspiracy unless you have a list of dead people with a connection.Here is a list of deaths:1. J. Howard Marshall died on August 4, 1995 (left Anna Nicole a ton of cash)2. E. Pierce Marshall died on June 20, 2006 (died while fighting to keep the cash away from Anna Nicole)3. Daniel Smith died on September 10, 2006 (died when visiting Anna Nicole, her baby, and a potential baby daddy)4. Anna Nicole Smith died on February 8, 2007 (died shortly after being named in the lawsuit against Trimspa)Or maybe there is no conspiracy and the Trimspa killed her. tags: Anna Nicole Smith J. Howard Marshall E Pierce Marshall Daniel Smith lawsuit Trimspa
The Hoohaa Monologues 2007-02-08 15:53:00 A theater in Florida changed its marquee because they are showing "The Vagina Monologues" and a driver got offended by the word VAGINA. Apparently her daughter asked what a VAGINA is and she was offended that she even had to discuss this with her daughter. Of course, the "news" story was even more entertaining because the reporter couldn't even use the word VAGINA. He kept saying "that certain female anatomy." Good Grief! VAGINA! VAGINA! VAGINA! Why are people so offended and confused by this word (VAGINA)? Guess what? That lady that was offended by the sign has a VAGINA. Her daughter that doesn't know what a VAGINA is, has a VAGINA. Using the word VAGINA is just about as offensive as talking about your femur bone. Get a damned dictionary and figure it out. Don't worry Merriam-Webster will tell you if it is an offensive or vulgar word (they do if you look up words like cunt). VAGINA does not have this disclaimer. See:va·gi·na (or as I would say VA-GI-NA)Pronunciation:
This is why I almost never see famous people 2007-04-19 22:59:00 Some Pineapple friends were in town last weekend. Austin has a lot of fun places to visit and a million places to eat. On Saturday, the My One True Love (MOTL), the Pineapple Friends and I met the Pineapple Parents for lunch at Gueros. It is located on trendy South Congress, that's SoCo to you idiot posers and an wannabe hipsters. Anyway, a lot of famous people
like to eat here. The Pineapple Mom and I were talking about how we never see them when we go there. That's when MOTL pointed out that Lance Artmstrong was there. Ah ha! That's why we never see the celebrities at Gueros. Because we don't pay attention!tags: Texas Austin Gueros South Congress SoCo Eating Out is Fun
Bring out the welcome wagon 2007-04-19 00:01:00 Because we are so thrilled that Harriet Miers is coming back to Texas. She is going to be rejoining Locke Liddell & Sapp and splitting her time between Dallas and Austin. Whoopee. If I were still in high school, I might consider papering her house. Instead I will hold out the hope of seeing her in her car and giving her the bird.tags: Harriet Miers Locke Liddell & Sapp Austin Dallas Texas
Today's lesson 2007-04-23 03:50:00 is brought to you today by Andy Taylor. Wouldn't it be swell if Bush could learn something about the law and wiretapping from everyone's favorite sheriff?tags: Wiretapping Andy Griffith Bush Read more:Today
, lesson
Alberto! 2007-04-23 01:57:00 It just gives me a a warm and fuzzy feeling that a member of the Legion of Doom is on the downward spiral. But I am also getting a little impatient about the whole thing. Alberto
, my old pal, even your Republican friends are ready for you to step down. We've had a good run. Hell, I even got a link from CNN out of the deal. But the song is at an end. You know, there is a slogan for a certain shoe company that is very appropriate -- just do it. Repeat after me... just-do-it. The Attorney General is supposed to uphold and enforce the law. It is pretty clear that the American public thinks you just aren't living up to the job description. You know you've screwed up royaly when Newt Gingrich can recognize the bad act. So Al, let's all move on. You get a high paying job at some sleazy law firm and the president can nominate some other criminal to replace you until 2008. It it time to move on to the next scandal. (Thanks to New York Times for the picture)tags: Alberto Gonzal
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