Owner: The Pineapple Report URL:http://thepineappleprincess.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2007 13:04:41 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: I like to comment on all sorts of things (from the absurd to the mundane) and nothing is off limits or out of bounds. You never know what this pineapple will report on next... Site statistics:Click here
The Countdown Is On 2007-10-16 16:59:00 Now that Baby Boy Bush has waged a war on America's children, we are now left to wait and see how many Republicans are willing to stick with their lord of darkness despite the fact at least 70 percent of Americans support the increased funding for SCHIP. Let's just ignore the fact that the people elected to Congress are supposed to represent the people. And let's just ignore the fact that SCHIP does not cover all children that are from families that can't afford health insurance or preventative health care. And let's just ignore the fact that these people running the country have not known what it is like to struggle financially and have rocks in their chests instead of hearts. Obviously, the concept of being a "compassionate conservative" is bullshit.The reality is, that when people don't have health insurance the cost of health care goes up for everyone. There are many individuals and families that have to make the choice to pay their rent and bills and buy food instead of Read more:Countdown
Viva Ladummy 2007-10-22 18:29:00 I read today that CBS canceled Viva Laughlin. I haven't even watched it yet, people. Then again it wasn't until Friday that I found out that these people burst out into song in the middle of conversations. Up until Friday I thought it was the same old Vegas drama with some mystery solving sprinkled on top. I mean, who hasn't seen that show? I had no idea it was like Cop Rock but in Vegas, baby! And probably better.At least Viva Laughlin had Hugh Jackman and Melanie Griffith. Exactly who was in Cop Rock? Just some people that are vaguely familiar from bad movies I've watched on cable in the middle of the night. I guess I will watch the one episode that I have recorded and then harbor resentment towards the idiots that make programming decisions at CBS. Who hires these fools? And why don't they hire me?tags: Entertainment Television Viva Laughlin CBS Cop Rock Hugh Jackman Melanie Griffith
The Dead Zone 2007-10-19 14:10:00 I don't know if I'm getting more morbid because Halloween is quickly approaching or if I am in just suffering from the affliction of "terminal bad mood", but in case you missed it here is a short list of who & what died this week:1. The last living member of the Rat Pack, Joey Bishop, died at age 89. Guess he was able to out live the others because he didn't drink and smoke as much?2. Deborah Kerr, died at age 86,who was apparently more famous for being in From Here To Eternity and not for An Affair to Remember seeing as how the article I read just mentioned An Affair to Remember in passing at the end of the article. I guess that stupid Meg Ryan movie ruined that movie for the person writing the AP article, too.3. "Compassionate Conservatism" died this week -- if it was ever really alive -- in the form of the failed attempt to override Baby Boy Bush's veto of SCHIP.4. Taku, the 14 year old Killer Whale at Sea World in San Antonio. The death was unexpected, but they can't rul
Temp-orary Insanity 2007-10-24 18:30:00 Today was my big interview at the temp agency. What a strange experience. I just to be clear, I did dress like I was going to an interview. Confused by this statement? Then read this blog entry first. Apparently, they don't tell everyone about the dress code or not everyone understands what this means. It is really hard to tell. But I am pretty sure that most likely wearing faded and ripped jeans is not the best way to make a good first impression no matter where you go. An impression? Yes. Good? Not so much. My case worker (I don't think that is really her job title, but that's what I will call her) claims she will find me a permanent position really soon. I'm not sure how thrilled I am about what she thinks she is going to find because she really didn't understand what it was I did at my last job. How can you sell someone's skill set when you don't get it yourself? I also question her judgment because she suggested I remove pertinent information from my resume an
Bitter Is The New Pineapple 2007-10-23 09:47:00 I think I am about to start living Bitter
Is The New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office. If you haven't read this book, then you wouldn't know that it is about Jen Lancaster's experiences after being laid-off when the tech boom went bust. It chronicles her insane job interviews and some of the temp jobs she had. A particular favorite is the temp job where the woman, that told her what her duties would be, insisted she take notes on things like how to get to the bathroom and how to make copies. Ms. Lancaster then started writing down bitchy and sarcastic remarks about everything she was told. I laughed so hard I cried. I guess I should have been crying because her experiences are now mine.Over the past few months I have applied for I don't know how many lawyer jobs. I've even had some good interviews. I've tried to get on with legal placement people for temporary w
Divide and Conquer 2007-10-31 15:07:00 Laverne the MooseShirley the Lobster(sleeping dogs are so easy to dress up)Happy Halloween!tags: Holiday Photo Halloween Costume Dog Pictures Laverne Shirley Moose Lobster Read more:Divide
I guess he lives in bizarro world 2007-10-31 12:17:00 Because Baby Boy Bush says we have a strong economy. Is that why oil costs a record $94 a barrel? And that's a good thing because everyone can afford to pay even more for gasoline. I know I'm not spending enough money to fill up my tank. Why eat when you can drive! The Federal Reserve is cutting rates yet experts say that won't fix the housing market. I guess the housing market is on shaky ground and needs fixing every time we have a strong economy. I guess that also explains why I have a great, high paying job. Not! If struggling to pay rent, bills and still eat after I write all of those checks is a sign of a strong economy then I am the freaking poster child of our strong economy. Because the economy is so strong, I have time to do lots of things. For example, I have seen some fine television programs. I am current on my daytime story and have plenty of time to wonder just who will get the brain next. For some reason, only one person in Oakdale is allowed to figure t
Guess What? I Am Old!!! 2007-10-30 15:38:00 I know this because I got a complimentary copy of eldr magazine in the mail yesterday. And they want to give me a great deal if I subscribe today! While I'm really not interested in getting Alzheimer's or anything, but I'm still at that age when I am making plans to settle down and have a family. The part where I lose my mind comes later. Much later -- hopefully. And I don't like getting magazines with articles telling me that I should stop coloring my hair because it is alright if all of it is gray. They tell me this look is "IN and SEXY". I don't think so. Besides, if my hair were totally white I would start dyeing my hair purple again because the color would take well on white hair. Now that's hot. And thanks, but no thanks. I do not need a free poster about flu prevention. Here is all I need to know: get a flu shot and don't touch anything or anyone. Do I really need a poster to tell me that? I don't think so. The last time I got a magazine that came with fre Read more:Guess
Need A Missile Base? 2007-10-29 11:07:00 Because if you do there is one for sale on eBay . Interested? It can be yours for the low, low price of $1,500,000.00! And if you want to see the video click here. Sorry, but the killjoys at BBC wont allow embedding...tags: Missile
Base Sale eBay BBC Video youtube
What I Did This Weekend 2007-10-29 09:57:00 the funniest thing this weekend: I saw saw Tuna Does Vegas. Just about everything in Tuna Does Vegas was funny and I laughed from start to finish. But one of the lines that really stuck with me and still makes me giggle is when Anna Conda says, "She booked the economy wedding package called the 'Compassionate Conservative'. It doesn't mean anything, but it sure is fun to say."the strangest fruit: My neighbor has an orange tree in his yard and we saw him when we were walking the dogs. MOTL asked how hard it was to grow an orange tree and that is when he told his that his oranges tasted like limes and he gave us some. He wasn't kidding, they taste like limes with a hint of orange. You don't really want to just peel them and eat them like an orange but they sure are good when you squeeze it in your water.and that sums up my exciting weekend.tags: Tuna Does Vegas Orange Lime Funky Fruit Read more:Weekend
November Is Write Until Your Fingers Bleed Month 2007-11-04 10:29:00 This month we are supposed to blog everyday because it is National Blog Posting Month
. Also known by the catchy moniker NaBloPoMo. Just rolls off the tongue doesn't it? If you don't have a blog, you are supposed to get one and start blogging everyday. If you have one, you are supposed to write a post everyday. I think of myself as more of a binge blogger. Sometimes I just can't say enough and other times I don't have a single thing to say. I suppose that is better than binge eating. I guess I will give it a go, but don't be surprised when you find entries about who has the brain in Oakdale (I think Katie left town with it because it sure isn't Carly or anyone else in Oakdale). I know inquiring minds want to know!It seems that it is also National Novel Writing Month. The whole point of this is to write a 50,000 word novel in one month. Their catchy moniker? NaNoWriMo, of course! Since I didn't officially register to take on this daunting endeavor I think I will stick Read more:November
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I May Be A People Person 2007-11-03 18:02:00 I had my interview at Macy's yesterday. I think I've been on too many job interviews because I was able to explain how my experience as an attorney qualified me to sell women's ready to wear (and I even kept straight face!). I think I'm going to get the job. Unfortunately you don't get the benefit of the employee discount until you have completed the "season". I guess I will hold off on all of that spending until the end. You know mall work pays well! The upside of this job is that I have to wear all blacck. Now I have to decide what kind of costume to wear to work. Should I be goth? A beatnik? I just can't decide!The irony is that I got a message from a promising lawyer-type job wanting an interview while I was being interviewed for my dream customer service job. I wonder if I can do both jobs so I can get a new work wardrobe at a discount?tags: The Unemployment Saga Continues Job Interview Macy's Holiday
The Summer of the Chupacabra Is Over 2007-11-02 16:10:00 I guess summer has been over for a while even though the air conditioner has only been off for a couple of weeks. But the DNA results for the Chupacabra of Cuero came back. They say it is just a plain ole coyote. Scientists say the "DNA sequence is virtually identical to a coyote." But then again, do they want us worrying about a blood sucking fiend running around?tags: South Texas Cuero Chupacabra DNA Results Read more:Summer
If It Were Only As Fun As It Sounded 2007-11-02 09:09:00 Because Michael Mukasey refuses to declare that waterboarding is torture, we may not have a new Attorney General. Maybe he is confusing it with wakeboarding and thinks it is some sort of water sport? Maybe he is the Mandy Lynn of America's Most Smartest Attorney General nominees? Unfortunately, for Mukasey there are a lot of people that think dumping water on someone's face to give them the sensation of drowning in order to make them confess is torture and not a super fun water sport. But now that those sticklers on the Judiciary Committee can't accept the water sportiness of torture, Baby Boy Bush has stomped his foot and told them that maybe we wouldn't have an Attorney General at all. What kind of threat is that? We all know that Alberto could never be replaced (please see the 1000s of previous entries for my tributes to Alberto if you don't believe me). And the way the Justice Department has been managed in the past, maybe things would work just as well if not better wi
My Next Challenge... 2007-11-01 13:31:00 ...is to be a people person. Seriously. I have an interview at Macy's tomorrow for a seasonal position. Fingers crossed everyone! An employee discount and crazy Christmas shoppers may be in my near future. And if I am a really good girl maybe Tim Gunn will show up to teach me how to make a wedding gown from Martha Stewart's linens.tags: Holiday Christmas Job Macy's Tim Gunn Martha Stewart Read more:Challenge
Happy Birthday, Dear Blog, Happy Birthday To You! 2007-11-09 11:57:00 Two years ago today, I started The Pineapple Report. I was blogging about nothing then and not much has changed today. I will continue to blog about a bunch of nothing until I don't anymore. How's that for vague and uplifting? Since I never started blogging about something in particular, I think it is safe to say that I have no plans to grow or change as a blogger. Oh well, let's eat cake. Looks good, doesn't it?tags: Blog Metablog HappyBirthday
Pineapple Report Read more:Happy Birthday
Tour de Texas 2007-11-08 19:13:00 Now that Lance Armstrong got his proposition for cancer funding passed, the media is all about him running for office. Are they for real? He has proven himself to be an articulate speaker and quite the bad ass on a bike. But does that qualify him to be Governor or a U.S. Senator? Oh, wait. I guess it does. When you look at the last two yahoos Texans have elected to be Governor, it is obvious that even a box of rocks is qualified. And our Senators haven't been that great either. John Cornyn doesn't even know how to send replies to the letters his constituents send. Well, at least he hasn't replied to any of mine and I've sent him quite a few. That, and he is total asshat. The Breck Girl (Kay Bailey Hutchinson) has been decent in that she writes back, but until the whole SCHIP thing she has stuck with her party. Thus, she is an asshat to a slighter degree. I do wonder about someone that is considering quitting the Senate to be Governor. Our Governor has no power, so why Read more:Texas
I Got A Job!!! 2007-11-07 14:28:00 I Got A Job!!!I Got A Job!!!I Got A Job!!!I Got A Job!!!I Got A Job!!!I Got A Job!!!I Got A Job!!!I Got A Job!!!I Got A Job!!!I Got A Job!!!I Got A Job!!!And I'm not talking about Macy's. It is a real live lawyer job with benefits!!!Ironically, Macy's also called to officially extend me a job offer for the seasonal position just an hour later. I wonder how many other job offers I will get today?tags: I Got A Job!!!
OMG! A Smart-Off! 2007-11-07 13:01:00 What do you do when you can't decide who is the least smartest most smartest model? You have a Smart
-Off! You should have seen the faces on Blonde Rachel and Lisa. They may have been the bottom of the barrel in the smarts this week, but they knew that they should be worried. I really thought that Lisa would have this in the bag, because Blonde Rachel makes Mandy Lynn look like a genius. But then Blonde Rachel proved that she could do simple math (you win $15 dollars if you win a bet with 3 to 1 odds)and about politics (Bush ran against Kerry in 2004). Of course when asked what country the region Darfur was located in, she answered Arabia. When Lisa had a chance at this question she replied that it sounded like a men's cologne. But Blonde Rachel's luck is going to run out next when we learn that she doesn't know how to cut simple geometric shapes. OMG! How do you make a triangle?tags: Entertainment Television Reality TV America's Most Smartest Model
Bananas! 2007-11-07 11:10:00 Apparently lots of things wash up on shore in the Netherlands. First it was the Giant Lego Man and now it is bananas -- and lots of them. Thousands of Cuban bananas have washed up on the shore of two Dutch North Sea islands. It seems that this is nothing unusual for Terschelling island (one of the now banana rich islands). Last year thousands of tennis shoes, aluminum briefcases and children's toys washed ashore. And twenty years ago it was sweaters. Awesome.tags: Netherlands Bananas Beach Terschelling Island Dutch North Sea
Today's Great Buy on Ebay 2007-11-06 07:48:00 Looking to buy a small town in Texas? Well, look no further because Albert, Texas is for sale on Ebay. As of this morning, the bidding was at $3,000,100.00. Not bad for a historic town. Like Luckenbach, it has a population of 4 (and both towns are named after Albert Luckenbach. Sweet!). Included in this purchase is the schoolhouse that was attended by LBJ, an Icehouse to see live music and it is in the middle of Texas wine country. According to the current owner, Bobby Cave, "[t]he bar nets about $85,000 in beer and T-shirts each year and has the cleanest public restrooms in Texas." I don't know what else a pineapple could want. If I win the lottery in time, I am so going to buy it. I want to be the Mayor of Albert, Texas!tags: Albert Texas Luckenbach Lyndon Baines Johnson LBJ ebay Read more:Today
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Noooooooooooooooo! 2007-11-05 07:57:00 As one of the many members of the unemployed, I can only take so much internet before I have to watch TV. That's right I need to watch silly TV shows. They make me whole. Well now the writers have gone on strike (and I don't blame them). First, the talk shows go into rerun. Not that I care about that all that much. I like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, but I don't really watch them on a regular basis. But next, they are going to screw with my daytime story. They only tape a week or so in advance. How the hell can I keep track of where the brain is in Oakdale if my show isn't even on? Bastards! Of course, the last time the writers went on strike it was over before you could blink. This time, I'm not so sure. I guess TV junkies like myself have a lot of reality TV to look forward to.tags: TV Writer Strike
King Tut, How'd You Get So Funky? 2007-11-05 07:54:00 That is a face that only a mother could love. Everybody is all excited about being able to see King Tut's face for the first time, but really all it does for me is make me think of that song Steve Martin did in 1978. That and I don't really want to go look at dead people all that much. But I guess if you are the kind of person that likes the viewing at funerals, then this exhibit may be for you. All you have to do is go to Egypt. Or you could wait for the encore tour of his stuff to come back to the States in the Fall of 2008. Until then, this will have to tide you over.And the short answer about how he got so funky? That would be the Mummification.tags: King Tutankhamun Tut Steve Martin Song Video youtube Exhibit Egypt Mummy Read more:Funky
Is It Really A Standoff 2007-11-13 20:06:00 If only the police show up? That's what happened today at McBride's. According to their website, they have one of the largest inventories in the world. So naturally, where else would you go to blockade yourself inside of to have a standoff? The only problem was that the burglar was long gone with the goods before the fuzz got to the scene. That, and the door was wide open -- the first sign that someone has locked them self in a gun store. But that didn't stop the police from having a nine hour standoff. So if they were the only ones there, does that make it a standoff?tags: Austin Texas McBride's Gun Standoff
Pineapple Reporting For Duty 2007-11-12 21:49:00 Of course, I'm still on the fence about this whole job thing. I have to get up and go to work for 8 whole days (7 to go) before I get any paid holidays. They are total slave drivers! Other than the whole unreasonableness of their willingness to give out paid holidays like candy and everyone I work with is nice (and it isn't just temporary behavior because this pineapple did a background check on these people -- or maybe I just talked to a former employee), I think this whole job thing might work out. I'm not exactly sure what my job really is, but I'm pretty sure I will be able to do it. At least I'm confident that once they give me a computer to produce actual work product that I will be able to do my job. Ain't government work swell? Read more:Reporting
Here A Strike, There A Strike, Everywhere A Strike Strike 2007-11-11 01:37:00 The writer's strike continues. Old news, huh? Now, more celebrities started picketing once production of their shows were halted for lack of scripts. Now that picketing has become trendy, I wonder how long it will take for the designers to start picketing collections for the celebrities? It could be a runway show with signs.We are also finding out which stars are cool and which ones have turned out to be lame. I always thought Jay Leno was lame, but he turns out to be cool because he refused to cross the picket line and go back to work. NBC is now looking for guest hosts to replace him. Resorting scab celebrities already? Ellen Degeneres skipped work on Monday in solidarity with her writers (that was cool), but then returned to work the next day (that was lame). She is going to continue doing her show sans monologue to show her support of the writer's strike. She skipped two shows because she was upset about a dog, but only one show because the writer's are getting the sho
Cross Your Chopstick Bra 2007-11-10 09:55:00 Hey, ladies! Do you often wonder where you should carry your own chopsticks because you just hate being wasteful by using disposable ones? Well, look no further than the "My Hashi" or "My Chopsticks" bra! You will never have to carry your chopsticks in your purse again! Not only can you store your own compact chopsticks in the side pouches, but it is fashionable with the cups made to look like a bowl of rice and a bowl of miso soup. There is nothing classier than digging your chopsticks out of your bra in the middle of a restaurant!tags: Japanese Fashion Bra My Hashi Bra Chopsticks Go Green Read more:Cross
Another Thing You Should Not Watch 2007-11-19 07:24:00 With the upcoming holiday, you may be considering going to the movies. My family likes to go to the movies on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Twelve years ago, the Thanksgiving movie wasn't so much an option. But since UT joined the Big 12 and got screwed out of our traditional Thanksgiving Day game with the Aggies(its on Friday now), this is no longer a problem. Back to my real point, if you are thinking about going to a movie this weekend just skip Beowolf. You may be saying to yourself, "Hey, Pineapple! But its in 3-D! It is going to be good!" Well, not so much. Go see one of the other mediocre holiday movies out there. By the time the movie started, I was super excited. The fact that there were two trailers for other 3-D movies was very exciting. I've been waiting for 3-D movies to come back into style since The Pineapple Dad took me to see The House of Wax when I was a child. And, yes, I am the kind of person that would go see a smell-o-vision movie if they had them. I Read more:Thing
Monkey Business 2007-11-18 08:42:00 I read that in northeast India the monkeys are phone hogs and love to drink Cokes. Unfortunately since they don't have jobs they have to resort to stealing these things. These monkeys will pick your pocket so they can play "how's the weather over there?" with your cell phone. People's phone bills have been outrageous! Others come into homes to take drinks out of the fridge and watch football with their hands down their pants. Some of the monkeys are more mischievous and slap people that try to chase them off. Of course, none of these monkeys compare to the murdering monkeys in New Delhi.Maybe these monkeys have an addition to Vanilla Coke like I used to? The only thing that broke my habit was that they stopped making it for a while. I guess everyone in India should stop using cell phones and give up Cokes until the monkeys back off. That, or they can stop destroying their homes. You know, just whatever is easier.tags: India Thieving Monkeys ** Note to Mojo: have you noti Read more:Business
, Monkey Business
How Bad Could It Be? 2007-11-17 21:52:00 I was watching Best Week Ever and this week they declared "Moral Bankruptcy" was having the best week ever. Then they went on to talk about this video on the internet that was so bad that they couldn't show it on TV. What they did show was videos that people took of themselves watching this video. There were even videos that people took when they showed their mom this video. Now that is moral bankruptcy. To be honest, my maturity level isn't all that so naturally I wanted to see the video. I was thinking, "How bad could it be?" Really. Fucking. Bad. I didn't have the stomach to watch the whole thing. It was that ill. Do not watch it. And if you are wondering, my reaction was a lot like this:
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