Owner: The Pineapple Report URL:http://thepineappleprincess.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2007 13:04:41 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: I like to comment on all sorts of things (from the absurd to the mundane) and nothing is off limits or out of bounds. You never know what this pineapple will report on next... Site statistics:Click here
Fun with sitemeter 2007-06-27 11:56:00 Occasionally, I like to check out the sitemeter report to see how many people read my blog. Or in my case, how few. While I think I am entertaining, apparently the Internet at large does not. Besides figuring out there are only a few smart people returning to read my blog on a semi-regular basis, sitemeter does tell you some interesting things about the people that do get here.Here is a short list of my observations:1. Very few people find my blog via technorati and their "tags" and yet I continue to use them. What does that say about me?2. Someone in New York did a search for "pineapple good for you" and someone in Canada searched "pineapple bad for you" just minutes later. It seems like there is some debate about how good pineapple is for you because that's how a lot of people end up here. Personally, I think pineapple is good for you, but that's just my opinion. I guess I should look into it. I will also get back to those of you wanting to know if pineapple is an herbal
Its a good thing the Bush Administration is above the law! 2007-07-03 10:42:00 I mean how else could Scooter Libby go free? Now there is one happy guy! Yay, Scooter! You don't have to go to jail because you are friends with the president! You still have a convition for perjury and obstruction of justice and you have to pay a $250,000 fine and be on probation for two years. But that's OK because you have lots of friends that will give you a job even though you have a criminal record. Hell, they already had fundraisers for your defense fund. Maybe they will pay your fine, too! Aren't you a lucky, lucky guy? I'm so glad to know that it isn't all that bad to reveal the identity of CIA agents to the public and that a two and a half year sentence is excessive for perjury and and obstruction of justice. I will keep that in mind next time I am thinking about endangering the life of a CIA operative and jeopardizing national security and then covering up my acts with lies and more lies. No worries, huh?tags: politics Scooter Libby Baby Boy Bush W president Read more:Administration
, above
Nothing goes better together than 2007-07-02 23:35:00 storm troopers and earth, wind and fire. Don't believe me? Well, then watch this...tags: storm trooper star wars tokyo dancing video earth wind and fire youtube Read more:Nothing
, better
, together
She's like so whatever 2007-07-06 23:53:00 A few months ago I woke up with that Girlfriend song in my head. And now the punk princess is being sued because it is a rip off of a song by the Rubinoos called I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend. You may know them for the theme song from Revenge of the Nerds. Yeah, right. Naturally, all of this talk of this song has brought back the plague of Avril Lavigne. Damn. That song is back in my head. So here is a video that puts the claim made by the Rubinoos to the test. You decide which version is crappier.tags: Girlfriend I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend Avril Lavigne Rubinoos lawsuit sueRevenge of the Nerds Read more:whatever
07/07/07 2007-07-06 17:19:00 Finally, 7-7-7 is here! Well, tomorrow it will finally be here. Seven is a lucky number, but tomorrow you will have three times the luck (because is is the 7th day of the 7th month of the 7th year). Isn't that lucky? It is the luckiest day in 100 years! And if that in itself isn't enough for you, tomorrow is the day that Tupac will return from his fake death. Its a good thing that he has been making movies and albums since he was "killed" so that he will have lots of money to come home to. See! Lucky! And if that isn't enough, someone made a video of Barney singing a Tupac song. Even more lucky!tags: July, 7, 2007 07/07/07 7/7/7 7-7-7 7 seven lucky number tupac 2pac resurrection barney video youtube
Pay $250,400 fine -- check! 2007-07-06 11:02:00 Scooter can mark that off his list of things to take care of. After his supporters were whining about the financial hardship his family would face because he was going to the slammer for soooooooooooooo long, he was able to buy a cashiers check the day his sentence was commuted. I bet that $400 "special assessment" really hurt. Ouch! Now he just has to sit out his probation (which is sure to end when he gets his pardon). Life is hard for Scooter. tags: Lewis Scooter Libby pays $250,400 fine I'm Going To Disneyworld!
Enron still sucks 2007-07-05 17:47:00 Those fuckwads at Enron
can't do anything right. And now they are screwing over their former employees AGAIN. Like losing their retirement and making sure they were unemployable wasn't enough. I know people that could find a new job for over a year because the word "Enron" appeared on their resume. The courts were sympathetic enough to award these people $89 million to cover some of the pensions Enron lost (they lost an estimated $2 billion in pension plans) and Enron (now known as Enron Creditors Recovery Corp) has made the first payment. Naturally they did it all wrong. They paid some people too much and others not enough. What a surprise! Of course, they are blaming the company they hired to do the calculations. I guess it never occured to anyone to check the formula before they cut the checks. I do know that if those jerks overpaid me, I wouldn't be too concerned or in too much of a hurry to pay them back especially since these people are only going to recover a fracti Read more:sucks
Did you know that a Toyota Prius can go 100 mph? 2007-07-04 19:16:00 I didn't. Maybe once Al Gore III takes care of his legal troubles, he can be a spokesperson for Toyota
. Their new motto can be: "Prius
. Drive really fast and save a lot of gas." But it may be a while before he can tout the speed of the Prius since he got popped going really, really fast (100 mph!?!) and had pot and pills in his possession. That was really stupid. He has already been in trouble for driving around and having pot in the car back in his Harvard days. Things like that make you wonder about Harvard's admission requirements. I guess that pothead got really stoned and forgot that you shouldn't drive around with drugs in your car. And maybe like the rest of us, he didn't realize that a Prius could go that fast. A Prius can go 100 mph? Really? It baffles the mind.tags: Al Gore III Toyota Prius
hybrid car speeding drugs
The 4th of July and other urban legends 2007-07-04 12:51:00 Even if you aren't so thrilled about the direction this country is headed, there isn't much to complain about when you get a day off in the middle of the week. Especially one that encourages beer drinking and BBQ. Like any other holiday, event, or change in the wind direction there always seems to be a surge of urban legends. This is the one I'd like to quash this week. Not to offend my friends that sent this to me, but come on! You have got to start checking into things. Not everything you read on the internet is true. This is the offending email of the week:"Nothing important happened today."—Diary entry by King George III on July 4, 1776I call bullshit. George III was a raving lunatic and had his head in the sand when it came to dealing with the American colonies, but there is no evidence that he kept a diary --ever. Just because there was reference to this quote on the X-Files does not make it fact. Don't you think that more people would know about this ironic journ
R.I.P. Lady Bird 2007-07-11 19:34:00 Lady Bird Johnson died today at the age of 94. We really like her in Austin because she made our city pretty. She made sure Town Lake has lots of trees and plants and she gave us The Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center. She also made sure that the highways of Texas are lined with wildflowers. But she wasn't all plants and flowers. She was a shrewd business woman that purchased her first radio station in 1942 with $17,500 in inheritance money while her husband was a member of Congress. She and her family eventually owned a number of radio and television stations. The LBJ Holding Co. sold 50.1 percent of the six-station cluster for approximately $105 million. Not too shabby, huh?tags: Austin Texas Lady Bird Johnson LBJ Wildflower Center
Gwen Verdon, Dancing Queen 2007-07-11 11:51:00 Some of you may be asking, who the hell is Gwen Verdon? In the 50s and the 60s she was considered the best dancer on Broadway and won 4 Tony Awards. She also won a Grammy and was nominated for 3 Emmy Awards (inlcuding one for an appearance on Magnum P.I.). She is proably best known for starring in Damn Yankees (on Broadway and in the film version) and for her marriage to Bob Fosse. Recently, someone decided that her dance moves (choreographed by Bob Fosse and performed on The Ed Sullivan Show) were a good fit to Unk's Walk It Out. I think the new version is interesting because it makes her groovy moves seem almost tawdry, but I think I prefer the original Mexican Breakfast version. I have included both. You can decide for yourself.Gwen Verdon - Mexican Breakfast And then she Walks it Outtags: Gwen Verdon Bob Fosse Damn Yankees Broadway Tony Grammy Emmy Magnum P.I. dance Unk Walk it Out Mexican Breakfast Ed Sullivan video youtube Read more:Dancing
, Queen
Alberto lies again 2007-07-10 00:13:00 When will lightning strike this member of The Legion of Doom? He lies everytime he opens his mouth and frequently gets caught. I kind of miss John Ashcroft. I didn't agree with him hardly ever. You know that whole Patriot Act being unconsitutiuonal and his stupid war on bongs that got Tommy Chong in all that trouble. He also put those retarded drapes over the Spirit of Justice, along with its male counterpart, the Majesty of Law and sang that awful song about the soaring eagle. However, he did tell my buddy Alberto
to lick it when he demanded that he override the Acting Attorney General James Comey and re-up the warrantless wiretap program while he was in the hosptial waiting to have his gall bladder removed. I kinda felt sorry for Ashcroft when I heard that. And that's when we found out why he really resigned. It was because he wouldn't play Baby Boy Bush's game anymore and most likely did not have a damned thing to do with his health.So back Ole Alberto's latest oopsie!
Today's Asshat is John Mayer 2007-07-09 12:01:00 I am an angry pineapple today and I think that John Mayer
owes me an apology. Actually, there are a lot of things that John Mayer
should apologize for. First, he should apologize for subjecting the world to his crappy music. The world does not need any more whiny songs. Second, he should apologize for using Jessica Simpson as a beard. It is an embarassment to her (and I don't even like her) and I'm still convinced that spineless turd does not have a penis. He can date as many women with fake boobs as he wants, and it will never convince me that he is a man. But the thing he really should apologize for is the "apology" video he posted on his website. Dog fighting is a felony. It is animal abuse and is not a joke. As far as I am concerned it is just as crappy as child abuse and no one would tolerate jokes about that.The fact is that American Pit Bulls are not an aggressive breed by nature. The American Temerament Test Society has tested American Pit Bulls and as a breed got Read more:Today
US and UK no longer sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g 2007-07-14 10:47:00 I was reading an article on bbc.com and and the first line was, "One of Gordon Brown's new ministers has said the UK and the United States would no longer be 'joined at the hip' on foreign policy." My first thought was, "lucky them." That is all.tags: Politics foreign policy United States United Kingdom US UK Iraq
What's wrong with iPhones? 2007-07-12 11:07:00 The folks over at willitblend.com have found a serious flaw with the iPhone.That's right. It blends. So far that's the biggest problem I have heard of with the iPhone. They are auctioning off the blended iPhone on eBay and it looks like it may end up costing more than an un-blended iPhone. People will buy anything.I guess the people that suggested this are part of the iPhone backlash. It seems like there are the people that have iPhones and the people that are bitter that they don't have iPhones. I mean are they pissed because they can't afford one or that they have Verizon instead of AT&T? The Pineapple Mom forwarded me an email from someone she knew that gave reasons why he was not going to buy an iPhone. The top one is that it is made by Apple. What the hell is that all about? Every Apple computer I have had, I have kept until it ran out of room for my stuff while every Windows machine I have had, I had to replace because it was crap. Yes, I would much rather buy a ph
I guess Jane Austen wouldn't get a book deal today 2007-07-19 21:07:00 I haven't had much to laugh about this week, but this did get my attention this morning despite my stupor induced by serious lack of sleep. So this prankster sent a number of publishers thinly disguised copies of chapters out of certain Jane Austen
novels. Only one of the 18 editors that received the chapters recognized it for what it was. Ms. Austen's book was even rejected by the publisher that has published her works in paperback. The rest sent rejection letters citing a lack of marketability and one even called it a "really original and interesting read" in the rejection letter. I can't disagree with the interesting part, but it hasn't been original since Jane Austen wrote it in the early 1800s. Now these publishers are scrambling to save face. They need to face the facts, they are dumb. It really makes you wonder what little you have to do to be the top of your field, doesn't it? Strive for mediocrity, my friends, strive for mediocrity.tags: Jane Austen scam publishe
The Car Wash Bandit 2007-07-24 00:05:00 Recently there have been a rash of thefts and vandalism at car washes here in Austin. I'm not really sure I get this. Actually, I'm sure I don't get this. For one thing, it has been raining almost every day for the past forever. I know I haven't washed my car since the beginning of June (or maybe it was May?). But I suppose I'm not the best judge of this since I usually wash my car about once a month or less. It really depends on how dirty my car is and if there is a car wash at the gas station. I am more about convenience than a clean car. But how much money could there be at a car wash in the rain forrest called Austin? People don't wash their cars when it is raining all of the time. And since there is rain in the forecast for the rest of the month, I can't imagine business picking up all that much. So why would you think that stealing money from the empty pay stations at the car wash would be worth the effort? Do these people need quarters because they have a lot Read more:Bandit
What kind of president would Dick Cheney be? 2007-07-22 12:37:00 Well, yesterday when Baby Boy Bush officially transferred his presidential power to ole Dick this is what happened:Cheney
was at his Chesapeake Bay home in St. Michaels, Md., with his wife, Lynne, and spent his short time in power reading in the back yard and hanging out with his dogs, spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride said. "He had a routine Saturday morning," she said by e-mail. "Nothing occurred that required him to take official action as Acting President." (Washington Post).Maybe if a certain president would spend more time reading and playing with Barney instead of sticking his nose in everybody's business, the world would be a better place. I assume that if Cheney had been president for more than a few hours, he would not have spent his time in such a useful way.tags: Bush Cheney president 25th Amendment Read more:Dick Cheney
Thriller 2007-07-24 22:11:00 I really enjoyed the dancing Storm Trooper, but this video featuring hundreds of CPDRC inmates of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Cebu, Philippines, practicing Michael Jackson's Thriller
video is a must see. I'm sure learning to dance like Michael Jackson is a lot more fun than learning how to make a license plate. But how did they decide who got to dress up in drag and who got to be Michael? But what I really want to know is why they did this at all?tags: Thriller video youtube Michael Jackson Phillipines inmates CPDRC dancing storm trooper
Lohan vs. Hilton 2007-07-24 11:26:00 There are so many reasons why Lindsay Lohan
is a cheap imitation of Paris Hilton
. Instead of jumping to conclusions, let's work this one out.1. Mug Shot Competition.All of the celebrities know that your mugshot will be plastered all over the internet. You can either have a fanstasically bad mugshot like Nick Nolte or you can go the glamorous route. Both Paris and Lindsay decided for the latter. Which is kind of a shame because the crazy hair thing that Nick Nolte has going on in his mug shot would look fantastic on either one of these ladies. Lindsay Lohan should have lots of practice getting her picture taken in an impaired state and yet she lets them take a picture of her looking like a slacked-jaw yokel. Come on, Lindsay, this isn't your first time at the rodeo! Paris, on the otherhand, really works it. She poses for the camera so that her mug shot can be its very best.Mug shot competition goes to: Paris2. Driving Competition.Both of these girls got popped for DUI. And
Kids today are wimps 2007-08-02 17:35:00 So Mattel has to recall 967,000 toys in the U.S. (and 1.5 million worldwide) that were made in China because they are covered in lead paint. Well, you get what you pay for. Companies decide that it is better to get goods from countries like China that sell their goods on the cheap, but then you end up with poison dog food, poison toothpaste, and toys covered in lead paint. I could go on and on about how this just proves that if you want products that meet your minimum standards for quality, you should get them from a country that has some regulations. Not to mention the fact, that our economy might be better if we employed our own instead of farming everything out to other countries. But what really comes to mind is how kids today are wimps. I mean they are playing with toys that look like this:These toys are made out of cheap soft plastic and have no sharp edges. What are kids going to learn from that? The world is full of sharp edges! My toys were hard and often made out of
A Legion of Doom Update 2007-08-02 08:14:00 If you don't know about The Legion
of Doom, here is the short story. When I got my law license in 1999, it was signed by all of the members of the Texas State Supreme Court and every single one of them is an asshat. You might be saying: "I don't live in Texas, so why should I care what your evildoers are up to. We've got our own evildoers to worry about." Well, you may have your own evildoers to worry about, but these evildoers are wired into our asshat administration (i.e. Nathan Hecht, Priscilla Owen and Alberto Gonzales). You should be worried. Here is the update on what a couple of these asshats are up to:1. Nathan Hecht: You may remember him as Harriet Miers' ex-lover. Baby Boy Bush asked this asshat to work to get Ms. Miers appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court. Well, even the rabid republicans in Texas realized that his behavior was unethical and violated the Judicial Rules of Conduct. This in itself is amazing. He hired a really expensive attorney to represent him Read more:Update
Prison Break! 2007-08-08 20:17:00 For those of you that don't live here, Austin has a hoppin' entertainment industry. Many movies and some TV shows are filmed here. This is because Ann Richards convinced a lot of people that Texas was a great place to do business and to make movies. For a while people were calling Austin "The Second Hollywood". Of course, W and Pretty Boy Perry did not keep up with the times (and the tax abatements) and some of this work has gone to other states like New Mexico and Louisiana. Pretty Boy Perry finally figured it out and signed a half-assed bill into law that will lure more business to Texas. But anyway, that is not the point. The point is that a BBC show called Wire in the Blood has been fiming an episode at the Travis County Jail. Neighbors saw the jailbirds wandering around outside and called 911 to report the breakout. This prompted a lock down. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Luckily, the actors were wearing different outfits from the inmates so it was easy to tell them apart. May Read more:Prison
, Break
, Prison Break
Giant Lego Man 2007-08-08 10:50:00 This Giant Lego Man was fished out of the sea off the shore of a resort called Zandvoort in the Netherlands. Some people saw this 8 foot Lego man floating in the water and decided to rescue it. Who wouldn't? So now the folks at Zandvoort have this cool Lego guy out on the beach by the drink stand. Unless they are all terribly high and there isn't a Lego man at all. But what I wonder is how do you lose your giant Lego Man in the ocean in the first place? Oh crap, I dropped my 8 foot Lego guy in the ocean and didn't notice until it was too late? Too strange.tags: Giant Lego Man lego man Netherlands Zandvoort
Baby Superman, 4Real 2007-08-08 09:45:00 There is this couple in New Zealand that decided to name their baby "4Real". For real. They chose this name because when they saw the ultrasound for the first time they realized the baby was for real. For real. I guess they thought it might not be for real because they couldn't see it yet? Well, the baby finally did come and they tried to register baby 4Real's name and it was rejected. Well, the fact that the government told these people that 4Real is not a for real name for a child is not going to stop them from calling this child 4Real. For real. I guess no one else has told them that this is a stupid name and that poor kid is going to find out when he starts school what a crap ass name his parents gave him. Since the government won't let them officially name their child 4Real, they are going to list his official name as "Superman
" instead. This is most certainly a step up. I'm glad people like this are breeding. For real.tags: New Zealand baby Superman 4Real
It's Celebrate Spam Email Week, in case you didn't know. 2007-08-06 23:57:00 My friend Lauri sent me two emails, two days in a row. If you don't know Lauri, she is the kind of gal that you email and she sends you a response well after you have forgotten that you wrote her in the first place. Now don't think that Lauri is a flighty kind of friend, she is just really busy. For exapmle, she had several hobbies at once while she was in law school. This is shaping up to be a banner week for Ms. Apple. Not because she has sent me two emails this week, but because of what was in them. The first email was to announce that her blog, foundclothing, was featured in the Chicago Tribune. The email I got today started with "It's Celebrate
Spam Email
Week, in case you didn't know." Of course, the kind of "spam" she sends is about how a major newspaper wrote an article about her or how she is going to be on the Today Show with Matt and Meredith on Wednesday. When I send emails to my friends, it is usually to find out if they are doing something interesting becau
What a Difference a Few Years Make 2007-08-11 14:13:00 In 1994, Dick seemed almost reasonable. Yes, I can hear the gasps from across the Internet. Watch the video below if you don't believe me.So, in 1994 Dick said that it wasn't a good idea to capture Baghdad and Saddam Hussein. It would create a quagmire and Hussein wasn't worth very many American lives. He also said that we would be there alone and it would be an American occupation of Iraq. And that this was not a good thing. I'm not really sure what changed since 1994. Especially since we are in there alone and it is an American occupation of Iraq. And capturing Saddam Hussien was not worth the ever growing list of Americans that have lost their lives. I guess the only thing that has changed since then was the WMDs and the link between Iraq and al Qaeda. Well, those agruments really panned out didn't they? It was all a bunch of bullshit to justify a war without any justification. Since 1994, Dick has changed from a semi-reasonable person to the criminal that he is tod Read more:Years
Fun with Effigies 2007-08-15 09:46:00 Since the news on my good buddy Alberto is slow, I guess I am going to have to pick on some of my other favorite targets. That's alright because I have a good one for you. Some of Dick Cheney's neighbors decided that he should be impeached so they held a protest right outside the front gate to his home in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.Although the cartoonish effigy that they topple is pretty funny, the star of this video is the Teton County Deputy that drives by. First you hear him "toot toot" his horn at the protesters like he is saying "howdy". Then he pulls up, sees what they are up to and drives away like, "everything seems to be in order here. Effigy away, guys."tags: Dick Cheney Impeach Protest Effigy Jackson Hole Teton Wyoming youtube video
Spontaneous Combustion Does Happen 2007-08-15 09:02:00 In Arlington, Texas, they put wood chips under the play equipment at the school. Well, now they are going to have to replace it with pea gravel because the wood chips seem to be prone to spontaneous combustion. You heard me, spontaneous combustion! I don't know about you, but just the idea of spontaneous combustion in itself is enough to give me the giggles. It always has and I suppose it always will because it seems I have yet to grow up. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Who wants to grow up? But getting back to my point… Apparently, all of the rain we have had this year caused the wood chips to start decomposing and the hot dry weather we are having now caused them to go "poof!" up in smoke. If you are interested in seeing the fire, here is a link to the surveillance video that caught the whole thing. “Officials say” that compost that hasn’t been turned is also prone to spontaneous combustion. Who knew you could have your very own spontaneous combustion Read more:Combustion
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