Owner: Clue Chick URL:http://www.cluechick.com/ Join Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2006 11:25:05 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: Cluechick is a blog written by a woman who meets men for hookups on Craig's List and other online sites. She writes about her experiences, gives advice to men looking to pick up women online, and talks about the politics and social dynamics of no-strings- Site statistics:Click here
A rare Friday night post: while my nails dry 2006-10-21 04:32:07 After meeting a new guy for a drink, I'm home early and enjoying the quiet of a weekend night. I remember once upon a time when being by myself on a Friday
or Saturday night felt like a huge social failure, one that I repeated many times, often imagining the cool kids out having all kinds of cool fun that I couldn't even imagine.
Now, with life running me up one side and down the other, a mellow evening at home is always a treat. A dip in the tub, a little self-grooming, paint my nails
, put brown mud all over my face and eat cherry cordials in front of a stupid movie? Could there be a more perfect evening?
Somewhere between the ages of 15 and 28 or 29, I stopped sweating the "date nights" at home. That's about the time that I started to be really content with myself, I'd say, and with that, I discovered a certain freedom from imagined social pressures. That's not to say I don't like a nice date on a Friday night, but I know it's not any kind of statement of worth to have one o
Pointlessness in CL responses 2006-10-20 01:31:52 What, exactly, is an "upidity cunt"? Do you think I am one? I'm gonna go with yes on that.
I don't understand why people bother sending me long rants in response to my CL ads. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen from time to time, and they range from coherent and hateful screeds against women who have sex to bizarre and irrelevant ramblings about... I can't really tell.
But I wonder what they're expecting. Are they hoping I'll write back, infuriated by their comments? Maybe they think this will make them stand out from the crowd? Or perhaps they figure I didn't know that I was living a life of sin and their email will save me?
It seems like a lot of trouble to go to share your opinion with an anonymous stranger who is extraordinarily unlikely to respond. Where's the satisfaction in that? Read more:responses
Moments of self doubt strike us all 2006-10-19 00:26:17 Sometimes, I think casual sex is a great way for me to get over fears. Not fears like spiders or heights, but social fears, like, "Boys never think I'm hot," or "I'm too shy to go out and try something wild," or "I was the big dork in high school and why do I think I'm any different now that I'm 30?"
Other times, I think casual sex is a great way for me to avoid facing fears. Fears like, "Am I just fucking around for validation that I can't get elsewhere?" or "Do I like casual sex because it means I don't have to be vulnerable to anyone?" Read more:Moments
, doubt
, strike
I'm confused: are you looking for a fuck or for a wife? 2006-10-18 05:29:04 I arrange most of my hookups by way of Craig's List, as you all know, and specifically the casual encounters section. I've taken to joking with my friends that you can get anything you want on CL: a new bed, a language class, a lover. I love the internet!
And CE is pretty clear: people are looking for hookups, FWB, what have you. So I'm always confused
when I get a response from someone saying he's looking for The One. I, of course, am lacking the tendency toward traditional romance, anyway, and this whole "The One" concept is like a foreign language to me. But even setting that aside, I can't help wondering what's wrong with these guys who are looking for something serious on a board that's explicitly and specifically for non-attached hookups?
Do they want something casual but think their odds will be better if they make out like they're big romantics? Do they want something serious and have struck out with all the women who are on the road to marriage? Are they just deeply,
On the internet, no one knows if you're a dog... but everyone knows if you're an asshole 2006-10-17 00:28:45 So, there was this guy. He responded to an ad of mine and seemed interesting, so I wrote back. He responded to that with his IM handle. Cool. Then, he wrote again 10 minutes later to say that if I wasn't interested, I should let him know. Hmm. This was a bad sign: paranoia and clinginess when I don't write an email right away does not bode well for a casual relationship. Still, it wasn't a deal breaker, so we arranged to talk later in the day on Thursday:
cluechick: hey
random dude: hey, how's it going?
cc: okay, thanks, you?
rd: okay
cc: still catching up on sleep from last weekend
rd: yeah? what did you do that you're so tired?
cc: oh, I had a big weekend with friends
cc: it was really busy, and I didn't get a lot of sleep
rd: what were you doing?
cc: *launches into explanation of the weekend*
rd: can I say something?
rd: just lay off all this shit and talk to me, we're not getting any younger
cc: uh. I'm sorry, I assumed when you asked me a question, you actually wanted me Read more:everyone
, asshole
Stupid human tricks: first response no-nos 2006-10-15 18:19:52 Stupid things to say or include in your initial email to a new prospect:
- "I have been told by others that I'm a nice/sweet guy." This makes me wonder a) what he thinks of himself and b) does he agree with others' assessments? The best time to use the "other people tell me" approach is when describing yourself physically, if you feel awkward saying, "Hey, baby, I'm as hot as the day is long!" But when describing your personality, it's really better to use your own words.
- A school photo. You know that grey-blue mottled background that every school photographer in the world uses? It's unmistakable. That picture is not sexy. Also, you're probably wasting your time writing a 30 year old, just fyi.
- "Hi," cc'd to all 15 women posting to CE that day. This one just makes me laugh. Read more:Stupid
, human
, tricks
The incoherent shouting is hard to resist... 2006-10-13 21:11:43 Today's classy come-on, from a dating site:
LOOK YOUR GOOD LOOKING YOU SOMETHINGS WE LIKE, ITS SEEMS LIKE YOU MAYBE WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR DONT,KNOW REALLY UNTIL WE CHAT SOME AND GO FROM THERE THROW ME A BONE WILL YA
Of course, the profile is empty and tells me only that this is a MF couple living in my state.
I can't even figure out what this person is saying. Well, okay, I know what s/he's saying (fuck us!), but, sadly, I have no bones for them. Read more:resist
Poetry: rarely the best way to get casual sex 2006-10-12 23:54:47 Poetry is a very iffy way to get a woman's attention. Have you seen how much crappy poetry there is out there? No, seriously, there's a lot. I'm sure the people writing it think it's good, but, wow, it hurts. And not in a fun way.
Therefore, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if your inclination is to respond to an ad for casual sex with poetry, don't. Poetry can be romantic, and it can be hot, but most often, it falls flat and is, frankly, a little embarrassing.
For example:
Subject: may the winds of romance bring the warmth of love (pick Me)
Body: Like roses in a garden, Kindness fills the air With a
certain bit of sweetness as it touches
everywhere For kindness is a circle that never, never
ends may the love we find just
begins I hope you like my poam, lets meet
Okay, now, to be fair, this guy obviously doesn't know the difference between casual sex and... uh... kindness? Love? I'm unclear, too. But what he needs, perhaps more than relationship advice, is an e Read more:Poetry
Haven't I seen this email address before? 2006-10-12 00:04:16 One of my favorite flubs, when men are responding to an ad I've posted on CL, is when he sends me multiple emails, clearly having forgotten who he's already responded to that day. I say this is a favorite flub for a couple of reasons. First, I have done this. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it, but there was an ad that was SO great that I agonized about responding to it, and then, after a long time, I did, but I'd spent so long thinking about what I might say that I... forgot that I had actually gone ahead and said some of it. So I wrote another email and sent it off.
Needless to say, the guy thought this was a riot, and also liked my enthusiasm, so it wasn't all bad.
Of course, normally when a guy sends me more than one email in response to a particular ad, it's a cut-and-paste job, which makes it less flattering. I don't know if he's sending it to me twice because he liked my ad both times he looked at it or if he just lost track of where in the w4m ads he left off. Still Read more:Haven
, email address
A note on photos in personal ads 2006-10-11 05:02:45 A funny thing about photographs is that, despite the fact that they are actual pictures of actual people, they're still not the same as looking at someone in real life. Oh, sure, there are the problems of the out-of-date photograph, from five years or many pounds ago, or the photo from a special event, showing him doing something he never really does (motorcycles, anyone?)
But even a good photograph only gives a snapshot of a person, which can be a fine stand-in with someone I know, but I often find that pictures don't really look like the person I meet, not because they're misleading, but simply because no one ever looks, in life, as still as they do in a photo. And sometimes the look that's captured on his face is one that's often there, and sometimes, it's not. And there's no way to know before getting to know him!
I suppose it would be too much to ask for guys to put together five minute audition videos, huh? Read more:photos
Long weekends rock 2006-10-10 03:26:42 I spent most of the weekend wearing a blindfold. What fun stuff did you do? Read more:weekends
The vacation waiter fling 2006-10-04 00:57:10 Okay, so I've been talking vaguely about this great vacation fling
I had the other week, but I haven't given you all any good details. Also, I promised yesterday that I would talk about the kind of pick-up that actually gets me into bed. Conveniently, these two themes fit together nicely.
I was on vacation, and I was getting hit on a lot, because that's what happens to women visiting beachy tourist spots, but, for the most part, the men hitting on me weren't interesting to me, until my friends and I went to what we'd taken to calling the restaurant with the hot waiter
s. (All the restaurants on the island are open-air, so you can preview the waitstaff, and we'd been walking by this place for a couple of days and commenting on the cute staff.) So, we got a table, sat down, and started flirting with the waiter.
(Guys, this is a good time for me to mention that if a strange woman is flirting with you, that's a very good sign, but it's not a slam-dunk, so don't get your hopes up
How to pick up a cluechick 2006-10-02 23:23:12 Continuing my discussion of pick-ups and picking up random people out and about, today I'll answer G's question about how someone can successfully approach me without seeming creepy.
First, if you define a "successful" approach as one where we end up having coffee together later, or, even more challenging, having sex later, very few people manage this on a random pass. It's not that I'm not willing, but, really, how often is it that the person who chats you up is someone who catches your imagination and has the follow through to make it happen? It turns out that it's pretty rare.
So, there are two versions of success here, and the first is easier. This is where you make your move, we have an enjoyable conversation, I feel pleased that you were interested enough to strike up a conversation and totally not skeeved out by the fact that you were invading my personal space, and, with any luck, you don't feel like I kicked you in the shins (or elsewhere) with a rude rejection.
In or
Pondering pick-ups: what are the details that make a difference? 2006-10-02 05:32:39 Thanks, guys, for your comments on who you make passes at last week. I have a two-part response, the first, which I'll write here, is a bit more about why I was asking, and the second, which I'll write in the next day or two, will answer G's question as to how someone can successfully approach me.
The reason that I asked in the first place, though, is that I get hit on a lot, but I don't really understand why. I'm basically average in terms of attractiveness. Some people find me hot, others find me unattractive, and probably most people don't notice me much one way or the other. But still, I get a lot of pick-up attempts out in the world, which can be entertaining, flattering, disturbing and baffling.
So, I got to wondering if men know why they hit on particular women. Is it a conscious thing? "She's hot, and I'd like to get to know/do her." Or is it an unconscious thing, relating to how she looks, moves, smells, or whatever? What is it about me that means I get hit on when m Read more:details
, difference
Common ways of saying, "I'm shallow" 2006-10-24 02:49:08 One of the most frequent lines in profiles, ads and email responses is, "Please send a pic. Attraction is important!"
This is, of course, entirely true. I, too, am much happier seeing a picture of a guy I might meet, for a variety of reasons, from assuming that I'll be able to tell if he's too old for me to assuming I'll be able to tell if he's hot or not. I also assume that everyone meeting up with people through online connections has a picture and understand that we're all at least a little shallow
.
The attraction is important like always strikes me as an attempt not to look shallow, which, conversely, always makes me think that guy is extra shallow, because not only is he concerned with looks, but he's going to some effort to make out like he's not.
You don't need to apologize to me for caring about looks. I care, too. Everyone does. You're right; attraction is important. But you may find that you can't tell attraction from a photo. Certainly, I've found on more than Read more:Common
, saying
Typos, how they plague the internet sex machines 2006-10-27 04:35:43 You know what I hate? I hate it when I write a really great email or ad or post and proofread it carefully before exposing it to public view and only later discover that I've completely blown it an sent something totally wrong and not a little embarrassing. Is there any way to recover? I sure wish I didn't have to!
We all make typos, and thus, I generally expect that people will make allowances for mine, and I try to do so for others. But I also get a kick out of them. My favorite recent ones include, "I can hose or come to your place..." and the guy who typoed his own name.
All that said, it's better not to make typos. No, this isn't a job search, but if you're trying to pick up an intelligent woman, you're going to want to look as well-polished (while still real) as you can, and typos don't help.
On the other hand, better a typo than an entirely garbled message. One of my friends pulled that little maneuver a while back, and I'll have to post about it sometime soon. It's Read more:Typos
, plague
, machines
Speaking of fantasies: call-boy services! 2006-10-26 05:03:03 I have a little cold, which, naturally, I abhor. Also, you know what they say about women's sex drive at 30? It's completely true. this is an unfortunate combination.
What I'd like is for someone to start a business screening hot 18 year old men for personality, enthusiasm and attentiveness (and also things like STDs, etc) and keep a database of them. Then, old-but-lazy-but-frisky women such as myself could just call in and place an order...
Oh, right, I know that sort of thing is illegal, but wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a society that was healthy enough about sexuality that that sort of thing could be totally consensual, hot and non-creepy? Read more:Speaking
, fantasies
Conversational cues: Don't be a doofus. It turns off the chicks. 2006-10-31 01:35:10 One of the things I hate to see -- and it's all too common -- is a nice guy whose lack of confidence and social skills handicaps his options for sex and romance.
Last week, I was at a friend's house for a party, and a fellow I didn't know approached me to introduce himself in that purposeful way that told me he was interested not just 'cause I seemed nice but because he thought I was attractive. Great! We started chatting, and another man joined us. Great, it's a party, we're all chatting, and Guy #1 asks me a question about something I'm passionate about, and I launch into talking about it. Guy #2 breaks in with, essentially, "Let me guess your sign!" and then explaining his thinking when it turned out he guessed wrong. (Note: He did not literally try to guess my sign, but, rather, my origin based on my accent.)
This guy, despite sounding like a complete tool, actually seemed pretty nice. At other points in the conversation, he had interesting things to say, but they were rar Read more:turns
How do I handle my partner's problems? With care. 2006-11-02 04:01:32 Today, I address a question from a reader, which I got ages ago and just rediscovered:
Should a guy just listen, or try to solve the his girl's problems
?
My friends joke about "male answer syndrome," which is what happens when they talk to their boyfriends about a problem and the boyfriend immediately starts offering solutions, even if they're just looking to vent.
I've seen this pattern repeat itself irrespective of gender, though, so let's broaden out the question a bit. This isn't just a matter of how a guy should be with his girlfriend's problems, but how people, in general, can be helpful to each other.
First, if you have a problem, you can help yourself by being clear on whether you're looking for sympathy or suggestions. I'm often looking for sympathy and rarely for suggestions, personally, and I can save myself the aggravation of unwanted advice if I start the conversation with, "I just need to vent." That way, I figure I'm perfectly justified in biting the head of
What do I reveal when fucking? 2006-11-03 05:51:44 Do you ever wish you could watch yourself having sex? Oh, sure, I know lots of people do the home video thing, but I'm most interested, actually, in seeing if my face is actually as expressive when I'm fucking
as it feels like it is. Sometimes, when my lover has his fingers inside me and is watching my face, I feel like he can see all the way to a me that I barely know, who only comes out (pun intended) when my conscious mind is distracted by the all-consuming job of saying, "Oooooh, yeeeahhh!"
What, if anything, would I learn about myself if I could see that? Maybe nothing. But I know my lovers reveal something to me when I watch their faces while we fuck, and I don't doubt that the ones who pay attention get a glimpse of something from where they are, too.
I wonder if seeing myself in a camera would be the same, or if it's a matter of being in the moment, sharing that eye contact, opening up -- almost involuntarily -- to the immediacy of the experience?
Beauty, social mores, and a big nod to Erin McKean 2006-11-05 23:40:33 Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female". -Erin McKean
This quote floated across my computer screen recently, and I had to bring it here, because beauty continues to be a major bugaboo for our society and individuals in it, especially (but not exclusively) women.
I like to look good. I like to put on a swingy skirt and a velvety shirt and go out and flirt with strangers. I also like to put on a frumpy, cozy robe, curl up on the sofa and drink hot tea. I like to feel good, and to be able to wear what suits my mood. And if I want to wear something frumpy out of the house, too, then by gosh, that's what I'm going to do.
As a woman who has a lot of sex, and for whom the dance around sex is a big part of life, I'm often all too aware of social expectations about female beauty, and, in particular, about the impossibility of meeting those standards. Don't wear makeup and some people will think you're lazy and don't care about your looks. Do wear makeup a Read more:Beauty
German Boygroups, unite! 2006-11-07 04:40:00 Sometimes, I don't know how I resist:
Hi sexy Girl,here is a German
Boygroup,with STRONG Hard COCKS for your HOT HOLES.We see the Fantastic BODY and must Contact You.In your City we can meet us,You Test the BIG COCKS and we have a Great SEXACTION.We like to FUCK You... Read more:unite
Oral sex for voting! 2006-11-07 15:25:58 Good morning! It's election day!
In order to encourage you all to vote, I'm initiating a new incentive program: oral sex for votes!
Okay, maybe not... well, some of you qualify, certainly, but in all seriousness: get out there and vote. It's the thing to do. And it definitely gets you a CC point. Collect ten and we can talk about the oral sex offer!
Fucking is fucking awesome 2006-11-13 03:47:16 You know what's great? Fucking. Yeah, okay, it's not a revelatory statement, but fucking is goddamn awesome
.
Pretty much everything about fucking is pretty great, too. There's the flirting, the teasing, the hinting, the batting-of-eyelashes and all that fun stuff that leads up to fucking. And then there's the full-body-contact, rubbing up against each other, getting-it-on of the actual fucking. And, then, as if that weren't enough, there's the sweet drifting down afterwards, which is when I'm always most tempted to say something that will embarrass me when I've recovered my wits, but it's also when I'm most likely to say what I'm feeling without running it by the censor, first. (Yes, no doubt these things are related.)
But, really, a day with some fucking in it is a day that's worth having. A bad day + fucking = hey, at least I got laid. A good day + fucking = really fucking awesome!
Yes, I think I'll have more fucking, please.
Are you old, hot and horny? Don't email me, please. 2006-11-14 05:43:23 Listen, fellas, I know there are young women out there who really like the daddy thing. And I suppose that just because I'm 30 and you're 55 doesn't necessarily mean that I won't want to fuck you. What does mean that I won't be interested in your 55 year old ass is the fact that not only is it too old for me, but it (and the rest of you) didn't read the part of my profile that states, "I'm only interested in guys who are around my age."
By emailing me, you show yourself to be the skeevy older guy who thinks he's "young at heart" or "looks 20 years younger" but who, in fact, is obviously incapable of reading a profile before responding to it, which does not bode well for your ability to listen to me when I talk about other things that are important to me in a relationship, even a casual one. Furthermore, it grosses me the fuck out when you suggest that we could take advantage of the age difference to play "daddy daughter games."
Your kink is okay, but it is so far from my kink
Sex talk is fun! 2006-11-15 01:29:12 Tonight, and tomorrow, I'm taking the extremely easy out of posting excerpts from a very entertaining chat I had with a bunch of friends this afternoon. I'm going to put the main part of the post behind a jump for a change, because it's rather long. I have no idea if this will be interesting for you all to read, but if nothing else, I'm keeping myself entertained here!cluechick: we were just talking about fucking
mitte: oh!
cluechick: okay, favorite positions?
mitte: depends strongly on my partner and our, er, compatibility.
cluechick: *grin* I agree that partner makes a difference, but I've yet to find someone with whom missionary and me-on-my-stomach aren't the top two
arthur: for me, it's from behind with my partner either laying down or on their knees with their head on the bed
cluechick: mmm
arthur: or on their back with their knees up by thier ears and their ankles on my shoulders
cluechick: arthur: ah, another good one :)
mitte: arthur: good choices. :)
cluechick: I've o
Sex talk is fun! (part 2) 2006-11-16 01:37:58 I think part of the reason it seemed relevant to share these chat logs is that I credit my friends witha lot of great knowledge, and, further, support. Once upon a time, I was a relatively uptight, corn-fed kind of girl who was accepting (but also a tad scornful) of people who had casual sex. "Oh, sure," I used to think, "that's fine for them, but I'll never do anything like that!" My transition from sweet, innocent girl-next-door to internet sex blogging slut-next-door would have been a hell of a lot harder if my friends weren't so damn awesome.
Not to mention that a) I often learn something new from my friends and b) these conversations are hot!jen: or are we talking abouut sex?
cluechick: mmmm, sex
cluechick: we WERE talking about sex earlier
jen: sure, talk about sex while I'm in class ;)
cluechick: we can talk about it now, too! we were discussing favorite positions
jen: I'm lame about that, though. I *heart* being on the bottom.
cluechick: that's not lame
cluechick: my fa
Happy post-Thanksgiving post! 2006-11-28 02:48:37 Ahh, Thanksgiving
! That wonderful little holiday that's so perfect for unplanned and unanticipated vacations. Sorry to have disappeared on you all, and I hope you were able to find other ways to entertain yourselves while I was offline.
I also hope you all had warm and happy Thanksgivings, including, I hope, plenty of fun and guilt-free sex! That's one of the best things to get out of a holiday, wouldn't you say?
Now that I'm back, I have a couple of backlogged questions to get to this week, including one on open relationships (Hello out there! I haven't forgotten you!) and one on why promising email contacts fall through. And somewhere in the midst of all that, I'll have to take some time to catch you all up on my latest, too.
I'll sign off with the entirety of an email I received in response to a recent ad:
"too many words... We just want to see pictures. Keep the talk between your girlfriends" Read more:Happy
Playing with nonmonogamy 2006-11-29 04:59:38
I came across a post or two in the archives where you mentioned the logistics of casual sex in tension with a committed relationship. This caught my eye since I've been dealing with that very issue a lot lately. I've been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend coming up on four years now. I'm nearly 22, and we've moved in together after years of commuting between nearby cities. Recently, we realized that we had never done much of anything, sexually, with other people. Were we missing out on anything? Were there vast secrets of sex which were entirely lost to our naive conceptions? With these considerations in mind, we decided to give one another leave to mess around with other people, because hey, we're open-minded and "hip," right? So that's been working out moderately well, we've explored a bit and learned things and had fun. Trouble is, we both seem to sometimes get the predictable instances of nagging jealousy. I know each of us, when hooking up with another person, i
Sex, love, and (non)monogamy 2006-11-30 02:51:43 Last night, I went on about nonmonogamy, but I didn't really talk about the last part of my reader's question: "How have the social constructs of sex and love impacted you, or your partners, if at all?"
To some degree, this entire blog is a response to this question. Social constructs of sex and love are so massively overlapping that it took me a very long time to separate them in my emotional landscape, and I was lucky enough to grow up in a liberated setting where it was never implied that you can only have sex with someone you love. Still, as we all know, there are a lot of social equations that influence how we think and act without realizing it, and our culture certainly has managed to conflate sex and love.
For a long time, it was easier for me to believe that one could feel love for multiple people than that one could lust after more than one person at a time. Now, is that the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard? Come on, there's so much evidence for people desiring mu
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