Owner: Clue Chick URL:http://www.cluechick.com/ Join Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2006 11:25:05 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: Cluechick is a blog written by a woman who meets men for hookups on Craig's List and other online sites. She writes about her experiences, gives advice to men looking to pick up women online, and talks about the politics and social dynamics of no-strings- Site statistics:Click here
Kiss me, baby! 2007-02-22 04:16:58 I just got my first email from down under, if I read things right! This fellow is newly single after a long time:
So now I am exploring the world of casual loving and am loving going on dates, meeting new people and all the excitement. I've had some great experiences, have come across a problem I've never faced before at the age of 33 - first kisses. Just about all my relationships/shags involved me be seduced rather than the other way around as is usual. Now I have to start making the first move! ... I can sometimes tell when the right time is when the girl is giving me all the well-known body language signs, lots of eye contact and we are generally having a good time. No problem there.
But there are other times, I think when the girl is more reserved that I'm not sure...
So what are some amusing/fun/disarming ways a bloke can go in for the first kiss?
I love this question, and not just because I was fantasizing about kissing on my drive home tonight. Kissing is really great,
Misc misc: swingers and hips 2007-02-26 02:13:24 I will return to the first kisses topic tomorrow or Tuesday, but tonight I have two items of miscellany:
First, does anyone reading here have information about swingers' groups in the Boston area? If so, I'm all ears.
Second, I think one of my favorite things in the world is having someone's hands on my hips, or the curve of my waist, whether in a sexual or social setting.
Yes, indeed. And with those scintillating points, I'm off to paint my toenails or something.
Kissing and asking 2007-03-01 00:17:04 I'm going to get a bunch of details wrong in this post, I bet, because I'm too lazy to verify my memory, and that's not the main point, anyway. Following up on my last post, on first kisses and asking
permission:
Back in the mid 90s, Antioch University (I think) decided to deal with a problem they were having with date rape and sexual harassment on campus by making a rule that a person had to verbally ask his or her partner's permission before taking a makeout session to the next level. There was a big stink about this on college campuses everywhere (or maybe just mine) and in a variety of newspapers. Absurd! they decried. How unreasonable!
Well, it did strike me as stiff, but after thinking about it a bit, I realized that it could actually be incredibly sexy to have a partner ask, if he did it in a creative way. No eye rolling or heavy sighing, but if he did it with a twinkle, so that it was an anticipatory rush, or a tease. He could ask permission to take off my shirt, and then Read more:Kissing
Who is this ClueChick character, anyway? 2007-03-06 01:14:46 I had a unique experience recently, which has led to a (very minor, but somewhat interesting) crisis of identity: For the first time, to my knowledge, someone recognized one of my CL ads as being written by ClueChick. Or, rather, as being written by the same person who writes ClueChick, which, as you may know, happens to be me.
Now, I've had a couple of friends recognize ads I've posted as being written by me, which has led to entertaining email exchanges, and I've had people who know me recognize my writing tone and say, "Heeeey, aren't you ClueChick?" But I've never had a stranger pick it up from an ad and connect it to this blog -- at least not that anyone's said to me.
I generally think of identity information about CC flowing in one direction. Lots of my friends know I write this blog (*wave*), and several other people who know me have made the connection (*wave*), and that has never struck me as odd. I don't do anything to disguise my voice, after all. But I tend to thin
Jerky responses to personal ads abound 2007-03-17 15:11:11 I often wonder why guys even bother to respond to my personal ads. I assume that they send the same email to every ad they think is even possibly real, but these responses
are so ridiculous, lame, or offensive that the guy is assuring a non-response right out of the box. And I'm not just talking about the guys who say, "If your real write me back!" At least those are hopeful but clueless. I'm thinking about responses like this one:
Drop the bull-shit bitch....
If you want to get fucked so hard that you wont walk straight for a week,
and your shit will be falling out of your asshole for another week...
Send me your picture and phone-number right-now...
No guy thinks that's an appealing image, right? So he's obviously writing the email to get his aggressive, jerky rocks off. What a waste. Read more:Jerky
I need to expand my vocabulary 2007-03-29 20:37:48 I need a new word to replace "lover". Or, not to replace it, but to allow for more specificity in the description. I can use "lover" to refer to the guy I've been not-infrequently fucking for the last year, who I also enjoy spending time with outside of the bedroom and even sometimes out in public. I can also use "lover" to refer to the guy who I see every 3-4 months only for sex and for conversation between bouts of sex. And I can use "lover" to talk about the guy I fucked once and may fuck again someday... But it only really feels right for the first.
I'd really like to call the other two something else. But I know people will get the wrong idea if I call someone my "fucker". What terms to you use?
Fantasies promise much 2007-04-06 02:33:38 One of the most fun elements of meeting people online is the excitement of a promising new contact. There are a lot of duds out there, or people who just aren't good matches (guys, that's a good thing to keep in mind when you don't hear back from a woman: there's a good chance that if you'd even gotten as far as meeting, you'd've decided, "Eh, she had promise
, but, ultimately, no dice.") but there are also good matches, and you do occasionally find them, or they find you, and that's awesome.
But you don't know early on if someone will be a match or a dud, and hope springs eternal (or for a really long time, anyway), so on first contact with someone who seems just perfect, I often find my imagination running away with me. Just because he's articulate and witty in email doesn't mean that I'll like him when we meet, or, for that matter, the next time he writes to me, but it's the necessary first step. And because I'm an optimist, I like to look at those promising first emai
Porn for Women: Don't steal this book 2007-04-10 05:38:21 So, here I am, reading one of my favorite feminist blogs, feministing, when I ran across this post about porn for women. Apparently, the Cambridge Women
's Pornography Cooperative has put out a book called Porn for Women. This pink-covered tome draws you in with the steamy, sultry image of ... a man vacuuming? This is a joke, right?
From feministing:
The book is simply titled, "Porn for Women," and consists of hot, sensitive men who are supposed to be a woman's wet dream. For example, one page features a guy reading the sports section of the paper saying, “Ooh, look, the NFL playoffs are today. I bet we'll have no trouble parking at the crafts fair.”
I'm sorry, no.
Now, I'll grant you that I may not exactly be your everyday kind of woman, but I happen to hang out with a lot of women (granted, they also are not exactly mainstream, but they are women...), and here's the thing.
A man vacuuming is not enough to get me wet. And furthermore, it's patently ridiculous to
Just because I slept with him doesn't mean I'll sleep with you 2007-04-19 06:42:12 People sometimes gets confused about what it means to be a slut. I am a slut. But what does that mean? It means I like sex, and I enjoy it on a casual and non-casual basis. Some sluts like fucking strangers while others like sleeping around with their friends. Some of us do both.
But it's a mistake to think that slutty people don't have standards. My standards may be different from your standards... in fact, I hope they are, because, frankly, you're not getting laid enough for my tastes, and if we were competing for the same pool of sex, one of us would be cranky. But it makes me more than a little grouchy when I hear, "Well, you know CC, she'll sleep with anyone."
Don't mistake sluttiness for lack of discernment. This is like looking at the person who chooses different clothing from you and saying they have no taste. They have taste; it's just not taste you share. And you come off like a lame-ass middle class prig when you do it.
Yes, I mean you. Read more:slept
Ah, irony. It bites you in the ass sometimes 2007-04-26 19:31:45 From a m4w ad, posted without further comment:
I think that this time I'll work the intelligence angle. I've noticed that I seem to get along best with people who consider themselves to be smarter than the average person walking down the street. I mean, yes, physical attractiveness is of course important, but I think that there's something to be said for mental attractiveness as well.
Do you feel the same way? If so, send a pic Read more:bites
Wait, how's that work, again? Nonmonogamy as an option 2007-04-25 06:53:27 I have a bit of a backlog of questions from readers, which I'll try to work through in the next couple of weeks.
I read something on your blog that leads me to believe that you don’t like cheating, yet apparently you have main squeeze and you sleep around. Do you consider that cheating or do you have another definition? This is all new to me since I was married and monogamous forever, but I am not interested in going back to that. Soooo how do you have a main squeeze, and still fool around without someone getting hurt?
You're right; I don't like cheating. In general, I find it foreign and questionable. I understand that there are lots of situations where cheating is the lesser of the available evils, but I have a hard time understanding how people end up in situations where that's the case. Honesty is important to me (though I'm not fanatical about it), and I prefer to involve myself with people who are living basically up-front lives. Furthermore, I am continually baff Read more:option
The 20 Year Old Virgin 2007-05-08 09:04:08 More backlog in readers' questions:
To start with, I'm a 20 year old virgin. I've made a few postings on the CL CE section in my city over the last two months with little luck. I've tried posting ads that mentioned I was a virgin, and a couple that didn't. For the most part, I usually don't get any responses (from women, at least) which I suppose probably shouldn't surprise me, given the over 50 to 1 ratio of men and women.
Oh, boy.
Okay, so, CE is great. And it's especially great for people who have unusual predilictions, interests, leanings. And it's not inconceivable that someone who has an interest in virgins would be looking there. But it's not likely. And it's especially not likely that the person looking for virgins will be a woman.
Here's the thing: Our culture has a weird hard-on for female virginity. There are plenty of stories about the deflowering of this woman or that one, and the whole bloody sheet ritual that could be, for all I know, myth and legend, but Read more:Virgin
Getting back on the horse 2007-06-11 23:08:08 Damn. It's been so long since I posted that Firefox doesn't even remember the url to the posting form. I'm ashamed!
Not that there's been much for me to talk about. I've been focused in large part on other things than casual sex (much to the dismay of my sex drive), and I've generally been laming out on the sexual adventures recently. In fact, until yesterday, it had been months since I posted an ad, which leaves me with a dearth of annoyances to inspire my ranting posts.
And, in fact, I don't have anything to complain about tonight, either, because after a long spell of simply not having the energy to put together any casual encounters, I just sent off a new lover after a very, very fun evening.
But I do have an observation out of it! I had a free evening, so I posted last night saying as much but with the caveat that I might end up not wanting to get together, so people shouldn't get their hopes up. Several (i.e., about 100) people responded, most of them, as usual, worthl
Keeping my eyes open when looking for someone new 2007-06-14 19:12:09 One of the challenges I run into is this: Having a hot hookup makes me eager to have more. It's the "the more I get, the more I want" feedback loop. So I can go a while being focused on other things, and that's great, but then something comes together, I have a great date, and I'm off to the internet to go shopping for more new lovers.
That, in itself, is fine. But the problem is that after a hot date, I want more like that. That's great if my new lover is local and has time in his schedule that matches the time in my schedule, but that's rare. So, now I find myself trolling CL for tall, dark, handsome men with a slight southern accent and who drink Grey Goose and tonic while admiring my ass in just that way. And with big hands. Like that guy I met Monday! Mmm, Mr. Monday!
So, now I'm reading all the responses to my ad through the lens of wanting that particular thing. Which is silly! Because I like lots of different kinds of men, and lots of different kinds of hookups, and of
Can women separate love and sex? (Yes.) 2007-07-11 21:34:39 My lame lack of posting continues, but I'm in the midst of reading an excellent article. So excellent, in fact, that I wish I'd written it. Even though I didn't, I think you all might like it:
Can Women Separate Love and Sex?
(Note: I've only read the first page, and here I am posting it. I hope I don't hate the second half!) Read more:separate
Worst thing to say in a response to a casual sex personal ad, ever 2007-08-13 08:50:22 I can't decide, so I need your help. Which is the dumber thing to say when responding to a woman's profile on a casual sex
site?
"I'm not a person who sleeps around and stuff and I'm looking for someone who shares that." ("sleeps around and stuff"? What stuff? Also, uh, what do you think casual sex is??)
"I'm looking for one special friend." (I think that's called a "girlfriend", in most cases.)
Oh, fellas, come on. I'm cheap, and I want you to be, too!
Hi, my name's [name]. Want to have dinner? 2007-09-11 21:34:33 Last month, I received this query:
I've had some fun with dating sites this year and moved onto trying to pick
people up in the real world. Had successs on the two times I've tried - once
was a friend of a friend of a friend in a pub and once picking up someone
behind the counter of a shop.
In both of these, I had a the chance to make chit chat before I asked them
out. Easy and fun!
For my next amazing trick, I want to try meeting people who I only see for
milliseconds at a time - waiting for the lifts or in busy coffee shop. Hard
places to strike up any kind of conversation.
Do you think this is too direct:
Hi, can you tell me what your name is?
Uh, huh. My name is XXX. Are you a scary lawyer?
Thought so. Would you like to have lunch/dinner with me?
Or better to try and create some chat first?
I would love to have something insightful and brilliant to say, but I really don't. Mostly, I think this is a great idea, and I'm certainly getting a kick out of thinking about it!
A new game: the balancing act 2007-09-06 21:22:31 As you all have, perhaps, noticed, my posting has slacked off significantly over the summer. Summer is like that, of course, with lots of picnics and weekend outings and adventures of all sorts, and though I've been having the occasional hookup, most of my summer has been consumed by more substantial activities and events than casual sex.
This is something of a mixed bag for me. I really like casual sex, and I like having it be part of my life. And though I think I'm moving -- slowly -- in the direction of thinking I want to have some more serious relationship in my life. I was talking to a friend about this and she kindly pointed out the obvious: I don't have to choose between the two. But it still does mean shifting my efforts, which have, in the last couple of years, pretty much focused on the casual side of things, to include a bit more variety.
So, that may mean that on those (embarrassingly infrequent, I know) occasions when I manage to remind myself to post here, I may be s
Some of the many ways to make me suspicious of your approach 2007-10-14 17:08:20 I'm always suspicious of people who include certain phrases or descriptors. Things like:
I think deep thoughts. Uh. I don't even know what that means, but I suspect it's something along the lines of, "I have a high opinion of my opinions, and you should, too." Deep thoughts? Really? If it's not obvious from conversation, it's probably not true.
I know you said you like X, and I'm Y, but.... Now, I'll grant you, sometimes -- very occasionally -- someone will have something good following the "but..." in this kind of statement. Maybe he'll have a different take on the whole X/Y division or he'll be outside of it in some interesting way, but... almost always, that line is a lead-in for a long paragraph that I can sum up thusly: "I disregard your opinions, because they don't match with mine. Isn't that hot? Please do me."
My sign is ... What's yours? Is this the 70s? Do you really think this matters? Either you do, and, hi, let's not get into that, or you don't, and you'r
Hey, I've had that here before! 2007-10-31 18:50:48 The other night, I had a friend and sometimes-lover over for dinner. Before dinner arrived, I offered him a glass of wine, which he accepted, so I got down a bottle of my current favorite tasty, easy-drinking red: Ménage à Trois.
"Hey, I've had this here before!" he exclaimed, meaning the wine. I laughed and agreed as to how he probably had.
Then he paused. "No, I mean, I've had this here before!" And, again, I had to laugh and agree, because we just recently had a hell of a fun threesome in my bed.
I sure do like my life.
Is it me? 2007-11-24 16:43:07 I know that not all 50 year old guys are skeevy. I mean, I have direct experience with non-skeevy 50 year old guys! And, yet, all the 50 year old guys I see on dating sites seem skeevy. Is it selection bias? Observation bias? A little of both? Or maybe I'm just not seeing the non-skeevy ones because they're busy responding to women closer to their own age?
My top five list: 2007-11-30 09:54:39 1. Denzel Washington: Yes, please!
2. Jon Stewart: He's hot; he's brilliant; he's funny. What's not to like?
3. Pierce Broznan: Despite his shitty acting and horrendous taste in roles, he's pretty. Plus, everyone loves an accent.
4. Patrick Stewart: Speaking of accents! And actually good acting. And yum.
5. Rob Thomas: In truth, I just want to take him to bed so he'll sing to me. Well, that and the pierced ears and the leather pants.
I have to wonder if this ever works 2007-11-29 12:14:52 As Dave Barry would say, I am not making this up. Today, I received this email to my profile on a dating site:
"would love to ram my cock in you"
It is accompanied by a photo of Prince Charming (naked, of course) squatting in front of his big screen TV.
I am hard pressed to explain why, exactly, this isn't getting me hot. Is it the impersonal lack of "I" at the beginning of the sentence? Maybe it's the TV. It's just so hard to be sure! Read more:wonder
Midwest Teen Sex Show 2007-11-27 14:47:12 Has everyone already seen The Midwest
Teen Sex Show? If you haven't, you should. It's a riot! Also, how many of us could have used something like this when we were adolescents? Seriously.
What's great about casual sex? 2007-12-05 20:56:33 A newish friend was asking me recently what some of the lessons or benefits I've gotten from casual sex
are, and I was able to articulate one to him that I haven't really managed to identify previously. Let's see if I can recreate a reasonable explanation here:
Growing up, girls -- well, probably everyone, but I think especially girls -- get a strong message of how important it is to save sex for marriage. There's a lot of acknowledgment that loads of people have sex before marriage, but even then, the dominant paradigm is that sex is a Big Deal, and you should only do it when you're in a committed relationship with someone you love.
And on top of that, there's this weird fetish our culture has for female virginity, so especially when you're young, you get a lot of rhetoric about how important it is to be sure, to pick the right guy, etc.
I remember a having a discussion in high school with some friends about which would be worse: to be raped or to be murdered. Read that aga
Don't be desperate! 2007-12-02 21:13:18 So, I have this friend. He's a smart, capable, fit, entertaining guy in his 30s. He's great! Except, he exudes that air.
You know the air I mean. It's that air of desperation. It's the air that precedes him when he walks into a room so all the nice women there know to avoid him like the plague, and all the mercenary women perk up and think, "Oh, hey, I can string this guy along for months before he catches on that he's not gonna get any..."
This guy isn't looking for casual sex; he's looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage, and he's utterly miserable about the lack in his life. Seriously, he can't have a conversation without bringing it back to this at some point along the line. It kills me.
Why? Because if he weren't so achingly, painfully, heartwrenchingly desperate, he might have a chance. But I like him, and even I get the willies when he's around women who are potential matches, because I can feel all his clingy little psychic tentacles reaching out wi
No, really, there's more to sex than cock 2007-12-14 14:45:30 I think I will never fail to be amazed at how very many men think that their penis is the one and only selling point when picking up chicks online.
It's not only the profiles or CL responses that consist of a few "words" and a picture of a cock, but it's also profiles or responses that have no photo but a lot of words about the owner's cock. Is there really so much pressure on men to have big cocks that they can't imagine that a woman could possibly care about anything else? If so, where is this pressure coming from? I mean, I enjoy a big cock as much as an average or small one, but it's nowhere on my list of required characteristics. If I were going to be shallow about the cocks I fuck, I'd go into more detail about shape and proportion than size, anyhow.
I, of course, would have to be pretty hard up to respond to an ad or an email that consisted exclusively (or nearly so) of a photo or description of a dick, but let's talk about this a little bit more. Why don't cock shots
Gay is not kinky 2008-02-20 10:46:22 People, I have only one brief thing to say, today, and that is this: Homosexual sex is not kinky. Do not send me a note saying, "You say you're kinky! Can I introduce you to my girlfriend?" Also, do not...
A blast from the past 2008-01-17 10:07:28 Over time, flings come and go. Lots of the guys I meet up with turn out to be one timers, whether by intention, or because of lack of interest in more on one side or both, or because subsequent meetings...
What not to do (X of Y) 2008-01-08 20:45:55 Sometimes, I think I've seen it all. The guys who respond to all the w4m posts on CL in one mass mailing, with recipients visible, for example, always amuse me, but haven't surprised me in a long time. Recently, though,...
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