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This is the post where I bare my family 2007-04-08 15:55:00 This is the post that also goes on and on because I haven't posted in a couple days and I actually have time to write. It's long winded. Suck it up. Happy Easter!Easter has never been a religious holiday for me. As a child I was not raised with religious beliefs; I have a vague idea of what Easter is about, much to my paternal grandparents dismay. Jesus, resurrection, a cross, blah, blah, blah... ask me to recite something from the bible and I will just give you a blank stare and change conversation topics rather steadfast.To me, Easter is chocolate, bunnies, eggs and family. In that order.The family, though we tend to be somewhat close, grates on my last nerve. My mom, bless her heart, is quite a character. She's overbearing, opinionated, protective... quite frankly. A nag. She means well, I know that; but there's only so much a person can handle and she is the epitome of Too. Much. I find myself compelled to ingest my entire bottle of anti-depressants to be tailed by the contents
there's a world outside your little bubble with answers to your questions 2007-04-05 00:59:00 I was born in the outskirts of Toronto where we lived for the first eight years of my life. It's fair to say that the City of Toronto is very much multicultural. There is no defined "culture" because it's really a confluence of the world's nations.We moved to rural Ontario when I was eight years old. I remember the sense of culture shock, if you will, since it was vastly different then what I was used to. Children at that age don't like change and this was beyond the sense of the word. I was transplanted into a hill-billy redneck town with a population of about 5,000 people. There was one black family in the whole town. Nope, sorry two. Two black families.I went from a school of every nationality to a school of white rednecks. The two black families didn't even have children that went to our new school. I made friends quickly and enjoyed my life in that town until I left at 18. Until the day I left, I couldn't get over the fact that nothing was open past 6pm as well as to that v Read more:little
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i can't tell a lie 2007-04-04 01:24:00 As I sit here and read many blogs I think about miscellaneous things pertaining to that author. I wonder why she hates dogs? Does his family members read this blog? They can't be serious?!Then I go about my day, not really giving it a second thought; which is too bad really. Maybe I should email and ask the questions that are randomly consuming me for minutes at a time. What if they think I'm a crazy person stalking them because I'm getting too personal. Meh.But, the good news. Now's your chance to ask me whatever you like. Whatever? YES. What-evah! And I promise to answer truthfully. Maybe. Some.And to start... Metro Mama had a couple (that I practically begged like a crazy for).What is your favourite meal?Simple. Spaghetti and meat sauce. Not meatballs though.. it has to be meat throughout. As a child, my Godparents would make spaghetti and meatballs; I couldn't get the whole ball in my mouth and I would be livid. Not sure why really, since a simple slice with a knife and it wo
best evah! 2007-04-03 02:01:00 When you've met "the one" you know. You just do. There's something about the way your heart skips a beat when you see them approach; the way you forget to breath when you hear their voice, and the way you ache to be near them when they're gone. You wonder if you'd survive a moment without them in your life. It's unmistakable the way they make you feel.Though some times the light at the end of the tunnel seems bleak, that person can make you smile. You forget all your troubles with the tiniest gesture, a hug, one gentle kiss; everything that once seemed so profound is suddenly minuscule.That person can, without even trying, brighten your day; make you feel alive, love life.I've found that person. I (finally) married him two years ago today.He's the person that I am at my utmost comfortable self with. Not a care in the world, because no matter how loud I burp, or fart, his looks of antipathy cannot disguise the utter adoration (or jealousy cuz I'm better at expelling gas then hi
give it to her - HARD! 2007-04-01 02:02:00 Why is it that every conversation has to have some sexual innuendo?Me: You clean out the box? referring to the cardboard box for recyclingMike: Oh, I'll clean out your box alright!Everything seems to become a sexual conversation at some point.Me: What are we having for dinner? Legitimate question, right?Mike: I don't know about me, but you're having a hot dog with mayonnaise.Nothing is sacred. Always turns to sex. Always.Me: Wanna watch a movie tonight?Mike: What kind of movie? Can we watch it in bed?I guess I can cope with the dirty talk. After all, I am still able to thwart any advances with one wonderful tactic.:::After the whole "cocktail playdate" shenanigans, I was none to pleased with Meredeth Vieria; so when I saw this clip I enjoyed it even more.Give it to her Will! Beat her down!For you, enjoy!
please pass the xanax 2007-03-31 21:28:00 We've all heard it before. Pet ownership can have many benefits for people, including reduction in stress. I believe it to be true, for the most part.Greeting from my beautiful pit bull, Briggs; her tail wagging wholeheartedly, whipping the walls as she waits patiently (as possible) to smother us in kisses is a wonderful way to end a stressful day at work. Her warm kisses and gentle nuzzling are very much welcomed as we sit down together after evening chores are complete.Life without pets is just not the same to me. The unconditional love, even on the bitchiest of days; their complete and udder lack for the ability to judge us bodes well on the days I decide to let Carter sit in front of the TV with a box of Corn Pops while I read USWeekly. (Don't judge. It's only happened once a couple times. )Even Connor (the cat) has his affectionate moments, when he's not scared shitless of his own shadow; he will jump up on the desk for some belly rubs as I read blogs. After his futile attempt
it's a day for mental health; not enough, but it's a start 2007-03-30 17:56:00 Since returning from Maternity Leave I've been running off my feet on a daily basis. Before you get your panties in a knot, this is not a pitty post. I work for a living, that's my life, I accept it. But dammit, it's trying on good days.Today is a day for me; a mental
health day; though one day will not change my mental state, it's a start. Gawd knows, one day is not enough; more like a padded cell and a frontal lobotomy to fix this bitch.Things have slowed at work as I am in the midst of changing positions and I decided that today, I would stay home. Alone. Do what I want for a change. And so far, I haven't done a damn thing. Sweet and utter bliss I tell you.Carter and I got up at normal time, I shipped him off to daycare, and here I sit. I've taken a leisurely shower, taken time to apply my make-up, straightened my hair... all to sit here and blog. Do I give a damn? Nope. I haven't washed any dishes, I haven't cleaned anything. I am sitting here on my fat ass, eating a Twix a
introvertive thinking 2007-03-30 00:45:00 Spring. That time of year where we anticipate new beginnings, a fresh start, a clean slate. The days are longer, everyone's (relatively) happier that the cold, dreary days of winter are behind us; and there are signs of life trickling into the streets again.It's also, I find, a time to reflect on myself. I always find that spring brings me to where I dredge up old memories of past loves and friendships that have gone awry. It happens every spring; I seem to cogitate past relationships, friends that I've grown from.Do aspects of new friendship emulate past ones? What could I have done differently? Have I changed in how I perceive my friendships? What is so different about Mike that made him the one?Am I sad to see old friendship fall apart? Yes. Absolutely. Most of them. But I can say that I've grown from it; and looking back at some of them, I realize that they should have fell apart long before they actually did. Some boyfriends that I thought were the one, definitely were not; Read more:thinking
following the leader, the leader.. 2007-03-29 18:12:00 I did it too. For shits and giggles.I'm at work, on lunch and wanted to kill some time. Apparently, I'm awesomer then I thought! Who knew? Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™:::Like the new template? I'm trying out new things, so if you have a suggestion or a comment, please speak up!Also, check out temptation designs There's great deals to be had for Blogger designs for the month of April!!
boobies, clowns and bitch slaps 2007-03-28 02:23:00 I'd like to thank the ladies that never warned me about the effects of child birth on your ta-tas; thanks. Had I known, that once giving birth and nursing was complete, I would be left with these hideous boobs that look like oranges hangin' out in tube socks... I would have considered saving money for a boob job prior to getting knocked up; then I'd have new boobs already and not these.Nevertheless, keeping these puppies rolled up and tucked away in a bra has been fun, they tend to have a mind of their own. Every time I bend over to do something they seem to migrate out the top of my bra requiring me to be constantly adjusting. I play with myself almost as much as a man touches his dick!I've tried just about every bra on the market. Different sizes, different straps, different everything.What haven't I tried?New boobs!Please, send money.The only thing that I am even more tired of seeing(besides my saggingorangeinsockboobs)?Man boobs.The weather is getting warmer, t-shirts tighter, Read more:boobies
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kung fu on your arse 2007-03-26 16:35:00 Ever feel like just kicking someone in the throat because? I've been having one of those months days. No one in particular. Just everyone. Watch out, I'll mess you up muthafucka!It's not you. It's me.Every time someone asks me a question, I wanna ram my pen up their ass.If they so much as question something I am working on, or finished, I feel like slamming their head on the table, then kneeing them in the throat and kicking them repeatedly as they stare up at me with tear stained cheeks and beg me to stop.Every time Mike asks me what's for dinner? I want to shove his head in the stove after I've ripped it from his body with the help of a spoon.I want to stand on my desk and scream at everyone."FUCK YOU!!! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"Am I PMSing? Nah. Not this week. Just in a generally bitchy mood.Gimme some chocolate - me love you long time...Or you can go fuck yourself too.
Real Moms 2007-03-24 22:07:00 Fashionably late to a party, I like to make an entrance *ahem*I was memed again by Haley, finally the Real Mom meme!Real Moms
Have Fun at Their Child's ExpenseWhat good are children if you can't have fun at their expense?Like letting them try and maneuver under the coffee tableDressing them like an Oompa LoompaShoving them in flower potsThe latest trick - putting tape all over him and watch him try to get free.When I am an old lady and in need of diaper changes and someone to wipe food off my face, Karma is going to get me - BAD.So, I think I'm one of the last ones... I tag everyone else!
never wake a sleeping beast 2007-03-24 17:35:00 Exhaustion has sent in. I think I've actually overextended myself to the point where my body has decided to defy my requests to function.Yesterday at work I was overcome with dizziness and couldn't stop yawning; I pushed through the entire day only to crash on the floor at 8pm after bingeing on enough Swiss Chalet to actually be overwhelmed with the desire to purge everything (it's a run-on and I like it that way). Yes, I crashed on the floor since Mike had staked his claim to the couch as he does every (Friday) night.I was able to overlook his selfishness, as he let me sleep until 9:30 this morning! Glorious 9:30. I was in heaven. I haven't slept for 13.5 consecutive hours in nearly 3 years. What an absolute blessing that was; and I'm ready to head back to bed for a nap right now.I utterly love sleep. I crave it all the time. I think about it incessantly. Disturbing me from my peaceful slumber is considered worthy of death by incessant nagging and bitching for the remainder of th
how to: for the ladies 2007-03-22 22:36:00 It's a PSA if you will. Girls, I've got a great, yet absolutely disturbing, way to get your man to stop, momentarily, begging for sex. I don't know how we got on the topic, but it works. It really works!I warned you, it's a little disturbing.Mention something pertaining to his arse-hole. Really! Sick, I know; but it works.Mike has been constantly bombarding me with requests for sex. Lately, I just haven't been in the mood - less then normal; I have a feeling it has to do with my medication lowering my libido. Every night when he gets home from work it's the same old story. Not How was your day honey? Not You look pretty. It's ALWAYS, Wanna have sex? And I can't stand it; nothing puts me in a shittier mood the that. I can understand that my hottest is decidedly overwhelming, but it's a little ridiculous.We were having a conversation one night and it came to "going down south", as it usually does since that's all he thinks about; and no, I don't mean Florida. Being that I am s Read more:ladies
in a blurry state of nausea 2007-03-21 00:01:00 number of sickies: one toddlerdays without shower: 2puddles of vile disgusting vomit to clean: 5+number of horrid overflowing diarrhea diapers: 3nights without sleep: 3the opportunity to lie and cuddle my toddler while watching him sleep blissfully : PRICELESSWe've made it over the hump (I think). Carter was at daycare today and wasn't sent home, so that was a bonus. He's been more or less himself, with exception for a HUGE absolutely vile diarrhea shit that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.I was debating skipping bath time tonight, since Mike was coming home late; frankly, I don't enjoy bath time. It's something that Mike does really well and I tend to pass on it when he's not here, unless it's necessary.But Carter had other plans. No need to share (more) of the gore-ish details, I'm sure many have been there before.But. it. was. not. pleasant. I think I need to bleach the entire bathroom.Bad news. I've started to feel a little queasy since dinner. I hope it was my cooking Read more:nausea
rejection of the most disgusting kind 2007-03-19 15:55:00 Dear Jay-seus, someone help me through this day.I am not disgusted by too many things, but wookies and vomit are my vices. I'd rather lick the side of my toilet bowl then deal with either of them. That might be an over exaggeration, but it's not far from the truth. I didn't think there was truly anything worse then seeing someone throw up. But there is. Oh, is there ever. A toddler that just doesn't know what to do when they barf.Carter has his first real stomach bug. Bastard stomach bug has finally reached our house. Thanks for nothing! Last night while visiting my parents Carter was running and playing, chasing their dog then stopped dead in his tracks. and. puked. Projectile vomit everywhere. I froze. I couldn't react (or didn't want to), I just turned and walked away; Mike ended up having to clean him while my dad cleaned the floor.Poor kid was scared shitless since he had no idea what was happening to him, and all I could picture was that scene from Big Daddy when "Frankens Read more:rejection
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pass the wad please 2007-03-17 21:11:00 While I was getting hot today I was deep in thought half asleep, practically dozing when the stylist opened her drawer to pull out a brush. I haphazardly glance in the drawer and saw a round brush full of hair. I don't typically find this disturbing when it's my own hair, but a brush of someone else's hair? Absolutely grotesque.Thoughts about brushes moving from head to head without the clump of nastiness removed slowly crept into my mind; which then led to thoughts of hair in the drain. A wave of hottest swept over me, I started sweating just thinking about that brush touching me. I prayed that she wasn't planning to use it because I didn't know how to express, Can you please remove that fuckin' disgusting rats nest of wadded hair before touching me with that? Lucky for me (and her) she didn't use it; though if she was going to, I bet she would have removed the hair. I'll give her that much.Is there such thing as a phobia of wads of hair? Specifically wet wads of hair? If the
supah star! that's me 2007-03-17 19:26:00 I had my hair makeover this morning. I am so in love. She did an absolute fabulous job reading my mind considering my brain and mouth were not functioning in sync this morning. I knew exactly what I wanted, but the ability to put the words into a complete coherent sentences escaped me. But chicka got it! She really got it! (Note the exclamation points. I am truly that happy with the outcome!)My skills for take pictures in my dirty ass bathroom mirror are so tremendously amazing. I know you're jealous, but don't be a hater. And don't mock the stupid ass look on my face either; bitches.I got mad skillz, I know. It's difficult to tell, but I have platinum blonde highlights and dark mahogany lowlights, mixed with my natural other colour. I got the whole bottom the dark mahogany.I am the hottest mama on the block.The fact that we live in a subdivision of old geezers doesn't matter. I. am. hawt.I'd almost go as far as saying I was a MILF.Hey, I said Almost.
i asked for it 2007-03-16 13:32:00 I haven't always been one to follow the crowd, but it seems over the years I have lost my edge and am now *ahem* mainstream; I'm not very unique (less you count the constant burping and my endless sarcasm, not to mention my ability to be as crass as any man). I don't dress to impress, or have a style of my own, or any style at all for that matter. Boring some would call me.And I was called out.I had signed up for a blog review back in the earlier days of blogging. (Okay, it was Monday, who's counting really?) When I thought that I might actually get some constructive criticism or *gasp* they would love me, and I would rocket through the blog world into super stardom and I. Would. Be. Someone. Special. The flocks of bloggers would come and I would be unconditionally loved by all. A blog celebrity if you will.What? That's not the reason you blog?Well, I was sorely mistaken. I have been unrelentingly labeled a 'mommy blogger' I didn't think I blogged that much about my kid. Frank
I have a crisis and a tag too! 2007-03-15 01:47:00 The tag; Haley-O got me again! I swear, she sends every tag my way because she knows I'll do it. It's a musical tag so I like it. I like it a lot.This is the deal:Instructions: “List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what they are. They must be songs you are presently enjoying. Post these instructions in your MySpace / Blogger / Wordpad / Squarespace (or whatever it is you use) along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to. Include your sender as a non-tag.”1. Old Apartment - Barenaked Ladies (here) It's old, I know, but I've been listening to it, yo!2. Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance (here)3. This Ain't a Scene - Fall Out Boy (here)4. I Wanna Love You - Akon ft. Snoop Dogg (here)5. Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani (here)6. Lips of an Angel - Hinder (here)7. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol (here)I tag Mia (because I know she'd lauv it) and Slacker Mom (cuz she might actually do it.) I (sadly) don't have seven
Spring Break fever 2007-03-14 01:25:00 It's spring break this week. Doesn't really mean much to me now as I have to work through it except that traffic is so much lighter; but I can remember just how great it was when I was in school.March break was the identifier that winter was in fact coming to an end. The sun would shine, the temperature would rise ever so slightly and we'd find any excuse to get outside in a t-shirt. Ah, summer was finally on it's way.We were never a traveling family. Never once, as a child, did we leave the comfort of our house for a break down South in the sun as a family. My mom worked hard and wasn't able to take us away for a vacation, which I completely understand now, but didn't at the time.I remember the jealousy when a friend would share their family plans for spring break. Why don't we EVER do anything like that? I would think, and some times voices my selfish concerns to my mother. As if she didn't have enough to worry about - like getting dinner on the table, or having a mortgage pa Read more:Spring
, Break
remember, don't shake the baby! 2007-03-13 00:44:00 When we moved here I found it difficult to cope. I was closer to family, but I had no friends within an hours drive. That can be really hard sometimes when you just need someone other then family and your spouse.There are things you can't necessarily talk about with family and husbands expecting that they'd find the humour in it like a girlfriend might - like how your boobs have magically transformed into tennis balls inside pantyhose since having a child. See.. I don't think my dad and I could laugh about that over a beer together. Not cool.So, a good friend, who I have now affectionately given the name MarthafreakinStewart, moved closer. She's now situated herself as the halfway point between me and another good friend. Perfect for us. Not so much for the husbands.We've been having GNO (girl's night out) much more often since her move; the latest being this past Friday when the three of us were able to get together (for the second time in about 3 weeks). During this bitchfest w
comfort zones are for wimps 2007-03-11 20:36:00 I've always been one to try and stay within my comfort
zone. I rarely step out to meet the world with a clear vision, and an open mind; I very much stick to what I know. It keeps me relaxed, complacent and stress free.My boss is the type of personality that insists on challenging people to get outside that box and try something that one may not be typically very comfortable with, or very good at. That's why I am doing this. I'm not particularly uncomfortable with the writing part; it's the public speaking that makes me want to crap my pants.As of late I have found myself slowly moving to the outer realm of that zone. I have been trying some new things; food, activities and blog designing being pretty much the bulk of it and I'd say I am pretty happy with my progress to date.Until today.I decided to make the leap to Wordpress. I've bought my domain, hosting and set up the basic template, etc. I fixed all my settings and got everything together and that is where things get hairy.
getting to know you, getting to know all about you! 2007-03-09 04:01:00 Thank you for a fantabulous Ultimate Blog Party! I hope you had as much fun as I did! We will now return to regularly scheduled programming. Hi friends!Well, our Ultimate Blog Party is underway and I haven't been that great a hostess. I failed a proper introduction, so here it is.*waves* If you're a regular reader (ha!) you know that I am very rarely ever serious. I am sarcastic and a little crass. It's my charm really. Guys dig it. I swear. When you can burp just as loud as them, there's love in the air. It's the fairmones I tell ya!I am a mama to a very rambunctious 18 month old little boy, Carter (or Capitan Poopypants) and wife to Mike, who I affectionately call Manchild when I am mad at him. I work full time in the construction industry, which is a very time consuming career. Since returning back to work after my maternity leave I have had to re-learn my job by prioritizing what really matters, and that's now my family.I have been blogging just short of a year now, but am ab
reason 1, 567, 397 why I suck (or not) 2007-04-11 01:44:00 If it wasn't enough that I was sitting her admiring my blog this afternoon because I so enjoy my new design, I also felt compelled to nominate someone for the Blogger's Choice Awards. Yup. I nominated a little known blog, with a couple readers; a girl that tries her hardest even though she may not always be funny or witty. Some posts are long winded, others are almost as interesting as watching
I'm so great, even I'm addicted 2007-04-10 20:01:00 I just love my new design. So much so, that I have been lurking on my own blog. (Is it really lurking, when I know I'm here?)
I'm such a friggin' loser it's not even funny.
I am a geek. With a capital 'G'. The G Unit.
*sigh*
preservatives = mouth breathers 2007-04-10 03:45:00 Carter's eating habits are the absolute shits lately. My anxiety levels have reached an all time high over the fact that he will not eat anything that's remotely healthy for him. He scoffs at anything that smells like a vegetable, gives The Royal Shove-off to meat - unless it is a breaded chunk of chicken-like-meat substance or pigs assholes. French fries - yes; baked potatoes - no. The kid will Read more:mouth
crack(ed) pipe 2007-03-18 16:41:00 What is it about house ownership that is so fantastic? Why is it that when someone doesn't own their house they're somewhat looked down upon? Pffft. You don't OWN your house? Tell me. What is so fuckin' great about ownership? You get to deal with mould in the basement, the yard needing a new fence, the diveway (yes, that was intentional) needing to be replaced. What's so wonderful about that? And
OCD is like dinner theatre - well, not really 2007-04-12 19:16:00 As sit here waiting for my report to print, for the 4th time, I think about Why? Why does formatting have to be such a pet peeve of mine. If even one little thing is off, I break out in cold sweats and start shaking uncontrollably. I have to re-print. Proof reading and print preview cannot (and do not) help in determining if my margins are off because for some reason, they like to show them as Read more:theatre
queen of diversion 2007-04-11 13:46:00 Mornings in our house prove to be a challenge. As I hate getting up, and dear hubs is an early riser we constantly bicker over the fact that I am a notorious snoozer. The snooze button is my dealer; I am addicted. One any given day, I will hit snooze three times. THREE. TIMES. This drives Mike to the brink of insanity since the first one wakes him then he's up for the day; not to mention the fact
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