Owner: Daily Joke URL:http://haveachuckle.blogspot.com Join Date: Sat, 27 Sep 2008 10:00:38 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Regularly updated jokes, funny stories and humor. Site statistics:Click here
Some One-Liners 2008-09-26 04:50:23 An Englishman, Irishman and Welshman walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"Q. Dad,what's a transvestite? A. I don't know, but ask your Mother he'll know!Why did Captain Hook die?Because he wiped his bum with the wrong hand!What's brown and sits on a stool?Beethoven's last movement.Two Fat Guys sitting in a bar having rounds of beers. Fat Guy Billy says to Fat Guy Bob "You Read more:Liners
Three Wishes 2008-09-25 08:10:50 One day in the forest, a bear is chasing a rabbit and all of a sudden they fall in a pit. A fairy settles the quarrel by granting them each three wishes. Both agree and the bear starts by making his wish. He wishes for a good looking bear to come along his way. The fairy tells him that his wish is granted. So the rabbit makes his wish and wishes for a motorcycle. The fairy also tells him that his Read more:Three
, Wishes
Dog Hotel Guests 2008-09-24 02:08:17 A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've nev Read more:Hotel
Lost Wife 2008-09-23 02:57:00 A man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
Footballer's Annulment 2008-09-22 06:04:04 The pro quarterback was petitioning the court to have his recent marriage annulled. "On what grounds ?" questioned the judge, "This court does not take annulments lightly." "Non-virginity," replied the quarterback, "When I married her, I thought I was getting a tight end, but instead, I found that I had married a wide receiver."
Little Johnny on the Plane 2008-09-21 02:34:22 A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny
on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny
and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about Read more:Plane
Young Bates 2008-09-20 04:08:41 A pompous self-made grocer named Bates
gets his son into an expensive private school. On day one the whole family is there to see the little blighter begin his first day at school. The grocer, his family in tow, saunters into the principal's office and introduces himself thus: "I am Sir Shortweight Bates. This is my wife, Lady Bates, my daughter Miss Bates and my son Master Bates." "Oh does he?" a
International Yogi Competition 2008-09-19 03:08:21 LHASA, TIBET - Employing the brash style that first brought him to prominence, Sri Dhananjai Bikram won the fifth annual International
Yogi Competition yesterday with a world-record point total of 873.6. "I am the serenest!" Bikram shouted to the estimated crowd of 20,000 yoga fans, vigorously pumping his fists. "No one is serener than Sri Dhananjai Bikram-I am the greatest monk of all time!" Bikr
Did You Enjoy Your Life? 2008-09-18 02:06:13 A man dies and comes before God. God says, "Well, did you enjoy your life ?" The man replies, "I was a good, respectful son to my parents." God, "Did you enjoy your life ?" Man, "I was a faithful husband to my wife." God, "Did you enjoy your life ?" Man, "I was a loving father to my children, provided well for them." God, "Did you enjoy your life ?" Man, "I worked hard at my career, and was a resp
Lawyer One-Liner 2008-09-17 02:57:04 What happens if a lawyer falls out of an aeroplane?Who cares?
Read more:Lawyer
, Liner
Blonde Mail 2008-09-16 02:17:36 A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde
: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."Psychiatrist: "And why d
Two Zebras 2008-09-15 02:03:23 Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, "You are what you are." The second zebra re Read more:Zebras
Moses and Jesus Playing Golf 2008-09-14 03:05:58 Moses and Jesus
were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly, Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the
The Wise Man and the Seeker 2008-09-13 06:16:29 A rich guy always wanted to know the meaning of life and one day he heard about a Yogi in the Himalayas who had reportedly attained enlightenment. He immediately flew to India, chartered a caravan and after six months of difficult trekking, struggling through every kind of rugged terrain and extreme weather condition possible, the expedition finally reached the cave where the esteemed saint lived. Read more:Seeker
Some Yoga Jokes 2008-09-12 02:41:36 1. Knock, knock.Who's there? Yoga. Yoga who? Yoga to try this, it feels amazing. 2. On the anniversary of his birth, devotees of a certain yogi asked what gifts they might bring. The yogi replied "I wish no gifts, only presence." 3. A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails we Read more:Jokes
Blonde One-Liner 2008-09-11 03:36:43 What do you call a line of blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Read more:Blonde
, Liner
Feminist Fairytale 2008-09-10 03:49:56 Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing s Read more:Fairytale
Honeymoon Night 2008-09-09 03:04:23 On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, "I can't wear your pants." "That's right," remarked the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family." The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try it on. "No way. I can't get into your panties." he said. "Th Read more:Honeymoon
, Night
Private Detective 2008-09-08 10:33:15 A man and his wife were watching a TV show where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. The man asked my wife if she would ever do that. She said, "Well, not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you."
Read more:Detective
, Private
The Priest and the Frog 2008-09-07 09:10:29 One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool. “What’s wrong with you?” said the priest. “Well,” said the frog, “the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn’t always a frog.” “Really!” said the priest. “Can you explain!” “Once upon a t Read more:Priest
God will Save Me 2008-09-06 03:16:27 The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate because the river was rising. At one door they came to, the woman said, "God will save me". The river continued to rise and she was forced to move everthing to the second floor of her house. A man in a boat came by and offered to save her. Again she said "God will save me". Pretty soon the second story was flooded and she was forced t
Well-equipped Cadillac 2008-09-05 02:06:59 A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump. "What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the Read more:Cadillac
More Excuse Notes 2008-09-04 02:52:33 Some more real school excuse notes that parents wrote for their children.Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. Megan could not com Read more:Excuse
, Notes
Belfast Curfew 2008-09-03 02:53:17 A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast and everybody had to be off the streets or risk being shot. However one citizen was shot at 9.45pm. "Why did you do that?" the soldier was asked by his superior officer. "I know where he lives," he replied, "and he wouldn't have made it."
Divorce Settlement 2008-09-02 06:34:15 "Mr. Jones, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Read more:Settlement
Irish Drunk Driver 2008-10-14 02:43:48 An Irish
man who had had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over..."So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?""Why, I've been to the pub of course" slurs the drunk."Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.""I did all right," the drunk says with Read more:Driver
The Burglar and the Parrot 2008-10-14 01:59:46 A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."He nearly jumped out of his skin, switched his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after Read more:Burglar
, Parrot
The Blonde's Dream 2008-10-13 02:07:49 One day, a blonde went to her doctor because she kept having the same weird dream everyday. Doctor: What was your dream about?Blonde
: I was being chase by a vampire!Doctor: (giggling quietly) So... what is the scenery like?Blonde: I was running in a hallway.Doctor: Then what happened?Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to this door, but Read more:Dream
The Blonde and the Porsche 2008-10-11 07:45:20 A famous soccer player parked his brand new Porsche
outside a gift store and went inside to shop. About ten minutes later a blonde salesgirl ran up to him shouting, "I just saw someone steal your sports car.""Did you try to stop him?" asked the soccer player."No," said the blonde. "I did better than that, I got the registration number of the car!"
Read more:Blonde
Irish One-Liner 2008-10-11 07:45:03 Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!
Read more:Irish
, Liner
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