Owner: Funny Jokes URL:http://andy-funnyjokes.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Wed, 10 Sep 2008 16:03:00 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: The best humor site on the internet. It's a nice collection of free funny Jokes on the web.
Site statistics:Click here
Monkey Organization 2008-09-10 09:59:00 An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes. Read more:Organization
Living with the Wolf Man 2008-09-10 09:59:00 The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts. "Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely. "Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without Read more:Living
The Other Side 2008-09-09 14:30:00 Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit. "Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!" "Not now! I'm eating.""Oh come on!" sa
Wittle Wabbit 2008-09-09 14:30:00 A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?" The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says i Read more:Wabbit
Lion Tamer 2008-09-08 21:10:00 wo unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming.""Yes I do!""Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?""Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down.""Well, what if the lion take
Vampire bat 2008-09-08 21:10:00 A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in."OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him Read more:Vampire
The Less You Know, The More You Make 2008-09-07 10:18:00 "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:1. Knowledge is Power.2. Time is Money.As every engineer knows:Power = Work / TimeSince:Knowledge = PowerTime = MoneyIt follows that:Knowledge = Work/Money.Solving for Money, we get
The bride tells her husband 2008-09-07 10:17:00 The bride tells
her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't knowanything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?""OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'theprison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put theprisoner in the prison.And then they made love for the first time.Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling wit
smart salesman 2008-09-06 10:00:00 A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked - "Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?" Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!" The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again - "Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00? Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!" The salesm
lipstick 2008-09-06 10:00:00 According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next
Hamburger shop 2008-09-06 09:59:00 A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take th Read more:Hamburger
Monks 2008-09-06 09:58:00 There was this guy who fell from an airplane and landed in a strange place. He was badly hurt and a couple of monks came and rescued him. And the Monks told the man to be careful because they were not going to save him again. The guy said okay then spent the night at the Monk's place. Later that night he heard an annoying loud banging and scratching sound that almost sounding like moaning. It was
red neck Jedi 2008-09-06 09:58:00 You might be a Redneck Jedi if... =========================================== * You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." * Your Jedi robe is camouflage. * You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. * At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. * You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. * You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your ya
12 days of christmas 2008-09-06 09:57:00 Sung to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas"12 pack of Bud11 rasslin tickets10 Copenhagen9 years probation8 table dancers7 pack of Redman6 cans of spam5 FLANNEL SHIRTS....4 big mo tires3 shotgun shells2 hunting dogsand parts to a Mustang GT...
red neck on the jury 2008-09-06 09:57:00 A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter. The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter. After the trial, t
doctor terminology 2008-09-06 09:56:00 What doctors say, and what they're really thinking: "This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. "Welllllll, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. "Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending Read more:terminology
five surgeons 2008-09-06 09:56:00 Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything insi
two in one grave 2008-09-06 09:56:00 A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
Generous lawyer 2008-09-06 09:55:00 A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute."Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"The lawyer mulled this over fo
water 2008-09-06 09:55:00 A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water
?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." "Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?""I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??""I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!" "Five minutes later..."Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can
blood test 2008-09-06 09:55:00 Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly. 2nd Child: Why are you crying? 1st Child: I came here for a blood test. 2nd Child: So? Are you afraid? 1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. At this, the second one started crying profusely. The first one was astonished. 1st Child: Why are you crying now? 2nd Child: I came for a urine test !
cross examination 2008-09-06 09:55:00 A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q. Officer, who provided this description? A. The officer who responded to the scene. Q. A fellow officer provided the description
The man with the bloody finger ..... 2008-09-06 09:54:00 One night an old lady was sitting watching TV in her house when the phone rang.She answered it. A mans voice said: "I'm the man with the bloodyfinger
. I'm 10 steps away from your house."The old lady signed and went back to watching TV. Five minutes later the phone rang again. The man said: "I'm the man with the bloody finger and I'm 5 steps away from your house."Scared the old lady sat back down
toilet paper 2008-09-06 09:52:00 Whats dumb? Instructions on toilet paper
.Whats dumber than that? reading them.Whats even dumber? Reading them and learning something.Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you've been doing wrong.
The Letter 2008-09-06 09:52:00 After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive", Osamahimself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting tolet him know he was still in the game.Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line ofcoded message: 370HSSV-0773H.Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and hisaides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No Read more:Letter
Chuckie Chicken 2008-09-21 09:29:00 An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?"The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes.""I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken."The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought Read more:Chicken
Camel Questions 2008-09-20 17:30:00 A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand". "OK" said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the t Read more:Camel
Calf Value 2008-09-19 09:47:00 A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road.The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth."Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher."But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer."Here," he sai Read more:Value
Blonde Horses Around 2008-09-18 12:00:00 There once was this blonde riding a horse. After a while it began to speed up. She was hanging on by the tail and cut her forehead open. After a long struggle, she was able to climb back onto the horse. She then fell off the side and got her foot caught. The horse was now dragging her. She finally got back on the horse with a broken ankle, bruises all over, and she was bleeding from three differen Read more:Blonde
, Horses
Bear on a Rampage 2008-09-17 15:24:00 Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes. His partner says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!" His friend replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!" Read more:Rampage
Recommend Site To A Friend
