Owner: Diary of an English Courtesan URL:http://englishcourtesan.blogspot.com Join Date: Thu, 29 Mar 2007 07:12:29 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Join the English Courtesan Olivia on her journey from novice Yorkshire social escort & mistress to professional courtesan & international travel companion… Site statistics:Click here
The English Courtesan On Criminalising Prostitution... 2007-12-22 10:37:00 "They said I gotta go to rehab, but aaah said, nooooo, nooooo, no!' sang the EnglishCourtesan
in a growly voice, doing a little jiggly dance round Amy Whitehouse's big beehive...No, no, no, before the readers write in to chastise her, it's not that the English Courtesan has been snorting things, for she is a clean-living creature, apart from Marlboro Lights and cake. No, it's rather that, in the ultimate failure to wish hookers a happy Christmas, the British Government is pondering criminalising prostitution, with fines and possible prison for clients, and a dose of rehab for prostitutes. Yawns. Should the English Courtesan just go and have a nap at this point or would the readers like to discuss, once again, why criminalising men who visit prostitutes is a really bad idea?It was MP Harriet Harman who kicked off the debate again when she said on BBC Radio 4's Today programme last week that she supports criminalising men who use prostitutes as a means of tackling sex traffi
Whose Muse Is The English Courtesan? 2008-03-08 08:59:10 Courtesy of those amusing people at BlogThings, and inspired by a reader close to the EnglishCourtesan
's heart, comes the 'what muse are you?' quiz. The English Courtesan is showing the readers hers. That means they have to show her theirs. As it were... ;-)While she awaits the readers' contributions, here is the English Courtesan's muse diagnosis:Your Inner Muse is UraniaYou are most like this muse of astronomy. Your head is in the stars, and you look to the future. You give off a heavenly, mysterious vibe. And you're not too bad at predicting the future.What Muse Are You?If you do the quiz, you'll note that the English Courtesan has substituted her own choice of painting, The Muses Urania and Calliope by Simon Vouet, for the quiz one. That's because hers is prettier. Ahem... ;-)DISCLAIM
Hotels For Meeting Escorts 2008-03-08 08:56:38 The English Courtesan’s post on hospitality baskets and edible travel companions seems to have struck a chord. This week she has been inundated with rants and recommendations on good hotels for escorts…So listen up, luxury hoteliers of the world! The summary is that clients meeting escorts in hotels want lots of fluffy towels, a decent room service menu and complimentary upgrades. If they’re staying overnight they like in-room entertainment and a gym. Escorts
visiting hotels like plenty of parking, hair conditioner in the bathroom, and a map or at least a postcode on the website.Both clients and escorts like a discreet front desk which doesn’t smirk and late check-out with non-aggressive housekeeping. Clients are enraged by reservations lines that ask too many questions (a passport Read more:Hotels
The Morgan LifeCar 2008-03-08 08:29:32 ‘Two cars in two weeks?’ gasped the readers. ‘Have the petrol fumes gone to the English Courtesan’s head?’. ‘No’ replied the English Courtesan looking smug. ‘For there are no filthy fumes today’…read on…‘From this day forth’ continued the English Courtesan, looking solemn and puffing out her small but perfectly formed chest in a gesture of the utmost self-importance, ‘you will find no carbon dioxide, no carbon monoxide, no nitrogen dioxide, no sulphur dioxide, no benzene, no formaldehyde, no polycyclic hydrocarbons and no lead emitting from the English Courtesan’s motoring rear.’‘For the English Courtesan has seen the light. Only pure, clean water shall henceforth flow from her motor car’s loins. Where once there stood a wicked petrolhead of an English C Read more:Morgan
The Rinspeed sQuba 2008-03-07 14:58:53 Michael Böhm, the English Courtesan salutes you! Not just because of your name, though it did raise a chortle here, for reasons which would be impossible to explain politely to a Swiss German. No, tickled as she was by Mister Böhm's monicker, what's caught the English Courtesan eye is a fabulous new motor car called the Rinspeed sQuba. The petrolheads amongst the English Courtesan’s cliterati will no doubt have spotted the Rinspeed sQuba in the headlines for the Geneva Motor Show which is on from 6th to 16th March 2008. Those of the readers who have yet to acquaint themselves with the lovely Mister Böhm (the English Courtesan should hasten to add, before she causes any marital strife, that she’s in that very position herself), should know that he’s the man who set up Rinspeed, the
Shower Scene Without The English Courtesan 2008-02-27 18:22:22 Sent in by A Reader this week, and further to the previous post entitled 'Shower
scene with the EnglishCourtesan
', comes a helpful suggestion as to how you can create your very own shower scene at home, without the English Courtesan and with minimal expense and trouble...So for those of the readers who’ve been wondering how to get the English Courtesan into their shower without her price tag, she's proud to present...Drum roll…Camera pans shakily round the bathroom door as a ghostly hand draws back the shower curtain …Cue ‘Eeh! Eeh! Eeh!’ Psycho film score…Oh yes, it’s the shower scene without the English Courtesan! In the English Courtesan place you'll find a ten inch dolly in a towel and turban. That was quite an anti-climax, wasn’t it? :-)OK, OK, so it’s not quite the
An Escort And A Mystery... 2008-02-24 19:35:55 The English Courtesan had a curious call a few weeks ago from what some escorts might call a timewaster. Only the English Courtesan wasn’t sure if he was a timewaster or someone whose gentle but persuasive fantasies got the better of him. The English Courtesan still doesn't know quite what to make of the whole episode, hence today's blog post...read on...The English Courtesan doesn’t advertise her number and she takes a deposit so she usually manages to avoid what escorts call timewasters. People that want to meet the English Courtesan send an email saying what day and time they’d be free to talk and then she calls them, withholding her number for the first call. If all goes well, the English Courtesan asks for a real name and details of the hotel booking and supplies details of how Read more:Mystery
On Courtesans & Escorts 2008-02-23 17:33:59 The photo is a tree. It's not a special tree, just a rather straggly tree, marooned in an urban car park in Yorkshire. The English Courtesan was struck by the way it was lit up by a flickering streetlight and a winter sky. It’s a metaphor for the fact that even when you can’t find grace in yourself, you can find it in what’s around you. ‘Only connect!’ as E.M. Forster puts it.Perhaps the English Courtesan's tree was also a salient reminder, in the season of commercialism, that it’s the little things that make us happiest and the simplest things that make a difference. Like a text from someone you love.Do any of the readers find, as the English Courtesan does, that the New Year feels rather like the old one? That's just an observation, not a complaint. Consider it a postcard fro Read more:Escorts
A Quickie With The English Courtesan II 2008-02-23 17:20:07 This clue should be contemplated in conjunction with the EnglishCourtesan
's previous clue. To be honest, this clue is unfair. Unless you share a certain hobby with the English Courtesan's Paramour Du Jour, you just don't stand a chance... The trouble is, the English Courtesan's clues don't even belong to the same species. That's because it would have to be out to see it from this angle and in fact it was in when the English Courtesan was there.'That's because it's more fun when it's in!' added the grinning Paramour. 'Quite!' said the English Courtesan, whooping with glee and doing a little jiggly dance at the sheer fiendish genius of the clue... ;-)Technorati Tags: courtesan, courtesans, English courtesan, escort, escorts, international escort, travel companion, travel companions, travel, Read more:Quickie
A Quickie With The English Courtesan III 2008-02-23 17:17:14 ‘How the bl**dy H*ll…’ muttered the EnglishCourtesan
crossly ‘does M*ggy know what a bow thruster looks like?’ ‘And while we're on the topic of nautical nous, since when did Mr. Tickles and VJ know their transoms from their toe-rails?’It looks like the English Courtesan's fiendish clue Part I and the English Courtesan's fiendish clue Part II weren’t half as fiendish as she intended. The readers, and in particular the Terrible Threesome of Tickles, Moggy, and VJ, have made mincemeat of her mysteries this week, despite the kind and furry Anonymouse’s attempts to divert them.So here’s how it was meant to go. At the first fiendish clue, the English Courtesan’s readers were meant to leap off down the hotel path and suggest a few suitable landlubber locations. At the secon Read more:Quickie
Shower Scene With The English Courtesan 2008-02-23 17:15:57 It looks like Moggy and Winter are busy doing something else tonight, ahem, so the EnglishCourtesan
supposes that she and the readers will have to wait for them to share with the class in the fullness of time. So in the meantime, by way of a post in haste, the English Courtesan thought she’d share a clue about why she’s late for the day job deadline with the readers...The clue comes courtesy of the health and safety police at a rather nice hotel with which the English Courtesan is acquainted. It’s a comical comment on the nanny state and perhaps the state of the dumbed-down-and-prone-to-suing nation. Has English education really become so utterly worthless that hotel guests need to be told not to fall out of the shower?The English Courtesan will forgive this particular hotel as she Read more:Shower
With Love From The English Courtesan... 2008-02-16 18:03:15 By way of a belated Happy Valentine's Day and fashionably late as ever, the EnglishCourtesan
thought she'd share a favourite poem with the readers today. The photo is of a rosebud, not unlike the English Courtesan's own...ahem... ;-)The poem, 'The innocence of any flesh sleeping', is from Brian Patten's Love Poems. It's one of the most tender and beautiful poems the English Courtesan has ever read and that's why she wanted to share it with the readers.The English Courtesan hopes that those of the readers who are blessed with a companion they love will whisper a few lines of this poem in their ear as they sleep tonight. She hopes that those of the readers who don't have such a companion will find one some day soon, and discover for themselves the delights of watching a loved one sleep.Slee
A Quickie With The English Courtesan 2008-02-06 14:53:42 'After a few long-winded posts...' said the EnglishCourtesan
, 'It's time for a quickie!'. 'Ooh yes!' replied the readers enthusiastically. 'Ra-therrrr Livvy!' Now it has to be said that the English Courtesan isn't famed for her quickies. She's a ponderous creature, languid and leisurely as a general rule, but with lewd and lusty interludes when the occasion arises....However the English Courtesan and the Paramour du Jour can vouch that there's a lot to be said for a quickie from time to time. Especially when, like the English Courtesan this week, you're having a bit too much fun to write all about it...cue another irritatingly mysterious smirk... :-)So the readers' challenge for today, by way of their very own quickie while the English Courtesan is playing away, is as follows.Q: Where has Read more:Quickie
The English Courtesan On Luxury Lingerie For Lovers II 2008-02-04 16:25:33 Further to the previous post on luxury lingerie buying tips for wives, girlfriends and modern day courtesans, the EnglishCourtesan
has had some worried enquiries from the readers. From the English Courtesan's mailbag, it would seem that there's more than one gentleman out there whose significant other either doesn’t have a lingerie drawer or has a woefully neglected lingerie drawer...The photo shows a rather cute bit of luxury lingerie from Damaris, from whose website the English Courtesan purloined the photo. So today’s post is by way of guidance on what to do if your lady friend doesn’t buy lingerie but you fancy turning her into a modern day courtesan. If she wears no lingerie at all, ever, then you probably don’t have an issue with seduction. That means you can forget the whol Read more:Luxury
, Lingerie
, Lovers
The English Courtesan On Luxury Lingerie For Lovers... 2008-01-31 18:15:13 January is almost out, there's love and perhaps a little lewdness in the air for a few lucky readers, and that can only mean one thing......Oh yes, the EnglishCourtesan
's international gentlemen readers are worrying and writing in to their Maiden Auntie Livvy about their lingerie for Valentine's Day!The photo shows a rather delightful set of hipster brief, bra and garter by luxury lingerie purveyor Spoylt, from whose website the English Courtesan purloined the photo. The set depicted is called 'passion' and is meant to serve as inspiration for terrified troubadours and eye candy for luxury lingerie lovers...To be fair to the fearful, it's not their own lingerie that the English Courtesan's readers are worried about. It's what to buy for their wives and girlfriends for Valentine’s Day, h Read more:Luxury
, Lingerie
, Lovers
Courtesans, Caricatures & Carrie Jones 2008-01-26 09:31:00 The English Courtesan got an email from a client this week with an interesting link. The Daily Mail's interview with Carrie
Jones, author of 'Cutting up Playgirl: A Cheerful Memoir Of Sexual Disappointment' was worth a read on its own. However far more amusing was the client's email which said ‘Oh my God, Livvy, I think this woman is my wife!’…For the purposes of today’s blog, the English Courtesan’s client would like to be called Barry so that he’ll rhyme with Carrie. That wasn’t the English Courtesan’s choice but Barry can be very persuasive so she’ll let him have his wicked way for now…as it were… ;-)‘Cutting Up Playgirl: A Cheerful Memoir Of Sexual Disappointment’ is an autobiography based on Carrie Jones' sexless marriage. 'Carrie Jones' is of course a nom de
The Edible Travel Companion II 2008-01-23 08:51:09 A New Year and a new clue for the English Courtesan's readers! The photo shows a rather nice basket of complimentary snacks in a hotel somewhere in Yorkshire. The snacks themselves are no more, alas, as the English Courtesan and the Paramour Du Jour saw to that, but the memory of a delicious evening remains...The English Courtesan knows a thing or two about hospitality trays. Like any other escort or call girl, she sees a lot of hotels and she often thinks there's nothing sadder than a luxury hotel that lets itself down by skimping on the rations. Whereas boutique hotels in the UK seem to have caught on that snacks matter, the English Courtesan can think of at least one famous London five star which gives its guests just two sachets of beastly Nescafé and a couple of measly ginger nuts by Read more:Edible
, Travel
, Companion
Find A Valentine With The English Courtesan 2008-01-23 08:06:11 ‘Not got a Valentine
yet?’ enquired the EnglishCourtesan
tenderly of the readers, with the gentlest and kindest of smiles. ‘Not got the budget to book one either?’. The good news is there’s still time and you shall go to the ball with a suitable escort too!Fear not, my darlings, for the English Courtesan really does think of everything. Today she is proud to present exactly what you need to find a special friend for Valentine’s Day and for the price of less than a drink in a London bar. The English Courtesan herself may be booked up but you can still get some on Valentine's Day if you follow these instructions!Just order a pack of these fabulous little cue cards, go out to a nice bar, and slip it into the hand of a suitable looking suitor of either sex. No, not that, or you’
The English Courtesan Spreads Them... 2008-01-17 20:58:21 Today's headline shouldn't come as too much of a shock to those readers who have been paying attention to the EnglishCourtesan
. However it's not actually that sort of spreading to which she's referring... :-) 'No, my lovelies, it's here but it's also there!', said the English Courtesan, striking a Le Penseur pose and giving her readers a mysterious smirk... This week's hot news is that the English Courtesan has trotted off with her basket of snacks to Spread Magazine! It seems that Vixen and the readers of Spread are hungry too (must be all the Spreading) so the English Courtesan is on a mission of mercy to spread meaty treats amongst international madams and mistresses across the Pond (see below).Those of the readers who have yet to acquaint themselves with Spread Magazine might like to
The Edible Travel Companion 2008-01-17 20:54:54 Question: What do you do when you have no wireless connection, no mobile signal and it’s blowing such a gale that you can’t even get the front door of your own castle open? Answer: Why, you get creative with a culinary companion of your choice, of course! Which is just what the English Courtesan and her chosen Companion
did in their hideaway high up in the hills of...nope, you'll have to guess... ;-)Whilst most of their artistry must remain a matter for private consumption, the English Courtesan’s Companion turned out to be hilariously well-equipped for travel to remote parts. His set of bizarre but surprisingly useful travel accoutrements included sellotape, eggs, a wire coathanger to get a radio signal, edible rice paper, and an eclectic selection of international literature includ Read more:Edible
, Travel
The English Courtesan On Sex-Kitten.Net 2008-01-13 18:24:39 No, my lovelies, it's not here today...this week's hot news is that the EnglishCourtesan
has moved into The Guest Room at Sex-kitten.net!Oh yes, spread out against the peachy silk curtains of Gracie Passette's inner vestry, you'll find the English Courtesan being interviewed by the delicious and delectable Secondhand Rose. Secondhand Rose is a former escort who became a writer, phone companion and conversationalist. She does indeed have a second hand and she's currently using to...no, too much detail...you'll have to ask her... ;-)Those of the readers who have yet to discover Sex-kitten.net might like to know that it's an international online boudoir 'dedicated to helping women regain their purrs'. It has book reviews ('because slutty girls read too'), erotica ('because even mistresses li Read more:Kitten
The Courtesan's Christmas 2008-01-01 19:40:53 The English Courtesan
thought the readers might like a clue as to where she is spending the festive season. Answers on a postcard to the usual... ;-)Technorati Tags: Courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, international escort, international courtesan, travel, international travel, travel companionThe English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx
Read more:Christmas
Where is the windswept English Courtesan? 2008-03-12 04:58:24 'Why hasn't the EnglishCourtesan
replied to our comments and emails?' asked the readers indignantly. 'Ah well' replied the English Courtesan with a mysterious smirk, 'that would be because she is currently away from her desk'...So today's post in haste is a nice easy quiz: the readers are invited to guess where the frozen and windswept English Courtesan is this week. The clue is that it's not exactly the Côte d'Azur... :-) Technorati Tags: courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, travel companion, travel companions, travel, luxury travel, cluesThe English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx
The English Courtesan May Or May Not Be In... 2008-03-15 10:47:11 The EnglishCourtesan
is still away from her desk. Despite the readers' dazzling array of international travel destination guesses, none of them was quite right. To be fair, some of the guesses weren't that far away. For reasons of discretion however the English Courtesan couldn't possibly say which...So the English Courtesan thought she'd be a bit more helpful with today's photo. Here's where she is. It looks a bit Dutch doesn't it? Of course that could well just be another of the English Courtesan's trademark red herrings. It's not necessarily Holland. It might be but it might not be. That's the English Courtesan's clue for a whoop of laughter and a little wiggly dance in a 'wooh-wooh, the readers can't catch meee!' fashion.Incidentally the building in the photo is not exactly where the
The English Courtesan Might Be In... 2008-03-19 15:26:02 ‘No, my lovelies’ said the EnglishCourtesan
‘It’s not here and it’s not there either today...' 'That’s because today is Wednesday and the whole point of High Five Fridays is that they must absolutely always and only be done on Fridays!’That means that the readers will all have to troop back to the English Courtesan’s blog on Friday to see what she has for them. However by way of consolation in the meantime, here is a fuzzy wuzzy picture of a peacock, or to be more precise a peahen, up a tree. Never let it be said that the English Courtesan leaves her readers less than satisfied… ;-)The photo was once again taken by the English Courtesan’s own fair hand. It might be a clue as to her whereabouts this past week or it might just be a very lazy post because the English Cour
The English Courtesan Gets A High Five! 2008-03-21 19:13:21 It's a Friday... a Bank Holiday... the sun is shining in Yorkshire… those are red herrings... but… the EnglishCourtesan
is delighted to serve up a platter of blog treats for the readers' pleasure! Why has the English Courtesan broken with her tradition of Wednesday and Saturday blog posts? The reason is a good one…read on…Oh yes, the delicious and delectable Secondhand Rose has awarded the English Courtesan a high five as part of that fabulous initiative known as High Five Fridays! Those of the English Courtesan’s readers who have yet to follow the lewd link to the luscious and lovely Secondhand Rose might like to know that she’s a writer turned phone companion and conversationalist. She’s pink and she’s petalled and you can see a picture of her in fabulous ruffled panties
Eliot Spitzer & The High Class Call Girls 2008-03-27 05:55:50 The English Courtesan has had several emails over the past few weeks inviting her views on EliotSpitzer
. Those of the readers who've been spending too much time with the English Courtesan and not enough time with the newspapers might like to know that Spitzer was the New York State Governor until recently. On March 12th he resigned after being identified as a client of a high class prostitution ring called the Emperors Club VIP.It appears that Eliot Spitzer
's bank reported certain payments or cash withdrawals from his account to the FBI, suspecting that they might have been political bribes. However the investigation, which involved wire taps on calls between the Emperors Club VIP and their escort girls, as well as on Spitzer’s own lines, revealed that his bank transfers were in fact pa Read more:Girls
The English Courtesan Is Original & Quality! 2008-03-29 14:08:01 Oh yes, it's time for another round of unbearable smugness today - Jane says the EnglishCourtesan
is quality and original! Oh lookety look at this, my lovelies, for the English Courtesan has a review on Jane's Sex Guide...Those of the readers who haven't come across Jane's Guide to adult websites should be ashamed of themselves. Jane's Sex Guide has been going since 1997 which makes her 77 in hooman years. The English Courtesan should perhaps add a note to that which is that new media years are like dog years, i.e. you follow the x7 principle to work out the real world equivalence. What's more, Jane is not only still having sex at the age of 77, she's having sex aplenty, with vintage pin-ups, escorts, erotica writers, fetishists, glamour models, courtesans, photographers, gender benders, Read more:Original
, Quality
Escorts & Discretion...(Or How To Avoid Your Own Call Girl Scandal) 2008-04-03 19:07:56 A kind reader sent the English Courtesan a link to the News of The World. The topless red-top just scored 3-in-a-week, as opposed to 3-in-a-bed, on escort scandals. In the past 7 days they’ve bagged themselves an Oxford prodigy, an F1 boss and an Apprentice contestant. All while still running with the Cristiano Ronaldo hookers’ ball. The English Courtesan will spare the readers the details of the latest call girl scandals but they can probably work out at least one of them from the headline depicted. However the best hooker headline yet from the News of The World has undoubtedly been the cheesy yet glorious 'laughing all the way to the bonk'. That topped off an article in which they calculated that Ronaldo’s £140k a week deal with Manchester United will buy him 900 vice girls a week Read more:Escorts
, Avoid
, Scandal
The English Courtesan - Making Your Jour A Bonheur... 2008-04-05 16:22:44 Never let it be said that the EnglishCourtesan
does not cater to her readers' every whims, for further to the comments on the Jane's Guide post, she has found them a particularly delightful antique Bonheur du Jour! What's more, it's coming up next week at a saleroom in Yorkshire near you (or maybe not) and it’s at what the English Courtesan thinks is a very fair price...read on...It may be catalogued as Victorian but the English Courtesan thinks this little gem is un tout petit peu Frenchy 19th century looking. The twin porcelain plaques, adorned with a pair of bewigged lovers, are set into two doors, which conceal velvet-lined shelves. The superstructure of the Bonheur du jour sits beneath a coved top and is adorned by gilt metal escutcheons and beading and what appear to be caryatides
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