Owner: Lesbiatopia URL:http://www.lesbiatopia.com/ Join Date: Tue, 27 Mar 2007 09:22:43 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: A humorous social commentary on the life and times of modern-day Lesbians
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Bad blogger, bad 2007-08-01 18:25:00 To all my readers, if there's any of you left, I apologize for being a bad blogger on here. Between my new job, my Queersighted posts and living in a strange new place I've let my beautiful lovechild Lesbiatopia fall through the wayside. Some might say I have my plate full, but ladies, I promise you - no more! I promise to provide you with almost daily, practically credible, entirely silly new content as much as possible. And this is in addition to my QueerSighted posts. Here is a short video of my friend Kennie which I made today that showcases her boogieboarding skills. God bless Southern California. And here is today's post from QueerSighted.com.
To all my Sex fans... 2007-08-21 18:14:00 ...Sex in the City that is. This next video needs no introduction other than hil-ar-i-ous!
Masturbation: The Gift You Give Yourself 2007-10-23 11:07:00 From a fairly early age I had a pretty good idea about the workings of sex.My Mother, who was pretty cool about all of this sex stuff, had fully imparted to me at a very early age of the entire 411where babies come from and how you got one. By the time I age of eight or nine, I knew how you had sex, I knew what happened when you did, I even knew how to protect yourself from pregnancy, but for the most part until I was about 12 I had no idea why anyone would want to have sex as it all. It just sounded thoroughly gross, and rather a hassle, and I didn’t understand why you’d want mess with it at all. You see my mom left out one important detail; she failed to mention when your private parts get stimulated, you come and that feels exceptionally good. In retrospect I’d have to say that was a reasonably important fact about sex ol’ mom left out there wouldn’t you?That all changed in the winter of my 12th year when my friend Jonnie clued me in on the joys of masturbation.Jonnie and Read more:Masturbation
, Yourself
Orgasmic Flavorings 2007-10-22 13:49:00 A Paula the Surf Mom Vocabulary LessonI have alway prided myself on being quite the cunning linguist and today I would like expand your vocabulary and teach you a new word and that word is UmamiUmami is a Japanese word meaning "savory", "meaty" or “delicious” and is used to describe one of the five basic tastes; the other four well known tastes being sweet, sour, bitter and salty. Most people do not know much about Umami, after all, a good number of textbooks still do not list Umami as a basic taste.Umami is sensed by specialized receptor cells present on the human tongue and thus applies to the sensation of savoriness or more specifically, to the detection of glutamate's, which are especially common in meats, cheese and other protein-heavy foods and some folks say a combination of soy sauce, Parmesan cheese, mushrooms and MSG can best describe the taste sensation Umami.So girls your assignment today is to give me some examples of things that will trip those ol’ Umami receptors. Read more:Orgasmic
Bigger, Better, Awesomer (I don't care if it's not a word) 2007-10-20 13:08:00 After an extended absence, thanks mainly to my brain being pulled in too many directions, Lesbiatopia is back and better than ever. To provide you with ample reading entertainment, I've gathered up some of the finest lesbian ladies I could find to bring you their thoughts on the world. There is a mix of east and west coast gals to bring you perspectives from all over this gosh darn country of ours. Are you excited yet? Don't get too excited, there are even more surprises in store (I just haven't quite figured them out) but you can be sure that they will be super awesome, amazing and fabulous. So there you have it, a bigger, better, awesomer version of Lesbiatopia. The time is here and now, and the best is yet to come.
The Queen is here 2007-10-20 11:47:00 Hi, I’m Paula the Surf Mom; The Queen
of the Outer Banks Surf Pirates, sovereign of all that is Surfing, supreme protector and defender of all that is lesbian in the land that is called the Outer Banks of North Carolina and today your dreams of finally getting the opportunity to rub elbows with royalty are going to come true.But before we begin I should point out we Royals demand a certain level of respect. Protocol dictates how one should address us, and I know that Paula the Surf Mom; The Queen of the Outer Banks Surf Pirates, sovereign of all that is Surfing, supreme protector and defender of all that is lesbian in the land that is called the Outer Banks of North Carolina can be a quite a mouthful to say each time you have to refer to me so it may well just be more practical to simply call me Your Majesty or Your Royal Majesty in future. curtseys will not required unless you are a subject of my land, but for you non citizens who may want curtsy anyway and don’t know how; ladies
Didn't Your Mom Teach You Not To Judge a Book By It's Cover? 2007-10-19 13:37:00 -- LesberitaIn the great metropolis of New York City, there is a lesbian woman who is suing a restaurant for using the women's room. Yes, the women's room. Why you ask? Because she looked like a man. When someone else mistook her to be a man and complained to the bouncer, he returned to the woman's room and began pounding on the stall door saying someone had complained that there was a man in there. He stated that she had to leave the bathroom and the restaurant. The woman, Khadijah Farmer, 28, said in return, "I'm a female, and I'm supposed to be in here." When she came out of the stall and attempted to show her ID to the bouncer, he refused to look and said, "Your ID is neither here nor there."I thought bouncers were there to protect people, not scare them away. This sounds like Malechauvinistic Syndrome – I'm pretty sure all problems would have been avoided if he just looked at that little piece of plastic called her license. And isn't anyone else bo Read more:Judge
, Cover
Adventures in Dogsitting!! 2007-10-19 13:01:00 -- DubbsGays and lesbians love their pets...like they are children. And no one will dispute that. So when you're a single gal, and your coupled lesbians go on vacation, and ask you to look after Spot and Fido, the pressure is on! Especially when you grew up with cats, and in your state of perpetual singlehood, you fear becoming the dreaded cat lady. Perhaps it was that fear that convinced me I needed to re-evaluate myself as a "cat person." Maybe I could understand the ways of the "dog people." And after 5 days, here is what I came up with...live and learn, as the old saying goes:1) I've realized and accepted that I will probably never become a "dog person". Despite what I might tell you, it isn't true. If you hear me utter that in some sort of description of myself, it's because I want to:a) sleep with youb) take you for ice creamc) be your best friendord) all of the above2) I can love a dog at a distance. I really really can. But after a few days the following observa Read more:Adventures
Has Rosie found a new job yet?? 2007-10-27 11:49:00 As we all know, Rosie
is looking for her next great gig. Rumors have been circulating as to what her new role might be. One thing's for sure: People want to see her, and they want to see her now! Ever since she left The View, there's been rumors of this job and that job, but so far, nothing has seemed to pan out, so the question remains; has Rosie found a new job yet??The world may never know. In the meantime, I've compiled a list of what I believe to be her Top 5 Best Job Prospects Rosie O'Donnell as the host of 'The Price is Right' I still am putting in my vote for this one, even though they picked Drew Carey several months ago. Just the thought of hearing Rosie's booming lesbian voice sing out 'Come on Down' and then listening to her wax poetic about the price of a can of Campbell's soup sounds a lot better than the fat man in the dark-rimmed glasses. But hey, that's just me.Rosie O'Donnell as Anchor of the CBS Evening NewsKatie Couric is sinking like the Titanic eve
Music's in the Air 2007-10-26 15:38:00 I have been asked to contribute to this blog and write about one of my favourite things; music. I have never written about music before so this could be interesting.I have scrawled the names of my favourite band on school books, bags and bus shelters but I don't think that counts. I've permanently (I hope)marked toilet walls with my favorite lyrics and inked my arms with band logos' but that was a while ago now. I have carefully penned song lists for homemade compilations, the bedroom floor carpeted with album sleeves and me rushing eagerly to and from the pause button but the scrawls on my beautiful tape covers of yester-decade just won't cut it. I've jotted down the names of new albums I want to buy so that the next time I walk into a record shop and instantly forget the name of every artist I've ever liked I don't leave clutching 'The Queen is Dead' (again), but I'm guessing shopping lists are a bit of a cop-out. So I've written because of music more than once but never a Read more:Music
Got tongue? A Lesbians Guide to Cunnilingus. 2007-10-26 14:13:00 Ok ladies you know we all love it and it does not matter if you call it munching the carpet, dining at the Y, drinking from the red river, licking out, picking the daisies, licking the peach, going down, eating out, muff diving or giving lip, Cunnilingus is a winner just about everyone book and in my opinion is one of the very best things about being a lesbian.The word Cunnilingus comes from an alternative Latin word cunnus meaning vulva and lingua the Latin word for tongue
and is used to denote perhaps the most enjoyed form of sex we women, straight or gay, can engage in. As most of us know there is absolutely zero that can compare to the feeling of a warm wet tongue sliding across our vulvas and clitoris and with the possible exception of masturbation, Cunnilingus has probably resulted in more female orgasms than any other sexual practice.Most of the lesbians I know want oral sex from their partner and most love giving it. But I have found in my time as a muff diver those few lesbi Read more:Guide
Jessica Biel Has a Hot Ass 2007-10-25 18:08:00 I love Jessica
Biel, in fact, if she were a lesbian and got down on one knee to propose, I'd have to say yes. So it just so happens that I was at the packers game last week and ran into Jessica. Of course, Justin was in tow but she seemed about as interested in him as a vegetarian at a Texas steak house. As we watched the game, we did a little flirting and I even grabbed her ass during a time out.As Jessica seemed to enjoy it, I had the sneaking suspicion that Justin was on to our flirtationsBut than I wasn't worried anymore because Jessica gave me the cutest look ever and I knew she really enjoyed it. Oh Jessica, I do love your hot, hot ass. Read more:Jessica Biel
, Hot Ass
I Say My Own Name In Bed 2007-10-25 11:46:00 I sometimes think my life emulates a badly made Farrelly Brother's comedy and no, I don't masturbate a lot. I am actually the result of a same-sex, same-name relationship. My name is Renee and my girlfriend's name is also Renee.I think the whole same-name relationship phenomena occurs much more frequently in same-sex couples (for obvious reasons) than in heterosexual ones, although I have yet to meet another couple who shares the same name like we do. I have heard stories, though. There's always someone whose friend's brother's cousin's uncle's mechanic is dating a guy who has the same name. You know how to old story goes.People always ask us, "Is it weird to have the same name?" and the answer is "Yes and No". When we first met, which was through online, I was excited at how much we had in common and how cute she was. We had such a great connection, I didn't even give the same name thing much thought. When you think about it, you don't generally address p
At the grocery store... 2007-10-24 12:58:00 -- dubbsI love the grocery store. I don't really know why, but it's like jazz...one the few American-made wonders we can claim as ours. Last night I found myself quite amused at the random quips and observations I made while strolling aisles of brightly-colored cereal packages and shivering at the freezing temperatures on the outer rim in the produce department. There is funny in one of the most mundane, yet exclusively American, experiences...enjoy!1) It's time to go there when your dinner options include soy sauce, salad dressing, or mustard and ketchup.2) I wanted grapes...those giant ones with seeds. No dice...just black and green.3) Let's face it, Febreze is nothing but an eight dollar, bottled, olfactory crack rock. It's a trick.4) I really, really wanted those blissful 850mg of sodium from those wonderful packages ofRamen noodles (this is the foodular secret to staying young people) but I forgot I STILL haveyet to call the gas company to get the pilot lights re-lit. There'
My Newest Little Rescue 2007-10-24 12:02:00 Ever since I was a little girl growing up, my family has always been a big fan of rescuing animals. Cats, rabbits, birds, mice, lizards, you name it. If it had four legs and was in need of a home, than our home was the place to be. Now, 25 years later, living on my own and I am still rescuing animals. Last October, my girlfriend and I rescued two cats who were living at a shelter. Baby and Buddha came to be their names and they were the cutest kitties we had ever seen. Buddha had been found at 8 weeks old, wandering by himself in a cemetary, which is clearly no place for a kitten. Baby, along with her 5 other litter mates, were dumped at the shelter anonymously, at only 5 weeks of age. Luckily, they were the cutest little balls of furr ever and everyone that passed through wanted to take one of them home. Baby stared up at me with this sad little eyes and that cute little face just said, "I'm small and vulnerable and need a good home". I scooped her up and held her and the re Read more:Rescue
28 days of Lesbian Sex 2007-10-24 08:35:00 There is nothing that will screw up a girl’s sex life like having twins will and like most new parents I have found my sex life has changed. Between juggling my rental business and family obligations, midnight feedings and lack of sleep, not to mention the physical and emotional changes my body has undergone, I’m here to tell ya this past year has just wreaked havoc on my sex life. But as my girls approach their 1st birthdays and we have settled into a routine I am finding that my libido is starting to return.While I was pregnant my OBGYN had me doing Kegel exercises to strengthen my pelvic floor muscles before I delivered the twins and she had me continuing with them after I had the girls because she believes that doing Kegels allows the vagina to regain its previous shape and muscle tone more quickly after birth so I’m still doing them; to tell you the truth I’m finding my Kegel exercises can kind of give me the hornies now and have gone a long way to getting me out of my se
How to find your Clit 2007-10-31 19:49:00 Ok in addition to my duties as Lesbiatopias resident sex writer I am also the un-official IT person and Search Engine Optimization (SEO) guru around here.Now for those of you not familiar with this term, Search Engine Optimization is the process of improving the volume and quality of traffic to a web site from search engines via "natural" ("organic" or "algorithmic") search results. Usually, the earlier a site is presented in the search results, or the higher it "ranks", the more searchers will visit that site and we just love it when you visit with us.SEO can also target different kinds of search. On this site, needless to say, we are going for a lesbian readership. So to help develop Lesbiatopias strategy for increasing this site's relevance to those lesbian readers and to figure out what topics might be of interest to all of you, I keep pretty close watch of our of Google keyword search stats.Today when I was looking them over, I was not really surprised to see that our hot searche
I love it when you talk dirty to me 2007-10-31 16:04:00 Today I’m going to be a teacher.As some of you know I am hearing impaired and wear a cochlear implant, which is a surgically implanted electronic device that provides a sense of sound to a person who is profoundly deaf or severely hard of hearing. It helps me hear and under the right conditions, it does give me a useful auditory understanding of my environment. A cochlear implant has several external components it requires in addition to the receiver and stimulator that are secured in bone beneath my skin; there is microphone, which picks up the sounds, a speech processor which filters sounds to prioritize audible speech and then sends the electrical sound signals through a thin cable to the transmitter and finally there is the transmitter its self, which I have to wear behind my ear.But there are times that I can’t wear all of the electronics, as when I’m surfing or working out and other times I just don’t feel like being bothered by all of the hardware, (for example when Deb Read more:dirty
Coming Out 2007-10-30 17:28:00 When I was nine years old my neighbor Mary, also nine, tried to kiss me under the stairs where we were playing House. I looked away, told her that we might get in trouble and resumed making the faux dinner out of my dad’s old shoe, which I called a steak. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to – trust me, I did – but at that age red flags went up. Danger, Danger! But it wasn’t too long after that I tried to dry hump my friend Susannah while we played House in my bedroom (I was the Dad and Suzannah was the Mom). Yes, I liked playing house at that age; it was a good excuse to explore adulthood without feeling silly or having the consequences that come from being a stupid teenager. Those stories are for another blog post! Anyway, my attempt at riding Susannah failed miserably when she pushed me off and decided the game was over. It was about this time that I realized I liked girls. I was boy crazy…but all of a sudden I was girl crazy, too! I started to allow myself these new feelin
Tongue-Tied 2007-10-29 18:29:00 Tongue-Tied-- dedicated to RZTick tockLip lockI want to get home and throw you on top of the bed, the counter, the couch and the stairsI want to undress youAnd mess up your hairsLet’s go to our denAnd then when we’re doneWe’ll repeat our affairsAnd have some more funTick tockLip lockI’m thinking about youand I just can’t stopUndressing your bodyWith my eyes and my mindWhile sitting at workWasting valuable timeYou’re driving me crazyAnd you’re not even hereBut I’m letting you knowThat I’m being sincereTick tockLip lockTime’s moving backwardsmy jaw’s gonna dropon the chair, then the floorMy quick thrusty hips are headed straight for the doorto see you, let’s rendezvousHow ‘bout a ride?in my car, with my thighsPressed against Your sweet prizeTick tockLip lockOnly 2 more hoursWhen will it stop?Got this crazy feelingIn my heart and my soulIt’s a love explosionAnd I’m ready to rollThis love’s on fireAnd I’m about to roamright into your armsBaby, I’m comin
PDA: How Much is Too Much? 2007-10-29 14:07:00 I was at a popular gay West Hollywood bar a little while back with my girlfriend and some friends to celebrate not having to work on Monday. It was a mixed crowd of both men and women, although the number of men definitely outweighed the number of women. The set-up was a mix of both indoor and outdoor bars, so we decided to enjoy our beverages outside and get some fresh air. We were chatting about all the latest lesbian gossip, like how Rosie is still crazy and how I recently saw Jackie Warner out on Friday night at a lesbian club making out with her ex, Mimi. Hadn't they broken up? Didn't Jackie have a different lover? We stood there, perplexed, trying to answer these intriguing questions when something caught our attention: two men next to us were playing quite an aggressive game of tongue tag amidst all the hustle and bustle of the bar. After watching these two men makeout for a good 5 minutes, I was impressed. They were so into each other they didn't seem to have a care in the w
Bride or the Bridesmaid 2007-10-29 12:31:00 I was recently a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding. It made me think about friendship and what it means to take this position at one’s wedding. It’s not the first time I’ve been a bridesmaid, it’s actually the second. But this was the wedding that had to be perfect. Held at a beautiful mansion with almost a hundred people in attendance – and one real life pop star, who happened to be the bride’s cousin – everyone looked like someone. However, I did not feel that way. In fact, I felt like a whale in my brown J. Crew dress, which was strategically bought two sizes too small in a vain attempt to lose the weight necessary to fit into said dress. Nothing like doing something dramatic to scare yourself into losing weight. Well, as you can imagine, it didn’t work and one week before the wedding I had to have it altered because it wouldn’t zip up. Unfortunately the very sweet Korean tailor was unable to take out enough fabric to fix it, and with a severe language barrier I c Read more:Bride
, Bridesmaid
Lesbian Sex; Keeping it Fresh 2007-11-04 15:37:00 Lesbian bed death is a term invented by sex researcher Pepper Schwartz to describe the supposedly inevitable lessing of sexual passion in long term lesbian relationships. But after nearly 10 years with my partner Debbie I’d like to tell ol’Pepper this… you don’t know what you are talking about lady….Now when your relationship is new, lust and hormones rules, but after you are together for a while, living life, raising kids, paying bills and generally getting comfortable with one another, sometimes it takes a little work to keep sexual passion going and in any long term relationship there is one sexual organ most people tend to forget about and that is our brains. So I plan to tell you how Debbie and I use our brains to keep the passion going and our sex life fresh, exciting and passionate in a series of articles here on Lesbiatopia.So today I plan to begin with something that really has been a breathtaking addition in our relationship and that is sex fantasies and role-playi
10 things to remember 2007-11-03 18:52:00 dubbalish 1) You never know what you might get out of someone just by saying, "My birthday's in 2 weeks." 2) I'm pretty sure Andy Dick and Kathy Griffin are the same person. 3) Rum Punch is always a good idea...actually ANYTHING PUNCH is always a good idea. And punch is a great word in general. 4) Dollar coins...completely useless. 5) We need 325 different brands of energy drinks to counteract the 329 different kinds of hyperactivity meds. Or maybe vice versa. 6) Fruity Pebbles smell really good. 7) Anyone who buys a bookmark or paperweight lacks imagination. 8) It would suck to be blind but imagine the liberty you'd have to TOUCH everything. 9) You can totally make someone's day with a tropical drink umbrella accessory. 10) Most doors are accessible as long as you've got a hammer. thank you. Make a Lesbian Fashion StatementShop at theTags: 10 things
to remember, observations
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