Owner: Motherwise Cracks - Parenting Humor URL:http://motherwise.us/cracks Join Date: Sun, 25 Mar 2007 13:15:00 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Parenting humor featuring the wit and wisdom brought on by motherhood by Mary Fagan. Site statistics:Click here
No Oliver Twist 2007-03-23 13:00:00 The kids wheel and deal with each other, sharing and splitting the cost for gifts, treats, etc. I don't usually pay much attention as they seem to work things out pretty well on their own.
My son owed his sister $7. She asked for it the other night. He quickly pulled out three ones and said, "Do you have a...
C. 2007 by Mary Fagan at motherwise.us Read more:Oliver
Bedtime for Eric 2007-03-31 16:31:47 This adorable little second grader was hovering, orbiting and trying to make an impression on my daughter all night. He is in second grade and they were at a high school basketball game to see her friend play. A bit of an age difference there. She was flattered and patient with him.
At the end of [...] Read more:Bedtime
Know When to Hold ‘em 2007-03-30 05:36:39 Ever have someone ask you about your kids and then end up telling you all about theirs? Ever have someone ask to see photos of your children because you know they are dying to show the new one they just had taken of their kids? I love when parents are proud of their kids. It [...] Read more:lsquo
Enough Pets to Peeve 2007-03-28 13:29:13 We have a dog and a cat. 90% of the time, the adults feed and care for these cute and lovable critters. The kids throw them a bone in the form of a little attention here or there. Our pets are adoring fans waiting for the next pat or treat. If the dog is wet [...] Read more:Enough
Score - 2007 Hygiene Goals 2007-03-27 13:01:18 My son actually came downstairs from the shower looking for soap. Score
!
A great deal of hard work lies ahead as I try to convey some basic hygiene principles for the remainder of 2007. My additional goals include conveying that:
You must change your bed sheets at other times besides the change of the seasons
Gym clothes need [...] Read more:Goals
, Hygiene
The Need to Fit In 2007-03-26 02:34:08 It is sheer talent that keeps those spices and food colorings contained. Of course they can’t fit them in like I can.
No Oliver Twist 2007-03-24 04:05:16 The kids wheel and deal with each other, sharing and splitting the cost for gifts, treats, etc. I don’t usually pay much attention as they seem to work things out pretty well on their own.
My son owed his sister $7. She asked for it the other night. He quickly pulled out three ones and said, [...] Read more:Oliver
$9 and 365 Days 2007-03-22 12:26:34 The shopkeeper must have had some back luck with violets because she came out with the saddest plant I've ever seen. Spotted leaves - all five of them. It did have a really big pink bow and a plastic stick that said "Happy Easter." It was like going to a dud of a party.
Tiny Bubbles, Take Too Much Time 2007-03-21 11:54:24 Now that spring sports have begun, my sport has been taking really long showers after practice. I hold dinner for all of us until he is done, but he takes so long. We are starving.
Lest you think he is getting really clean, his sister noticed he has been out of shampoo for days - God [...] Read more:Bubbles
Wallets Rule? 2007-03-19 12:03:25 Men don’t appreciate purses - either in function or style. This ongoing debate between the sexes at my house has been waging for years. Purses are superfluous, silly, a waste of shoulder space, too heavy, too expensive, too big, too trendy - basically all the things we women love about them. The wallet reigns supreme. [...] Read more:Wallets
For Love of Mom or Money 2007-03-17 13:21:50 Mothers never need to worry that they won’t feel needed. We are always in demand.
My one child is presently mad at me for not having time to IMMEDIATELY address her need. Excuse me, but your brother just fractured his ankle and I spent most of my day getting him medical care, x-rays, a cast, [...] Read more:Money
Crumb Blindness 2007-04-02 13:11:36 You have heard of snow blindness? The sun’s light reflects off the snow, magnifying its intensity and prolonged exposure blinds the person?
A similar situation has struck. Crumb
blindness. I left for two days and it hit the male occupants of the house while I wasn’t here. Must be the light reflecting off the chrome on [...]
Left Behind 2007-04-04 03:58:32 In a backpack, somewhere in the depths of a smelly locker lay a $250 suit. While I was in the dark about it’s missing status, it has been lost for about a month, waiting to be found. He thinks he left it behind after a role in a skit that required it as a [...]
GPS Envy 2007-04-05 12:52:31 My kids have GPS
envy. They can’t stand its raw power and ability to drive me directly to my intended location that my new unit has. The package it came in boasts of its prowess, and it’s true, it’s true! Nobody does it better.
My little co-pilots are feeling sad all the day because they used [...]
Second Looks and Additional Ears 2007-04-09 03:13:13 A couple of weeks ago, I gave my daughter’s boyfriend a hard time when he commented on my 1980s hair. The family spent some time this Easter looking over old photos. On second look, it was painfully evident that he was right.
(Since the 1980s, it has become more widely known that perms are intended for [...] Read more:Looks
, Second
Cliche Revival - “You made your bed, now sleep in it.” 2007-04-10 06:07:01 Halleluia and praise be! Awaken to another cliche revival! Listen and hear, O precious ones, the lessons hidden from plain sight because no one pays any mind to these sage sayings anymore. Seek ye the wisdom ripped from the yellowed pages of the good old days! And slow down when you drive.
C - [...] Read more:Cliche
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Signs You’ve Run Out of Dinner Ideas 2007-04-12 06:35:21 The recipe for Turbo Jam sounds interesting
When you suggest something, the family groans
You can’t even think of something to suggest
You ask the kids what sounds good to them
You ask the cat what sounds good to it - (ask inanimate objects next)
You Google “what to have for dinner”
You call your friends just to ask what they [...] Read more:Dinner
License to Think 2007-04-14 05:41:13 Returning from a trip, I overheard a conversation between my shuttle driver and a teenage boy who was new on the job. The adult was directing him to find a certain car in the lot for an owner. He provided the make, model, color and the license number.
The teen found the car and confirmed all [...] Read more:License
Baby Blast From the Past 2007-04-16 03:07:02 Gram is still cleaning out. Today we found baby boxes for each of her six children full of memorabilia that included beaded baby bracelets, gift cards, photos, snippets of the first haircut and labels from jars of the first foods eaten. But my favorites were:
Baby photo of hubby in the hospital with Gram’s writing on [...] Read more:Blast
Crossing Over and Pulling It Off 2007-04-17 13:53:40 In a strange and illogical way, other people can get kids to do what a parent can’t. If I told my 16-year-old a month ago that he would be wearing a 9 inch long, 2 inch thick (yes, that big) wooden cross around his neck, even to school, he would have given me “that [...] Read more:Crossing
This Little Piggy Went Across the Generation Gap 2007-04-19 01:56:30 My friend’s mom told us a terrible but true story. She lived on a farm and her parents let her save the runt of a litter of pigs. She bathed it and fed it. She wrapped it in a blanket and put it near the fireplace. Yes, the blanket caught on fire and it ended [...] Read more:Across
, Generation
, Piggy
Can We Soften the Circle of Life? 2007-04-21 15:40:49 Pets can bring on all kinds of conversations with the kids. Springtime is usually the time for kittens (and we know what that brings on), by our cat has been leaving us “gifts” on the doorstep. These gifts are a testimony to her great hunting skills. These harsh bits of reality get the kids upset [...] Read more:Circle
12 Indications Your Children Are Too Old for Egg Hunts 2007-04-23 13:23:18 The annual Easter egg hunt, postponed due to scheduling conflicts, provided some indications that some of the children are outgrowing the annual tradition. Namely they:
Had more fun popping a peep marshmallow chicken into the microwave rather than eating it.
Asked for money and lottery tickets rather than candy in the plastic eggs we hide.
Make candy trade [...] Read more:Children
Mama’s Cloak of Invisibility 2007-04-28 15:44:55 Parents of young children are often active participants in playtime and conversations with children. We enjoy them, want to know and direct them to more positive activities, clarify things, suggest cease fires or completely change the subject when appropriate.
When kids get older, an interesting dynamic surfaces. Kids stop talking in front of adults. I have [...] Read more:Invisibility
Worn Out But Not Down 2007-04-26 13:52:57 My son’s homework assignment was to create a fashion show script, translate it into Spanish and then, with props, dress up and act it out. Little did I know it would create a big scene.
He asked for an old coat, old jeans, old shoes, an old hat and old gloves. As me and my husband [...]
Veggie Vitamin Tattle Tales 2007-04-25 02:50:47 Don’t, I repeat, don’t bother trying those vitamins that are gummy, candy-looking things that come in vegetable flavors. The kids talked me into it, promising to eat all of them because they love gummy candy so much. I fell for it and now we are stuck with a rather large bottle of nasty tasting, rubbery, [...] Read more:Tales
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, Vitamin
In One Year, Out the Other 2007-04-30 13:47:25 The proof that kids can be sentimental is in my downstairs level rooms, slowly creeping up to where it will find a home. The move back home from the college dorm was this weekend, but not all of her belongings have found their final resting spot.
Moving her out and down the five flights of stairs, [...]
46 Pairs of Socks In a Ball 2007-05-04 21:24:03 Home from college, and sensitive to smells, my daughter discovered the mystery of the disappearing socks. My son never has any socks. This is strange because I remember buying him multiple pairs for Christmas, birthday, and shopping trips here, there and everywhere.
She followed her nose and found his dirty little secret - the stash of [...] Read more:Pairs
, Socks
Too Late to Work My Magic 2007-05-03 03:19:44 The time - 10 p.m., last night. The place - my couch. A phone rings with an easy request - could I look over the homework assignment, a five page paper? No problem, except my daughter didn’t mention it had a very pending due date - midnight.
The reality - at 10 p.m. I am pretty [...] Read more:Magic
Printing Pressed Across the Bottom 2007-05-07 03:09:05 What is the deal with pants with words across the bottom? I didn’t get it for the longest time. Why would you want anyone to read your backside? Gives new meaning to the term “movable type.” I don’t really think they are flattering either. Something else to worry about looking bad if you sit in [...] Read more:Across
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