Owner: Motherwise Cracks - Parenting Humor URL:http://motherwise.us/cracks Join Date: Sun, 25 Mar 2007 13:15:00 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Parenting humor featuring the wit and wisdom brought on by motherhood by Mary Fagan. Site statistics:Click here
Gramma’s Cup Can’t Runneth Over 2007-07-23 21:28:42 The woman is known for getting her money’s worth out of everything she owns, getting her thrills from .05 or .10 purchases at garage sales, and not throwing anything out, including this measuring cup that my husband remembers from his childhood. (And that is more than 30 years ago… Ah-hem.)
Here is Gramma’s measuring cup - [...]
Mole Meets Velveteen Rabbit 2007-08-14 10:11:01 I must be loved. Like a teddy bear held onto for security or the blankie dragged from place to place, there by the grace of God go I…to the doctor with my college kids. And that’s about how I must have looked, like the Velveteen Rabbit
. But, what’s wrong with this picture? The kids are [...]
This Is Gonna Be the Year…I Swear! 2007-08-13 21:08:51 So every Christmas I wait until the very end of the season and run around like a chicken with my head cut off the week before. Not this year! I am starting NOW to get some things purchased and off the list.
This way, I can shop for deals and save some cash in the process. [...] Read more:hellip
, Swear
The Arrangement 2007-08-24 22:39:57 I had my suspicions about whether this was accidental or on purpose, but when they started asking for stews and soups using actual names form the crock pot cookbook, I knew what was cooking. (What kid knows and asks for Cassoulet for dinner? Honestly.)
Don’t Make Me Wait - Gasps from the Car Pool 2007-08-23 08:53:10 How much time should you wait for someone when picking them up?
I “car pool” (and I use this term loosely because it means driving both ways 80% of the time) to sports practice. The child is rarely ready. My son usually calls in 15 minutes before as a courtesy wake up call. He forgot this [...]
Mom’s Nose Tackle - Odor Defense 2007-08-29 09:35:33 I have a great way to hide one of my dirty little secrets: That my child takes on some powerful odors after football practice.
I have to drive (I would say carpool but that would infer some other parent would be driving a significant portion of the time and no, I am not bitter) two or [...] Read more:Defense
I Got Your Backup 2007-08-29 09:20:15 Two weeks ago, the unthinkable happened - my computer died. Totally gone. I panicked and then called my favorite repair man (who is almost scarily too calm and collected).
While he was showing me all the things I do wrong, an exhaustive list, he also told me I should using online storage . At first I [...]
Shamu Ascends the Throne 2007-08-27 21:08:23 This poor little fella doesn’t stand a chance.
It will likely suffer the same fate as the sea monkeys. My daughter’s boyfriend won this goldfish for her at the New York State fair - well, actually, it was a pair of them but one didn’t even make it home. (Fatal case of car sickness.)
She showed [...] Read more:Throne
Old McDonald Didn’t Wear Sandals 2007-08-31 17:09:48 I finally cashed in on my Mother’s Day gift and got my pedicure. It was lovely. While it lasted.
Then I was asked to go take a photo of a goat. Of course I was honored and went off dutifully to capture the beast on camera. I wore sandals.
She was quite good-natured and even let me [...] Read more:McDonald
, Sandals
This Gifthorse Bears Pearls 2007-09-26 11:05:40 I think Mom must have a June Cleaver fixation. She keeps giving me pearls, upon pearls, upon pearls. There aren’t enough necks around here for all these strands. This photo is minus the two strands I gave my daughters to reduce my pearl inventory after my last birthday.
What is this pearl thing? As a joke [...] Read more:Bears
, Pearls
Because We’re Living In a Digital World 2007-09-26 11:05:30 My camera captures some crazy moments (see here). I plan to relive them and laugh again when I am finally in the “home” in between crocheting doilies waiting for the prune juice to take effect.
My scrapbook of memorable mothering moments (that my crafty daughter will have to make for me because I am too [...] Read more:Digital
, Living
, World
I Lost It! 2007-09-25 07:12:47 Scene: (In the background, the hum of the bus approaching can be faintly heard. Teen-aged boy enters, stage left. A strong air of accusation surrounds him like Pigpen in Charlie Brown. Mother in robe shuffles to sink to clean up after packing boy’s lunch with love, tenderness and homemade brownies.)
Boy: Where did you put [...]
What’s the Story, Wishbone? 2007-09-22 20:52:17 Working from home means there are times that a client has to come to your home, where they might see old bones hanging above you kitchen sink.
Yes, a wishbone with drying meat clinging lifelessly to this grotesque leftover, quietly left to cure until it’s brittle enough to snap apart for good luck - a quaint [...]
Resident Evil 2007-09-20 00:32:34 There is a reason parents with children under age 18 ban permanent markers. Kids will inevitably mark up something that you consider permanent leaving an indelible reason you will have to replace it sooner than you’d planned. Like my cork board.
Most people use a post it note or tack up a reminder. Not my [...] Read more:Resident
, Resident Evil
Lighten My Load (do what I say) 2007-09-17 07:04:00 Vive le difference - if you live in France. If you live in my house you had better wash the lights with the lights and keep the darks to their own cycle. I have been preaching this to my choir for eons and have gotten a chorus of the dreaded eye roll and sidelong glance [...]
Bedazzler Blues - All That Glitters 2007-09-30 20:16:54 We went to see Disney’s “The Game Plan” at the local drive-in this weekend. The little girl in the movie, who steals the show in my humble opinion, had a Bedazzler. While I don’t remember a thing about it, my eldest daughter said she always wanted one. (And of course, I didn’t get her [...] Read more:Blues
Signs You Might Be Weird 2007-09-28 11:16:25 Signs that you might be weird (as seen through your child’s eyes):
You go to Open House at school
You talk to your kids’ friends
They actually like you and say you are “nice”
You ask about their day and want to know how they are feeling, doing, etc.
You like your offspring to be clean and not smelly
You advocate [...] Read more:Weird
“Nothing to Eat” - A Pictorial 2007-10-10 19:20:57 Ah, the joyful sounds of children in their perpetual pursuit of a snack. Cupboards open and close amid slams of the refrigerator door in between long periods of time when it is held open, air conditioning your whole first floor.
Despite all the shopping you may have subjected yourself to, and the stocking and inventorying of [...] Read more:ldquo
, Nothing
, rdquo
Are You Ready For A Snootfull? 2007-10-09 06:46:11 Hurray! Hurray! The answer is clear.
It's this little thing that foams up the beer! Guinness rocket
But all joy of my eye-opening discovery,
Couldn't bring my Bills fans out of recovery.
Blog Envy (motherhood, apple pie and the Internet) 2007-10-06 09:23:16 It’s so hard to please a crowd! Sometimes your “in” and sometimes a pathetic “out” with your children. Oh, sure when they are little, you’re all that. In fact, a great deal of your day is spent trying to get any work done as they want your full-time attention.
They get older and friends become important. [...] Read more:Internet
Tone Deaf 2007-10-03 07:22:13 There is saying something and then, there is SAYING something, or saying SOMETHING or SAY something. It’s all in the emphasis, tone, stress - it’s all in how you say it.Such was this morning’s lesson to my tone-deaf son who has begun to talk to me like I have become stupid overnight. One day, [...]
Sometimes “IT” Is All About Me 2007-10-02 16:26:42 Joeprah (love that name) tagged me and I decided to comply because he loves BUFFALO WINGS and we all know that warms anyone from Buffalo right up. Here are my tens:
1. What were you doing ten years ago?
While the kids were all finally in school, I was working part-time at a TV station, [...] Read more:ldquo
, rdquo
, Sometimes
Does Your Fixture Hang Low? 2007-10-02 16:23:16 I think that women are a lot more particular about what’s inside the home than men are - in general. My towel bar actually fell off the wall and when I told my husband, he went up and hot glued it back in. I really was expecting him to get me a new one but [...]
Prooving Ground 2007-10-16 07:30:39 I was going to use a beautiful photo of this particularly even field of winter wheat for a “Wordless Wednesday” type of post.
Driving by it, I commented to my son that this field is probably the greenest green you’ll ever see.
“I would need proof,” he says to me.
“Speaking of which, I got some in the [...]
Before You Buy It - Try It 2007-10-16 07:30:19 Did you ever wonder about these little boxes for coupon codes when you checkout for an online purchase? They are for these - Free Coupons. (Smart shoppers use them to save money and it really doesn’t take much time to find offers at this site.)
I never used to use these coupons until a friend told [...]
Shamu on the Rocks 2007-10-13 09:19:11 I had just checked my little gold-finned charge and fed him. He was fine. Of course, he would have to belly-side up the very day my daughter came home from college for the weekend, giving me no time to pull a switch. (Shamu, a goldfish, had sentimental value as her boyfriend won him for her [...] Read more:Rocks
An Alien In My Cupboard 2007-10-21 11:13:23 So we took on the first part of the room cleaning yesterday, and today we are still playing around with the things we found - both my son and me.
I have an alien in my cupboard now, a green-eyed monster type, guarding my memories. This little guy is a vestige of my son’s boyhood [...] Read more:Alien
Dear (extreme value) To My Heart 2007-10-25 10:01:47 Sometimes you get a chuckle in the strangest places, like the bathroom. Every morning for the past month, I have been looking over to see this.
Now, the rest of the story. My husband has hardly any hair. It’s thin. It’s scarce. It’s straight. I don’t rightly know why he uses gel at all, but whatever.
Now, [...] Read more:Heart
I Like Big Buts 2007-10-23 14:31:27 I confess I like infomercials. Truth be told, I have many items purchased that way and a couple because I caved to the influence of my children. Like the Ab something-or-others that did AB-solutely nothing. I have closets full of such things, hidden so as to not to prove my husband’s favorite saying, “There’s a [...]
I Am Chopped Liver 2007-10-30 07:09:16 Lots of us moms are chopped liver. One would think that after a certain amount of time we would get used to it. Not me. Still burns.
My daughter calls to say, in her “world-might-end” little way, that her driver side headlight went out and her tire is flat. Knowing that she has AAA, I say, [...] Read more:Liver
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