Owner: tamiki.com - Witty Ramblings Of A Lower Class Immigrant URL:http://www.tamiki.com Join Date: Fri, 23 Mar 2007 08:17:44 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Tamiki.com is an original humor site with witty, clever, and hilarious writing. Many posts are inspired by or revolve around serious social, political or economic issues.They are all funny...sometimes. Written by a 22 year old math student. Site statistics:Click here
ahoy hoy 2007-03-23 15:48:00 I study statistics, so I hope most of you are doing well. Please check back infrequently for updates.
The Hunt For Red October 2007-03-23 03:46:00 Yesterday, two sailors were killed in an explosion aboard the Royal Navy's HMS Tireless. The nuclear powered submarine didn't suffer a reactor failure or an accidental warhead detonation. The explosion was caused by an oxygen candle.Apparently, Tireless thought it could burn the candle at both ends.Why would you have a candle on a 21st century, nuclear powered submarine anyway? Did the captain fantasize about being an 18th century British naval commander. Maybe he laid out large nautical charts on his desk in the captain's quarters, plotting courses by candle light to track pirates who were on their way to Latin America in search of booty?Anyway, back to the explosion. Somebody should have told Tireless to give it a break already. And such is my advice to you if you are burning the midnight oil for work or school. Study less and sleep more, lest your desk lamp blow up in your face.Note: Are you are thinking, "This is stupid, doesn't he know what an oxygen candle is?" If you are, th Read more:October
I object 2007-03-18 16:57:00 For two days in Pakistan, hundreds of lawyers have protested the suspension of the Chief Justice, Iftikhar Chaudhary. That's right, lawyers with ethics. Everyone into the bomb shelter now.The lawyers, dressed in suits, hurled stones at the police. After all those years in law school practicing verbal gymnastics, the best they could come up with was, "Uhhh, let's throw stones at those pigs, yea!!!!" At least wear a leather jacket and ripped up jeans instead of a suit. Better yet, dress like a Palestinian child.During their rebuttal period, the police responded to the well crafted argument of the lawyers by firing tear gas. Despite popular belief, the lawyers did not break into tears due to the gas. They cried because they realized that when the dust settles there will be a great demand for lawyers. The lawyers would have to be prosecuted, but by who? Who would represent the poor police officers against these suit wearing, stone throwing hoodlums?The lawyers cried and cried knowing the
Bad business practices 2007-03-16 21:12:00 As many of you know, outside of the bulimic supermodel, the fat person is a food service provider's best customer. It stands to reason that the bigger a person is the more money he or she will spend on food.So I ask you, why do so many college and corporate cafeterias have turnstiles? Does it make sense to prevent your best customers from getting in?Sure, a smaller fat person like myself, can request some butter from the kitchen to grease up the turnstile and squeeze by. But the largest consumers of food don't want to waddle to the cafeteria only to get stuck in the turnstile at mid-turn.Still don't believe me? Answer this: have you ever seen a turnstile at a liposuction clinic? Only at the exit, right? I rest my case.
Hypocrites 2007-03-16 02:04:00 There is an image in the west of Islam as being a sexist religion. I know that the American media likes to report on how Muslim women aren't allowed to get an education, leave the house, shave their legs or their armpits. This is false propaganda. Don't believe it. Muslim women ARE allowed to shave their legs. Whenever and as often as they like.The sexism, in fact, is right here in America. Just the other day I was walking by a construction site where some houses were being built, and I saw a big yellow sign that read, "CAUTION: MEN AT WORK."I got upset over this hypocrisy and sexism, because at least in the Muslim world we let our women be homemakers.
Mac and cheese 2007-03-14 10:05:00 There has been some construction going on in my house that has been interfering with most daily activities. There is no kitchen access. The fridge, the stove, the sink and the pots and pans in the kitchen are all out of reach. Lately, I've been craving macaroni and cheese intensely.People are asking me why my therapist wants me on anti-depressants. Why am I depressed?Simple: have you ever tried making macaroni and cheese in the microwave? If you have, you can understand my pain. The microwave just doesn't do mac and cheese any justice.It felt like my world was crumbling. I wanted to slit my wrists, but tragically, the knives were out of reach too.
Your help is needed 2007-03-13 05:05:00 I see TV ads for relief and charity organizations that implore individuals like you and me to help contribute to their causes. They raise money to send water, medical supplies and even educational resources to needy, impoverished families in desolate communities in Africa and South America.When I saw the images of these poor families, especially the children with their ribs poking out, I wanted to take action. I needed to take action. But contributing to these organizations wasn't enough. I wanted to do more. I needed to do more. And I realized that although these organizations were doing a great job, something was missing.About a month ago, I started my own non profit charity organization in honor of Anna Nicole Smith. We fundraise to send free shipments of TrimSpa, the weight loss supplement, to the same impoverished families that the other relief organizations serve, because they aren't sending it.We fund raise by marrying young female volunteers to rich men over the age of 60. Th
Stop warming up your car the old fashion way 2006-03-01 15:54:00 You don't need to idle your car for 5-10 minutes or rev it up. This is a FACT (because a friend told me). Seth says to start your car for 30 seconds and then warm it up driving through a few local blocks. Now you're ready to go 120 miles per hour and escape that state trooper. Take it easy on the local roads and then you insert yourself into the high speed action.It's foreplay for your car.Feminism, get out of the way. This is real progress. To some men, this discovery is equivalent to a woman discovering the female orgasm. Men are being liberated from the bondage of sitting idly in a car just so it can warm up during the winter. Unfrontunately, however, we still have to sit idly in a car, in all seasons, waiting for women to finish getting "ready" and come out of the house.
Good Day Governor 2006-02-23 22:50:00 My very own blog. I guess I've given in to new technology. Maybe tomorrow I will sign up with a Texas real-time online hunting site. I don't think you can accidentally shoot politicians with those, Dick (Cheney if you're slow).If you're really slow, I'm talking about websites that let you control live firearms in real Texas ranches for hunting purposes. Now you can shoot that bastard sleeping with your wife from anywhere. Yeeeehaaw. Read more:Governor
, Good Day
Be positive 2007-03-24 01:43:00 I only have time to share one of the many good things I can see coming from the Iraq war: Oliver Stone making a sequel to Platoon.
Investment guru makes new move 2007-03-27 01:40:00 Two years ago, billionaire investor Warren Buffet bought a huge stake in the Anheuser Busch beer brewing company. His reasoning was that "there is a high probability that people will be drinking alcohol until the end of humanity."In a strikingly similar manner, today he announced the purchase of an undisclosed U.S. weapons manufacturer stating, "100 years from now, people will still be voting Republican."http://www.reuters.com/article/politicsNews/idUSN2037063920070324 Read more:makes
Routine oil change and make up sex 2007-03-29 02:36:00 Relationships are like cars. Sometimes there are accidents and breakdowns regardless of who's driving.Sometimes, when your car gets damaged, it's minor enough to get it fixed and you keep it.Sometimes, when your car gets damaged, it's so bad it isn't worth fixing and you get a new one.And sometimes, when your car gets damaged and is in the shop for repairs, it's best to get yourself a temporary replacement.When men need a temporary replacement they will pay for a rental car.When women need a temporary replacement they will just borrow their friend's.If you don't own a car and use public transportation like the subway...well...I guess you should just get tested often. Read more:Routine
Back of the queue buddy! 2007-03-30 20:01:00 Yesterday, at my college cafeteria - yes, the one with the turnstiles - someone cut the cash register line right in front of me. It was during peak lunch hours when lines are long, and only the law of the jungle prevails when fighting for the last scoop of macaroni and cheese.The cafeteria has two long lines, which fork toward the end, leading to two cash registers each. I was standing at the fork with a stream of hungry students in line behind me. The people in the left fork moved forward one space and a gap was created precisely when I shifted my attention to the right fork for a moment.Just then, a skinny, dark haired Hispanic bogey swooped in and filled the gap. I am cognizant of the fact that some Hispanics have a certain aptitude for sneaking into places without authorization. I am an upright student, a defender of the weak and a bastion of justice. But I am also a vigilante, so instead of calling immigration services I took the matter into my own hands."Excuse me, did you just c
Globalization and Iranian Idol 2007-04-01 06:55:00 Free market economics is helping President Bush establish the New World Order he spoke of in 1991. Freedom, democracy, the American way of life, and its culture has been spreading throughout the Middle East steadily. After the ousting of the Taliban, for example, the Afghan people were free to watch Hollywood motion pictures like Gladiator, and wear Kangol hats instead of turbans.Recently, President Bush and the neoconservatives have achieved a new victory in the battle of the ideologies. Iran is considering adapting the highly successful TV show American Idol for syndication throughout the radical Muslim country. American Idol has been the highest rated show in America over the last two years.The Iranian
version will be called either Iranian Idol or American Infidel, and will feature 15 captured British sailors performing a variety of Western pop music hits. A panel of clerics will judge the performance of the sailors along with viewers who can text message their votes on their Motoro
WARNING!!! MAY CAUSE SEIZURES! 2007-04-03 08:11:00 Notice:A few days ago a math professor was explaining to the class that the daily returns of a stock should be normally distributed. Not convinced, I opened up Mozilla Firefox on the computer at my desk. I first went here, to my website, only to discover that an image was misaligned by the tiniest of margins. I could have fixed it at home, or after class, but I was overpowered by a strange force. I spent the next five minutes of class editing "CSS" or "HTML" or "MORSE" or whatever code its called."And that's the proof of the Central Limit Theorem. Make sure you know it for the final," the professor said as he erased the board.Damn it, I thought. I looked at my website layout back in its Nash equilibrium with the image properly aligned. Perfect."I'll have to copy that proof from someone or something," I said to myself, "I didn't know I could be so vain."Today, by some strange occurrence, I opened up the Internet Explorer browser at home. I normally use the Firefox browser that Mozill
Investment guru makes new move - Part 2 2007-04-04 22:48:00 Click here for Part 1Billionaire investor Warren Buffet has just announced the purchase of the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund ("IMF"). He stated, "100 years from now, there will still be corrupt rulers in developing nations. Anyone with a credit card and a gambling habit knows what that's like."With his stake in American Express, he now owns the right to collect both foreign and domestic debt.http://www.forbes.com/business/2007/04/03/corruption-countries-nations-biz-07caphosp-cx_da_0403corrupt.htmlhttp://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/5656.htmlhttp://web.worldbank.org/WBSITE/EXTERNAL/NEWS/...http://web.worldbank.org/WBSITE/EXTERNAL/NEWS/...http://www.thenews.com.pk/daily_detail.asp?id=49492and a host of others from all over the world...
Read more:makes
Entrepreneurship: Soccer mom or CEO? 2007-04-06 12:49:00 Warning: This post may be offensive to some, and will be to the rest. Join us as Baruch College's Zicklin School Of Business and The City College of New York host atwo part seminar on: Entrepreneurship
and The Global Economy in the Entertainment, Technology, and Internet age.Keynote Speaker: Our keynote speaker is a woman who embodies the entrepreneurial spirit of late 19th centuryAmerica - when men were men and the Chinese built railroads. This woman had the opportunity to join the labor force and work under someone, but chose to be her own boss. She also stood fast against giant, faceless corporations who tried to take over her company. This woman, infact, worked hard to keep her business in the family. Highly laudable. So-called "mom and pop" shops are indeed a rarity today. So who is this woman, and what does she do? Her company, a service based business, is a spin-off from her former pimp's company. She currently employees her 7 year old daughter, but is lookin Read more:Soccer
Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. 2007-04-09 00:39:00 I have a confession to make. I am not from Pakistan. I was born into the highest class of India's great caste system. I was showered with diamonds and women. Mountains of food, that would last me 100 lifetimes, rots in my personal warehouse. I was given everything a young man could desire and fuzzy slippers too. But I could not take all the pampering. I wanted to know what it was like to be a customer service call center representative, outsourced from America. What did it feel like to be up at 4 AM in the morning asking Americans if their computers were plugged in and their monitors connected to them? I wanted to know what it was like to be an Untouchable: the lowest of the castes, a class of outcasts and rejects. I wanted to know what it was like to be on sale for 1,500 rupees ($30 USD) while a buffalo was selling for ten times that right next to me. And if I got lucky, maybe I would get to drink its urine. http://www.asiansexgazette.com/asg/south_asia/southasia08news99.htmh
Switch to WordPress 2007-04-09 20:44:57 I’m switching to WordPress from Blogger. Sorry if you are getting old posts in your feed. Sorry Blogger. It’s not you, it’s me. Maybe we can still be friends.
WordPress, I like that I always have access to you. I also like that you let me try any layout position I want, day or night. I find that so sexy. My last blogfriend wasn’t into experimenting or trying new things, and was unavailable because of routine “maintenance” a few days every month.
I noticed WordPress one day, walking on the street, when my friend said, “Woah, check out the </body> on that one. Got a great pair of </header>’s.”
My friend is so shallow. I was struck by WordPress’s great style.css. By friend I mean penis.
Let’s not be harsh with Blogger, however. Blogger actually helped WordPress move into my domain. How many ex-blogfriends do you know that would do that? By the way, do you think I let WordPress move in too quickly? I mean, we ju
Forgive me, father, for I have sinned 2007-04-09 20:44:01 I have a confession to make.
I am not from Pakistan.
I was born into the highest class of India’s great caste system. I was showered with diamonds and women. Mountains of food, that would last me 100 lifetimes, rots in my personal warehouse. I was given everything a young man could desire and fuzzy slippers too. But I could not take all the pampering.
I wanted to know what it was like to be a customer service call center representative, outsourced from America. What did it feel like to be up at 4 AM in the morning asking Americans if their computers were plugged in and their monitors connected to them?
I wanted to know what it was like to be an Untouchable: the lowest of the castes, a class of outcasts and rejects. I wanted to know what it was like to be on sale for 1,500 rupees ($30 USD) while a buffalo was selling for ten times that right next to me. And if I got lucky, maybe I would get to drink its urine.
http://www.asiansexgazette.com/asg/south_asia/southasia08news99.htm
htt
Entrepreneurship: Soccer mom or CEO? 2007-04-09 20:43:29 Warning: This post may be offensive to some, and will be to the rest.
Join us as Baruch College’s Zicklin School Of Business and The City College of New York host a two part seminar on:
Entrepreneurship
and The Global Economy in the Entertainment, Technology, and Internet age.
Keynote Speaker:
Our keynote speaker is a woman who embodies the entrepreneurial spirit of late 19th century America - when men were men and the Chinese built railroads. This woman had the opportunity to join the labor force and work under someone, but chose to be her own boss. She also stood fast against giant, faceless corporations who tried to take over her company. This woman, in fact, worked hard to keep her business in the family. Highly laudable. So-called “mom and pop” shops are indeed a rarity today.
So who is this woman, and what does she do?
Her company, a service based business, is a spin-off from her former pimp’s company. She currently employs her 7 year Read more:Soccer
Investment guru makes new move - Part 2 2007-04-09 20:43:06 Click here for Part 1
Billionaire investor Warren Buffet has just announced the purchase of the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund (”IMF”). He stated, “100 years from now, there will still be corrupt rulers in developing nations. Anyone with a credit card and a gambling habit knows what that’s like.”
With his stake in American Express, he now owns the right to collect both foreign and domestic debt.
http://www.forbes.com/business/2007/04/03/corruption…
http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/5656.html
http://web.worldbank.org/WBSITE/EXTERNAL/NEWS/…
http://web.worldbank.org/WBSITE/EXTERNAL/NEWS/…
http://www.thenews.com.pk/daily_detail.asp?id=49492
and a host of others from all over the world…
Read more:makes
WARNING!!! MAY CAUSE SEIZURES! 2007-04-09 20:42:49 Notice:
A few days ago my math professor was explaining to the class that the daily returns of a stock should be normally distributed. Not convinced, I opened up Mozilla Firefox on the computer at my desk. I first came here, to my website, only to discover that an image was misaligned by the tiniest of margins. I could have fixed it at home, or after class, but I was overpowered by a strange force. I spent the next five minutes of class editing CSS, HTML, MORSE or whatever code its called.
“And that’s the proof of the Central Limit Theorem. Make sure you know it for the final,” my professor said as he erased the board.
Damn it, I thought. I looked at my website layout back in its Nash equilibrium with the image properly aligned. Perfect.
“I’ll have to copy that proof from someone or something,” I said to myself, “I didn’t know I could be so vain.”
Today, by some strange occurrence, I opened up the Internet Explorer (”IE”
Globalization and Iranian Idol 2007-04-09 20:42:25 Free market economics is helping President Bush establish the New World Order he spoke of in 1991. Freedom, democracy, the American way of life, and its culture has been spreading throughout the Middle East steadily. After the ousting of the Taliban, for example, the Afghan people were free to watch Hollywood motion pictures like Gladiator, and wear Kangol hats instead of turbans.
Recently, President Bush and the neoconservatives have achieved a new victory in the battle of the ideologies. Iran is considering adapting the highly successful TV show American Idol for syndication throughout the radical Muslim country. American Idol has been the highest rated show in America over the last two years.
The Iranian
version will be called either Iranian Idol or American Infidel, and will feature 15 captured British sailors performing a variety of Western pop music hits. A panel of clerics will judge the performance of the sailors along with viewers who can text message their votes on their Moto
Back of the queue buddy! 2007-04-09 20:42:12 Yesterday, at my college cafeteria - yes, the one with the turnstiles - someone cut the cash register line right in front of me. It was during peak lunch hours when lines are long, and only the law of the jungle prevails when fighting for the last scoop of macaroni and cheese.
The cafeteria has two long lines, which fork toward the end, leading to two cash registers each. I was standing at the fork with a stream of hungry students in line behind me. The people in the left fork moved forward one space and a gap was created precisely when I shifted my attention to the right fork for a moment.
Just then, a skinny, dark haired Hispanic bogey swooped in and filled the gap. I am cognizant of the fact that some Hispanics have a certain aptitude for sneaking into places without authorization. I am an upright student, a defender of the weak and a bastion of justice. But I am also a vigilante, so instead of calling immigration services I took the matter into my own hands.
“Excuse me, did y
A routine oil change and make up sex 2007-04-09 20:41:58 Relationships are like cars. Sometimes there are accidents and breakdowns regardless of who’s driving.
Sometimes, when your car gets damaged, it’s minor enough to get it fixed and you keep it.
Sometimes, when your car gets damaged, it’s so bad it isn’t worth fixing and you get a new one.
And sometimes, when your car gets damaged and is in the shop for repairs, it’s best to get yourself a temporary replacement.
When men need a temporary replacement they will pay for a rental car.
When women need a temporary replacement they will just borrow their friend’s.
If you don’t own a car and use public transportation, like the subway…well…I guess you should just get tested often.
Investment guru makes new move 2007-04-09 20:41:46 Two years ago, billionaire investor Warren Buffet bought a huge stake in the Anheuser Busch beer brewing company. His reasoning was that “there is a high probability that people will be drinking alcohol until the end of humanity.”
In a strikingly similar manner, today he announced the purchase of an undisclosed U.S. weapons manufacturer stating, “100 years from now, people will still be voting Republican.”
http://www.reuters.com/article/politicsNews/idUSN2037063920070324
Read more:makes
Be positive 2007-04-09 20:41:21 I only have time to share one of the many good things I can see coming from the Iraq war: Oliver Stone making a sequel to Platoon.
Who? What? Who’s on first? 2007-04-12 06:15:46 I haven’t had time to post much due to school work and drug use. More will come soon (and better than this post), I promise. Scout’s honor. But, for now, my first pop culture post:
Apparently, some journalists refer to the World Health Organization as “the WHO” in their articles. I don’t know if this is a common practice. Sometimes, I miss the notice - World Health Organization (”WHO”) - and start thinking that the British rock band is trying to save the world. And if it is, wouldn’t that make it the World Health Organisation - being British and all? Bloody hell, I don’t know.
Anway, since when do rock stars think they can save the world (Except for Bono, he gets a pass because of his cool name). Who do they think they are? Hollywood actors? Bugger.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6539437.stm
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