Owner: tamiki.com - Witty Ramblings Of A Lower Class Immigrant URL:http://www.tamiki.com Join Date: Fri, 23 Mar 2007 08:17:44 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Tamiki.com is an original humor site with witty, clever, and hilarious writing. Many posts are inspired by or revolve around serious social, political or economic issues.They are all funny...sometimes. Written by a 22 year old math student. Site statistics:Click here
Laugh at me, not with me… 2007-05-24 17:25:33 disclaimer: this might be too dark for some people. if that is the case, just turn up the brightness on your monitor. also, any allusion to racism or African American persecution does not make me racist - i’m just writing on a monochrome monitor.
i’m in bed, writhing in agony. it’s spring, and the weather is great… for lynching myself from a tree. it’s sunny, and your suicide should always be seen in a good light…
a Pakistani hanging from a tree is strange fruit, indeed. but i’m not black, so i have a moral issue with that: i don’t want to offend the ku klux klan
if it were winter time, i’d hang myself from a ceiling fan. that way, i’ll be spinning around when they find me.
i have a problem with life. in the spring time, i can’t relate to people with allergies. i can’t hold a conversation about anti-histamines. this troubles me.
i want to be a mute. that way, it’s not my fault if i don’t say, “
Hope your friends have a sense of humor 2007-05-24 05:07:44 Disclaimer: I am not racist. This is only a joke.
Next time you arrive at a party, bring a bag of Oreos and announce your entry by shouting, “Hey, hey, I brought the Uncle Toms…”
I hope my new apartment has padded walls - another corny statistics joke 2007-05-23 21:00:20 This is true - not a fabrication:
My psychiatrist used to be a chef de poisson (fish) at a four star NYC restaurant…
So he understands all the tests for normality.
Open up a probability and statistics book if you didn’t get it.
Read more:apartment
More corny filler inspired by my math final exams 2007-05-22 23:16:21 What did the statistician say to the carpet store owner?
“I’d like to see a small sample please.”
This statistics joke was made on account of tamiki.com having its 30,000th visitor since launching on March 14th, 2007.
That’s normal, I suppose
Read more:filler
, exams
Oh come on… what is it 2007-05-27 06:06:48 My play on words for the word ’shortcoming’ is too graphic for this website…
On security 2007-05-27 05:54:10 The greater a man tries to hide his insecurities, the more they consume him.
So drink up, and let your gut hang free.
Read more:security
Nuts about nuts 2007-05-26 16:10:08 There is a street cart vendor in my neighborhood called “Sultan’s Meal.”
Its tagline, printed on the cart, is “Sultan’s Meal… A name you can trust.”
But isn’t the sultan’s meal the most likely to be poisoned?
On evolution 2007-05-26 05:59:31 The oldest comedy gag in history is a person slipping on a banana peel.
Where did it come from? Only Richard Dawkins knows that answer to that.
More posts about decency… 2007-05-26 05:27:11 Last night was a quiet Friday night. At 1:30 AM, I stepped outside to throw out a bag of trash. Parked outside the house was a 90s Nissan Maxima - with a body kit.
I saw frantic movement inside. An arm going up and down at 1:30 in the freakin morning. No… no one was waving to me, “Hey, you’re throwing out the trash on a Friday night at 1:30 AM, cool!”
No, it was the hand of a guy in the passenger seat, pressed against the back of a head. He was getting a blow job in front of the whole world. Is this normal behavior?
An Asian couple walked down the street, and I noticed their stride quickened as they approached the car…
I’m just happy it wasn’t me in there… the thought of some jerk’s hand forcing me down on his penis doesn’t bother me… but I can’t stand those freaking pine tree car fresheners…
After a short while, the fast paced action stopped. I heard the door open and thought, “Shit, I shouldn&rsq Read more:posts
You know the Mitch Hedberg ant farm joke… 2007-05-26 00:36:26 I once took a tap dancer to Central Park for date, because hello… park dates are free.
We were sitting against a tree, when an ant crawled up her back. Naturally, I volunteered to remove that ant from her back.
Eventually, after fumbling around her bra strap for a few moments, I grabbed the ant.
The girl let out a cry, “Don’t kill it”
So I let the ant go on it’s merry way, after paying it its fee (a cookie crumb).
“Don’t kill it?” A tap dancer is telling me not to kill an ant?
How many 7.9s on the ant colony richter scale has the tippity tap dancer caused in her lifetime… “Don’t kill it…”
Needless to say, it didn’t work out… between me and the ant.
Read more:Mitch
You’re a pervert tamiki… and you make corny jokes like the ones below 2007-05-26 00:16:00 I like to go to Hawaii with a lawn mower… it let’s the hula dancers in grass skirts know that I mean business.
The grass skirts are the reason there are no cows in Hawaii.
Hawaii is a republican state, because when they make the skirts… they like to remove all the grass roots.
Why yes, Hawaiian women do have bushes… [crude yes… tasteless… no - grass has a taste].
There is a bikini wax, and a Brazillian wax, but what kind of wax job do the Hawaiian’s get?
I also once tried to burn a grass skirt… to get high… that mannequin really got upset.
Read more:pervert
Some more shit from when I was high 2007-05-31 20:08:57 Recently, I got into a fight with a square. When the cops came to break it up, they took his side… because I could handle a triangle…
Tamiki, why don’t you write more? 2007-05-30 21:24:08 Why am I not writing more? I promise I will, but…
The truth is… I’ve been seeing a therapist… and her husband is pretty upset about that…
Psychologists are interested in people. Once I met an attractive child psychologist… so I told her that I was immature.
Ewww… 2007-05-30 07:46:49 My mother always puts the toilet paper on backwards. So I do the only logical thing in the bathroom… I eat…
Random filler 2007-05-30 01:04:50 An odor can saturate your smelling thingys until you can’t smell that odor anymore.
I wonder if that happens to Wolverine from the X-Men, because Beast must lay some nasty farts.
Read more:Random
, filler
Sigh… 2007-05-28 23:32:30 The Week magazine is the Walmart of periodicals…
So much for having my own humor site 2007-05-28 23:08:21 I was behind two women and a man at a dunkin donuts line.
The women were called up to be served when one woman stopped the other, and told her that the man behind them was actually next.
The other woman said, “Oh… okay,” and let the man go ahead.
Instead of telling the girl a corny joke, I happened to say the stupidist thing that came to mind…
“It’s okay, being next on line is overrated anyway.”
Tuberculosis scare 2007-06-02 23:11:28 Consider for a moment that the man with tuberculosis who has to wear a mask over his mouth is named Speaker… ironic.
Read more:Tuberculosis
Random joke 2007-06-02 13:49:05 Paper company executive: So are margins are shrinking… is that a good thing or bad thing?
Read more:Random
I’m drunk… no time for funny titles 2007-06-01 23:28:14 Notice: This mildly funny post is inspired by the real lives of NYC taxi drivers. My father is one. I didn’t proof read it… blah
I am a medical doctor, but you might know me by my official name: the taxi driver whose cab you had sex in with that drunk
person you just met in the club… I’m the cab driver that knows the ins and outs of the city. I know how to get around, but I don’t… I’m very faithful to my wife. But let me tell you… I’ve been around the block… on my rickshaw (before marriage of course).
I have a thick accent, and am misunderstood like Mr. T on novacaine - straight from the dentist. While we mention dentists, you should know that I make my own toothpaste. Odd, I know. But so is Bill Cowher handing flowers to his wife with a smile.
People think that I’m good at math, but I’m not. I have to calculate the change on an abacus. It’s true that I’m a medical doctor. I came to this country
Duh… Pakistanis and Indians know math too 2007-06-01 11:26:36 Where do you think the number zero came from?
A chinese food delivery man once tried to rip me off when I got my change. Just because I’m not Chinese, and have no accent doesn’t meant I don’t know math. I’m a math major.
Do I need to wear a cone on my head? Instead of it reading “dunce,” however, it’ll read “one-third pi r-squared h.”
Read more:Indians
What’s this? Corny jokes? Mmmmm… 2007-06-01 08:24:00 If you ever get the chance to date a geologist, do it… I hear they are very down to earth.
I once dated a very understanding woman… she was a U.N. translator.
You shouldn’t date children, because they play too many games.
Only date a fencer if you’re not afraid of piercings.
If you like an outgoing person, date a bum.
Always sit across from your date at dinner, or else you’ll never see eye to eye.
Read more:Corny
New York’s Bravest? 2007-06-06 09:54:51 I think you have to be very insecure to be a firetruck driver, because those horns are great at attracting attention.
Read more:New York
Sorry 2007-06-04 21:55:59 The site isn’t loading properly because there are too many requests for the server to handle. I don’t know why, but I suspect the aliens found my site and think it is funny. Sorry for the trouble - lower class immigrants can’t afford good hosting.
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