Owner: Manager and Tenant Gripes URL:http://managergripes.com Join Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2007 18:28:40 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: A place for building managers, apartment managers, and landlords to share their frustrations about tenants. And, a place for tenants to share their frustrations about building managers, apartment managers, and landlords. Site statistics:Click here
It’s Beautiful 2007-03-21 23:52:04 Hey,
This website/blog is beautiful. I don’t think I have ever encountered one that’s as gorgeous and yet functional. Can’t wait to tell all my friends (when I get friends).
Yours forever,
Buster
p.s. Okay I said it. Will you be PayPal’ing my $5 ? Read more:Beautiful
Cheapness Disguised as Something Else 2007-03-21 20:55:16 Every year, I get thousands of termites swarming in my living room. No kidding.
Separate from that, this year, our front lawn was completely flea infested. I literally had to spray my socks with flea spray just to walk outside.
My landlady’s response to both situations was that she had just read a book on Zen and so she wasn’t comfortable killing anything. Read more:Disguised
Average White Men Still on Crack 2007-03-21 03:37:59 See my previous posting to get in the loop, but here’s an update. The crack boys upstairs I’ve fondly named “Dip” and “Shit,” were at it again this past weekend. Seems they’d been out on St. Paddy’s day having a hoot. And how do I know that? Because about 3 a.m. I feel the sting of my girlfriend’s elbow in my rib cage. (It comes with being the manager and saves her a call.) She’s wide awake and in a foul mood. I finally hear what’s got her steamed. Shit — Dip seems way too uncordinated to play piano — has decided to pratice Mozart in the middle of the night, badly, and worst of all, add drunken lyrics. Guy doesn’t even speak German. Anyway, I grab my phone and leave the following message: “Hey, fuckballs, I don’t think it’s terribly unreasonable of me to ask you NOT TO PLAY YOUR FUCKING PIANO AT 3AM!!!… is it?” The playing stops. I go back to sleep. Read more:Average
, White
For Love or Money 2007-03-20 07:57:56 A tenant called me this week and told me his rent would be late because he just broke up with his girlfriend and he’s a sensitive guy, according to him, and takes things hard. I told him how sorry I was, and that I was sure the landlord’s mortgage company wouldn’t mind their payment being late and would happily even waive their late fee on account of his heartache. He started to cry, blubbering on about how kind I was. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was kidding. He’s a grown man for Christ’s sake, in his 40’s, with beautiful blue eyes, brown Cuban skin, wavy salt and pepper hair, he even speaks Spanish. If I was twenty five I would make him an offer he couldn’t refuse — and trust me, if I was twenty-five he couldn’t refuse it. Anyway, I have to admit I felt for the poor fella right up until he started crying. That’s when I knew he was lying and would call me an old bitch the minute I slid his 3-Day Notice under hi Read more:Money
Good Tenants Gone Bad 2007-03-16 07:33:45 I hear this all-time, “But I’ve always been a good tenant,” like being a decent human being is an accomplishment. It’s like expecting a prize for not lying. They go on, “I pay my rent on time, I’m considerate of my neighbors, I’m low maintenance.” To that last one I always say thank you like I mean it, and I do. So why have they suddenly decided to remind me of their brilliance? Because they’ve suddenly gone bad. They’re late on their rent and don’t want to pay their late fees, they’ve broken something and don’t want to pay to fix it, they’ve been rude to one of their neighbors for no good reason — at 4 o’clock in the morning — and I’ve had to warn them. So here’s the deal: parents, stop passing out medals for fourth place. Let your kids earn it — along with your respect. Read more:Tenants
Men Should Act Like Men 2007-03-13 07:33:32 Tenant calls me and says he has a rat in his apartment the size of a cat. Right off I don’t believe him because he also tells me — every time I see him — that he knew Jackie O. Right, and he also vacationed with the Kennedy’s in Kennebunkport. Need I say more? Still, it’s my job to deal with rodents so I set a couple of traps. (Hint on traps, use apple with a dab of peanut butter. Exterminator guy gave me the recipe. Cheese is out, he said, the little suckers will let cheese turn to stone before they’ll even think about touching it. And don’t use those gooey traps, my dog stepped in one and it took a week to get the goop off his foot.)
Anyway, a day later this guy tells me he heard a trap go off in the middle of the night. I ask him if he caught something but he says he’s afraid to look. Afraid to look? A giant can of Milwaukee Light should land on his head. I pull the trap out myself and it’s one of the smallest rats I’ve eve
Illegal Parkers: Advice from Buzz 2007-03-10 09:09:20 Someone mistake your building’s driveway for a parking lot? Someone blocking a tenant’s space? First, here’s what NOT to do: don’t call the towing service. I know, seems like the logical thing to do but it’s an amateur move driven by rage and the need for revenge that you’ll regret. What you need to do is wait till the red tint leaves your bulging eyeballs and get clever. Why? Because the militant satisfaction of towing someone’s car will last right up until the tow truck arrives. Then you’ll feel a ton of guilt at the sight of another human being’s car getting towed. I can’t explain it, it’s just a law nature, like watching rain fall from an ashen sky.
Anyway, the master manager move and one I’ve had plenty of success with is to simply leave a threatening message on their car albeit one laced with sarcasm and humor, and you’ll shame the fools into never parking in your domain again. Here’s a sample tha
Nirvana’s Overrated 2007-03-06 09:05:50 A Friday. 9 p.m. I get a call from an elderly lady upstairs. I like her. She has nice Weiner dog. She smiles a lot and says hello, holding on to her dentures with her upper lip like Humphrey Bogart used to do. Always liked Humphrey. She tells me her downstairs neighbor is blasting her music. Her downstairs neighbor is a cool hipster chick who drives a Comet, smokes cloves, and says she shops at thrift stores but I’m convinced she really shops at Urban Outfitters. Anyway, I stand outside her door. Her music is so loud she can’t even hear me knocking… er, pounding on her door. I pull out my cellphone and call her. She apologizes profusely and turns down the tunes.
Cut to a hour later. I go to my storage unit in the basement to retrieve some sundry items. It’s an old building, the floors are thin, and she’s on the first floor. I can hear so well you’d think I was standing in her living room. Some dude is over and he’s playing his acoustic guitar Read more:Nirvana
Average White Men on Crack 2007-03-04 01:02:30 Since I’m the manager you’d think that the two bozos above me would have more sense than to roll in at three in the morning blazing from ecstasy and crack and start hooting and hollering like drunk party dudes on a Girls Gone Wild video. You’d think. Instead, they roll in with whatever street urchins they happened to scoop up at a local bar, and proceed to sing, stomp, shout, and tumble about their hard-wooded floor apartment like bulls running through the streets of Pamplona. So what do I do? Call the police? Maybe ring them up and kindly ask them to tone it down? I am a professional, after all. Not a chance in manager hell. I storm up there in my terry-cloth bathrobe, pound on their door like Conan the Barbarian and scream at the top of my lungs, “SHUUUUTTTTT THHHHHEE FUUUUUUCK UUUUUP!!!” Always seems to do the trick. Read more:Average
, White
Outside my window. 4 a.m. Two giant butts… 2007-03-04 00:05:56 &hellip
;staring back at me. I wrestle my eyes into focus. By God it’s a pee fest in the garden that Julio so tenderly cares for on Mondays and Fridays. I tap on the window. The girls scream and tug on their dangling g-strings like life preservers. “What part of garden spells toilet?” I holler through the window. They waddle off. I notice that I’m naked and go back to bed. Some people. Read more:Outside
, giant
Girls Gone F*&!^#$@ing Crazy 2007-03-23 22:36:30 I may be pushing sixty but I can goddamn well hear. The other day one of my tenants called me a cunt under her breath as I was walking away. I could’ve just turned around and kicked her ass. That’s how I felt. I’d just given her a 3 Day Notice. It’s what happens when you don’t pay your rent. So why does that give her the right to whip out the C word? And I was just starting to feel sorry for the poor girl. She says she’s a dancer but everyone in the building knows she’s a stripper and her neighbors swear she has several “benefactors.” The tip off is always someone who likes to pay with cash or money orders. It all started when she tried to pay part of her rent with rolled up quarters. I told her to go make some change at a bank or a 7-Eleven, and she just dumped them on my desk and walked out chewing on her hair, mumbling something that time as well. Now, let me ask you, where in her sad life do I fit between her legs? Read more:Girls
, Crazy
It’s Beautiful 2007-03-21 23:52:04 Hey,
This website/blog is beautiful. I don’t think I have ever encountered one that’s as gorgeous and yet functional. Can’t wait to tell all my friends (when I get some friends).
Yours forever,
Buster
p.s. Okay I said it. Will you be PayPal’ing my $5 ? Read more:Beautiful
Cheapness Disguised as Something Else 2007-03-21 20:55:16 Every year, I get thousands of termites swarming in my living room. No kidding.
Separate from that, this year, our front lawn was completely flea infested. I literally had to spray my socks with flea spray just to walk outside.
My landlady’s response to both situations was that she had just read a book on Zen and so she wasn’t comfortable killing anything. Read more:Disguised
Average White Men Still on Crack 2007-03-21 03:37:59 See my previous posting to get in the loop, but here’s an update. The crack boys upstairs I’ve fondly named “Dip” and “Shit,” were at it again this past weekend. Seems they’d been out on St. Paddy’s day having a hoot. And how do I know that? Because about 3 a.m. I feel the sting of my girlfriend’s elbow in my rib cage. (It comes with being the manager and saves her a call.) She’s wide awake and in a foul mood. I finally hear what’s got her steamed. Shit — Dip seems way too uncordinated to play piano — has decided to pratice Mozart in the middle of the night, badly, and worst of all, add drunken lyrics. Guy doesn’t even speak German. Anyway, I grab my phone and leave the following message: “Hey, fuckballs, I don’t think it’s terribly unreasonable of me to ask you NOT TO PLAY YOUR FUCKING PIANO AT 3AM!!!… is it?” The playing stops. I go back to sleep. Read more:Average
, White
For Love or Money 2007-03-20 07:57:56 A tenant called me this week and told me his rent would be late because he just broke up with his girlfriend and he’s a sensitive guy, according to him, and takes things hard. I told him how sorry I was, and that I was sure the landlord’s mortgage company wouldn’t mind their payment being late and would happily even waive their late fee on account of his heartache. He started to cry, blubbering on about how kind I was. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was kidding. He’s a grown man for Christ’s sake, in his 40’s, with beautiful blue eyes, brown Cuban skin, wavy salt and pepper hair, he even speaks Spanish. If I was twenty five I would make him an offer he couldn’t refuse — and trust me, if I was twenty-five he couldn’t refuse it. Anyway, I have to admit I felt for the poor fella right up until he started crying. That’s when I knew he was lying and would call me an old bitch the minute I slid his 3-Day Notice under hi Read more:Money
Good Tenants Gone Bad 2007-03-16 07:33:45 I hear this all-time, “But I’ve always been a good tenant,” like being a decent human being is an accomplishment. It’s like expecting a prize for not lying. They go on, “I pay my rent on time, I’m considerate of my neighbors, I’m low maintenance.” To that last one I always say thank you like I mean it, and I do. So why have they suddenly decided to remind me of their brilliance? Because they’ve suddenly gone bad. They’re late on their rent and don’t want to pay their late fees, they’ve broken something and don’t want to pay to fix it, they’ve been rude to one of their neighbors for no good reason — at 4 o’clock in the morning — and I’ve had to warn them. So here’s the deal: parents, stop passing out medals for fourth place. Let your kids earn it — along with your respect. Read more:Tenants
Men Should Act Like Men 2007-03-13 07:33:32 Tenant calls me and says he has a rat in his apartment the size of a cat. Right off I don’t believe him because he also tells me — every time I see him — that he knew Jackie O. Right, and he also vacationed with the Kennedy’s in Kennebunkport. Need I say more? Still, it’s my job to deal with rodents so I set a couple of traps. (Hint on traps, use apple with a dab of peanut butter. Exterminator guy gave me the recipe. Cheese is out, he said, the little suckers will let cheese turn to stone before they’ll even think about touching it. And don’t use those gooey traps, my dog stepped in one and it took a week to get the goop off his foot.)
Anyway, a day later this guy tells me he heard a trap go off in the middle of the night. I ask him if he caught something but he says he’s afraid to look. Afraid to look? A giant can of Milwaukee Light should land on his head. I pull the trap out myself and it’s one of the smallest rats I’ve eve
Illegal Parkers: Advice from Buzz 2007-03-10 09:09:20 Someone mistake your building’s driveway for a parking lot? Someone blocking a tenant’s space? First, here’s what NOT to do: don’t call the towing service. I know, seems like the logical thing to do but it’s an amateur move driven by rage and the need for revenge that you’ll regret. What you need to do is wait till the red tint leaves your bulging eyeballs and get clever. Why? Because the militant satisfaction of towing someone’s car will last right up until the tow truck arrives. Then you’ll feel a ton of guilt at the sight of another human being’s car getting towed. I can’t explain it, it’s just a law nature, like watching rain fall from an ashen sky.
Anyway, the master manager move and one I’ve had plenty of success with is to simply leave a threatening message on their car albeit one laced with sarcasm and humor, and you’ll shame the fools into never parking in your domain again. Here’s a sample tha
Nirvana’s Overrated 2007-03-06 09:05:50 A Friday. 9 p.m. I get a call from an elderly lady upstairs. I like her. She has nice Weiner dog. She smiles a lot and says hello, holding on to her dentures with her upper lip like Humphrey Bogart used to do. Always liked Humphrey. She tells me her downstairs neighbor is blasting her music. Her downstairs neighbor is a cool hipster chick who drives a Comet, smokes cloves, and says she shops at thrift stores but I’m convinced she really shops at Urban Outfitters. Anyway, I stand outside her door. Her music is so loud she can’t even hear me knocking… er, pounding on her door. I pull out my cellphone and call her. She apologizes profusely and turns down the tunes.
Cut to a hour later. I go to my storage unit in the basement to retrieve some sundry items. It’s an old building, the floors are thin, and she’s on the first floor. I can hear so well you’d think I was standing in her living room. Some dude is over and he’s playing his acoustic guitar Read more:Nirvana
Average White Men on Crack 2007-03-04 01:02:30 Since I’m the manager you’d think that the two bozos above me would have more sense than to roll in at three in the morning blazing from ecstasy and crack and start hooting and hollering like drunk party dudes on a Girls Gone Wild video. You’d think. Instead, they roll in with whatever street urchins they happened to scoop up at a local bar, and proceed to sing, stomp, shout, and tumble about their hard-wooded floor apartment like bulls running through the streets of Pamplona. So what do I do? Call the police? Maybe ring them up and kindly ask them to tone it down? I am a professional, after all. Not a chance in manager hell. I storm up there in my terry-cloth bathrobe, pound on their door like Conan the Barbarian and scream at the top of my lungs, “SHUUUUTTTTT THHHHHEE FUUUUUUCK UUUUUP!!!” Always seems to do the trick. Read more:Average
, White
Average White Men on Crack 2007-03-04 01:02:30 Since I’m the manager you’d think that the two bozos above me would have more sense than to roll in at three in the morning blazing from ecstasy and crack and start hooting and hollering like drunk party dudes on a Girls Gone Wild video. You’d think. Instead, they roll in with whatever street urchins they happened to scoop up at a local bar, and proceed to sing, stomp, shout, and tumble about their hard-wooded floor apartment like bulls running through the streets of Pamplona. So what do I do? Call the police? Maybe ring them up and kindly ask them to tone it down? I am a professional, after all. Not a chance in manager hell. I storm up there in my terry-cloth bathrobe, pound on their door like Conan the Barbarian and scream at the top of my lungs, “SHUUUUTTTTT THHHHHEE FUUUUUUCK UUUUUP!!!” Always seems to do the trick. Read more:Average
, White
Landlady on the Hunt 2007-03-28 20:36:04 I swear my landlady has if out for me. Bitch hovers over me like a vulture just waiting for me to fuck up. I told her I just wanna make people laugh…that’s all I wanna do. She said I wasn’t funny. How the fuck does she know? I don’t need these kind of bad vibes. That shit sticks to you, man. She claims I spill my trash when I’m taking it out, I talk too loud on the phone, I play my music too loud, twice she even said she never got my rent check. Now I gotta pay in person with a cashier’s check. Costs me an extra $10 every month. But worst of all, the other day she tells me that the dude who used to live in my apartment hung himself in my garage. And she fucking laughed when she said it. That ain’t right. Especially coming from an 80-year-old woman who oughta know better. Now I’m all creeped out whenever I go and get my car. I’m like that kid who sees dead people. Fuck her evil little ass.
Setting the Correct Precedent 2007-03-31 21:54:35 Reading TwoTone’s discussion inspires the Regal Renter to mention something about setting the correct precedent.
You see, the Regal Renter is a happy renter. Regal has rented her entire adult life. She likes to travel and have her mind on other things, so she has never wanted the responsibility of owning her own place. Instead, she’s more than happy to let someone else take on that responsibility.
In most cases, Regal has gotten along just fine with her managers. Setting
the proper precedent is one of her number techniques. When someone really wants an apartment, they’re often willing to do whatever it takes to get it. They put their best foot forward, act exceptionally nice, advertise how accommodating they are, etc. If they see a problem when looking at the apartment for the first time, they often imply no sense of urgency in having the item repaired. After all, they don’t want the manager or landlord to think that their too fussy.
Making a good impression of Read more:Correct
Trash in Trash Out 2007-04-08 03:00:20 Okay, here’s my gripe, plain and simple: Is it so bloody hard for tenants to pick up their own trash? Is it, really? They’re like children. They leave trash around their car, fast food rappers, Starbucks cups, same for the mailroom, same for the laundry room. I put a sign on the waste basket by the mail boxes, “Junk Mail Only Please.” Yes, Buzz, the master of all managers actually used the word please. Could they heed my request? Not even close. Half-full frappaccino cups, fast food rappers, even trash from their apartments, you know, stuff like eggshells and banana peels. They even throw their cigarette butts out the window of their apartments into our beautifully landscaped front garden that only cost the building owner $750K to tear out and completely rebuild. And these are people who drive Range Rovers, Jaguars, Beamers, I’ve even got a guy who drives an Aston Martin. Does that make a difference? Money? Affluence? A Gucci bag? Nope. And ask them to co Read more:Trash
Trolls Under the Bridge 2007-04-10 08:15:43 My friend Susan asks me why managers are all so surly. Why they yell through their doors and snarl at their tenants. I’ll tell you why, because the minute we nicety-nice it up with our tenants they turn into bloodsucking leaches. It’s true, don’t call me a bitch without hearing me out. The only tenants who ever call me because they’ve locked themselves out, because they need a spare lightbulb, because they want a favor like getting their mail for them are the ones I’ve been nice to or accepted gifts from. So I stop being nice and accepting their gifts (most look like re-gifts) and they quit calling with trivial matters that they can handle themselves. Like a clogged toilet that just needs to be plunged. So next time you curse your manager think about what it’s like for us. Or like I tell my tenants, your mistakes are not my emergencies. Read more:Trolls
Reasonable Requests at Reasonable Intervals and Times 2007-04-12 00:04:35 When I meet a new manager at a prospective apartment, I always ask them how they like to be contacted for non-emergency items. I find out whether they prefer notes, calls, or knocks on the door. For calls and knocks, I ask about the best times.
Finally, I ask whether they want to know about items one at a time or whether they prefer a list after a few items accumulate. I notice some tenants bother managers about the smallest of tasks (things they could surely take care of on their own) and continually ask for things throughout the week. What a pain. No wonder managers sometimes need to make themselves unavailable.
If they respond cynically to my first question (such as “I don’t want to know about it.”), then that tells me it’s not where I want to live. Read more:Reasonable
, Requests
, Times
Junk Mail Only Please 2007-04-21 23:48:39 Tenants are disrespectful little pigs. Yes, I said it, and no, not because I thought it, but because it’s true. Need proof? There’s a little sign on the little trash can that lives near the mail boxes. The little sign on the little can says, “Junk Mail Only Please
.” Pretty simple, right? But once, twice a week one of my little pig tenants, yes, they belong to me, leaves junk food wrappers, et al, in said little can with said little sign. So, yesterday, I left a big sign above the sad little can that said, “JUNK MAIL ONLY PLEASE. THAT MEANS NO FAST FOOD WRAPPERS, NO LEFTOVERS, NO FOODSTUFFS. WHY? BECAUSE THEY STINK, AND BECAUSE THERE ARE THREE TRASH CANS BUT FEET AWAY. OUTSIDE. CAPICHE?” This was after I personally pulled rotting discarded McDonalds leftovers from the little can. Next time I’m going to put a bear trap in the can. Or isn’t that legal?
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