Owner: Ask Dori Sex Advise URL:http://deardori.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2007 13:13:32 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Advice and thoughts on Human Sexuality, Gender, Relationships, Diversity from Professor Dori. Site statistics:Click here
What Makes a Man Want to Have More Sex 2007-03-16 01:45:00 Our society focuses on the opposite of this issue, that men always want sex, choosing to ignore that it really does go both ways. There's that misconception that men have higher sex drives than women do when in fact they are pretty much the same.The difference comes in how each gender approaches sex. Most men have been raised to believe that showing emotion is unacceptable. So...sex is the best way that they know how to accomplish that feat while still looking like a guy!Men are also motivated by being able to show off some ability while women are more motivated through feeling appreciated and loved.Gentlemen...I want to know what works for you...what turns you on when you are off. What makes you want to have more sex?!?!
Question for the Guys 2007-03-14 16:52:00 So...my last article was titled "How Do I Get My Wife/Girlfriend to Have More Sex?' That article has prompted another question...how do I get my husband/boyfriend to have more sex?As it turns out, there are a lot of women out there who have this challenge with their men. Now, I know that many or all of you are saying, "Oh, no...Not me!" However, consider for me the possibility that your wife/girlfriend wants sex when you don't. I would love to hear your side and have you tell me what has worked for you when you weren't necessarily in the mood.The ladies number one response was having their man do the housework. I seriously doubt that will be your response!Help me out here guys! Read more:Question
Domestic Violence as Hate Crime? 2007-03-05 18:34:00 This past Saturday I attended a conference at a local College of Law exploring whether or not domestic violence should be prosecuted as a hate crime. Most of the attendees were law students and lawyers and only one other social-worker "type". I felt we were able to bring a different perspective to how they were looking at current laws in the state of Colorado and how to potentially word new bills. Coming from California, I had no idea about criminalized domestic violence. I learned about that working with some of my single-parent participants when I accompanied them to their civil and criminal cases as witnesses. They were witnesses against their ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends; they were not there on the prosecuting side because of our laws. A lot of discussion on this topic on Saturday revolved around how the criminalization caused more problems than it helped.The original intention was to make the penalties for domestic violence more stringent and to ensure that the perpetrators did Read more:Domestic
, Violence
, Domestic Violence
Moral Obligation? 2007-02-28 01:14:00 Yesterday in my Gender class, a student asked me whether I thought that a transgendered person has a moral obligation to disclose that he or she has had sexual reassignment surgery. Wow! What a question! This sparked much debate in the classroom to say the very least! The person that asked the question thought it would be terrible to find out after falling in love that his girlfriend used to be a man. His biggest issue with all of it was to find out that the person he thought of as a woman, was incapable of bearing children. Then the issue came up about general male expectations and stereotypes…that most men would be freaked out to find out their girlfriend used to be a male. Most women would too, but women tend to be more gender flexible. Do you remember the movies “Crying Game” and “Boys Don’t Cry”? Well, it didn’t go over too well when each of the main characters came out or were found out. People don’t like to be deceived especially on that level. And a Read more:Moral
The Power of Women's Groups 2007-02-20 18:19:00 I went away this weekend to a women’s retreat. I’ve never done anything like this before and never really thought much of women’s groups. Really…I just didn’t think about them. I did this one because of work not because I thought, “Oh, how cool.”It really was an amazing experience….women supporting women. Who would have thought?! I shared with them about this website (www.PleasureMeNow.com) that I am now writing for and they responded with great enthusiasm and support. At first there was dead silence and then a cheer went up!Numerous women approached me over the extent of the weekend sharing their stories and asking their questions. The need for a safe website where women (or anyone) can ask the questions that they find important and relevant in their current life is real.The bottom line about women’s groups... they can be incredible! Go out and see for yourself…unless, of course, you are a man! :) It was a very powerful experience to be supported by other women.The Read more:Women
, Groups
Why are you a boy/girl? 2007-02-15 17:26:00 How much influence does your mother have over your gender-identity development and personality? Well, it depends on who you ask. There are theorists out there who say that she is a major contributor and others who say not so much. If I think back to my childhood and all the influences my twin brother and I experienced in relation to gender-identity development, I would say that our environment played a key role in reinforcing gender-stereotypic behavior. From as far back as I can remember, my brother was “conditioned” to be a boy and I was “conditioned” to be a girl. Even the chores we were assigned as little kids reinforced the stereotypical gender roles; He took the trash out and I did the dishes. Not that there was anything wrong with that. I do think, however, how important it is for everyone to be exposed to non-traditional gender-stereotypical chores! What I mean is that we should all be encouraged to try different activities whether they are male or female labele
Gender Differences in IQ? 2007-02-13 05:04:00 Are there gender differences in IQ? It’s pretty interesting that we as a society really focus on gender-appropriate intellect. “What does that mean?” you ask. Just that, in general, our society believes that men are smarter when it comes to math and women are smarter when it comes to verbal intelligence. Why is this?Think back to elementary school…I know…for some of us it was longer ago than for others! I’m going to focus on the boys-are-better-at-math theory (because I’m a female). This was a time when our mathematical abilities were pretty similar across the gender board (check the research yourself!) BUT! Our teachers frequently placed different expectations on our math ability based on that gender.We were led to believe that boys would need math in their careers and girls wouldn’t, so it was important that boys pay attention and learn math. Girls, go ahead and write your short stories. This led to a greater emphasis on boys learning math. Huh…funny how that works.
Nice Girls 2007-02-11 02:21:00 Do nice girls always finish last? It’s a pretty common female characteristic that we want to be liked, so we’re nice to people that we don’t necessarily really like ourselves. Now, I’m not saying that we are all nice, just that there are those of us who are sometimes too nice.Considering that I work in the social services field, it’s actually pretty common to come across this type. And to be one. I believe that’s why I will never be a great boss. I think I’m tough, but I’m really not. I do believe I’m a leader, but not necessarily a good manager of others. When it comes down to it, I do want to be liked…and I think that good managers don’t worry about that aspect. Hell! I can’t even train my damn dog! Because he’s so cute, I find it impossible to consistently discipline him. Did I mention how cute he is?Why do we care? Is it something that is innate? Are we taught to worry about such things? Is it just women or do men worry about being liked as much as we do?I Read more:Girls
Cross-Dressers 2007-02-09 21:46:00 You’re a cross-dresser? So, that means that you are gay. Right? How does your family feel about it? Do you always dress like that? What do your co-workers think? When did you start? Well….these were just some of the questions presented to the cross-dressing panel yesterday in my Psychology of Gender class. The panel consisted of two male cross-dressers (Natalie and Darlene) and the wife (Michelle) of one of them. They all came dressed as women and you would never know that Darlene was a man. She dresses as a woman almost 85% of the time and Natalie only dresses up on occasion. Natalie is committed to her wife, Michelle, of over 30 years and she only found out that her husband is a cross-dresser a little over a year ago. Their children do not know. There is much secrecy in the world of a cross-dresser and with good reason.Numerous misconceptions exist about the cross-dressing community. Interestingly enough, most of us do know someone who is a cross-dresser; we just don’t Read more:Cross
The Power of Gender Stereotypes 2007-03-22 21:17:00 Yesterday in my Gender class we discussed gender stereotypes. Most people really don't realize the power behind gender stereotypes or stereotypes of any kind. It's a pretty interesting topic; as a society we really have come a long way, but we still have so far to go. Even though we have updated our home economic textbooks from the 50’s, women in a number of foreign countries have no rights. Have you ever seen one of those textbooks? It instructs our girls to do things like the following: - greet your husband at the door after a long day at work looking fresh, with newly applied makeup and high heels on- to bring him his slippers to help him relax- to have dinner waiting- to let him talk about his day because his was stressful- to not share the bad things that happened in your day because it would add to his stress These are just a few examples of what you could expect to find back “in the day!” We are improving, but so much more needs to be done especially in certain parts of Read more:Stereotypes
The Importance of Girlfriends 2007-03-23 22:28:00 I attended a self-esteem workshop for women last night, not as a participant, but as an observer because I had numerous clients attending and I wanted to see what it was all about. I was amazed.First of all, I was pleased to see that it was not a feminist-driven workshop. It really did focus on your own "shit" and that it was up to you to turn it around. Secondly, it was so empowering giving the participants the tools necessary to start changing how they view themselves. It's not up to anyone else; you have to work at it and figure out what works for you.One of the primary focuses was about how women loose their voices because of family and societal expectations placed on us... we can't be loud because we are supposed to speak softly; if we are aggressive we are bitches; if we are athletic we must be dikes; we are supposed to want to be mothers and wives and if we don’t, well, we just don’t fit in now do we?If we don't fit into these expectations and choose to live outside the f Read more:Girlfriends
Is porn bad?! 2007-03-28 23:15:00 Here is the question:I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years.. we have great sex life.. the only thing is that he likes porn. I don't like knowing this bc it makes me feel like maybe I'm not good enough an it makes me jealous to know hes getting off on watching other women..He wants to watch it with me an I've tried but it seems to bother me and make me think of him as a perve... is this bad that my bf likes porno? is it normal? does this mean hes going to cheat or something?Dear Worried,It is very normal that he likes pornography. Most men do because they are visual creatures; more so than women, but it’s also very common for women to enjoy them. They tap into our imaginations and our fantasies and that’s a big part of good and normal sex.It’s not an indication at all of cheating! Let that one go. And just because he watches porn, it certainly does not make him a perv. If it is “creepy” porn (violent, children, etc) then I would worry.And while I know t
Should your partner strip for you? 2007-03-31 20:28:00 I've posted a survey in this month's PleasureMeNow.com's newsletter. I am going to share parts of the readers's responses.Things NOT to do to turn your mate on:She tried to do a stripping routine for me once and all the intentions were there, but it just didn't work. I give her an "A" for effort, but at that moment, it was rough. I suppose that unless you are talented that way, I wouldn't try that one out! Ever seen that episode of King of Queens where Carrie tried out pole dancing for Doug? That didn't work out so well either!Be creative and have fun, but be careful! In all sorts of ways, be careful!
Don't Talk Sports! 2007-04-03 04:05:00 Okay guys...here's some really good advice:DON'T talk about how your favorite team lost a game while you are trying to get your gal to the big O! That's sure to spoil the mood.Would you like it if your partner started talking about the cutest little dress she just bought while trying to give you a blow job?!?!I didn't think so. Read more:Sports
Can opposite sex be just friends? 2007-04-04 16:50:00 Can there be such a thing as cross-gendered friendships? What would you think if some person of the opposite
sex walked up to you and said, "Hey. You look like a nice person and I'm looking for new friends. Would you like to hang out?" Most people would think that was a pick-up line.This is another age-old question. Is it possible to just be friends with someone of the opposite sex? Think about the times in your life when you tried it out. How did it work for you? According to the stereotypes and the research, it's almost impossible to do.According to my Gender class, of course it can be done! Well...in my history that was a big challenge, especially if I was single at the time. I do have some good guy friends, but if I met them before I was married, we went out at least once before deciding that wasn't going to work!The one guy I tried to be just friends with no going out kept pressuring me for more. It’s too bad because we are no longer even friends because of that.It's too ea
How to Avoid Intimacy 2007-04-06 23:12:00 If you really want to avoid getting closer to your partner, here are the top ten ways to accomplish that goal:Rule #1: Don’t talk!Rule #2: Never show your feelings!Rule #3: Always be pleasant!Rule #4: Always win!Rule #5: Always keep busy!Rule #6: Always be right!Rule #7: Never argue or disagree!Rule #8: Make your partner guess what you want!Rule #9: Always look out for number one!Rule #10: Keep the television on!Warning: This in not a comprehensive list. You may have other ways that have worked just as well for you in avoiding intimacy. Make sure to add your own methods to this list and then make sure not to share this list with your partner.Source: Adapted from the FLEducator. (1985, Winter). 4:2 Read more:Avoid
More and Better Orgasms Through Better Communication 2007-04-09 17:29:00 Communication is one of the biggest things that we as human beings struggle with and it is so easy to get defensive. It's so difficult to trust that someone else is not trying to hurt us in some way. As women we tend to want/expect that our partner will know what to do or what to say and that's just not very realistic. If it feels better when he moves a little to the left, we have to be willing to tell him to move a little to the left. Ahhh....yes....right there! That's wonderful!Learn to trust yourself and your partner and be willing to explore better sex through communication. How could he possibly know you have stronger orgasms when he pushes up while you are o'ing? How many more orgasms would we have if we could just say...a little to the left?
Should Gay Marriages be Legal? 2007-04-10 22:19:00 Yesterday I heard a gay minister talk on this very subject. He presented a lot of information on the difference between the legal and religious aspects of gay marriages and felt strongly that it came down far more to the religious side than the legal. The legal is simply about money, while the religious can shake people to the very core of who they believe they are and what is "right".The religious side is intangible...it's really about what is acceptable in our society and more people have a problem with what they feel is right. Most people don't seem to take issue with the money side of the controversy...or over if a partner should have the right to make medical decisions on the behalf of their sick partner...It comes down to moral beliefs and practices. Not everyone feels negatively about gay marriages; Many people have never thought about what it really means for two women or two men to marry. We don't see beyond the social unacceptability of same-gendered sex. As Dr. Reverend M
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