Jessica Simpson Broke Her Face
2007-08-18 13:43:00
While filming her new movie 'Major Movie Star', Jessica
Simpson
has broken her nose.
Was she jogging?
She said: "I was running with a gun over my head and fell over and broke my nose, it really hurt!"
She was taken to see a doctor, who probably couldn't see what was wrong with her, till she covered up her bikini. "Oh, yeah, you've got a face."
She has previously admitted her favourite body part is her slender nose. Well, you're about to have some surgery on it. I'm sure you're used to that on your nicer body parts.
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Big Brother: Kara-Louise Secret
2007-08-18 13:27:00
Kara-Louise
(twice as many names as everyone else in the house, none of the personality) has revealed why she is being so dull.
She's worried about what her mum thinks.
Dude, you're being so dull even she will have switched off.
She confided in Jonty and Carole that she already feels she's let her mum down by swearing twice. Oh, calm down. It was probably bleeped anyway. And knowing her it was just "damn" and "titties".
She said: "I feel I'm on display here, so I have to portray myself in a good way. You just don't know. It makes you paranoid. It's only twice, but you don't know what...
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Read more: Brother
, Big Brother
Big Brother: Gerry's Gone
2007-08-18 13:20:00
Last night in the Big Brother
house Gerry
fell on the sword (and to quote my mate Brian: "Not for the first time if it was a pork one." Classy Bri.)
He and Carole got the most public votes and it was up to the Gurus to pick between them. That sounds interesting you might think. Well, no, because Gerry, ever the one to try and save face, told them to pick him to go.
A clever move seeing as the other person in that ultimatum was the woman who'd been cooking and cleaning for them, and he's just been bitching. Jump before you're pushed, always a good move.
Carole of course cried again, but...
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Prince Gets Own Island
2007-08-18 12:58:00
Prince William and Kate Middleton have been enjoying a break in a desert island paradise.
They've been on Desroches Island
in the stunning Seychelles, and they were the only ones there. Normally it's filled with honeymooners, but they've had the whole place rented out for them.
I can see how that would be nice. It's like when you go to the cinema in the day and there's no one else in the screen. Seems like they're showing it just for you.
But it's a bit different in a holiday resort. If, somehow, something ends up floating in the pool, you'll have a job pretending it wasn't you.
"But...
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The Bourne Equation
2007-08-18 12:52:00
Some clever people with calculators worked out this week how much you would have to pay to become like Jason Bourne
from the films.
The total? £65,394.39! Ouch. Be here's the breakdown...
- Volkwagen Touareg, £57,632 (So, the VW hippy camper van won't do?)
- 5 x language lessons, £1035 per language for 35 lessons of one-to-one tuition. (Although go for languages like Iraqi and Klingon as they're probably doing cheap deals on them.)
- Rally Driving Day, £138.50. (Or try to go round Milton Keynes without sat-nav, it's the same.)
- Pocket sized bug protector, £699 (No idea. I just swat any...
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Read more: Equation
School For Angels
2007-08-17 12:46:00
There's trouble in Norway. (It's not often you get to type that.)
There has been criticism of a school created by Norway's Princess Maertha Louise. It's for students who wish to "get in contact with angels".
That almost sounds like that a threat.
The project has been criticised in the Scandinavian country where some have called for the 35-year-old princess, a devotee of alternative therapies, to renounce her official title or even get medical help.
She'd have to find an angel who had been through 7 years of medical school first. Hmm, tricky.
And you think our A-levels are too easy. ...
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Read more: School
, Angels
Paris Hilton's Clothes Take Off
2007-08-17 11:48:00
Paris Hilton
made traffic grind to a halt while opening her new clothing range in LA.
Which makes a change, normally she causes traffic problems by driving while banned.
Excited fans were so keen to get their hands on Paris' new line at trendy boutique Kitson that a road was closed off for pedestrians' safety.
Why would you want Paris Hilton
clothes? The last thing I saw her in was an all-in-one orange outfit. Oh, that might have been her prison uniform.
But why by clothes from someone who only got famous when she was filmed without any? If you want to get that classic Paris look,...
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Read more: Paris
, Clothes
Heidi Klum Gets Her Bottom Checked
2007-08-17 11:26:00
Heidi Klum says she employs husband Seal as her personal butt-checker.
I'm not sure if that's sexy or not. I'd like the idea of checking out her, or indeed any lady's ass, but to make it a job like that. Everyone eventually hates their job.
I guess it would be like being a proof-reader for Playboy. Seems great at first, but after a while you get sick of it.
And how would that look on your CV? "So, Mr Seal, you've spent the past year as a Gluteus Maximus Assessor? Tell me about that. "
I think her heart is in the right place asking him to do it, she's just got it mixed up.
She really...
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Read more: Heidi
, Bottom
, Heidi Klum
Big Brother: The Twin's World
2007-08-17 10:46:00
Jonty and Carole tried to give twin Amanda a much-needed geography lesson.
Gerry had planned to teach the twins geography in the past but Ziggy kicked the globe ball over the fence. It caused a massive row and I was disappointed no one in the house did the gag, "Calm down. You lost the globe, but it's not the end of the world."
This time they didn't need a globe, they had Jonty. If you paint him blue and his breasts green he's fairly accurate.
The twins couldn't even recognise landmarks in London.
Carole said: "Today we went to see the Crown," but Amanda didn't know where you'd find...
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Read more: Brother
, Big Brother
, World
Big Brother: Chanelle's Not Posh Enough
2007-08-17 10:05:00
Reports in the papers today say Big Brother
's Chanelle was snubbed by her idol Posh.
Victoria Beckham refused to meet Chanelle even though the blonde, 19, had jetted nearly 6,000 miles for a chance to come face-to-face with her.
Well, would you want to meet up with someone described as "looking just like you, only younger"?
And would you want someone like that to be introduced to your other half?
The Beckhams' security refused to let Chanelle into Victoria's luxury box at Galaxy's ground in Carson, California, even though they knew she was desperate to meet her idol.
"Looks like me,...
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Read more: Big Brother
, Enough
We All Need Motivation
2007-08-17 04:33:00
According to research I found on the internet, more and more people are embarrassed that they're working too hard.
In the old days it was a badge of honour that you slogged away, but these days not looking after your "work/life balance" means you're failing.
That's probably not applicable to all trades. If you are a coal miner in the north and you turn up to work saying, "My work/life balance is all over the place today. Can we get a fend shui expert down here?" you'd get laughed out the mine.
But for everyone else we're always being told we need to get it right.
So work smart, not...
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Big Brother: Samanda Getting Feisty
2007-08-16 17:01:00
Last night in the Big Brother
house is was all getting a little rough.
No, Charley hasn't come back without her make-up, it was the twins.
Sam and Amanda were romping around the place. They wrestled with Liam while just wearing t-shirts and skimpy undies, which is almost as far as Amy got despite her best efforts.
They were also leapfrogged over Brian. I'm not saying he's slow but he didn't look up at just the right time, like most others would've done.
It seems the twins have been locked up for too long and are maybe a little bit sexually frustrated.
In that case, I hope they win,...
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Read more: Big Brother
, Feisty
Skateboarding Police
2007-08-16 11:34:00
Police are being sent on courses to learn how to skateboard so they can bond more with the unruly youths.
They think sending the bobbies on these skateboard classes will get them 'respek', but of course, they're looking like ****heads.
I think this obsession with being cool is being taken too far. Here's a recent police press release we were sent:
On the morning of the 23rd my officers were heading in an Easterly direction, just chilling out, when they heard a disturbance which they described as "like a wicked din, with not enough bass, bro". On investigation they found two "homies" in...
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Big Star Streaks
2007-08-16 11:09:00
Scientists have discovered a "bizarre" supersonic star which is forming a wake 13 light-years long.
NASA spotted the comet-like tail behind a star streaking through space. Astronomers said nothing like it had ever been seen before.
So, it's big, it's a star, and it is leaving a massive wake.
Has Pavarotti passed away then?
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Where's Baby @
2007-08-16 11:04:00
A Chinese couple tried to name their baby "@".
It would make getting an email address quite tricky. When you sign up they ask for you first name, and the whole system would crash.
While the "@" simple is familiar to Chinese e-mail users, they often use the English word "at" to sound it out, which with a drawn out "T" sounds something like "ai ta", or "love him", to Mandarin speakers.
That's actually a really quite name when you think of it that way.
Obviously right now Jordan and Gwyneth Paltrow are seething that they didn't think of it first. They'll be looking to name their next kids...
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Big Brother: Food For Moans
2007-08-15 18:42:00
Now that Charley has gone the thing causing the big trouble in the house is food.
Well, it can be bitter and has big portions, so it's a lot like Charley.
Ziggy has a go at Big Brother
for snatching away the housemates' luxury shopping budget, saying he 'couldn't live on pasta'.
Clearly a man who's never had to shop in a Whistle Stop shop at a train station. You soon get used to it Zig.
He said he would leave the house if he was forced to live on pasta. That's a risky move. Not risky because he'll actually have to leave, just risky that he'll now have to listen to a "people in this...
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Read more: Big Brother
A-levels Are Easier/Harder
2007-08-15 18:21:00
The results of hundreds of thousands of A-level exams taken earlier this year are being published.
Or as they should be called the "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" levels
.
Last year 24.1% were awarded the top A grade, an improvement for the 24th year in a row.
So if the results are even better this time people will say, "Well, the A-levels are getting easier aren't they? I shaved monkey could get an A these days."
But if the results are down on last year, the first drop in 24 years, people will say, "Well, it just shows, kids these days aren't as bright as they used to...
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Read more: Harder
Coming Soon: Run, Fatboy, Run
2007-08-15 16:47:00
Great pairings of our time: Laurel and Hardy. Abbot and Costello. Wallace and Marge Simpson. All are about to be put in the shade.
But what we paired the best of British comedy together? That would be pretty good, right?
Proof that we Brits do a damn fine line in comedy can be found by watching the DVDs of Black Books.
Or you could have an evening watching Spaced, Sean of the Dead, or even Hot Fuzz.
But imagine, if you will, a way of getting the stars of both categories into one easy to watch film.
Now imagine no more, and actually watch the trailer below.
It's Run Fat Boy Run...
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Read more: Fatboy
, Coming Soon
No Sex Please, I'm A Cheeky Girl
2007-08-15 11:46:00
Cheeky Girl Gabriela Irimia is having problems with kidney stones.
Kidney stones can grow to around the size of a 1 penny piece, which for a Cheeky Girl is a big chunk of her actual body weight.
It's so bad that she has put a 'sex ban' on her boyfriend Lib Dem (well, he leans to the right, but that's just his face) MP Lembit Opik.
Nevermind, I'm sure they'll still have a rewarding relationship with their intellectual conversat...
They're screwed!
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Read more: Please
, Cheeky
, Sex Please
Kelly Brook Exposes All
2007-08-14 17:08:00
Kelly Brook is set to publish a book on her style tips this autumn.
Its working title is 'Life Style', as it is about style and is mainly aimed at living people. See, she's not just chucking this together to make a quick buck.
You don't have to wait till autumn, as long as accuracy doesn't bother you, and we have a sneak preview of Kelly Brook's style tips.
Chapter 1
To be stylish I like to have really big knockers and not many clothes on. See what I mean?
- -
Chapter 2
Erm...
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Mickey Mouse Degrees
2007-08-22 12:20:00
A row has erupted over so-called 'Mickey
Mouse
' degrees. That's not actually a degree about Mickey Mouse
, but I bet you can probably do one somewhere.
One of the dodgy degrees you can do that was mentioned in the newspaper article was 'equestrian psychology'.
That sounds brilliant. I guess most of the first year is spent teaching you how to get them on a couch.
I'd love to be a horse shrink when I grow up.
HUMAN: Come in, sit down. So, how are you feeling?
HORSE: (Make horse noise.)
HUMAN: What's that? You feel like your own home?
HORSE: (Make horse noise.)
HUMAN: Made of wood, and...
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Read more: Degrees
Arrested For Using Broadband
2007-08-22 12:06:00
Shocking web news. Police have arrested a man on suspicion of stealing a wireless broadband connection after spotting him using his laptop in the street.
He was sat on a wall in Chiswick, west London, tapping into the owner's wifi. Dishonestly obtaining free internet access is an offence under the Communications Act 2003 and a potential breach of the Computer Misuse Act.
But it shouldn't be. I say this because when I was living in Swindon I might have tripped and fell and accidentally plugged in a wifi adapter and logged on. Totally by accident of course.
And in doing that crime do you...
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Heroes Star Wants Top Shelf Mags
2007-08-22 11:49:00
Heroes beauty Hayden Panettiere has said that now she's just turned 18, "I think the only things I can do is buy cigarettes and porn."
You don't have to just do that at 18. You can still do the things you could do at 16. Sex and everything.
And just because you're over 12 doesn't mean you're too old to see a 12A film. Chill lady.
You wait till she hits 25 and thinks all she can do with her time is get cheaper car insurance.
She added: "We're going to have a party. I think it will be my biggest party yet - except for when I was 2."
Hopefully there was less porn back then though.
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Read more: Shelf
Big Brother: Who Goes This Week
2007-08-22 05:24:00
It's all hotting up towards the end of Big Brother
2007. And while we've all been saying (even the host) that it had too many people, it tried too hard, etc, we all secretly know we'll miss it when it's gone.
It's the summer, and there's no news around. If it weren't for Big Brother
all we would've had in the news was floods and Paris Hilton (both wet and annoying).
A likely one to go this week is Tracey.
I've said for ages she should get the axe. Not be evicted, just actually an axe, to the hair. I think it's the only way to cut it now.
She's up for eviction against Kara-Louise and...
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Beyonce's Wardrobe Malfunction
2007-08-21 16:12:00
We've all done it, dancing in front of a massive crowd and your top flies up to reveal the puppies.
If I had a dollar for every time I've done that. Well, I wouldn't have a dollar, but I live in the UK, so I couldn't spend it anyway.
It was at the launch of her new clothing line 'House of Dereno' in Toronto.
Not the best ad for your clothes, having your own outfit flash your rudies. Even Kate Moss managed to stay clothed when she launched her range, and for her it's a struggle.
It did appear on YouTube, but it's so blurry it could be anything. Unless her chaps do look like that in real...
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Read more: Beyonce
, Wardrobe
Keira Knightley's Secret To Looking Good
2007-08-21 13:28:00
Keira Knightley
has said she can't understand why people are so interested in her looks.
So, she's into boobs too?
She said: "OK, I'm on the cover of a magazine but somebody else does the hair, and the makeup, and airbrushes the f--- out of me – it's not me, it's something other people have created."
She's being harsh on herself, as she is a very good-looking woman, but you can see what she means about the airbrushing. Have a look at some of these pictures of her. They've been airbrushed so much she looks like a character in Final Fantasy.
- - - -
She's the new face of Chanel's...
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Read more: Keira
, Keira Knightley
Why Girls Like Pink
2007-08-21 07:35:00
In the scientific journal 'Current Biology' (I don't go to the loo without it) they say they've found the reason boys like blue and girls like pink.
Another research grant well spent. Yep, we still got all that death and illness, but we can finally answer the baby clothes mistery.
They say it stems from our caveman days. Women were more that gatherers, so their eyes were build to like reds more, that would lead them to the ripe fruit.
So we blokes, the hunters, liked blue. Yeah, because there were so many blue animals to hunt. The only one I can think of is the blue whale,...
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Read more: Girls
, Why Girls
Music Gigs
2007-08-20 15:25:00
Glastonbury this year was all about mud (not that bend that did Tiger Feet, thank god), but mud is good for the skin.
V Festival was stunning and afterwards Pete Doherty was arrested for drug possession.
See, every music festival has a plus side.
If you fancy popping to see a gig have a look on a site I found. TourDates.Co.UK they do free gig listings & free music downloads.
Well, I say found. Working as head of music on a radio station, I got this press release:
The UK's fastest growing new music website, TourDates.Co.UK, has launched a magazine to compliment its online activities....
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Read more: Music
Sharapova Didn't Score Love With Maroon 5
2007-08-20 13:18:00
Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine may have lost some female fans today after he admitted dumping his former girlfriend Maria Sharapova
because she wasn't good enough in the bedroom.
And I don't mean he said, "She never makes the bed after she's got out of it, and doesn't put her knickers in the laundry basket."
No, we'd all agree with him if that was it. (And leaving the toilet lid up, women why do you do it?)
Adam was of course talking about her sexual sexy sex. She said: "She wouldn't make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys,...
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Read more: Score
, Maroon
More Jordan News
2007-08-20 12:46:00
Another day another piece of news about model Jordan
. Her news team are working harder than Maxico's weather forecasters.
She's confirmed that her marriage to Peter Andre is 'NOT' on the rocks.
Well, that's OK then. I was just about to panic, but no.
Rumours were sparked recently when she was seen out without her wedding ring, but she claims it is locked in a safe and she forgot the combination.
She was also seen out without her new baby, so I hope she doesn't use the same excuse there.
And there were claims Pete didn't like the fact that Jordan was seen out drinking just weeks after...
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