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A Saturday News Digest (04-08-07)
2007-08-04 05:40:00
Metro.co.uk greats us with the headline "Madonna 'sex pics' put David at risk".She's nearly 50. Her 'sex pics' put my lunch at risk.The Sun tells us it's like the early 2000's because foot and mouth disease has returned.Just as long as Steps haven't reformed. Given a choice between the two things from the 2000's I think we're better off with the foot and mouth thing.Entertainmentwise.com tells us that new Big Brother housemate Shanessa has been ordered to keep her clothes on by her fellow wannabes because they can't stand the sight of her near-naked body.Yep, my lunch is past help now. Fetch a mop!And the Daily Star tells us that in the Big Brother house Ziggy has bedded the MILNTF (the extra NT meaning 'NOT TO') Carole.Seriously, I think that's yesterday's lunch back up too. We're gonna need a bigger mop.
Read more: Saturday , Digest

Chanelle Surgery
2007-08-08 12:18:00
Former Big Brother housemate Chanelle is taking her imitation of Victoria Beckham to a new level, this time, with matching breast implants.Just the bunions and the anorexia left to get, then she'll have the full set.The Posh look alike has decided to go under the knife after receiving an offer to have the costs of surgery covered.So someone's paying for your breasts? What if that person of company goes bankrupt? You might get your assets seized too.During an interview and racy photo shoot with lads' magazine Nuts, she revealed: "I've been offered a free one."Just the one? Even better. She'll only be able to swim in circles.She also said: "I was the housemate voted by the public to be most likely to have a number one single, so watch this space."Erm, I thought you wanted to be like Victoria Beckham?
Read more: Surgery

Roseanna's Sex Tape
2007-08-07 13:43:00
TV star Roseanne Barr is livid after a sex tape she apparently made went AWOL.I knew they never should've invented the wide-screen telly.Yep, she's done a Paris Hilton and is offering a reward of $25,000 for its safe return. Forget that, you could make twice that threatening to not take it back.Who would want to watch a film like that? Well, a pot-holing enthusiast maybe.If someone's in to stuff like that they've be watching Ziggy and Carole get it on in Big Brother for free.


NHS Phone-In Scandal
2007-08-07 13:20:00
The largest provider of bedside phones on Health Service wards has said there will be no reduction in the exorbitant charge of 49p a minute for friends and relatives to call patients.That means it's cheaper to call to Australia than to call someone in hospital.And not only that, who ever you call in Australia isn't likely to go on moaning all the time like you're friend who's ill. I say just call the Aussie mate, and forget about the lame one.I have a friend who's in hospital in Australia at the moment, so I don't have a clue what to do.It's also expensive for the people in hospital to call home. I think it's a clever ploy from the NHS to stop people finding out how bad it is in hospital. You have to wait for days on a trolley covered in wee-wee, but who are you going to tell? You're best mate is chatting up someone in Melbourne.
Read more: Scandal

New al Qaeda Video (straight to DVD)
2007-08-06 20:02:00
A new al Qaeda video has been released on the web.It's at news.sky.com if you fancy a look.Anyone else think they're getting a bit 'samey'? It's like Police Academy 5. You sit there thinking: "We've seen it all before. This latest one brings nothing new to the story. And Steve Guttenberg's not even in it."Although give him some time and I'm sure he'll have at least a bit part in a future terrorism video. 'Three Men And Little Explosive', or 'Johnny Page 5 Of The Qur'an'.The latest video appeared in documentary format. I blame The Office. That's the show that made the fake documentary format popular again. Well, it probably was the TV show 'People Like Us' who brought that format back, but seeing as that starred Chris Langham we're just brushing over it.Maybe it seems odd to review their latest video like any other film, but really that's what it is. If they applied to the right people they could even get royalties for every time CNN show it. (Maybe that's


Alba Gets The Clap
2007-08-11 21:28:00
Jessica Alba has herpes. Sadly I don’t know that first hand (although I’m not sure I’d watch up close knowledge of that rill she’s had some treatment). She caught it from an ex-boyfriend. They didn’t show that in 'Fantastic Four'. The Invisible Girl creating a photon force field to cover up her downstairs dirty. And imagine how big the scabs would stretch to on Mr Fantastic. It’s thought she caught if from New York Yankees baseball star Derek Jeter. Well, he’s used to slam-dunking something into a tight ring... I’m gonna leave that one right there. Jeter has also dated Mariah Carey,... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]


Foot In Mouth Mistake
2007-08-11 14:00:00
A possible case of foot and mouth outside the protection zone has turned out to be a false alarm. Phew, you say. Well, not if you're one of the cows. All the other cows will treat you like you've got the 'lurgie'. The confirmation comes after animals at Laurence Matthews's Manor Farm, in Wotton, Surrey, underwent tests after exhibiting signs of a virus - runny noses and swollen eyes. In that case Sarah Jessica Parker should be brought in for examination right now. Still, they're better off than the livestock culled on a third farm within the protection area in the county which were... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Mistake

Paris Hilton Clever Cleavage
2007-08-11 07:28:00
Paris Hilton was already one of the great mysteries of out time. Philosophers would sit stroking their beards discussing it. "Paris Hilton . Why? Just, why?" And now there's a great mystery about her. Once the proud owner of one of the flattest chests that couldn't be taken on Antiques Roadshow, but now she's got hooters. Have a click on the before-and-after picture above. The 26-year-old took to Malibu beach in a plunging one-piece suit that revealed very buxom looking bust. No one's sure if it's the work of a good surgeon, or if she's just crammed some ciggies up there for whenever... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Paris , Clever

Amy Winehouse In Drink And Drugs 'Not-Shocker'
2007-08-11 07:10:00
The Sun today tells us that Amy Winehouse still won't go to Rehab. They do know that wasn't a press release they found on Google, it was the lyrics to her song. A spokesperson said: "We tried to me her go to rehab, she said, 'No, no, no'. So we thought **** her!" It is ironic that she did a song called Rehab. That's like Pavarotti doing a song called 'Weight Watchers'. [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Drink , Drugs , Amy Winehouse

James Blunt Hides In Plain Sight
2007-08-11 06:54:00
In an interview in The Sun today singer James Blunt has said he hates to 'draw attention to himself'. Well don't do an interview in the biggest selling newspaper then! And how about don't sing like a girl, that probably gets you noticed. Stop being photographed dating sexy thin supermodel people. Stop doing a promotional tour for your new album, that would help. I know he was already in the military, but can't we send him back out to a war zone and let him "not draw attention to himself" there. [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Plain , Sight

Big Brother's Amy Is Out
2007-08-11 06:04:00
After a few days of wondering, who's going to leave the Big Brother house, Amy, or maybe the twins? Well, sorry to say that enjoyable pair have left. Not the twins, Amy's gone. Sadly Amy Alexandra got the Big Brother boot. Which is more than she normally likes to wear. She was only in the house for two weeks and already made a big impression, mainly in terms of Google searches. A lot of the recent traffic to my site has been from 'Amy Alexandra' searches, and let me tell you, the other keywords people have been using have been disgusting. The former porn star hung her head and... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]


Lindsay Lohan's Pregnant Pause
2007-08-10 17:46:00
There are rumours that Lindsay Lohan may be pregnant. Or to put it another way, is she drinking for two? With the amount she drinks it could just be a beer belly. Afterall, I'm sure they have kebabs in Hollywood. A friend of the actress told the US edition of OK! 'It wouldn't be the first time she's had a pregnancy scare.' She's probably been so drunk she doesn't know either way. She's spent the past few weeks with an ankle monitor to see how drunk she's been. So she'll now have to go through the ankle-monitor's logs to see. If they've detected... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Pause , Lindsay Lohan

Framed For The Future
2007-08-10 12:38:00
Remember Total Recall, where Arnie lives in the future? There's a bit at the start of the film (when he's still married to Sharon Stone) where he has a futuristic display that shows a nice landscape scene in his house. Well, you can now get something like it. You can get an LCD digital picture frame that will show jpegs that you've loaded into it. In want to get me one of those so I can live in that Total Recall style world. But when you start thinking about the possibilities you move away from just sci fi. If you're a cad and you're two-timing you're lady you can use the digital frames... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Future

Chanelle's Return Is Not TV First
2007-08-10 11:58:00
The rumours are saying Chanelle Hayes will be back in the Big Brother house 11 days after she walked off the show. It's more of a fixed return than when the dead Dirty Den was brought back to life. We'll be told Chanelle never left, she was in the shower all the time and it was all a dream Bobby Ewing was having. Fans are again angry that it makes a mockery of the show. You can storm off and just walk back in again. Clive Anderson didn't let the Bee Gees do that, so why should Big Brother. She said: "The first thing I would do is wait for Zac to give me a kiss, then I would give him a... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Return , First

Baby Spice Has Baby Nice
2007-08-10 11:39:00
Spice Girl Emma Bunton has given birth to a baby boy called Beau. The baby was born at London's private Portland Hospital at 1112 BST, weighing 7lb 15oz. So he takes after his Aunty Geri already. Baby Spice said: "I'm just pleased to have our little baby boy with us. I'm over the moon. He looks a bit like both of us actually, so he's a very lucky boy." Yeah, it's better he has both their looks and none of their brains. While it's no Princess Tiammii, it's still a slightly odd name and he'll probably get bullied at school. Here's what he can expect: "Alright Beau, where's ya... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Spice

Angelina Jolie Off Girl On Girl
2007-08-10 11:15:00
Angelina Jolie has revealed she has given up lesbian and kinky romps after falling for Brad Pitt. He's got to be upset by that. He'll be thinking, "Well that's just great. I'll call and cancel the strippers for Tuesday then." Angelina has admitted using knives during sex. That'll make you think twice about going round there for dinner. You don't know where the cutlery's been. She said: "I've never hidden my bisexuality. But since I've been with Brad, there's no longer a place for that or S&M in my life." So she's adopted a new attitude. Why not? She's adopted everything else. [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Angelina , Angelina Jolie

Chanelle Surgery
2007-08-08 12:18:00
Former Big Brother housemate Chanelle is taking her imitation of Victoria Beckham to a new level, this time, with matching breast implants. Just the bunions and the anorexia left to get, then she'll have the full set. The Posh look alike has decided to go under the knife after receiving an offer to have the costs of surgery covered. So someone's paying for your breasts? What if that person of company goes bankrupt? You might get your assets seized too. During an interview and racy photo shoot with lads' magazine Nuts, she revealed: "I've been offered a free one." Just the one? Even... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Surgery

Roseanna's Sex Tape
2007-08-07 13:43:00
TV star Roseanne Barr is livid after a sex tape she apparently made went AWOL. I knew they never should've invented the wide-screen telly. Yep, she's done a Paris Hilton and is offering a reward of $25,000 for its safe return. Forget that, you could make twice that threatening to not take it back. Who would want to watch a film like that? Well, a pot-holing enthusiast maybe. If someone's in to stuff like that they've be watching Ziggy and Carole get it on in Big Brother for free. [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]


NHS Phone-In Scandal
2007-08-07 13:20:00
The largest provider of bedside phones on Health Service wards has said there will be no reduction in the exorbitant charge of 49p a minute for friends and relatives to call patients. That means it's cheaper to call to Australia than to call someone in hospital. And not only that, who ever you call in Australia isn't likely to go on moaning all the time like you're friend who's ill. I say just call the Aussie mate, and forget about the lame one. I have a friend who's in hospital in Australia at the moment, so I don't have a clue what to do. It's also expensive for the people in hospital... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Scandal

New al Qaeda Video (straight to DVD)
2007-08-06 20:02:00
A new al Qaeda video has been released on the web. It's at news.sky.com if you fancy a look. Anyone else think they're getting a bit 'samey'? It's like Police Academy 5. You sit there thinking: "We've seen it all before. This latest one brings nothing new to the story. And Steve Guttenberg's not even in it." Although give him some time and I'm sure he'll have at least a bit part in a future terrorism video. 'Three Men And Little Explosive', or 'Johnny Page 5 Of The Qur'an'. The latest video appeared in documentary format. I blame The Office. That's the show that made the fake... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]


More Dating Ideas - This Time: Goths
2007-08-06 13:39:00
A few days ago I was recommending having a date with a larger lady. Try out a BBW, because you don't know till you try. Now I carry on my series of dating suggestions (I could turn this into a TV show - the top 40 people to date before you die, with Davina McColl. Obviously she would be the presenter and not on the list.) Why not ask out a Goth? We've all fancied one. I indeed have tried the monochrome babes in my younger years, and I can report back, they're brill. They're good looking, and always wear make-up. They're also never overweight, probably because of a surly attitude to... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Dating

Paw Essex Girls
2007-08-06 12:21:00
Page 13 of The Sun today has made a little white angel appear on one of my shoulders, and a little red devil on the other. It gives us the headline: "World's Tallest Dog Lives In... Southend" RED: Essex girl is it? ANGEL: No, not that sort of dog. It's a dog that doesn't wear clothes. RED: Essex girl is it? ANGEL: No, not that sort of dog. It's a dog that spends most of it's time on all fours. RED: Essex girl is it? ANGEL: No, it's the type of dog that likes to have a bone. RED: Essex girl is it? ANGEL: No, it's a dog that has a furry body and eats dog food. RED: Skanky Essex girl is... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Girls

Big Brother 2007: Vote Amy
2007-08-05 19:36:00
"Big Brother is watching you," as the saying goes. But who's watching Big Brother ? Well, this series it looks like no one. No one that is, apart from me. You see, one of my jobs involves writing for a radio station, and I have to keep on top of popular culture, even when it's not that popular. So it's time to come clean and admit I'm actually enjoying it. So let me bring you my Big Brother update, in case you want to be a saddo like me. Scottish gay witch (three minorities in one) David got evicted and said he wants to put a hex on former fellow housemate Amy, which is bad news for... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]


Jessica Simpson's Film Is A Load Of Ar...
2007-08-04 06:01:00
Shocking news from the world of entertainment. Jessica Simpson 's new movie won't be getting a cinema release because it's so bad. I'll give you a minute to let the settle in. Her film flick 'Blonde Ambition' has been pulled from a planned theatre opening this weekend. How could they get it so wrong? It's a simple formula. A Jessica Simpson film requires Jessica Simpson and a bikini. That's it. It's not rocket science, unless NASA start putting massive norks on their shuttles. I could pitch her in a remake of any film. Jessica Simpson's Zulu: Don't shoot till you can see the whites of... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]


A Saturday News Digest (04-08-07)
2007-08-04 05:40:00
Metro.co.uk greats us with the headline "Madonna 'sex pics' put David at risk". She's nearly 50. Her 'sex pics' put my lunch at risk. The Sun tells us it's like the early 2000's because foot and mouth disease has returned. Just as long as Steps haven't reformed. Given a choice between the two things from the 2000's I think we're better off with the foot and mouth thing. Entertainmentwise.com tells us that new Big Brother housemate Shanessa has been ordered to keep her clothes on by her fellow wannabes because they can't stand the sight of her near-naked body. Yep, my lunch is past help... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Saturday , Digest

Shark In British Waters
2007-08-03 10:39:00
The people in Cornwall have spotted a Great White shark swimming off their coast. And we should believe then, as some of the people in Cornwall have very big eyes, so they should be good at seeing. Some people have been scared by the sighting of the star of the Jaws film (no, not Roy Scheider), but I feel sorry for the shark. You know what they're like in the South West. If it goes too near the beach they'll try and 'salvage' it, which basically means 'sell it on eBay'. It was thought the shark that was spotted was the female and her male partner would be near by. Ah, no I see. They must've... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Shark , British , Waters

BBW (Not a cricket term)
2007-08-01 11:04:00
Who was it who coined the wise words: "Big girl, you are beautiful"? Oh, that's right, it was Mika. Of all the things to be 'in to', surely being into the larger lady is the way to go. To quote the love expert Frankie Howard, "Oh, I do like large women. Ow, well. There's more to choose from." With obesity growing in the West why do so many go after the skinny ones? You're not doing yourself any favours in the maths. In fact, 'liking them large' should really be the norm, and a few odd sorts can then fancy the skinny ones and save themselves a packet taking them out to dinner. Well,... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]


Virgin Shows Her Ring
2007-07-30 11:59:00
I was shocked to read in the news: “A teenager whose teachers had stopped her wearing a ‘purity ring’ at school to symbolise her commitment to virginity lost a High Court fight against the ban.”This is the story of the 16-year-old virgin (that wouldn’t be as funny as the other film) Lydia Playfoot, who wanted to wear a silver ring is an expression of her faith but the school regulations ban the wearing of jewellery. I really think the school has got it wrong. I think she should be allowed to wear it. I’ll go one step further, I think anyone who wants to stay a virgin should wear... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Virgin

New Bra Sizing
2007-07-24 11:38:00
A subject close to me own heart, while technically being no where near my actual heart, is that of bra sizes. A (lucky) team at Hong Kong University have been working on a new sizing system, saying the old one using just under-bust girth and cup size is not enough. If you went to Hong Kong University and you're studying geography right now, you must be fuming to know if you'd picked another course you'd been writing a thesis on puppies. And after uni you and the bachelors of boobs will be working side-by-side in the same McDonald's, so what was the point? The new system uses... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Sizing

Atomic Kitten Terror
2007-07-16 10:57:00
Shocking! Former Atomic Kitten Kerry Katona and her baby daughter were held captive at their home by three armed burglars today. I bet she wishes she'd have gone to Iceland. [[ This is a content summary only. Visit www.newsplus.co.nr for full links, other content, and more! ]]
Read more: Terror , Atomic Kitten

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