A man goes into...
2008-07-31 08:00:00
A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her: "What's the special of the day?""Chili," she says, "but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl."The man says he'll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it. As he waited, he noticed the man next to him was eating a full lunch and the bowl of chili remained uneaten."Are you going to eat your c
The lovers passionately...
2008-07-30 08:00:00
The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own beat. The woman cocked her ear, "Quick! My husband's coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she cried.The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door. "What are you doing lying on the bed naked?"
A bum approaches...
2008-07-29 08:00:00
A bum approaches a man passing by for money. Man: "Are you going to use it to buy booze?" Bum: "No." Man: "Will you use it to buy cigarettes?" Bum: "No, sir." Man: "Are you going to gamble it away?" Bum: "Why, no!" Man: "Then will you come home with me and show my wife what happens to a man who doesn’t drink, smoke, or gamble?"
This is Captain Sinclair...
2008-07-28 08:00:00
"This is Captain
Sinclair
speaking. On behalf of my crew, I’d like to welcome you onboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port si
There were four ducks...
2008-07-27 08:00:00
There were four ducks that got arrested while messing around at the pond. The judge orders the ducks to come in one at a time to speak their piece. The first duck comes in. "What's your name, son?" the judge asks. "Duck," replied the duck. "What are you in for?" the judge asks. "Well, I was sitting at the pond blowing bubbles, and the cop came by and arrested me." The judge said "Okay, send in the
One morning a man...
2008-07-26 08:00:00
One morning a man is golfing when he meets a woman on the course. He finds her attractive, and he asks her if she’d like to play with him. So they play a round, and she wins by five strokes. Sensing the guy’s embarrassment, the woman offers to accompany him to the parking lot and give him a blow job in her car to make him feel better.For the rest of the week, they play together every morning.
Two children are...
2008-07-25 08:00:00
Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child."I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger."When he heard this, the other child started to cry."Why are you crying?""I'm here for a urine test."
A blonde with...
2008-07-24 08:00:00
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.""Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?""The jerk called back!"
The boss of a...
2008-07-23 08:00:00
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered on the first ring, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?". "Yes.", whispered the small voice. May I talk
A man is lying...
2008-07-22 08:00:00
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands."Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't t
Sam has been in the...
2008-08-15 08:00:00
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible.Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet.After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner one day when someone knocks on his doo
At 3 am a desk clerk...
2008-08-14 08:00:00
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour, later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even more intoxicated. "What time does the bar open?" he asks. "Same time as before - noon," replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The cler
Husband and wife are...
2008-08-13 08:00:00
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: "I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me."The husband says, "WHAT??" The wife explains that he should be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes
Read more: Husband
Betty and Tim were...
2008-08-12 08:00:00
Betty and Tim were killed in an auto accident on the eve of their wedding. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter met them. They asked if they could still be married in Heaven. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months passed and finally Peter returned. "Yes, we can do this for you." "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for
Read more: Betty
Four ladies were...
2008-08-11 08:00:00
Four ladies
were having coffee one afternoon. The first women tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him father." The second woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'your grace.'" The third lady says, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence.'" The fourth woman sips her coff
A guy receives an ad...
2008-08-10 08:00:00
A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro sh
Two gas company...
2008-08-09 07:10:00
Two gas company
servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co
Five surgeons were...
2008-08-07 08:00:00
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work."I think accountants are the easiest to operate on," said the first surgeon. "You open them up and everything inside is numbered." "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on," said the second. "You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.""I like to operate on electricians," said the third. "You open them
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