Owner: The Joke Blog URL:http://yasminjokes.blogspot.com Join Date: Fri, 27 Jun 2008 13:37:18 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: All the best party and hilarious jokes under the Sun, coz life need not always be that serious! Site statistics:Click here
Lawyers Always Tell The Truth 2008-07-04 13:38:00 This robber from across the border robbed a bank in Texas. He managed to evade arrest for a while but eventually the sheriff spotted him in a bar and caught him.He brought in the robber for questioning and demanded that he tell the truth, "Where did you hide the loot?" Unfortunately, the robber couldn't answer as he could only speak in Spanish, so the sheriff asked the only lawyer in town, who hap Read more:Lawyers
, Truth
Quick Laughs 10 2008-07-03 12:38:00 This five year old girl came home from kindergarten one day with a 'connect-the-dot' project she had just completed. Her mother admired her work and, after praising her, sent her to play with her three year old sister in the living room. Some time later, the mother decided the girls were too quiet and went to investigate.She found the two girls on the floor with the family pet. They were using mar Read more:Quick
Elaborate Plan 2008-07-02 13:28:00 Two blondes decided to rob a bank and sat down to draw up an elaborate plan for the heist. They practised the routine many times in their heads. Then the big day came.One blonde sat waiting in the car while the other went into the bank. Five minutes, ten minutes and then half an hour passed. She was not supposed to take that long inside the bank.After what seemed like ages she finally came running
Made in Japan 2008-07-01 13:41:00 A Japan
ese tourist got in a cab and told the driver to drive him to the airport. On their way, a car zoomed by and the Japanese went, "Aaah, Toyota, made in Japan, very faaast!" And then, another car zoomed by and the Japanese went, "Aaah, Nissan, made in Japan, very faaast!" And then, another car zooms by and again the Japanese lets out, "Aaah Mitsubishi, made in Japan, very faaast!"By this time,
Everyone Gets A Drink 2008-06-30 13:18:00 A drunk walked into the bar and casually said to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender did just that and handed the man a bill for $39.90. The drunk said, "I haven't got the money." The bartender slapped the guy a few times then threw him out into the street.The very next day the same drunk walked into the bar and Read more:Drink
Make Your Own Gift Certificate 2008-06-29 13:18:00 A man complained to his friend that he did not know what to get his wife for her birthday. "She already has everything you could think of, and anyway, she can buy herself whatever she likes.""Here's an idea," said his friend. "Make up your own gift certificate that says, 'Thirty minutes of great loving, any way you want it.' I guarantee she will be enchanted."The next day, the friend asked, "Well? Read more:Certificate
Metaphysics of Morals 2008-06-29 01:28:00 A professor was explaining the Metaphysics of Morals : "In order for something to be an object of our practical existence, it must be capable of moving us to try to bring it into existence. For example, if I desire shelter from rain, the concept of a lean-to is capable of moving me to cut branches, tie them together, and set them at an angle to the ground."Someone from the back of the class added
A New Man 2008-06-29 01:22:00 A man, showing his friend, an expensive bottle of multi-vitamin pills said, "These are supposed to make me a new man.""So are you a new man now?" his friend asked."I don't think so," he answered. "My wife still recognises me when I come back late at night."
Falling Asleep During A Sermon 2008-06-27 14:18:00 A man who went to Church with his wife, always had a habit of falling asleep during a sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and on one Sunday, took a long hat pin along to poke him with every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out "... and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th .." she poked her husband who came flyi Read more:Sermon
Wise Suggestion 2008-07-24 14:38:00 A man had a blown tyre next to an asylum. While changing the tyre, he noticed a patient leaning over the wall looking at what he was doing with keen interest. Before he could replace the wheel, he realised that all four screws had rolled down the slope, dropped into the drain and could not be retrieved.While pondering what to do, the patient suggested that he took out one screw from each of the ot Read more:Suggestion
Free Trip To Europe 2008-07-23 11:38:00 A young man was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying.He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe
in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'l
Benefits of a Marriage 2008-07-22 11:38:00 On their 40th Wedding Anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Mike was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us, Mike, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"Mike responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, sel Read more:Benefits
Do You Want Anything To Eat? 2008-07-21 12:38:00 A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?" He declines, "It's this Viagra," he says, "It has really taken the edge off my appetite."At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home made bean soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or, how about a plate of snacks and
Three Old Ladies 2008-07-20 11:38:00 Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. Read more:Three
Benefits of Viagra 2008-07-16 11:38:00 Thanks to Nihal, he sent me this really funny joke about the benefits of Viagra ... now, this is really helpful. LOL :))Mike visited his elderly father at the hospital and there he heard rumours that the old patients were given Viagra. He approached the nurse and asked if it was true, and if so, what was the rational for this unorthodox treatment.The nurse said that the patients were given hot cho Read more:Benefits
Pirates Eye Patch 2008-07-15 14:38:00 This full-blooded pirate with a peg-leg, hook and eye-patch, wobbly stepped into the bar and ordered a round of whisky. Inquisitive and admiring customers at the bar soon gathered around him.One of the men asked, "How did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replied, "We were caught in a fierce storm and I was thrown overboard. Just as they were pulling me out, a shark appeared and bit me leg Read more:Pirates
, Patch
Heaven's Gate 2008-07-14 13:38:00 Two men were waiting for the heaven's gate to open. "How did you die?" one man asked the other. "From Freezing," the other man answered."How did it feel?" the first man wanted to know, "At first it was quite bad; I felt my whole body go numb and crack but soon it kind of wear off. Then I felt a sensation of peacefulness and the whole thing became an almost enjoyable experience. Anyway, come to thi Read more:Heaven
Improve Your Grades 2008-07-13 13:18:00 There was this boy whose father had just bought a new Mercedes. His father told him he could not get to drive the car unless he improved his grades in school, study the bible and had his hair cut.A month passed and the father told him, "I'm rather proud of you. You have improved your grades and even your knowledge of the bible is now quite good. But there's one thing and that is, your hair is stil Read more:Improve
A Day At The Zoo 2008-07-12 14:38:00 A man took his son to the zoo. They found the monkey cage very entertaining until the father noticed two monkeys in a compromising position which embarrassed him to no end because his son was watching.He walked up to the keeper and asked if he could stop them. The keeper told him that they are in their natural habitat and could not do anything about it. The father asked the keeper, "If I throw pea Read more:Zoo
King Of The Forest 2008-07-11 13:38:00 One day a lion in a forest caught a small rabbit and threatened to eat it up unless he can tell him who was the King of the Forest
. "You, oh mighty lion, are king of the forest." said the rabbit. The lion gave a nod of approval and let the rabbit go. The next day, the lion caught a deer and demanded, "Tell me, who is the king of the forest?" The deer replied, "Why, of course, you are. Everyone kno
Greatest Wish 2008-08-08 00:38:00 Once there was this woman who was very flat across the upper body. She went to a breast treatment center and asked for larger breasts. After several weeks, despite all the injections and fillers they had given her, her breasts were no larger. She despaired. Every night she cried and prayed for them to get larger. After several days of this, during one praying session, a fairy godmother suddenly ap Read more:Greatest
Bus Stop Lesson 2008-08-05 11:38:00 This is a story about a husband and wife who are waiting at a nearby bus stop with their nine children. Shortly afterwards, a blind man joins them and decides to wait for the bus as well. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded with passengers and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk to their intended destination. After
Doctor's Help Needed 2008-08-04 11:38:00 An Indian brave rode into town one early evening, kicking up a hail of dust behind him. Very quickly, he jumped down from his horse and rushed into the doctor's office."Doc! Doc! Big Chief, no shit!" he blurted out in between panted breaths. The doctor calmed him down and handed him two tablets for his chief to take before bedtime. "He will be all right first thing tomorrow morning," the doctor as Read more:Doctor
Getting Noticed 2008-07-31 23:38:00 A man walked into a bar and ordered a beer. After a couple of sips he looked up and saw a woman sitting at the end of the bar. He called the bartender over and said he'd like to buy the lady a drink. The bartender said, "Listen pal, let me save you some trouble. She's a lesbian."The man took a second, thought it over, shrugged his shoulders and said, "That's okay, I'd like to buy her a drink anywa
Run Faster 2008-07-30 23:38:00 A nun ran back into the convent and in between panted breaths, she told the mother superior that she was accosted by a man in a dark alley."My dear child," the mother superior blurted out, "what did he do?""He dropped his trousers.""Oh no!" exclaimed the mother superior."Oh, yes," said the nun."Then what happened?" the old mother superior wanted to know. "Then I pulled up my skirt.""You didn't!" t
World's Greatest Golfer 2008-07-29 22:38:00 A golfer was playing a round of golf when he came across a bottle. When he touched the bottle a genie appeared and offered him one of two choices. He could either become the world's greatest golfer or the world's greatest lover. He picked to be the world's greatest golfer.The golfer went on to shoot a round in the low 50's. When he finished the genie asked, "It's really none of my business, but wh Read more:Greatest
, World
, Golfer
Husband and Wife Letters 2008-07-28 07:38:00 Here are two letters sent by both the Husband
and then followed by the Wife on its reply, extremely witty, and definitely gets the message across ... read on.Husband writes this letter to his wife :Dear Sweetheart,I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses ...You are my sweetheart.Your husband,Alex.After a few days the Wife replies to the letter :Dearest Sweetheart,Thanks for yo Read more:Letters
Travelling Nuns 2008-08-14 10:38:00 A bus load of nuns was travelling to see the Pope, and they had to make an overnight stop at a small inn on the way. The inn was nearly full, but there was enough room for the nuns if they went two to a room.One couple had to share a double bed in a room. One of these two nuns turned to the other who was sharing with her and said, "Can I be frank with you? I'm a lesbian; I hope that doesn't make y Read more:Travelling
Quick Laughs 11 2008-08-11 22:38:00 A recent survey conducted in America showed that 10% of the men after making love rolled over and smoked a cigarette, another 10% got up and washed themselves while the remaining 80% dressed up and went home.----------------------------------------------------------------------Question : What do you have if you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?Answer : Not enough sand.------------------ Read more:Quick
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