Just a Thought.
2007-05-17 22:43:29
I hate it when you run into people that you used to know, inside and out, and they’re not the same. When it’s been a long time, and then you see them suddenly and unexpectedly, but something’s off. They move the same, they sound the same, they may even look the same for the most part.. but there’s a huge sadness behind their eyes, where they used to glow. It’s dull back there, now.. numb. And perhaps it’s invisible from day-to-day, but when you’ve seen that light and reveled in it, it appears quite empty when it’s gone.
Part of me wants to help, but the larger part of me wants to cocoon up in my happy little existence and count my millions of small blessings.
The Scoop on the Hitching Post
2007-05-17 18:28:33
Some of this — perhaps most of this — is going to sound very egocentric. It’s going to sound like I’m tooting my own horn, and MEMEMEMELOOKATME, and very much like I think I’m the hottest thing since Paris Hilton.
It’s going to sound like that because I am, you’d better, and I AM HOTTER THAN PARIS HILTON.
Our review went off beautifully. I had heard so many war horror stories of these things gone awry that I was prepared for any amount of disaster; for instance, I probably wouldn’t have flinched if a plague of locusts came through or if I touched a General. Regardless, at the end of the day, we all decided a little celebration was in order.
Our small little group headed to The Hitching
Post with a reservation for just us, but the minute we walked in, we saw a large table of our company’s brass. The schmoozing thing to do would’ve been to go eat with them, but I was tired and didn’t want to be entertaining
Read more: Scoop
Happy to Be Home.. Sorta.
2007-05-17 16:29:26
I’m trying to focus on happy things today, because a recent symptom of “sperm poisoning” is that I cry at anything. At the drop of a hat. Which makes for very awkward situations.
But it’s hard to focus on anything because I am so frickin’ tired. I got home late last night, and of course my body was on PST, so it was midnight before I finally drifted off to sleep. Add to that swollen feet and hands, and leg cramps that were making me restless, and you had a very frustrated Sarah. Then Bryan started snoring at one o’clock, so I moved to the couch. Where I tossed and turned till he came and told me my alarm had gone off.
Today was supposed to be a day off for me, as was tomorrow, but a staffing shortage here in ole HuntsVegas has killed that dream for me. Not only that, but I’m supporting a late meeting tomorrow night. I could easily cry right now. Yep, I could be sobbing in a matter of seconds.
That’s alright. It&r
Read more: Happy
Update
2007-05-16 01:13:50
I know you’re sick of hearing it, but I’m tired. And pregnancy has robbed me of any tact. Like, this morning, when I had to show up at work at 5:30 to prepare books for our review and my coworker (the one I’ve been complaining about since I got here) looked at me as if we hadn’t planned every asonine detail for the last four days. Wide-eyed, deer-in-the-headlights, “What do I do?“ I wasn’t nice then.
Or when our general came out to check his phone, and I asked him, “Permission to touch, sir,”.. WHY DID I SAY THAT, LIKE I’M MILITARY? Anyway, when he looked at me quizzically, I said, “Nevermind, sir, I’m gonna fix your collar because it’s driving me crazy. If you don’t want me to, bat at me or something.“ He laughed, THANK GOD, but one of his Executive Officers came up subsequently and said, “Ma’am.. we don’t touch the General.”
Or when some other coworker
Read more: Update
That Man ‘o Mine
2007-05-18 19:18:14
My hair looks ridiculous today. I just thought I would share. So if your hair is looking even halfway decent, you can sit back and think, “Man, at least I’m not Sarah.”
I wanted to take a second (since that’s all I have to spare today.. the day THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY DAY OFF) and gush about how wonderful my husband is. Because, ladies and gents, he is truly something to aspire to.
I imagine that most of you faithful readers have caught on to my almost clinical Obessive Compulsive Disorder, and one of the things that really, REALLY brings it out is mess. Chaos. Moving is hard for me. Rearranging furniture? I can’t. Can’t handle it. Everything has its place, and that’s where it shall be, says me. Christmas is hard every year because we have to move the living room around to fit a tree inside, and I always feel uprooted in the process.
Every night that I was away, I would call Bryan at Far-Too-Late-Central-Time and ask
Read more: lsquo
A Heart of Stone. Or Plaster, anyway.
2007-05-24 08:56:07
I HATE this. HATE it.
Bryan and I both have hearts that exceeds our wallets and our brains. Especially when it comes to animals. All of our animals are strays, and we constantly bemoan the fact that we have TOO MANY ANIMALS in the house.
However..
.. we constantly watch (and by we, I mean “me”) The Critter Corner on Knology Channel 11, and I want to adopt ALL of the puppies on there. Especially if they look like “a good dawg” (and they all do) and they have some really tragic story behind their being there (and they all have those, also). But every time, Bryan swats down my desires by reminding me that we have two dogs already, and we don’t walk them often enough, and we’re horrible pet owners, and we often joke of making rugs and slippers out of the dogs we already own. So I sulk and cry over the puppies.
Bryan left for Atlanta yesterday afternoon. He called me about two hours after he hit the road with an odd tone in his voice
Read more: Heart
, Stone
Heard in a Pathfinder
2007-05-23 13:38:10
The Boy: Hey, guess what? I found a fish that is named after me.
Bryan: Named after you? You sure about that? Whose fish is it?
The Boy: It’s an ocean fish. And yeah, it’s named after me.
Bryan: No, you two share the same name. The fish wasn’t named after you. That’d be like me saying that the hot dogs were named after me.
The Boy: DAAAAAD, that’s not true. We both know your name isn’t hot dog.
Read more: Heard
I miss coffee.
2007-05-23 08:45:06
Everyone I know is going to the beach this weekend. I want to be at the beach. I miss the ocean. I miss the sand. And.. mostly, in fact.. I miss the seafood.
Spring fever has hit me HARD this year. It’s a combination of bizarre weather conditions (traveling to Seattle-like Vandenburg did not help); the fact that all of my friends are now free for months, since they’re teachers out for the summer; and the knowledge that I probably won’t get a vacation of any sort within the next two years.
I’m trying to fix this in small ways. One way is that I’m walking. A lot. I’m taking lunch breaks (something I NEVER do). I’m doing anything and everything to be outside. I think that’s what I miss: the sunshine.
In other news, Bryan’s birthday is this weekend. I have already purchased his present (which he picked out, so there is no surprise there) and soon he will be allowed to ride it. He gets so incredibly giddy
Stuff that Makes me Cry.
2007-05-22 15:00:41
My “non-stalker“ish reader sent this to me, because she’s doing something similar in her house.. and this made me cry.
Stephanie called me. I called her back — TWICE — and she did not answer. I teared up at the rejection.
The Boy constantly makes me cry. I’m so cool now to him since I’ve started creating life inside of me. He’s so interested in Lil Peep that it makes me think everything might just be okay.
I haven’t been to Big Spring Park in too long. So when I pass it on my way to some really stupid obligation, I cry.
And yet.. when someone tripped and fell in front of me today, all I could do was laugh.
Better Late than Never
2007-05-22 10:07:44
So, last night was the Heroes season finale. Although there were a few moments that made us gasp, for the most part, it was kinda dull. I guess it’s hard to live up the expectations of an entire season and two great taglines: Save the Cheerleader, Save the World and Are you on the list?
But make no mistake.. I still bawled at the end of it.
I also cried at a PetSmart commercial.
And I teared up while the dogs were playing.
And when I burned dinner.
I do not like this part of pregnancy. I am not a cryer, and this is ridiculous.
In other news, I slept in this morning. I’ve been incredibly light-headed and dizzy for the past two days, and I figured I’d err on the side of too much sleep rather than just keep pushing myself. It was marvelous. I was having bizarre sex dreams, but the people were like in the Country Crock commercials, so I couldn’t see their heads. I just heard their voices and watched their hands.
Speaking of sex, I know th
You Know You’re Pregnant When:
2007-05-21 13:50:20
Driving back from lunch, you’re in a great mood. Windows are down, belly is full, and The Rose comes on the radio. Naturally, you crank it up because the harmonies are easy and it’s a great song to belt. But by the time you reach your office, you’re in a sobbing heap, and as you roll down the window, all you can tell the security guard at the gate is: “It’s true.. in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows lies a seed, that with the sun’s love, in the spring becomes a rose.”
Random Sampling of Sarah
2007-05-21 08:46:13
Y’all should see my house. It is a sight to behold. The Center for Disease Control is not as clean as my house. We went to TOWN in my house this weekend. We cleaned everything. It is fabulous.
So BioMom was cleaning out The Boy’s closet at their house, when she realized he had two of the exact same shirt. She told him that she was going to take one away (for charity or disposal or whatever), and he said, “NO. That’s for my little brother.“ And we discovered that he’s been pulling out his favorite clothes to pass on to Lil Peep. Tell me that doesn’t melt your heart.
Has anyone else noticed the chicken that now resides in the point of Five Points? He’s a gray and white rooster, who seems quite content to live just a street away from Tenders. He lives on the edge, I suppose.
We had Birthday Cake ice cream from Bruster’s this weekend. I remembered it being great ice cream, but even I was amazed at how good
Read more: Random
, Sampling
, Sarah
Want to See a Human Praying Mantis?
2007-05-27 09:38:53
I am at the irritable point of pregnancy. (I say that in the hopes that the rest of the months ease up in this regard.) EVERYTHING gets under my skin. And I know it’s stupid, but that doesn’t stop my temper from flaring up. I’ve done very well to control it thus far.
But this morning.. after discussing it at the store last night.. I preheated the oven to bake some muffins. (It saved me having to buy breakfast, since we already had some.) I jumped in the shower while the oven was preheating, and after I got out and was putting lotion on, I heard the clink of cereal bowls.
I came out and found both of them playing video games. And they’d already eaten (and left a mess in the kitchen).
I tried not to be slighted by it, but I totally was. I wanted to stomp around and scream and say things that I knew would hurt them.. for no good reason. I knew that. I knew it was stupid and I just needed to get over it. So, instead — logically —,
Read more: Mantis
The Times, They Are a Changin’..
2007-05-26 13:06:24
You think, sixty years from now, they’ll be looking back at TrimSpa and Hydroxycut print ads and saying, “Geesh.. how times have changed! They wanted to be SKINNY back then!”?
Read more: Times
It Was Quiet.. for a Little While.
2007-05-25 20:20:00
We all have them.. those moments when we don’t have a camera, and we close our eyes really tight in the hopes that we can forever imprint that memory in our minds, as if we just uploaded it for later.
I had one tonight. It was a mild night in Five Points, with the sun starting to disappear behind the houses, and the boys decided to take their brand new bikes out for a spin. I leashed up the dogs and inevitably fell behind them. As they drove, I saw their heads spin around to talk to eachother, the almost-seven-year-old and the almost-….-year-old wheeling down the street.
They looked so much alike at that point, and I stayed behind them just to watch. Eventually, though.. with them having wheels and me waddling with my four month pregnant self.. they disappeared out of view.
Read more: Quiet
Slow Afternoon
2007-05-25 15:07:26
You know you’re watching quality court tv when the defendent objects, “These are baloney-ous allegations, your Honor!”
I have to admit something: I have been one lazy momma today. I had a whole list of things I meant to do.. I had a grocery list, I had some things I wanted to check on, I had some last minute birthday hoorah stuff to do.. and I haven’t left the couch. I took a long bath around noon, took a long nap after that, and am now sitting back on the couch, enjoying Judge Marilyn Milian.
Sure, I got up at eight and cleaned, swept, mopped, put away, and scrubbed, but that was a long time ago and since then, I have been far less than productive.
It’s SOOOO wonderful.
In other news, I want to talk about maternity leave. You know what sucks about our country? The medical leave. Now, admittedly, we’ve come a fur piece from where we were, thanks to the Family Medical Leave Act. Now, we have our jobs guaranteed for us from 6-8 week
Read more: Afternoon
Stuck in my Mind.
2007-05-25 09:15:50
A few weeks ago (while I was in California, actually), I recieved a message from someone I hadn’t talked to in a LOOONG time. It had probably been two years since I’d seen him last. We messaged back and forth a few times, and it was agreed we’d meet when I got back.
Now, let me just say that this particular person (who doesn’t like to be named in my posts.. who knows who reads these things, right?) is one of the more lively and animated people I’ve ever known. He and I always had an amazing chemistry between us, and I was slightly nervous about being in his presence again.
We met for lunch one day when I returned, and it made me so sad. This man who sat before me, the one who usually lit up a room, had an overwhelming sadness in his eyes. He smiled and laughed and said everything was “okay”, but it was just obvious that he was not happy. And I didn’t know what to say when he asked me how I was.
“I’m fine,&rdq
Read more: Stuck
My Fellow Graduates..
2007-05-24 14:12:50
Graduations always make me fondly reminiscent. I always think back to my graduation, when I wore a dress that I thought was too short (IT SHOWED MY KNEES!!.. if only I had realized that I was so much thinner than I felt), when my blonde hair was down to the middle of my back, and when Josh made us all bawl during his amazing rendition of This is the Moment. Because it was. It was the moment.
I wish, as I wish for every graduating senior, that I had realized how much I held in my hand that day. So much life before me, and I had the entire world within my reach. I look at that now and want to scoop my eyeballs out. WHAT IN THE HELL WAS I THINKING?
Of course, this year, it’s nice to attend a graduation, because I really am happy and proud of where I am. I’m in a relationship that most people only read about, we’re pregnant with our first child, and I’m in a job that I really do enjoy. We live in a nice house and I drive a great car. All in all
Read more: Graduates
To Each His Own
2007-05-24 10:14:55
WalMart
Originally uploaded by SarahLena.
I don’t even think I have to say anything about this.
Bryan’s Powers and My Love of Fake Hair
2007-05-30 09:00:21
So, I’ve had this screen up for half an hour. But I got side tracked.
Because Toni Brattin was on HSN yesterday, and she completely has me craving fake hair. Now, I’m not one of those losers who wears fake hair and tries to pass it off as her own. Oh no, I’m one of those classy gals who will actually remove the piece from her head at the lunch table and pass it around so everyone can marvel at it.
Oh, yes: they marvel.
I would love to say that this obsession is a southern thing (as in, watch any episode of “My Name is Earl” and you’ll see Joi with approximately eighty-thousand pieces in her head), but I’ve had this love of fake hair ever since I was a little girl. Jenni always had the ass-length, blonde hair.. and mine was always short. If I grew it out, it looked crappy. My hair was meant to be short. That doesn’t mean I don’t like to wear it up every now and again.
Voila! Enter Toni, my goddess of weave.
Read more: Bryan
, Powers
Bulletized Lists GALORE!
2007-05-29 15:26:20
I hate breaking in new headbands. While they’re super cute and helpful at containing my growing out (at the rate of a Chia Pet) hair, wearing one for the first time is painful. I’ve got a mammoth of a headache, with no chewable Tylenol in sight.
Dad was out for most of the afternoon, but he just called a minute ago to say, “Well? Can I hang up my signs now?“ I have no idea what in the hell he’s talking about, but I think he’s excited. A tad.
I saw Sweetie in Target this weekend, and it made my day. Even though I had tons of close friends growing up, I never had any that I would stop pushing a cart to go hug their parents. Till now.
Bryan thinks it’s a girl. I just think it’s a nuisance. (Cause I’m AWFUL.) Oooh, and speaking of.. we’ve been talking names. I’m going to have to end this bulletized list..
So I that I can begin another one! Hooray for you! Two bulletized lists in one day.. it makes
Read more: Lists
, GALORE
C’mon!! (Part 2.)
2007-05-29 13:14:56
So.
I walked into her office, trying to hide the fact that I was shaking. Why? Because I was terrified that she would hate me. I had tissues stuffed in both pockets of my denim jacket, because I know that ANYTHING makes me cry now.. this would definitely be anything. I sat down at her conference table, with her across from me, and ..
.. I completely avoided the conversation. I asked how her holiday was, how her plants were doing, if she got any good pics of her recent trip..
And, a half hour later, I said that I wanted two days off in June. She said she thought that would be fine. And I stood to leave.
Then, as if the third party involved got a vote, my tummy GROWLED. Now, you’ve never heard noises like the one your stomach makes when you’re pregnant. They are insane. And she looked at me funny. So I sat back down.
“The big one..” I said.
“Okay, the big one.” she said.
I took a deep breath and immediately lowered m
C’mon!!
2007-05-29 08:32:57
ARGH.
I was so ready today. I AM so ready today. Today was the day I was going to “come out” at work. I was going to announce to my coworkers that I am carrying a child.
I have the entire thing rehearsed: “[Boss], I have some news. I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant. I am due December 1st, and I plan on staying out no longer than our company’s paid leave permits. This will have me back no later than Feb. 1st, all medical approvals permitting. I hope you are as excited as I am about this new development, and I hope that my performance through my first (and categorically, most difficult) trimester will ease any doubts you have about my future performance through the rest of my pregnancy.”
It sounds a bit cold, doesn’t it? A bit business like? Well, it has to. That’s the only way I know to get through this. Although I know she never would, part of me expects her to slam her fist down and go, “NO! I cannot h
Happy Birthday, Bryan!
2007-05-27 21:13:35
For Bryan
!!
Originally uploaded by SarahLena.
Well, not quite. We’ve still got about three and a half hours till your birthday. And you’ve already taken a chunk out of the cake that I slaved over. (Okay, Target baked the cake. I iced. I’m no Ra, but it tasted damn good.)
Birthday
s are always difficult for you, mainly because The Boy cannot grasp the fact that anyone other than him has a birthday. And the fact that your birthdays fall so closely together doesn’t help. He constantly calls them “his presents”, “his card”, and “his cake.” And, because I was the older child who had the younger sister afflicted with the same disease, this grates on my nerves.
Which makes me terrified for Lil Peep, since Lil Peep will have to endure ALL of our birthdays before theirs, and even then, it will probably coincide with Christmas presents.
But enough of that!
Happy
Birthday to you, my love. This was a big year,
Read more: Happy Birthday
Take a DEEEEEEP Breath.
2007-06-01 14:58:40
The best smell in the whole wide world came wafting up today, and it wasn’t until then that it hit me how much I had missed it.
My mother and I were driving MOXXXIE back from lunch when the smell hit me.. “IT SMELLS LIKE RAIN!” I said, while inhaling as much as I could.
Two seconds later, my phone buzzed in my pocket. A text message from Bryan, stating: Smells like rain.
You can tell there’s a serious drought here, for us to get all riled up over a few scattered showers.
Read more: Breath
Self-Pity vs. Self-Compassion
2007-06-01 09:49:32
So, I’m not a huge Oprah fan.
I’m not saying she shouldn’t be respected, because — dayum — the woman has built herself an empire from the ground up. And I’m not saying that I don’t occassionally tune in. But for the most part, I don’t really agree with what I hear on her show.
But I watched something the other day that really did make me stop and think. And you all know that if I think, you’re gonna hear about it.
Oprah did something for some women because they had hard lives or whatever. (As you can see, I was clearly flipping back and forth between her and Judge Mathis.) So they were at this resort thingie, and having their round table cry-outs, when someone said something that really stuck with me..
She said that we, as women, too often confuse self-pity for self-compassion. Stop and think about that.
Now I, personally, had never heard of the term “self-compassion”. I had only heard of “self-
Read more: Compassion
I Couldn’t Build an Airplane that Flew.
2007-05-31 13:47:53
These are some of LEGO-artist Nathan Sawaya’s inspirational pieces. I’ve just never seen anything like this and had to share it with you. JesusGod, this is cool.
(Yes, the reflection on the mirror is ALSO done with LEGOS.)
Read more: Build
, Airplane
Another List..
2007-05-31 13:17:43
There is something about japanese and thai cuisine that makes me feel so much better after a meal. I don’t know if it’s the lack of processed foods, or just the combination of spices and herbs, or what, but.. after sushi (and thai), I always feel cleaner. I know it sounds stupid.
Why is it that women, when offering their maternity clothes (which I APPRECIATE, fully!), feel the need to say, “I’ll find some of my bigger stuff for you”? I’m not delusional. I’m not going to request all of your XS stuff.
This text message made me happy: “I love you. Let’s take a walk tonight through Maple Hill Cemetary.”
One of my managers (the new, FEMALE head honcho) brought me by a certificate of appreciation today. Why? Because she said I deserved it. (I hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary.)
I, for real, could live on edamame.
I stopped by Daddy’s office (really, just to avoid my desk for a bit), and he h
13 Weeks.. or something like that.
2007-05-31 08:38:47
I haven’t done one of these in a while, so lemme catch you up on the joy that is being pregnant..
.. aaaaand .. we’re done. That’s it. That’s all the joy.
That’s not fair. I should clarify: IT SUCKS.. now. I have no doubt that it will get REALLY cool when I can feel Lil Peep move, or when we find out the gender, or when it’s closer to and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But now.. again, IT SUCKS.
What’s really getting me now about pregnancy is the flux of hormones. I am an insane woman right now. Bryan has been wonderful, only snapping back at me a handful of times (in response to the thousands of times I’ve snapped at him). I hate not being in control of my mood.
The ups and downs are FIERCE. I’m currently in a down. I know that sounds stupid, because I am the Lil Miss Sunshine on here who constantly counts her blessings. Those blessings still exist, no doubt. I even had PoBoy Factory t
Read more: Weeks
, something
A New Day Dawning
2007-05-30 15:42:46
I like being “out” at work. Because it inspires people to say things like, “I would’ve never known!” and “You are one of those cute pregnant ladies!” and “You’re handling it beautifully!”.
And, admittedly, I like to hear all of those things.
Nothing has changed much at work. I’m still the smart-ass I always am. I still take three flights of stairs to get to my desk. I still park in the back parking lot. I rarely take a lunch break. (I’m going to get better about that one — I swear!)
But it’s different because I don’t feel like I’m carrying a lie.
Now I can waddle without wondering if people have labeled me as “the tard of the second floor”. I can hold my tummy when I need to without worrying that it’s silly-looking. And I can admit that there’s a reason I have weird bodily noises now: “it’s the baby.”
Tomorrow.. SUSHI THURS
Read more: New Day
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