It's Edu-Tainment!
2007-05-10 19:22:00
Here at Comics Make No Sense, I never miss a chance to get credit for court-ordered community service.... I mean, educate you, my beloved readers, by showing off how much smarter I am than the doofus who wrote something in 1951:There is actually an answer to that question. Actually, this question had been answered about 25 years before this little bit of misinformation was added to a 1951 issue of Adventure Comics: According to Rudolph Steiner, due to the thick skin of elephants, when death approaches, they want more earth, of which their skin is most akin, around them, so they withdraw into caves. It's sad, but that's what they do to make themselves feel better, so if you have a spare cave lying around doing nothing and you see a dying elephant, do the right thing. I realize our anonymous cartoonist didn't have access to ask.com like I did, but you really shouldn't say something is a mystery if it isn't.Now, here's a mystery for you: How stupid and vision-impaired does that kid
Self-Affirmation Put Into Practice....
2007-05-10 16:44:00
Once again, Ted Knight becomes the Mystery Man of Night..... Good for you, Ted! Don't be afraid to toot your own horn a little! You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!That's right, Ted. If you can't get anyone else to call you the Mystery Man of Night, you go right ahead and say it yourself. Be your own biggest fan!
Read more: Practice
Fighting Crime with Stereotypes! pt 2
2007-05-10 16:42:00
What the heck did he just say? Well, his English is better than my Chinese....I want to be outraged by this character, but I just find him so durn cute!
Read more: Fighting
, Stereotypes
Great Moments in FF History
2007-05-10 16:37:00
This is one of my favorite exchanges between Reed and Ben. You know Ben thinks "shaddup" more than he says it.
Read more: Great
, Moments
, History
, Great Moments
Wardrobe Malfunction
2007-05-15 16:26:00
I am Starman! Mystery Man of the Night, that's me! Stand in awe of me, Chief Allen! Of course, you know me in my secret identity, so it's very important that I hide my face in the shadows since it never occured to me to cover my face in any way, shape or form. Oh, crap.... is there not a shadow hiding my face? Dang! Can we start this conversation over? There, that's better!
Read more: Wardrobe
And Now, a Public Service Announcement
2007-05-15 16:25:00
Just in case you were wondering.
Read more: Public
, Service
, Announcement
, Public Service
, Public Service Announcement
Ben Grimm, Master of the Understatement
2007-05-15 16:23:00
Ben's showing remarkable restraint in his comments. I can only imagine my response if I saw Johnny Storm coming at me crotch-first.
Read more: Grimm
, Master
, Ben Grimm
Too Much Grog, Thor?
2007-05-14 17:47:00
I don't know why Thor has his hand over his mouth, other than to suppress the overindulgences of Quicksilver's bachelor party. It's true... this panel came right out of Fantastic Four #150, where Quicksilver married Crystal - the uniting of two characters of otherwise minimal interest and zero popularity.Keep it together, Thor! No blowing chunks on the bride-to-be! Spew in that spitoon-like helmet you've got there if you have to!
The Satisfaction of a Job Well Done
2007-05-14 17:45:00
Don't let your grandparents snow you with how much stronger the work ethic used to be. Here we see cops drawing unfounded conclusions and thinking nothing more than how it will advance their respective careers.Hmmmmm.... we have no evidence that you're involved at all, but we've concluded you must be the leader of that sabatoge gang! Close enough for government work!
Read more: Satisfaction
I'm Not Trying to Tell You How to Run Your Railroad
2007-05-14 17:39:00
... but I think Vivian wouldn't be very appreciative of waking up and finding two grown men tied to the foot of her bed. I mean, I know the Sandman just saved her and all that, but was he so lazy he couldn't just drop the thugs off at police headquarters? What did he possibly hope to accomplish?Well, you guys are going to Sing-Sing, but I'm a merciful kind of crimefighter, so I'm gonna let you stare at this woman while she sleeps for a few hours before the cops show up...
Read more: Railroad
Don't Push Your Luck, Sue
2007-05-18 16:08:00
Sue, I have so many examples of how you are good for nothing but a hostage that some folks complain I post too many of them. I've been giving you a break lately, but you can only tempt me so much.
What Did He Just Say?
2007-05-18 16:07:00
To be fair, this makes sense (sorta) if you read the rest of the story, but it's much more entertaining out of context.
Not as Impressive as They're Making It Sound
2007-05-18 16:04:00
If you were to take Rex (Hourman) Tyler's word for it, the guy getting chased down by the flying carpet was in some kind of mortal peril. I dunno, but it seems like if I'm going to get mowed down by some kind of transportation conveyance, a nice soft flying carpet would be high on my list.
Read more: Impressive
, Sound
Great Moments in FF History, part 2
2007-05-17 16:38:00
Goodness knows, there's nothing better than a giant gorilla. You know you've got something great going on when you aren't afraid to remind readers of crappy characters you've inflicted on them like Tomazooma.But a giant, talking gorilla is even better. Primates are great, but primates who act like people - a bargain at twice the price!Oh, no way. Not for a mere 35 cents, you didn't! You mean to tell me that for one thin dime and one thick quarter, you're going to give me a giant, talking gold gorilla and a shot of Sue wearing an apron and shaking a wooden spoon at Reed while in full costume? I can't let you do that, Stan. I'm writing you a check for a hundred bucks, and I want you to take it. No, no.... don't thank me! You've earned every penny on that one!
Read more: Great
, Moments
, History
, Great Moments
Bro's Before Ho's
2007-05-17 16:35:00
Goodness knows, I'm not trying to cause problems here.... I mean, it's not like Iron Man has a friend left in the Marvel Universe after Civil War, but doesn't it look like he and Thor are reminiscing about the same girl? Seriously - look at that. Different name, same girl!
Ben Grimm, Cinema Enthusiast
2007-05-17 16:27:00
What most folks don't know is that Ben had recently finished selling tickets to the William Bendix Film Festival and was planning on asking Yvonne De Carlo to be his date before Alicia walked in.And considering William Bendix hadn't made a movie in about 8 years prior to that issue of FF being printed, this was one of the worst attempts at being hip I've ever seen. It's as if Ben was making a reference to Rick Moranis.
Read more: Grimm
, Cinema
, Ben Grimm
Do You Really Want an Answer?
2007-05-16 16:17:00
Um.... Johnny, a sister is only as close as a wife in certain parts of the Ozarks. Anywhere else, you're just being creepy.
Character Hall of Shame - Gaard
2007-05-16 16:16:00
Yup - a cosmic hockey goalie, complete with stick. Wow. And I thought the Black Racer was lame.
Read more: Character
, Character Hall
Loose Lips Sink Ships!
2007-05-16 16:06:00
I think soldier-boy there should have stopped talking after he told the civilians to clear the area. Okay, folks! We've got ourselves a hostage... I mean, prisoner, and we're going to ship him off to Guantanamo Bay where we'll be attaching a car battery to his genitals! Nothing to see here!
Read more: Loose
Shenanigans!
2007-05-23 10:18:00
Okay, even if I can get past the notion that the bad guy can hypnotize you instantly, there is no amount of hypnotism that will get you to defy gravity. And no, kids, Hourman could never fly.You are in my hypnotic power... I command you to breathe under water like a fish!Yes, Master! Glub glub!
Anatomy in Comics
2007-05-23 10:16:00
That's right... I'll snap yer neck, and just because I'm holding yer shoulder, don't think I can't do it. I'll use the Vulcan Snap-Yer-Neck-by-Way-of-Yer-Shoulder Technique, yes I will!
Read more: Comics
Greg Brady Moment - Starman
2007-05-23 10:09:00
Ok, if you need a description of what a Greg Brady
Moment
is, click here.Now then, would someone like to explain to me why Starman was such a badass fighter? I mean, the guy was a scientist, but he acts like he was a Green Beret or something. Sudden, unexplained mastery of hand-to-hand combat = Greg Brady Moment Number 2 here at CMNS.Then again, if Reed Richards was a judo master, maybe all test tube jockeys have to study martial arts to get their degrees. I certainly wouldn't know. I was an English Major. I read stuff.
That Can't be What it Looks Like
2007-05-22 10:57:00
I'm not a physics major, but I understand enough about trajectory to know that I'm not at all comfortable with where that guy's head seems to be going....
Read more: Looks
What Did He Just Say?
2007-05-22 10:55:00
You ever try really hard to make a point and end up saying something totally inappropriate? Ben Grimm feels your pain. Here, I believe he's trying to say he's going to run really fast. Instead, he ends up saying he's going to knife Sue and Johnny and beat the system via a panel of orange, rock-like jurors. Zing!
Primates Rule!
2007-05-22 10:52:00
Yes, the giant gold talking gorilla from the pages of the Fantastic Four was great, but there's always room for more colorful primates! I have no idea if this one talks, but if he actually follows through with what he's doing there and eats Jimmy Olsen, I will be his BFF.
The Sandman's Calling Card is Poor Housekeeping?
2007-05-21 10:14:00
Wow, Sandman
, I'm not trying to second-guess you there, but I think you are way overestimating the deductive prowess of police in comics. I'll leave dirty dishes in the sink, so the police will know that I'm driving with a broken tail light!
Read more: Calling
The Cow of Foreshadowing Moos Contentedly
2007-05-21 10:11:00
Should'a gone with your first instincts, Sue. "Invisible Woman" is too unwieldy, and I'm glad someone finally said it.... 30 years ago.Seriously, come up with a new name or change it back.
Everything Old is New Again
2007-05-21 10:06:00
The Country's petroleum and gas supply is in danger! That plotline is just a fresh now as it was in the 1940's, isn't it? $3.49 a gallon and climbing! Where have you gone, Starman? My Geo Metro turns its lonely eyes to you.... woo woo woooooooo.....Just as an aside, why does Chief Allen draw a paycheck? It seems like he turns everything over to Starman....
Read more: Everything
, Again
An Editorial
2007-05-25 10:46:00
Okay, I don't intend to post any additional content until Tuesday, but I wanted to take a moment to speak to my fellow fanboys and fangirls about our little hobby.Most of us are very aware of the covers of two Marvel comics this month that have generated a lot of discussion. Both of these covers have been criticized because of excessive violence or overt sexual themes. I am happy to say that I have yet to read anything that endorses carelessly distributing these comics into the hands of younger readers in the name of the First Amendment.Dear Ones, if you happen to follow these titles, feel free to buy them. You aren't contributing to the end of civilization - it is, after all, only a fun hobby we enjoy and (even for me) does not dictate the course of our lives.By the same token, if you find the covers offensive, then vote with your dollar and do not buy them. Send a message that you have a line and Marvel crossed it with that particular issue. You have every right to decide what
Happy Long Weekend!
2007-05-25 09:59:00
Okay, my lovelies, it's Memorial Day on Monday, so there won't be any additional posts until Tuesday. Thanks, as always, for reading!Have a great holiday weekend!
Read more: Happy
, Weekend
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