Problems at Home, Stan? pt 7
2007-04-25 17:25:00
I'm really not taking this statement out of context. What kind of things is she talking about, exactly? I'm sure Stan didn't mean for it to sound this way, but if you make it dirty, it's hilarious.
I Have an Answer! pt. 2
2007-04-24 21:32:00
why?why?WHY has He Captured Sue Storm?Probably peer pressure. I mean, who hasn't captured Sue Storm at one time or another? I accidentally captured her twice when I was picking up the newspaper off the driveway this morning. You see everyone else doing something and you figure it's the thing to do, no matter how inappropriate it is ... the same reason white kids listen to rap.
Did Anyone Actually BUY This? pt. 18
2007-04-24 21:24:00
This is probably one of the most famous comic book ads ever. What always bothered me about this is that Mac gets himself pumped up, goes back to the beach, and then takes an unprovoked swing at the guy who bullied him earlier. These are the problems that no one ever seemed to notice:A) The bully only threatened Mac before. He didn't hit him. Mac is the one who escalated the episode to violence. A grab of the arm does not justify a punch in the face. We can't argue that the threat justified the punch, either, because the threat was actually not to hit him, because Mac was so skinny.B) When Mac re-encountered the Bully, Mac just sucker-punches him. This, ladies and gents, is the Hero of the Beach.Please do not consider this a morality play, kiddies. Just go work out, and you'll get the attention of fickle women, especially if you flash a large wad of money. Punching a guy out isn't necessary.
Read more: Anyone
, Actually
, Actually BUY
Well, Sure, BUT...... pt 2
2007-04-24 21:21:00
Oh, Sue, you must be a wildcat in the boudoir, because Reed sure isn't keeping you around for your contributions to his scientific pursuits.It's not that there isn't oxygen in water, it's that our bodies can't process it. Did you grow a set of gills or something in between issues? If not, I'd say this is the perfect time to panic!
Romance Yer Woman, the Marvel Way!
2007-05-01 18:00:00
In the spirit of romance, I bring you the Comics Make No Sense Guide to Romancin' Yer Woman:Like the Miracle Man said, womens is beautiful, but unapproachable. They'll be happy to be your Good Friend and complain about their boyfriends, though. To prevent this indignity and free up more time for video gaming and comics reading, fall for a woman that doesn't have a voice. You won't get any lovin', but at least you won't get the yak yak.Medusa, Sue, Gladys, whatever. Put a blonde wig on her, and she's close enough. Let's not be so picky that we price ourselves right out of the market, know what I mean? Chicks like to moan about how there are no nice guys left. That's a trick, designed to get you to expose yourself as a nice guy so they can be your Good Friend - which means you get no smoochin', but a lot of blah blah blah. The dames really want a bad boy, like old Magneto here. He shows us how it's done with the Wasp, who has very poor fashion sense for a fashion designer.
Read more: Romance
, Marvel
Metaphor Mixing Monday!
2007-04-30 18:17:00
Here, we see Lenny's buddy mixing the metaphors, but it's harmless, because whether you are cutting the cheese, passing the gas, or (like Lenny's buddy apparently likes to say) cutting the gas, it all means the same thing.Now, why he's telling Lenny to fart at that particular moment is anyone's guess.
Read more: Metaphor
, Mixing
, Monday
Mr. Fantastic Finally Earns His Name
2007-04-30 18:15:00
Never before, nor never again, will you see someone able to write a check to post bail. I know Reed discovered the Negative Zone and everything, but getting the cops to take a check for bond money is easily the most awesome thing ever put on paper.
Read more: Fantastic
, Finally
Ben Grimm, Dancing Machine pt. 2
2007-04-30 18:13:00
Say what you will about Civil War, but I'll gladly put up with Clor because they gave me the return of Ben Grimm
, Dancing
Machine
!
Read more: Ben Grimm
Fighting Crime with Stereotypes!
2007-05-04 18:46:00
That's correct, Paul... homeless people are never clean. There are also no good Asian drivers, Caucasian dancers, or sober Irishmen.*Sigh*.... what makes this more fun for us, comic book nerds, is that this is a 1940's appearance of Paul Kirk. Yup, this is the guy who would later be the original Manhunter, using his preconceptions of expectations regarding personal hygiene to thwart criminals everywhere!
Read more: Fighting
, Stereotypes
Was That Really Necessary?
2007-05-04 18:43:00
You know, I'm kinda lukewarm on Reed Richards as a general rule, but this seems a little extreme. Throw cold water on him, maybe an open-handed slap if he's really going off the deep end.... I think bonking him with a wrench is a bit much.That's why you didn't get to stay on the team, Medusa. You think people forget that kind of stuff?
Read more: Necessary
Life Imitates Art
2007-05-04 18:41:00
I don't know what the situation was in 1972, but that doesn't raise an eyebrow today. There are plenty of folks with college degrees working at Starbucks. I guess a college degree used to be a golden ticket.... now it's just a hunting license.Oooooooo.... I'm pretty profound today.
Wardrobe Malfunction pt. 2
2007-05-03 17:07:00
I am Starman! I have figured out how to harness the power of the stars! Fear my genius.You forgot to put a mask on, genius. How is it that this guy kept a secret identity for longer than 20 minutes?
Read more: Wardrobe
Not That There's Anything Wrong with That....
2007-05-03 17:04:00
This sort of thing makes me understand about the homoerotic undertones of comics back in the early days.... it's especially troubling here when you read the caption, because Lishak is another dude.Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with that.....But his shirt is torn open and his junk is pointing right at me.I'm just saying!
Read more: Wrong
Wardrobe Malfunction pt 1
2007-05-03 16:55:00
Then he dons all black apparel. Well, all black except everything. There isn't a stitch of black clothing on the guy.
Read more: Wardrobe
History in Comics pt 3
2007-05-02 19:16:00
Um, no, Mr. Buzz Haircut Guy, I've never been a member of the Youth Party. My turn, since we're tossing out questions here: Have any of you ever been on a date with anyone besides each other? And remember - you're under oath!Actually, I posted this because I would swear the chick on the right is Madonna. I'm sure Entertainment Weekly can confirm this.
Read more: History
, Comics
History in Comics pt 2
2007-05-02 19:08:00
Really? MC Hammer wants to see them? I'm surprised we never hear of this ultra-rare guest appearance:I'm taking over the world, Richards! Can't touch this!And no, I didn't Photoshop that first panel at all. That was the guy's name. Good stuff!
Read more: History
, Comics
Too Much Information! pt 2
2007-05-02 18:53:00
I spent all my time studying these books . . . apparently pausing only for bouts of self-gratification, courtesy of the girlie pics on his wall. Focus, Miracle Man! Focus!
Coming Attractions
2007-05-02 18:35:00
Well, I've had a great time picking on the Fantastic Four, and plan to continue, but it's time to shake things up a bit. I'll still post things on the FF as I see it, but the time has come to start shaking things up a bit for variety's sake.Sooooooo.... I'm going to start plowing into the Golden and Silver Age Adventure Comics. What does this mean? Well, eventually, it'll mean getting into Superboy's adventures, which were dang silly in and of themselves, and eventually the Legion of Super-Heroes. Yay!Again, thanks for sticking with me.
Read more: Attractions
Costume Hall of Shame - Cyclops
2007-05-09 17:10:00
Why did this costume make the Hall of Shame? Simple:Try and tell me you don't see the similarities...
Read more: Cyclops
I'm Not Trying to Tell You How To Run Your Railroad, pt. 9
2007-05-09 17:08:00
... but, Medusa, I hope you have a plan beyond tripping the Thing, because when he gets up, he's going to make you eat that hair.Only in comics would that slow someone down for longer than two seconds...
Read more: Railroad
I'm Not Saying I Could Do Any Better.... pt 7
2007-05-09 17:00:00
...but that is a very unfortunate angle. Don't act like you don't see it.You're going to make me say it, aren't you?Okay, fine - from that angle, it looks like he has a big metal penis.There. You made me write the word "penis." Now look what you've done!
Read more: Not Saying
Costume Hall of Shame - Talisman
2007-05-08 16:38:00
Eeeeee-Yikes! One quick breeze and I'm seeing Talisman
's talisman, if you know what I mean - and I don't see how you wouldn't.That is one confident man.
Hmmmmmm.....
2007-05-08 16:36:00
These are very touching sentiments, but why isn't anyone looking at anyone else? That's just creepy. It's like they secretly have the Mole Man strung up by his nipples in the garden shed out back and are just saying what they think we want to hear.
Ben Grimm, Stickler for Grammar
2007-05-08 16:33:00
Out of all the characters in the Marvel Universe, the Thing is the last person I would expect to dot my i's and cross my t's. That was a very surreal moment in FF history.
Read more: Grimm
, Grammar
, Ben Grimm
I'm Not Proud of This Joke...pt.4
2007-05-07 16:38:00
I dunno.... maybe Chief Allen ought to get his own vibrating rod, know what I mean? If you go over there every time he makes your rod vibrate, he'll only think of you as a booty call.Could this be any more unsettling, or is it just me?
Read more: Proud
What Did You Just Say?, pt 6
2007-05-07 16:32:00
The only thing worse than making up stuff to create drama is making up something else to defeat it.That is such lazy writing - I will conquer the world with my snorkelfritz beam!You are finished, dastardly villain! I have a snorkelfritz beam discombobulator in my utility belt!Wow, Stan. I thought you had really painted yourself into a corner with this bad guy. That's certainly the last time I'll underestimate your writing prowess. Tom Clancy's got nothing on you. Eeesh.
Not That There's Anything Wrong with That....pt 2
2007-05-07 16:28:00
The only one who knows anything about the Queer Machine is the girl.... I would swear this was a Will & Grace episode.Seriously.... look at the shape of that gadget, check out how excited the chick is about it, and give her Karen's voice. It's a Will & Grace episode, I tells ya!
Read more: Wrong
You and Your Fancy Rope Tricks!
2007-05-11 17:14:00
Those Orientals and their fancy rope tricks! They made a rope into a lasso! Tricky villains! I didn't see that one coming!
Read more: Fancy
What to Do? What to Do?
2007-05-11 17:11:00
If he let's go of them, they'll fall to their deaths! And here I am flying around worrying about it! What can I do if he lets them go? If only one of us could defy gravity somehow and catch them! I should stop flying and land safely on the ground until we figure out what to do!
That Special Glow from Contest of Champions Vol. 1
2007-05-11 17:05:00
Shanna! You're glowing! Are you pregnant or menapausing?Hulk! We're glowing! Are we pregnant or menapausing?Quasar! Is your energy leaking? And what do you propose we do about it if it is? Do they make Depends Undergarments that can handle cosmic leakage?
Read more: Special
, Contest
, Champions
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